A/N: This is called "Hurt," and I wrote it a looooong time ago. It was up before I "deleted" my account and now it's back. Yippee xD
R&R-Enjoy-R&R-Enjoy-R&R
Shannon
(Songs: "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (written by that guy from Nine Inch Nails, though), "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional, and "So Far Away" by Staind)
Hurt
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
He wondered if things would ever be the same. He'd ruined it all. He'd finally met the one and screwed it all up.
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
She'd trusted him to be true. He was her first. She thought this time would be better than the last. She was of legal age. She was already mature enough for him. He just hadn't grown up.
The needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
And that's just what he had. An empire of dirt. He knew he had it all when he was with her. He also knew he was, and forever will be, nothing without her. One mistake was all it took. No, not one, but many. The first time he was drunk, and stupid. She'd forgiven him, because she thought it was her fault he'd hit her. She'd made him mad while he was drunk.
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
This had happened only once, but it was soon to get worse. The next was much worse. Not only did it leave a mark the size of his fist, but, then he began to lose her trust. "No wonder", he thought. He said he'd been drunk, he wasn't. He had been out with the wrong crowd lately, and they were 'investing' into some new things.
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
Then, it became a regular thing. He'd come home, angry. She would accidentally say something wrong, and then she would cringe. For she knew what was coming.
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
He knew nothing would fix all the damage he'd done. At the studio, people started to become suspicious. She would take up for him and say that she had tripped, fell, hit her head out of frustration on the wall, anything to distract them from their 'in the ballpark' questioning.
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
He knew none other, when he was 'in a fit'. As Jude would call it. She just loved him so much. "Love is blind", she would say to herself, every night, to convince herself to crawl into bed with him, always an hour after he was asleep.
you are someone else
I am still right here
And she was. Every second of every day, she was there. She loved him, and she knew deep down he still loved her. She could see it in his eyes, even when he was in a rage, that's why she always forgave him.
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
He knew she'd always forgive him. That is the reason he kept doing it.
everyone I know
goes away in the end
His best friend isn't there anymore. She ran off with him when he crossed the line. He was turned in.
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
He had seen her with him. Talking, laughing. He had burst through the door, drunk as always. Her eyes grew wide with fear. Shouting "It's not what you think! We were just talking! He wanted to talk to you!"
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
They had tried to console him. Get him to calm down. But it was in vain. He simply went to the side of the door, got the shotgun, and aimed. They'd burst out of the door, got in the car, and sped away.
if I could start again
a million miles away
He promised himself after that, through a killer hang-over, that he would stop. He would do his best get help. He would write a letter to her everyday, through the process of getting better. Maybe then, just maybe, she would come back. She said she would, but wouldn't live alone with him.
I simply to told her
"I would keep myself
I would find a way"