When they first went under Nick offered her some advice on how to survive this, he didn't mean getting the job done, and going home. He meant how to get through this next laps in time where she couldn't be with the one she loved.

Nick had done it with Gail, twice now. "You give yourself an hour, an hour a day to let your mind be completely consumed by them, their laugh, smile, your favourite memories with them, the biggest fight you ever had. You let yourself feel for them again, and allow your mind to be removed from the job. It's the only way you can survive this without them. But you have to reeve that once that time is up you need to let go of them, or you'll be destroyed by your emotions. Okay?" He asked her, she nodded before getting up slowly and stepped out to their balcony of their apartment.

She let her breathing even out as she looked at the scenery that unraveled before her eyes. She hasn't really taken the time to stop and think how long she would be gone for, or what it would be like to not see him. Her heart ached at the thought of being away from him for longer than the time between the start and finish of a shift, or a night before seeing him dimply smile in parade, and hearing him say her name.

She realized in that moment that if she had thought about all of that, the time away, the space between them she would have never gone, sure she didn't want to be "that girl" but she also was the girl that was madly in love with Sam Swarek, and she probably always would be. How the hell am I going to do this? She thought as her eyes began to well with tears. She waited until she knew Nick would be asleep before returning back inside, she didn't want him to see her like this, break up buddy or not, he didn't need to worry about her head not being here on the job and not at home with Sam.

Opening the door, slowly walking back into the apartment. She looked at the clock that Nick had placed right about the stove, it read 11:49pm, alright, she thought. I have until 12:59 to allow myself to be that girl, that girl that would give up everything for a guy. Looking around the room her eyes came across, her notebook, she had decided to document their time undercover. The typical stuff; progress in the case, characteristics of the guys, and details about shipments.

She sat on a bar stool, parked by the counter, reaching across the counter to the closet pen she flipped the notebook to a fresh page. Tapping her pen on to the paper she thought about what she should write, this was her one hour, and it was already 11:54, she was wasting time.

She decided to write a letter, to Sam. Placing the pen to paper she just wrote.

Sam,
I'm sitting here and all I can do is think of you, the last look you gave me before I left, how you would poke fun at me about my allergy to silence on our way up to Sudbury and then I think that I'm not going to have you around to poke fun at me while I'm under and as weird as this sounds it terrifies me to think about not seeing you everyday, seeing you laugh and flashing those dimples, just being in your protective atmosphere scares the hell out of me.

I know you probably really confused and mad that I didn't show up the other night, but I need you to know that if this opportunity wasn't placed in my lap I would have been there, just for a drink, to see if this, us could work again. Because as I sit here, there's nothing more I want than to go home and see if we can work again but I couldn't be that girl. I needed to take this time to learn about who I am, and try to find the Andy who could be function without Sam because at home I was doing a terrible job.

And I know if you every read this you'll probably roll your eyes at me saying but I couldn't be that girl that puts her entire life on hold for a guy, I did it once with Luke and I refuse to do it again. I want to be the girl that has someone that goes through life with her, encourages to take opportunities like this to better themselves, don't get me wrong I'm not saying that you're not that type of person but I just knew that if I walked into that bar, I wouldn't of left, and then what if we didn't work out again, I would be that girl.

So, I guess I'm writing this because I wanted you to know that I'm sorry, and write down a bunch of what if's but I'm sorry I didn't show up, I'm sorry if you feel like I didn't want this, us again because I do God believe me Sam, I do. I think the only thing that is going to get me through this is knowing that when I get home we're going to have that drink. And I guess I'll let you take out my garbage, all the way down the hall, and you can definitely make me dinner because as you know I'm not exactly Martha Stewart. As for the dog, we'll talk about it after a few drinks.

She glanced up at the clock at she shook her wrist, 12:32.

As for what I said, I can't do this anymore, what I meant was I can't do this limbo thing we've been doing for the past 3 years, I need to find stable grounds with us, and know that when life gets tough you're not going to shut down again, and walk away. Because honestly Sam, my heart can't take it. It can't take watching you walk away again, I did it before and I don't know how I got through it, actually I don't think I did get through it because I'm sitting here writing to you, when I should be in character as Nick's girlfriend, anyways, I just wanted you to know that I love you too, I think I always have even since we had our first fight after your cover was blown, and I'm almost positive I always will love you Sam.

She felt her eyes, start to pool with tears again.

I'll be home soon.

-Andy.

She let out a huge sigh, looking down at the notebook she realized how much she had written, in a way she felt like it was a bit jumbly, but it was how she felt. Looks in one of the many drawers in the kitchen she found an envelope, tearing out her pages written to Sam she folded them up nicely and placed them in the envelope, and sealed it. Writing a number one in the top left corner, on the front of the envelope marking her first letter to Sam. She looked back up at the clock, 12:59, and just like that my hour is up. She thought as she hid the envelope in a drawer, walked over to the couch and soon surrendering to the need for sleep.

Should I continue? Let me know! Thanks:)