Semantic Satiation
A pshycological phenomenon in which repetition causes a word or phrase to temporarily lose meaning for the listener, who then processes the speech as repeated meaningless sounds.
I looked up at the sky, it was slowly turning grey, the clouds starting to swirl faster and faster. I thought it was fascinating the way they moved so fluently with each other maybe not in perfect sync but they tolerated each other.
A lone tear went down my cheeks until it reached my cheeks, i could taste it's bitterness and it reminded me of Louis.
The way i treated him everyday haunts me now when i look back. Up to this day im not sure why i could never say i love you all i remeber is how pained he would look.
Maybe that's why he did it, why he took his life. He never left a note. One morning he was there and the next gone. Months past after he had left and yet i heard nothing from him .
One night i remembered him so clearly I thought he was there with me but it was just a memory, a memory of what used to be.
************************** FLASHBACK******************************
His arms went around me soflty tugging st my shirt then slowly lifted up. Leaving wet hot kisses from my neck down to my now exposed stomach. He carressed my backside slowly lifting me from my seat on the couch.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and soon turned our slow passion into an all out attack . Hips grinded, kisses were laid and clothes were shed.
I could feel his arousal on my thigh as he laod me down on our bed which left me confused for a moment, for i was so far gone i hadn't realised we were at our bedroom.
Those thought's were immidiately banished from my head as he started to unzip me from my trousers and then biti my briefs, slowly tugging them down.
By that point i was panting and my gaze was unfocused so when he took me in whole i let out a scream that made my back arch and my arousal leak pre-cum. His mouth, wet and warm around me, oh god, and his tounge was lapping at my head driving my insane.
As he continued he let his fingers enter me one by one. The double sensation makeing me moan louder than before and then he stopped. I whined pitifully but it didn't last long for he thrusted his hot member into me.
He pounded into me over and over, sometimes teasing my prostate making me scream louder. I was begging for release he bit my neck, and let out a low moan. That did it for me.
I came all over our chest's and then fet him fill me up. it was one of the best felings in the world and as we lay in our after glow he reached towards me but i quickly sat up .He looked hurt but hd it with a smile.
" I love you Kyo , please remember that"
I didnt look at him i just turned away from him. I knew I was hurting him but i was just too embarrased . It was so easy for him to say but the words just wouldn't leave my mouth. Thus not being able to let him hold me.
I felt him shift then sigh and the next morning he was gone.
I believe he was just tired of everything. The family, the hate but i sometimes think he was tired of me. Tired of the way i would act. How i could never let him kiss me in public yet devour his mouth once we got home.
So when he left that day with no note, and no call after months of waiting, I broke down and cried. I thought about us, me and life. When i got a phone call later that day saying he was dead , i hung up and crawled toward our bed, my bed, and let the numbness of sleep take me.
That was 8 month's ago. I came out to this feild with the turning clouds and the pitter patter of rain to have that numbness i once felt overtake me again. As the drizzle became a full out storm and as the clouds turned a darker grey, even as the wind slowly picked up from it's once relaxing blow.
i had gotten my wish. the cold had made me numb. i could no longer feel, so i lifted my arms out from my sides and leaped from the cliff i was purched at. The darkenss overcame me, sucking my life away from this world.
A name was repeated over and over, creating a semantic satiation.
" Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yu-, -ki" I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,I love you. Is that enough?