Author's Note: Because Percy and Nico's dynamic is the best dynamic, Annabeth's a badass mama bear and is the best, and Rachel is the light of all their lives. Also, this is a belated b-day gift for saturninepen, my Other, on livejournal. Also, the scene towards the end of #03 is inspired by The Talk by greenconverses. Very slightly so, but I definitely did think of it.
PS – I guess I sort of choose to portray the Hades/Persephone relationship differently than RR does, but, 1) they're mythical characters I can do what I want, 2) this is fanfic, 3) they're way more interesting when they're, like, an awesome power couple, and 4) this is basically how most of my fandom geek friends and others choose to portray them. In summation: you're welcome.
Disclaimer:I do not own PJO.
Solo
or
Three Times Percy Tried to Help Nico
and one time he did
01.
Here's the thing about Percy Jackson: he really cares about people's well being. He's a sympathetic – empathetic, even – person, and it's a trait that most of the other demigods, and really every single god, could never quite relate to or understand.
So when Nico heard about the time that Percy actually let the Cyclopes go,he laughed in that way that the son of Hades laughs. Not really with humor, but as if he was relieved he's not the only one who's borderline insane.
However, age (which supposedly brings on wisdom) did not chip away at Percy's need to help others. Annabeth had once denied verbally accepting his help, both due to her own capability and a reluctance to fully trust another only to be abandoned once again. Wordlessly, they had grown out of this stubborn vulnerability together, and had shared enough loss and survived enough apparently hopeless situations hand in hand to know that they both functioned best when accepting the others help with open arms.
But even this slow burn with Annabeth, as endless and complicated as it had felt to Percy at times, was nothing in comparison to that of Nico di Angelo.
You'd think he'd have learned his lesson with Nico, all things considered. But he can't help but still see him as the little kid he met ten years ago, even though he's now, at twenty, the same height as Percy, and a tad dark and scary. Nevertheless, Percy allows himself to believe that because Nico is kind at times, and does have the occasional smile where it meets his eyes, he still needs a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on.
So on the anniversary of Bianca di Angelo's death, he tries this theory out.
"Nico…" he starts cautiously.
"What?" Nico snaps back, and Annabeth shoots Percy a sympathetic look, but also mouths Don't waste your breath.
But he can't. He just can't. Because the thing about Percy Jackson is this: he cares way too much.
"Do you –" Percy tries again, but is cut off.
"No," Nico says in a clipped tone. "Whatever it is Percy – no."
"But –"
"Percy," Annabeth says from the couch. "The boy said no."
"Please listen to her," Nico groans.
"I think you should talk about it," Percy tries again, swallowing back a bit of resentment. Although he's proud to be the "nice one" of the Big Three bunch, it always makes him angry that people seem to think he enjoys these heart to heart chats. He just deems them necessary. His mother is Sally Jackson, after all.
"Ew, what?" Nico says from his spot on the windowsill.
"You know...share your feelings," Percy manages to grind out.
"Why? I have to do that with Rachel, which is bad enough as it is. And her version of therapy is throwing darts at balloons filled with paint. Satisfying, oddly enough, but tiring after a while."
Annabeth laughs shortly at this, and Percy frowns, still not giving up. He's nothing if not consistent, and he'll be damned if he can't get his shit-ant of a cousin to share his fucking feelings with him before the day is out. Percy decides it's probably best to swallow back this anger as well, though, before trying once more.
"Shouldn't you –"
"No," Nico repeats. "I don't want to talk, and hug, and cry it out, asshole. Leave me alone to do what I do best."
"Which is?" Percy snaps.
"Mope? Brood? Sulk?" Annabeth suggests.
"Exactly," Nico says, not without malice. "Just drop it Percy, or I'll summon an army of skeleton warriors and let you talk about it with them."
But Percy won't give up, because the thing about Percy Jackson is this: he's sympathetic to a fault.
So, he waits.
The day continues, with Percy making attempts to assist Nico with little things so as to lighten his load, and hopefully get to a point when he can broach the subject once more. Eventually, a grieving Nico goes after him with the potted plant that sits on the windowsill, Percy tripping over furniture, longing for the days where he could have simply reminded him that he is invulnerable, after all, so he better cut the bullshit. It's around that time that he gives up, knowing he'll have to bide his time, and not at all happy about it.
So it's while he's angrily washing dishes later and Nico sidles up to the fridge to just stare inside – he never gets any food, Percy thinks, and the thought just makes him angrier – that Percy breaks.
He shoves Nico – not with as much force as he could muster, but enough to make him stumble – and then whacks him with the damp dish towel.
"What the fuck?!" Nico exclaims, hand on the arm that is, no doubt, stinging from its contact with the wet rag.
"Why won't you let me help you?" Percy asks – or yells – hands in the air, completely unable to fathom Nico's reasoning, or lack thereof. "Ten years of this shit, Nico! Ten years of you not allowing yourself to ask for my help or even admit when you're receiving my help, and you still can't just let me fucking help you?"
Nico's glare doesn't falter at his outburst, but his eyes are sort of softer – Percy can't exactly explain it. There's still anger and resentment and years of feeling cheated, but it's all sort of dimmed by something else. He looks tired.
Out of Percy's peripheral vision, he can see Annabeth standing in the doorway of the kitchen, ready to intervene need be.
"I just want to be left alone, okay?" Nico repeats for the hundredth time that day, but his tone is more relenting. "I just wanna be alone...but not alone." Nico swallows. "Get it?" His voice is hoarse.
Percy's taken aback by this, in Nico terms, huge confession, and he steals a glance at Annabeth. Her lips are pressed tightly together, but she nods and returns to her spot on the couch. She gets it too.
"Yeah," Percy finally says, semi-awkwardly. "I get it, Nico."
And so they all return to their everyday routine; Annabeth reading her textbooks and writing her thesis on the couch, Percy playing video games or fixing the leak in the bathroom for the tenth time this week, Nico sitting on the fire escape, looking at his hands or down at the street six stories below.
The next morning, when they're all sitting around the tiny coffee table, sharing the newspaper and eating whatever has been scrounged up, Percy decides this is as good a time as ever to ask.
"Didn't that help?" There's no need to clarify.
Slowly, almost comically, Nico brings his gaze to Percy over his coffee cup.
"No," he deadpans.
02.
Percy can tell, even over the phone, that Nico is quite obviously dealing with something.
He doesn't know what that something is exactly, but he will find out. Because it's obvious, from the shallow breathing mixed with sharp intakes of breath and random swearing, that Nico's doing something physically tiring – and if Nico won't let him help on an intellectual level, he'll surely allow him to help when it comes to something demigod-ish, as Percy has done for him so many times before.
"Where are you?" Percy's learned from years of experience that this is almost always the better question to ask – not what's going on or do you need help. Where are you is a standard question; the kind of question he'd ask anyway. So it's a surefire way to get Nico to answer and, therefore, allow Percy to get there and help his skinny ass.
"Ha, not falling for that one again."
Or not.
"Nico, you are clearly in some shit right now, so why don't you ju–" Percy's train of thought is interrupted by what can only be described as a simultaneously awesome and horrifying roaron the other end of the phone.
"Are you fighting a dragon?" is all that Percy can seem to come up with.
"Yeah, didn't know we had those?" Nico pants, and Percy pauses to think that the fact that Nico's still managing to stay on the phone is both minorly impressive and completely ridiculous.
"Tell me where you are," Percy orders, deadly calm.
Percy can tell by the silence that follows that Nico knows to take this tone of voice seriously. Or he's just successfully hiding from whatever monster he's fighting. Either one works, but the first is preferable.
Percy's just starting to get worried by this silence, when the weirdest thing happens.
"Nico?" Percy looks at the son of Hades, crouched behind a thick tree trunk, and back to his phone, not sure whether this is the best or worst kind of irony.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Nico hisses, gesturing for Percy to get down. He goes into Demigod Mode instantly, crouching next to Nico, getting Riptide out of his pocket. Nico himself is holding his Stygian Iron sword in his hand, daring a peek from behind the tree.
"Some of us actually go outside, you know," Percy says, exasperated. "But I gotta hand it to you Nico: I've been attacked by monster's in some inconveniently public places, but never Central Park."
"Well, then, clearly you don't go out as much as you think you do," Nico bites back.
"Look, asshole, I was just trying to take a walk in the park – literally! – when I stumble across you. Call it what you will, but I am helping you now."
"No!" Nico says, a little too loud and way too petulantly – but, Percy hates to admit, the loudness factor takes precedent. He hears a noise that can be described as nothing but a monstrous sniffing, and he knows they're fucked.
It's nothing he's ever fought, and it's certainly not a dragon. Percy registers what it is, but he just can't believe it. In all his years fighting off monsters, never has he ever encountered anything like this. And honestly, the idea that the dragon-like roar that came out of the phone (and probably even closer, Percy now realizes) came from this thing, makes no sense.
"Is that...a gigantic fox?" he manages to ask.
"Yes," Nico says, teeth grit, still angry that Percy's even there. "The Teumessian fox, to be exact. Made a bet with D; regretting it, of course."
"You made a bet with Mr. D about a gigantic fox?" Percy splutters.
"Yeah," Nico says. "It can't be caught," he adds, almost an after thought.
"Well, I'm sure it's fast, but –"
"No," Nico cuts him off. "It actually cannot be caught. That's the point."
"But wha–" And then Percy gets it. Only Nico would be stubborn and contrary enough to make a bet with Dionysus that he could catch an uncatchable beast. Granted, Mr. D had probably been egging him on about it for a while now, knowing him, but seriously, Nico acts like he has something to prove all the time, and, frankly, it's a problem.
Percy knows, however, that now is not the time to tell Nico off; he can save that for later. Right now he needs to help get him out of this. He will help him.
"Doesn't mean it can't be killed," Percy says.
Nico snaps his head around to look at him, eyes dark with determination and something else that reminds Percy far too much of Hades.
"But that's not the point, is it?"
And then Nico basically acts like a total idiot and Percy wishes he could say he's surprised, but honestly, he's not. Not one bit.
It doesn't stop Percy from lunging after him, though, because that's just who Percy Jackson is. The friend that leaps when you leap.
Nico's already managed to get on the back of the huge fox, though, probably due to it's ridiculously long and puffy tail, which Percy instantly signals out as being a key point of weakness. If he were to sink Riptide into it, it would definitely put the fox in enough pain for Nico to have a chance to end it.
But before Percy can even begin to put that plan into action, Nico does something absolutely unexpected – and, Percy will admit, really cool.
It takes a few moments for Percy's eyes to register what's happening, but it's just as the spot where the gigantic fox and a grappling Nico on its back begin to obscure in darkness, shadows literally bending around them, that Percy gets it.
"Whoa," he says to the empty space where the Teumessian fox and Nico used to be.
He's worried sick for the rest of the night – he can't help it. So he thinks it's pretty understandable, when he finds Nico lounging on his couch the following morning, that he goes absolutely ape shit.
It's after about a third round of Percy chasing Nico around, going from telling him to get the hell out of his house to ordering Nico to tell him exactly what the hell happened, that Nico finally turns, holding up his hands in surrender.
"Look," Nico says, "I wasn't gonna just lose that bet. I've had enough of asshole gods thinking they can make a fool out of the weird kid of Hades." He says this confidently enough, although directly after the statement he glances towards the ceiling nervously. Percy knows the feeling.
After a few deep breaths Percy relents. "Whatever," he says, rolling his eyes.
Nico looks at him sheepishly then, and Percy knows it's the closest he'll get to a thank you. A thank you for not pointing out the fact that Nico couldn't – wouldn't – let Percy help him for another reason.
Nico can't stand in the shadow of the Hero of Olympus forever.
Which reminds him.
"So you actually managed to shadow travel the fox out with you?" Percy asks, allowing the look of wonder he had on his face when it happened to show now. If only to be nice.
Nico grins at this, and Percy's glad to see it. "Yeah," he says. "I've been practicing with that for a while." The grin's still there, and Percy doesn't think he's ever seen Nico smile this hard, this genuinely, before.
"Pretty cool, man," Percy says, bumping Nico's shoulder with his fist lightly, surprised by how natural the action feels.
"And even cooler yet," Nico says, as he goes to sit on the couch, "is that now the camp's keeping it in custody. They're currently voting on what to name it."
"Wow," Percy says, unnecessarily, because he's really not that surprised. Camp Half-Blood is, and always has been, weird.
They sit there for only a few moments before deciding that continuing from where they left off in Call of Duty is clearly the plan of action, picking up their consoles and yelling obscenities at each other, even though they're on the same team.
Nico won't even let Percy help him in a fucking video game.
03.
Percy doesn't even know how to begin to think about how to help Nico with this.
But he'll try.
At least, he's pretty sure he knows what's going on here. He sees it in how Nico runs his hands through his hair much more so than usual. He sees it in how Nico actually buttons the sleeves of any button-down shirts he wears now. He sees it in the fact that Nico worries about leaving for...whatever on time, and how he takes public transport, instead of shadow traveling everywhere.
He sees it in the telephone number scrawled on the back of Nico's hand.
"Annabeth," Percy whispers as Nico walks into the kitchen, knowing he has a very short window of time to confide in her before he returns.
"Hm?" Annabeth looks up from her laptop screen and turns her head towards him.
Percy leans in closer, and is comforted by the fact that if Nico were to glance at them from the kitchen, he'd probably assume they're being affectionate, and not talking about him behind his back.
"I think Nico's seeing a girl," Percy whispers, leaning his head against Annabeth's shoulder, not to the point of being able to fathom those words himself.
Annabeth's quiet for a few heartbeats.
"A girl?" she asks.
"Yeah," Percy says, eyes darting to the kitchen. "He's acting like I did when we were first dating."
Annabeth thinks about this for a moment. "But...Nico?"
"I know," Percy says, grinning.
Annabeth allows herself a small smile. "I mean, I see what you're talking about, with the behavior, but I just sort of assumed it was Nico trying out a...new brand of weird," she offers, and Percy laughs through his nose.
"He's been like this for weeks, though, and the other day I saw a phone number written on the back of his hand."
"A phone number? You're sure?"
"Yeah, and definitely a girl's handwriting."
"Hm." Annabeth thinks on this for a moment. "Have you asked him about it?"
"Have I asked Nicoabout his love life?" Percy cringes.
Annabeth laughs. "Just checking."
"I mean..." Percy pauses. "It's Nico, so I have no idea how to go about this with him, but it's good if he's seeing somebody, don't you think? I mean, it's...normal."
Annabeth nods. "Especially if she's not insane or dead. Or both."
"Yeah, that too."
"But you specifically want him to talk about it?" Annabeth asks.
"Well, yeah, but he'll never answer me if I ask." The implication in Percy's words is obvious.
Annabeth looks at Percy for a minute, and then to the kitchen. She closes her laptop, sets it next to her on the couch. She sighs. "Nico?" she calls.
Nico tends to respond quicker to Annabeth's summons than he does Percy's, so it's only a couple of seconds before he appears in the doorway of the kitchen, bagel in hand.
"Yeah?" he asks between bites.
"Have you been seeing anyone lately?" Annabeth asks easily, resting her head back against the couch, Percy's head still on her shoulder, side-eying Nico.
Nico freezes, bagel halfway to his mouth, which remains open in an undignified manner. Finally he manages a slightly choked-sounding "What?"
Annabeth makes a vague gesture. "You know, a girl." She pauses. "Or a boy."
"I –" Nico is caught of guard to the point that Percy has to try hard not to laugh. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"What's that on your hand?" Annabeth asks.
"Wha–" Nico looks at the back of his hand, where the number Percy spoke of earlier is scrawled, faded now but still legible. "It's nothing." His eyes are too wide for the lie to come across smoothly.
"Uh-huh." And with that, Annabeth picks her laptop back up, opens it, and continues typing.
"Okay." Nico makes for his jacket, set to leave the apartment as quickly as possible.
"What was that?" Percy asks, once Nico has scrambled through the front door.
"That," Annabeth says, eyes not leaving her computer screen, "was a yes."
It's later that week and Percy is at a cafe with Rachel, picking up coffee. He knows that sometimes she and Nico hang out (mainly when they both have plans with Percy and/or Annabeth but get blown off because Percy and Annabeth decide sex is totally preferable to their weird friends), so he figures she'll be interested in the news of Nico's Mystery Woman.
"Oh," Rachel says, taking a bite out of her chocolate croissant. "Did I not tell you about that?"
"Tell me about what?" Percy asks, confused.
"The girl Nico's seeing," she says, brushing some crumbs off of her lap. "I set them up."
"You – you what?" Percy coughs, setting down his coffee.
"You okay?" Rachel asks innocently.
"Who?" Percy manages finally.
"She's nice, you'll like her," Rachel assures him, dipping a piece of croissant in her coffee, taking a bite, and making a face of approval. "So, Nico was right," she murmurs.
Percy is caught slightly off guard by her last comment, but decides to keep this on topic. "That's not an answer," he says.
Rachel smiles. "Her name's Rebecca, I go to art school with her. She's smart, cute, normal. Good for Nico."
"Huh," Percy sits back in his chair, looking at the round table between them. "But...it's Nico."
Rachel laughs. "He's more capable of behaving normally than most give him credit for, I think." Her eyes widen, like suddenly she's thought of an idea. "Hey, tomorrow Rebecca and I were going to head to the Angelika to see a movie, and Nico's gonna meet us there after. You could come along and get a look, if you want. Bring Annabeth, too."
Percy and Annabeth jump on this offer like white on rice, because if there's one thing they both can't wait to see, it's Nico di Angelo conversing with a girl in a minorly romantic context. They've both known him since he was a dorky ten year old, and despite that fact that he's grown so much in the last ten years, they both still can't quite get comfortable with the idea of Nico having any kind of romantic relationship with anyone.
Also, ambushing Nico is fun.
When Annabeth and Percy arrive at the Angelika theater Nico is already there, sitting at one of the cafe tables in the lobby, managing to look like a semi-functioning member of society. Annabeth and Percy exchange a look as they approach Nico, whose back is to them, and in the end it's Annabeth that goes, "Hey, Nico."
He jumps up, spinning around to face them, catching the back of the chair before it falls.
"What are you doing here?" Nico grinds out, eyes flicking between the two of them, apparently not sure who his discomfort should be more directly focused on.
"We've got a better question," Percy says, hands in his jean pockets, looking to Annabeth.
"Yes," Annabeth agrees, "being: who gave you permission to date?"
"We're wounded, honestly."
"I'm very adamant about the preservation of your honor, Nico." Annabeth nods earnestly.
"How did you..." Nico trails off, too confused too glare properly, and once again Percy has to make an effort not to laugh.
"I don't know what you mean," Percy says, impressed at his own feigned innocence. "This is clearly just a coincidence. A delightful coincidence."
"Just delightful," Annabeth enforces.
Nico opens his mouth to give a retort, but stops when he hears one of the theater doors open behind him, the audience flowing out loudly. It isn't too long before Rachel and a petite brunette stumble out of the crowd, spot Nico, Percy, and Annabeth, and head on over to them.
"And this must be Rebecca," Annabeth murmurs, glancing at Nico, who seems torn between glowering at Percy and Annabeth and greeting Rachel and Rebecca.
"Hey," Rachel greets them all, smiling broadly and putting a hand on Rebecca's shoulder as they stop before the three demigods. "Rebecca, this is Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase; Percy and Annabeth, this is Rebecca Bryant."
"Hi," Rebecca says easily, smiling a pretty smile, shaking hands with both Percy and Annabeth, who say hi and smile back.
Directly after the initial introductions, three important things happen. Rachel looks to Percy and Annabeth, raising her eyebrows and subtly nodding her head in the direction of Rebecca, as if going, good, right? Percy and Annabeth smile again in conformation, because Rebecca is clearly very cute and normal, and isn't that exactly what Nico needs?
The third thing is only caught by Percy and Annabeth, apparently, and it ruins everything.
Rebecca looks to Nico, who was, until this moment, staring at the ceiling in exaggerated mortification. She manages to catch his eye with a smile, and in response Nico musters a rehearsed-looking but passable smile in response. And then his gaze slips from that of Rebecca's pretty brown eyes, and right over to Rachel's freckled, smiling face. Something in his eyes shifts, and the genuine emotion of it compared to his courteous attempted warmth with Rebecca is palpable.
And it is just so clearly wrong.
Later that night, Annabeth breaks out the wine and Percy breaks out the beer, and they manage to lay this all out.
"We did not imagine that," Annabeth insists for the third time, wine glass in hand. "You saw it too, right?"
"For the thirty-seventh time, yes. Now, can we please figure out what we're going to do about this?" Percy suggests, swigging his bear agitatedly.
Annabeth drops her head into her hands, and though muffled, Percy can make out her words of, "She's the Oracle. He's Nico." Annabeth raises her head, staring at Percy with a mortified expression. "Ew."
"I know, right, I was resolved to him being asexual." Percy takes another, longer swig.
"And she set him up!" Annabeth exclaims, taking a sip of wine. "With a perfectly cute and normal girl! Is nothing good enough for him?"
"It's as if he knowingly makes life choices that will land him in the worst pile of shit possible," Percy rants, because really, Annabeth is preaching to the choir here. "I mean, can he not just have a normal relationship with anyone?"
"And he's Nico," Annabeth says.
"And he's Nico," Percy agrees.
"This will not end well."
She's not entirely wrong. But she's not entirely right, either.
They decide not to confront Nico about it, because shit, this should not be their problem. Despite a night of hypotheticals, even Annabeth can't conjure up a scenario that doesn't entail awkward assumption-making followed by vehement denial, ending in either the slamming of doors or an emotional meltdown concerning doomed relationships and the ability to connect in a context of semi-normalcy. Or both. (Probably both.)
So Percy reminds himself of this, like a mantra. I will not help Nico di Angelo. He does not want my help, I will not help him, it is none of my business, his emotional turmoil and doomed connections to other beings that he makes unfalteringly like a fucking relentless virus are not my problem.
But Percy's all too aware of the fact that he's been making Nico di Angelo's problem's his own since before he cares to recall, and hey, they've made it this far.
He proposes his plan of action to Annabeth one night over Dateline, and apparently it's intriguing enough to make her mute the television.
She stares at him, expression cautious.
"You want to...encourage it?" she hedges.
"Well, yeah, but only so it'll fail miserably – which of course it will – and Nico will maybe, just maybe, learn his lesson once and for all."
"But...Percy." Annabeth seems to have trouble finding the words to voice whatever it is she's thinking, which is very un-Annabeth. "This plan is so...cold, for you."
Percy stares at her. "It's pragmatic. You love pragmatism. You once told me you'd marry Henry James over Freud."
"William James. And Freud was a misogynist with poor basis for many of his theories," Annabeth corrects quickly, before getting back on point. "And, yeah, but..." Annabeth looks doubtful to say the least.
"What? Annabeth, think about it. No matter what, it goes the way it needs to, which is the way in which Nico is no longer in any sort of – ugh – romantic setting with either Rebecca or, least of all, Rachel. If he jumps the gun and tries something with Rachel when Rebecca's still in the picture that is bound to crash and burn. And even if Rebecca is in some way out of the picture, things will never work out with Rachel, because even if she does reciprocate, – which, ha-ha – hello, she's the Oracle, and Apollo doesn't play that shit." Percy exhales contentedly. He's really rather impressed with his own thought process on this one.
"Yeah, I get all of that. I mean, you're right, it's good, and it will probably work."
"Then why do you seem so...I don't know. Against it?"
"Because..." Annabeth averts her eyes before looking back at him, chewing her lip.
"What if she does like him back?"
"I'm sorry, I need you to repeat that sentence at least five times, preferably in more than one language. It would also be helpful if you wouldn't mind writing it down, in Ancient Greek of course. The dyslexia – you know how it is."
"Percy."
"Do we have any Q-tips in the bathroom? My ears must be clogged up. Wait here, I'll be right ba–"
"Percy!"
Percy just shakes his head at her, eyes wide, wishing for a world in which suggestions such as the one Annabeth just made, well, aren't made.
"I'm just saying, it's possible." Annabeth crosses her arms.
"Do you hear yourself? Annabeth, you are a genius. Has it suddenly become to much? Are you cracking under the weight of your enormous brain?"
Annabeth actually snaps her fingers, an action Percy jumps at. "Excuse you, but none of my body parts are 'enormous.'" She blows a strand of hair out of her eyes irritably.
Percy mentally backtracks. He refuses to let an argument about Nico di Angelo's mythical libido turn into a week of no sex with his girlfriend.
"Okay, okay. So, let's say, for the sake of science or whatever, that Rachel...reciprocates." Percy says the last word as if it were a filthy concept.
A smile plays on Annabeth's lips at this, to which Percy breaths a mental sigh of relief.
"So," Annabeth picks up, dropping onto the couch unceremoniously and resting her bare feet on the coffee table. "In such a world, what are we to do?"
"You're the one who hatched the idea of this absurd alternate universe, you tell me."
"Well," Annabeth ponders. "I have absolutely no idea."
"I love you so much but you're so not being helpful right now." Percy lies down on the floor right on the spot he was standing, staring at the ceiling mournfully.
Annabeth shrugs. "This is probably Aphrodite's doing, you know," she murmurs after a few heartbeats.
They let that horrifying piece of unfortunately likely information sink in for a while. And then they go back to watching Dateline, because this is too much for a Thursday night.
But by the next morning, they know what they must do.
Percy, Annabeth, and Nico go to their favorite diner, which is bustling with customers as always, and manage to secure their favorite booth. Annabeth and Percy slide into one side and Nico the other, par the course.
"So, Nico," Annabeth begins, surprisingly jovial.
"Annabeth," Nico replies, warily.
"I figure we're a little overdue on, you know." She makes a very serious face. "The Talk."
Nico stares at her. Percy, next to Annabeth, begins to peruse the worn menu nonchalantly.
"The What?" Nico finally repeats, all hope of this being a normal breakfast visibly draining from his eyes.
"You know," Annabeth says, like they're sharing a secret. When Nico continues to stare at her, she proceeds to demonstrate her point by making a very crude and very straightforward gesture with her hands.
Percy raises his menu to cover his face, and Nico looks downright panicked at the turn this day has taken.
"I – why – no –" Nico seems to have lost the ability to formulate proper sentences. "Please no."
Annabeth raises her eyebrows like she doesn't know what his deal is. "It's important to be informed, Nico. Teen pregnancy is an epidemic sweeping the country."
Nico manages to get a hold on some of his innate snarkiness. "I know your stay in Tartarus was a very traumatic and disconcerting experience for you, and that time goes differently there and all, but I am twenty now." Nico holds up two fingers with his left hand and makes an O with his right.
Annabeth takes this in stride.
"Well then." She leans back in her seat. "Tell me, Nico. What have you learned about sex in your twenty formative years on this planet?"
Percy's on about his third read-through of the menu now, dyslexia be damned.
"Annabeth, I –" Nico covers his face with his hands, shaking his head, completely disbelieving. "I've had sex before," he says finally, hands dropping down to the table with a smack.
Percy sets his menu down at this. He and Annabeth look at each other.
"Hey now," he says finally, reaching over to pat Nico's hand. The younger man snatches it back irritably.
"Yeah, I don't think he's kidding, Percy," Annabeth says.
"I was worried you would say that." Percy signals for a waitress. He needs some bacon, and he needs it now.
After a considerable amount of bacon has been ordered, Percy asks the million dollar question.
"But, like, with...another person?" Yeah, he's eloquent.
Nico glares in a way that Percy's never quite been on the receiving end of, and he doesn't like it, to say the least.
"Okay, this isn't even the point," Annabeth interrupts, and Percy lovesher so much for taking charge in this moment. "We know you have a thing for Rachel."
Nico looks the most taken aback by this, but it's different from his earlier shock. It's much less panicky, more genuinely surprised.
"You mean I have a thing with Rachel? Did she, like, tell you?" he finally asks, looking back and forth between them.
"...What now," Percy says, wondering for the umpteenth time why the bacon has not arrived yet.
Annabeth holds a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opens them, she fixes Nico with the look that says You Shall Proceed to Do What I Tell You Now, and says, "Explain. Now."
Nico is no less susceptible to this look than most. "Um. So, like, Rachel and I are like...a thing, that happens. Or has, uh, been happening."
"Time frame?" Annabeth snaps.
"...Couple of months?"
Annabeth gestures for him to continue.
Nico clears his throat, wringing his hands subconsciously. "And, uh, Apollo wouldn't be cool with that, obviously, so Rachel got Rebecca, who owes her for some reason – I think it has to do with getting her some really rare brand of charcoal? I don't know honestly – um, to hang out with us a lot and kind of act like she's with me so me and Rachel being together so much wouldn't seem as, uh, suspicious." Annabeth's gaze hasn't faltered. He swallows.
Despite his initial shock, Percy's ready to point out a lot of shit that's wrong with what Nico just said – the fact that their use of Rebecca, despite the extent of her knowledge, isn't okay; the fact that Apollo will find out sooner rather than later, and no one wants to know what that's going to result in (probably some form of mutilation involving Nico's genitalia); and he's also ready to have a major Friends talk with both Rachel and Nico about how keeping secrets like this from said friends is not okay – but Annabeth's reaction beats him to it.
"Shit," she groans, smacking a hand over her eyes. "I should have known."
Nico and Percy look at her expectantly.
"She said she thought you were cute," Annabeth reveals, pinching the bridge of her nose. "When you were seventeen."
Nico sits up a little straighter at this. "Really?"
Annabeth ignores him. "I should have known. The cooking, the balloon darts, the foreign films, the bickering – you two have been like gods damn Woody Allen movie for years now."
Percy snorts, despite his misgivings. "Except without the sex, presumably."
Annabeth laughs outright with him on this, and Nico's back to glaring.
"If you're gonna go on like that about it, you might as well give Rachel 'The Talk'," Nico mutters. "She's a hell of a lot more qualified to be at the receiving end of that gem than me."
Annabeth and Percy grow silent with the somewhat off-putting realization that Nico's words are largely accurate.
Then the bacon arrives, and Percy decides he's had enough of trying to help Nico for the rest of his statistically short life.
01.
And yet apparently, not really.
"You think just because the so-called 'Master' of this realm doesn't want me here that I don't have the authority to kick you out? It is summer!" Demeter's shriek is almighty in its scope.
"You invited us here?" Percy tries, hoping Demeter will be pleased with his (mostly fake) fear of her and her ability to turn him into some form of flora.
Nico's half-standing, half-cowering behind Percy, and he suspects Nico's fear is nowhere near as cultivated as his own. Percy's always been fairly amused by the fact that despite all of Nico's stubborn habits and projected apathy, he has a pretty healthy regard for his step-family. That is, if you consider a 'healthy regard' equitable to 'scared shitless'.
"That invitation was supposed to be an olive branch, Percy Jackson," Demeter snaps, hand on her hip, eyes burning with rage. "And by 'olive branch' I mean 'an order that you come to the Underworld immediately and assist me in the procurement of my daughter who for some absurd reason doesn't feel like leaving this pit.'"
Percy's practically become a master in the art of knowing when to hold his tongue over his years of experience with supernatural beings, but sometimes that sixteen-year-old snark just can't be held back.
"So, basically, you've grown incapable of handling this situation by yourself?"
Nico makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like meep, and moves even farther behind Percy.
For Demeter's part, well. If Percy thought her eyes were burning before, they're actually burning now.
"Why does it matter if Persephone doesn't want to leave right now?" Percy tries quickly. "I mean, shouldn't we be in support of consensual marital relationships?" (Percy's pretty sure he heard Annabeth say something exactly like that once when talking about her Feminist Literature class, so he figures it's a safe bet.) "Like. You guys have come a long way since...the negative fourth century?"
Demeter looks minorly calmed by his words, but Percy's pretty sure that's just her marveling at the word vomit that he just let loose. But it's better than the look of murderous rage she was showing only moments prior, and Percy'll take what he can get.
"My daughter," Demeter begins, speaking with insulting emphasis, "is the goddess of spring."
"Which really can't possibly be all that important of a job?" Percy says it. Percy regrets it.
It's as they're running down the dark and grand halls of the palace of the Underworld, away from Demeter's wrath (Percy can still hear her yelling obscenities in a myriad of languages, her commanding voice echoing off the walls), that they collide into the prodigal daughter herself.
Or, to put it more accurately, Percy and Nico are just about to accidentally run her down, before she throws up a light pink wall of energy in front of herself, sending the half-bloods sprawling.
Persephone gives Percy an amused look, before settling her gaze on Nico, whom she gives a look that says, the fuck?
"I tried, okay?" Nico says in response, hoisting himself up on his elbows.
"Not hard enough, apparently," Persephone replies, unimpressed.
"I'm not sure if you've noticed this over your millenia of knowing your own mother, but she's kind of a hard-ass." Nico's defense is nothing if not found.
Persephone rolls her eyes. "You've managed it before. The Maine Harvest Festival, '09? Rings any bells?"
Nico gets an affronted look at this. "I can't just pull that same trick again, she knows now. I'm sort of running out of tricks here! And anyway, it's not like you ever thank me for my assistance. You just assume I'll distract your mother so she'll leave you be to do...whatever it is you do down here."
Despite her obvious annoyance, the goddess' eyes sparkle at this. "You want me to talk to you about my sex life with your father?"
Both Nico and Percy make noises extremely similar to those of dying animals at this.
Persephone smirks. "I thought so," she says triumphantly, but before she can continue to chastise Nico, her head turns quickly, eyes widening, and she urgently gestures at the young men to get up, before tossing them into a room that Percy's pretty sure didn't exist until a second ago.
The room is all dark marble and mahogany like the rest of the castle, but it's ornamented with a seemingly endless amount of vases and woven baskets filled with bright and sweetly pungent flowers. In fact, these numerous flower holdings are the only furnishings in the room, but with a quick wave of her hand Persephone remedies this, materializing a small round table and three matching chairs around, right in the middle of the crowded flora.
Persephone sits and gestures for Percy and Nico to do the same. They do, glancing at each other and then eying Persephone quizzically, as she doesn't say a word, but instead picks up one of the baskets near her feet, sets it on the table, and begins constructing what appears to be the makings of a floral wreath.
"So." Percy clucks his tongue. "How long have you two been in, er, cahoots?"
"Ew," Nico says and Persephone glances up, fingers continuing to work deftly on the crown of flowers.
"It's not cahoots if I'm just using him for my own selfish ends," she says brightly.
Percy nods. He feels a deep spiritual connection to her words as he believes they could easily be applied to all of the gods' relationships with their half-human offspring.
"So, what," Nico says, "are we just going to hide in here, twiddling our thumbs and tying flowers together, until your mom gives up? Because I have news for you: she won't. This is the woman who threatened eternal winter, Lady Persephone. Eternal winter."
"Um, like, you don't think I'm aware of that?" Persephone inquires, plopping the floral wreath on Nico's dark head unceremoniously. Percy laughs at the sight, and the queen of the Underworld smiles smugly.
Nico removes the wreath from his head, and Percy can tell he has the urge to rip it to shreds, but apparently his and Persephone's relationship hasn't become that much of a back and forth yet, because he settles for setting on the table in front of him, glowering all the while.
"That's not entirely true you know," Nico says, both to Percy and Persephone. "What you said about my helping you being one-sided."
"Oh?" Persephone raises her eyebrows daintily, and exchanges a glance with Percy, like, this should be good.
"You don't tell Apollo about...you know what," Nico finishes, and apparently it's his turn to be smug.
"She knows about that too?!" Percy begins, but his astonishment is cut off by Persephone, who gives Nico a look that suggests he's being very naïve.
"You and that new Oracle of his, you mean? Look, kid, I've been trying to explain this to you, but I guess you haven't been listening to my absolutely stellar advice, so I'll say it again, because I'm generous and stuff: Don't touch the Oracle. After that dry spell with the mummy in the attic?" Persephone shakes her head. "This one's special just for that, and Apollo was already possessive of his Sight girls, so you can only imagine how he is about this one. I, however, don't have to, seeing as in between the sex jokes with D and his perpetual mooning over Daphne, all he does is talk about them." She gives an exasperated look at this. "In summation: paws off, and if you don't get my mother out of here in time for me to catch Hades before his council meeting with the judges I will call up Apollo and tell him all about it. With added sultry details."
Persephone is, by far, one of the nicer immortals, this Percy knows. He could even, off the top of his head, name ten humans he sees on a regular basis that Persephone is positively humane in comparison to.
However – even if there isn't any particularly malicious intent behind it – she is every inch Olympian in this threat.
And if the tautness of Nico's jaw is anything to go by, he knows it to.
"What do you want me to do?" the son of Hades grinds out. "By rights, you are supposed to be on Olympus right now."
"I went up last week when I was supposed to! I just came down here this one day and she freaks." Persephone gives a shrug at this, and it strikes Percy that the goddess sitting before him is dealing with the same issues that teenage girls who have boyfriends their mothers don't approve of do, if on a much longer time line and grander scale in general. And with minor (ask Annabeth?) incest.
"She always does!" Nico protests.
Persephone stands, making a broad and entirely unhelpful gesture with her hands. "As they say on the internet nowadays: BTDT, GTG, CYA." The goddess made a peace sign with her right hand and disappeared, leaving the scent of cherry blossoms behind.
"What the fuck does BTDT mean?" Percy asked after a few moments contemplation.
Nico shook his head. "She spends a lot of time online."
Percy realizes, with some frustration, that now he can ask Nico the question that's been bothering him ever since they ran into Persephone.
"I thought Demeter was the one who called us down here to help her bring Persephone to Olympus?"
Nico makes a give or take gesture. "So does she, basically. But Persephone and I have that deal, so."
"Exactly how many times have you been father's and step-mother's wing-man?"
"Enough times to have a gross taste in my mouth," Nico replies, ashamed.
Percy gives a nod. Nico's trying to make light of this situation with his macabre humor, he can see, but just beneath the surface Percy recognizes the childlike fear of losing yet anotherperson he cares about, especially over something as pointlessly destructive as his dysfunctional family.
The Hero of Olympus swallows all the resentment he's ever felt towards his cousin – for his mistakes, for his stubborn grudge-holding, for his reluctance to accept Percy's help – and he turns toward him, placing a hand on his shoulder, looking him straight in the eye.
"I'm going to fix this for you," Percy says calmly and resolutely, and the assurance with which he speaks is enough to give even a master doubter like Nico pause.
"What?" The younger man's voice is hoarse – from emotion, Percy thinks, but he's not sure which one.
"I'm going to fix this," Percy says easily, shrugging his shoulders lightly, keeping his hand on Nico's own shoulder. "You go. I've got this under control."
Nico's face shows such conflict that Percy would laugh if the situation were different; Percy's not actually sure what makes this situation so different – maybe the threat of another one of Nico's relationships falling through, possibly the fact that Percy's never taken quite this approach before – but there is something raw in this exchange, something Percy himself can't quite put a name to, and even Nico, with all his emotional boundaries, can't reject it this time.
"Okay." Something about his response reminds Percy all too much of the ten-year-old he first met, and he knows that this is all going to be okay, indeed.
As Nico goes to shadow travel back to Manhattan he turns around, looking like he wants to say something that he doesn't quite know how to word.
"I – I could never – for another person, I mean –" Nico takes a deep breath. "I know it's been hard."
"Don't worry about it, man," Percy says, as if he's lending him twenty dollars.
Nico swallows, opens his mouth to say something else, closes it, nods, and turns back to the shadows, bending into them once again, as Percy has seen him do so many times before.
"Now for the real work," Percy mutters to himself. And, exiting the flowery room, he enters the great hall once again, turning once, and deciding that, yeah, this should get her attention.
"LADY DEMETER? I KNOW YOU'RE SORT OF PREOCUPPIED AT THE MOMENT, BUT IF YOU HAVE A SEC, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE KIND OF INTERESTED IN HEARING ABOUT THE STORY MY DAD TOLD ME ABOUT THE TIME HE AND ZEUS GOT DRUNK AND HAD A HEART-TO-HEART CONCERNING PROS AND CONS OF GETTING WITH YOU OR HERA? SOMETHING ABOUT TRANSFORMING INTO ANIMALS? BUT I DON'T KNOW, IF YOU'RE TOO BUSY I CAN COME BACK LATER OR WHATEVER."
Yeah. That'll be enough to get her attention.
And hopefully not enough to get him incinerated.