Prologue

Memories assaulted Severus in his dreams, which was why he often suffered from insomnia. There was nothing more he wanted to escape then the memories, some of the best time in his life and some of the worst. They could be avoided during the day, and sometimes he could steel himself against them at night, but in sleep they could come unbidden.

...The house was small and tidy despite it's worn down exterior. The first thing that caught his eye was a large book case, ceiling to floor, holding dozens of well worn leather bound books. He took a step closer to examine the titles and found a worthy library of a little bit of almost every magical subject.

"I always thought it was worth knowing a little bit of everything," A feminine voice said behind him, almost making him startle.

"Yes," He agreed, turning to look at the voice's owner. "But it helps to have a specialty subject."

"I do." The small girl with black hair and pale blue eyes nodded, then smiled a little as a look of recognition spread across her face. "I've seen you at Hogwarts. Always with a book in your hand."

"Yes," His ears burned a little at the thought that she'd probably seen him being tortured by his peers. But the look in her eyes was kind, giving him just the tiniest glimmer of hope he could move beyond his school reputation now that he'd graduated...

This night they weren't clear memories, just fleeting touches of sensation and flashes of image. Pale blue eyes. His name spoken by a voice he hadn't heard in so long. The soft brush of lips against his. Then the startling jerk back to reality, back to his bed where he slept alone.

...Sitting on the roof, millions of stars scattered above them. He didn't quite see the appeal of sitting outdoors in the dead of night, but the head on his shoulder made all the difference in the world. Her small body was tucked next to his, so close he could feel each breath she took against his side.

"It's beautiful." She whispered to him. "I feel so small...so insignificant."

"You are small." He replied dryly.

"Arse," Her reply was oddly affectionate.

In the darkness a little smile crossed his face. He turned his head and kissed the top of her head with a shyness that was almost embarrassing. Her hair smelled like apples and he felt intoxicated by it.

"Severus?" She lifted her head off his shoulder and in the dim light he could see her turn to face him.

"Yes?" He replied cautiously, almost certain his first attempt at affection had been met with disgust.

Instead of replying, he felt the softness of her lips against his. For a moment he was too surprised to return the kiss, then he felt something inside him loosen and instinct took over. His heart was pounding in his chest as their lips pressed together for several seconds that felt like an eternity.

His first kiss...

Darkness rose around him and he knew it was still a few hours before sunrise. He could use the extra hours of sleep, with the new crop of students just two days away from arriving at Hogwarts. But when he closed his eyes he kept seeing the figure in his dream, smiling at him from the depths of his memory.

...Standing at Platform 9 3/4, watching the Hogwarts Express billow white smoke into the sky. She looked at the train, then back at him with a sigh. They'd only had a summer together and her education was important to her, but he could see, or at least hoped he saw, the sadness in her eyes.

"I should go." She smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'll be home for Christmas."

"I thought you said you normally stayed at school?" He tried to ignore the tightness in his throat.

"I've never had a reason to come home before," Her eyes met his. "I do now."

Of course he wasn't good enough with emotions to tell her the quivering, warm feeling her words brought to him. Instead he put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her softly, still feeling a bit awkward about showing affection. She returned it and when she pulled back there were tears in her eyes. Neither of them said another word, neither of them knew the right ones...

If few people knew about the woman who Severus Snape had loved, even fewer knew of the woman who just may have loved Severus Snape. Unfortunately, he would never know if she did for sure, though he always held the belief that she had. All they had was a brief summer together and a handful of letters that he still kept hidden away with any other reminders that he was human.