A/N: I'd originally wanted to include this little one-shot in the (eventual) sequel to Nova et Vetera. However, that's a long way off, and, with encouragement from Theodosius, I've decided to give it a go separately. This is a "companion", if you will, to Empty, and features Shepard's dying thoughts following the Collector attack on the Normandy SR-1.
15 Seconds. That is all I have left. I had so little in my life, but at least I had time. Time with you. And suddenly, that time is gone. I wish you could understand how desperately I want to be with you, how much I want to shield you from harm and hurt and evil, how much I have, I want, to tell you, and how much anguish it causes me to know that I cannot.
As I clutch at my ruptured suit, the memories of all those blissful moments with you come creeping over me, doing valiant battle against the claws of death. Your timid, sweet smile, your soulful blue eyes, your gentle, calming touches on my wrist. The way your face lit up when we toured the museums of Earth, your soft hum as you tasted the meal we had prepared together, and how you led me to rediscover my passion for music, for love, for life.
I am so grateful to have these memories; but despair overwhelms me at the prospect of losing them, at the burning ashes of my hopes for our future years. I had you, but still I chose to fight an enemy no one would even acknowledge. I wish I had let myself be happier, let us be happier; that I had the courage to express my feelings, to live selfishly for you, for us, for the family we could have had.
I adore you, Liara. You are my pride, my most cherished fortune, and my eyes and heart desire you above all things. All the happiness in my life, I owe to you. I am so sorry I could never show you how much your love meant to me; you had everything to give, and I, nothing. If I could turn back the clock, go back to our time on Earth, I would. I would tell you, "I love you," even as you pressed yourself into me, mind, body and soul. I would hold you tight and never let you go, never leave you again. I would tell you of the family I so desperately crave, the children I long to share with you. But I had my chance, and I let it pass me by.
My chest is burning, my heart beating wildly, even as my sorrow wrenches it asunder. My throat is thick and my body shakes, but I cannot even sob; there is no air for my cries. Forgive me, Liara. Forgive my faults, forgive the pains and torment I have caused you. My initial mistrust; my reckless abandon, as time and time again, I left your side, attempting to martyr myself for causes so insignificant compared to you. I am a fool. And your mother… I wept for the suffering I caused you when I ended her life; mourned your innocence, which I so senselessly ripped away. I am sorry, Liara, for everything.
My lungs are burning; my head feels light. I cannot fight any longer, so these thoughts must be my last. I only wish you could hear them.
Liara, my love for you is deathless. I have loved you since the day you melted my cold heart, and I will love you long after I am no longer here to say it. Wherever I am, I will always, always be with you, during the brightest day or the darkest night. I will be the warm ray of sunshine embracing you and soothing your skin, the kiss of the soft breeze upon your cheek, the tender caress of the grass underfoot. Do not grieve for me, do not think me dead. Just know that I have gone to wait for you, for we shall meet again someday.
It's ok, Liara…
It's o…