Wondering
She knows that he doesn't like to talk about the past. Sure she read his file before giving him the chance to join the Atlantis expedition. But it's not like the USAF did keep track of his personal life. And sometimes the influence doesn't really come from the job. She would like to know more about him, the him before he joined the USAF and became a pilot.
She thinks of him as an enigma, a riddle she would like to have the answer to. But at the same time she's not sure if she really wants to know why he is like he is. She doesn't know if she can really handle it because she's seen a few glances when he thinks he's standing alone and drops the facade of the cocky flyboy. It frightens her to have someone so different around her and at the same time she can't help but feel a deep trust in him and his abilities.
She wonders if he ever talks about the things that happened to him. Sure, writing mission reports can be looked upon as a sort of dealing with everything that happened. But his mission reports are always straight to the subject, never showing emotions.
He often wonders why she stands alone on the balcony, unmoving. But he never really has the courage to ask her when he finally decides to join her. He likes the way they can stand together in silence. But he also wonders what she thinks about. And when he glances over he sometimes can see her looking at him. He's never quite sure what makes her trust him. And he thinks that she maybe does ask herself the same question. He knows that she would like to know more about his past. His personal record of the USAF does only show the missions. But he knows she would like to know more about him. And he is troubled by that fact cause he does not like to talk about himself. There is too much pain inside him which he'd rather not tell anyone because he's afraid of it and tries to hide that emotional baggage deep down.
One night the two of them stand together on the balcony when he breaks the silence. "I don't talk about the things that happened to me in life." She turns to him, a slightly surprised look on her face. But she keeps quiet and waits for him to be ready to continue. "Till now, nobody cared, and that was fine. But I know that you wonder. And I want to tell you…" - "You don't have to," she cuts in and steps into his personal space. "But…" -"Don't," she reassures him. And then she does something that surprises him. In a swift motion she throws her arms around him and hugs him tightly. It takes a few seconds for him to respond. "John," she whispers. "You don't have to tell me. You can tell me if you like. I will always listen. And the fact that you want to tell me… Well, I can't tell you how much it means to me." He shivers slightly at the words. But then he hugs her even closer and buries his face against her neck. "Thank you."
They stand outside on the balcony, comfortable in their embrace. And there's nothing left to wonder for either of them because while nothing concrete was said, their whole world changed with the simple act of him trying and her giving him time to speak at his own pace.