otoshie? Otoshie.
There is an unsurprising lack of otoshie on this website and maybe it's because the two are incompatible and unhealthy and you should in no way ship them. Yet here i am, a crappy domestic au in hand, numbering at a few thousand words, because apparently I have nothing better to do with my life.
This is an au, in case you didn't quite get that, where the kids were never assassins and also they're college student age and Shiena was living by herself until she got stuck with babysitting her second cousin's kid or something.
Please enjoy, leave a review, let me know if I should even attempt to continue. Or check out my tumblr in-perfect-silence for more weird otoshie stuff I guess.
1. standard deviation
Shiena hadn't ever, ever planned on having a child. Or anyone else's child, for that matter. In fact, she was quite certain throughout the better half of her school years that her house would be a completely child-free zone.
So why was it that Shiena, in her 21st year, found herself taking care of four-year-old Taichi as if she were a single mother?
Which she definitely was not, by the way. A mother. Single, maybe, but it wasn't like she cared all that much for marriage. It stood in the way of career and success and all that.
Shiena picked out a specially bought package of ramen and sat down at her computer screen. Work sure was pretty tough.
"Mama!" It was little Taichi and god did Shiena want to just strangle him in the noodles she ate every day. Use them as a noose. Watch him dangle as the life seeped from his breath.
Well, okay, maybe not that far. But sometimes she really had to restrain herself.
"Mama!" Taichi tapped at her leg relentlessly and his big brown eyes looked up at her. She couldn't give in. Shiena would win this round.
"I'm not your mama, Taichi." Shiena brushed his fingers off her knee. "Remember? Won't be long until your real mama comes home and then you can "mama" away all you like. Until then, can you leave aunt Shiena alone, just for a bit?"
"But mama-" Taichi was too stupid to correct himself quicker but at least he was trying now. "- auntie Shiena, I'm bo-o-ored. There's no kids to play with here."
"That's the fault of your mama, not mine. Now shoo. Go. If you're super quiet I'll get you a new toy car."
Taichi comically exaggerated a 'shushing' motion, a finger over his mouth, and shuffled away. Once he was gone, Shiena found her mouth contorting in a strange smile behind her screen.
He wasn't even that cute.
Okay, maybe he was that cute.
But that didn't make up for his annoying voice and habit of drawing everywhere. Shiena hated cleaning oil based paints from carpets. On a list of ten things Shiena hated the most, cleaning oil based paints from carpets would definitely secure at least a 6, maybe a 5.
That was only because there were a few things topping that list. Specifically, in about 4th place, was her hatred of high pitched voices. Taichi had that.
Also, smiling people. Shiena hated that smiling people never actually meant to smile and usually were either plotting your death or their own, and why couldn't people just use the face they were born with to express what they felt.
For the record, Shiena's face usually settled in an irritated frown these days.
And as Shiena reached for another mouthful of instant noodles, she rediscovered her second most hated enemy - the moment when, while looking intently at her screen, she reached for the container, only to find that looking out the side of your eyes is worse wearing glasses than not, and spilt the ramen all over her desk and her floor. It was worse than the oil paints because you didn't eat oil paints.
"Mama-"
That was it. Shiena looked up from where she was wiping the last few remains of her highly nutritious lunch. Taichi stood in the doorway, holding back tears over something or other.
"What is it, Taichi?" She all but screamed, and it did little to help the situation whatsoever but it did make Shiena feel marginally better. "Do I look busy at all? Of course not! Not at all!"
"M- Shi- Shiena-"
"I suppose I never look busy, do I? Because I work on a goddamn computer all day? Right, that's probably what your mother thought, isn't it? 'Let's give Shiena the kid, Shiena knows everything about taking care of kids…'"
"Th- there's someone-"
"And to think! I didn't even know who she was, and apparently we're related? Thanks for the advance notice, and everything! Great!"
"Mama, there's someone at the door!"
Shiena stopped her little tirade and began to feel a bit silly for it. See, not children material, whatsoever. And Taichi just looked more distressed than ever. Shiena almost felt guilty.
Almost.
She still needed to forgive him for the vending machine incident.
"Who is it?" Shiena asked, once she'd calmed her voice to a respectable level. "A strange man?"
"N- no, it's a girl…" Taichi sniffed. Great. She'd scared him off.
"A girl?"
"Yeah. She looks kinda scary. And she won't go away. I think she might be a… A… A mean person."
Oh dear. Shiena racked her brain to think of an explanation, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out what a scary, possibly-murderer girl was doing on her doorstep. She felt fear. What if it was a door-to-door salesman, or a noodle thief? Shiena would never be able to survive an encounter after that.
"Did you get a good look at her?" Shiena asked as she flattened the creases in her shirt, and began her journey to the front of her home.
"Mhm." Taichi nodded, hanging around Shiena's leg. She brushed him off as usual. "She had her hair done like this, and it was kinda purple. I think she saw me and I got scared and ran away and ran away to your room because I'm scared she's gonna kidnap me."
Oh dear. That description was starting to ring a few alarm bells. It couldn't be…
"And how long has she been hanging around for?"
"Um… Four hours."
"So, about ten minutes." Shiena whistled as she evened her glasses, staring down her front door. "Phew."
There was a well-timed knock that brought chills to Shiena's spine. Yup. Her worst fear was definitely confirmed.
"Taichi, why don't you go to your room, okay? No sounds. Super-super secret this time. Got that?" Shiena pushed the boy away as he put a finger to his lips and stalked away in a way which probably hindered more than helped. Bad idea. Too late to back out now.
She opened the door.
Shiena hated many things, but if she listed a top ten list, there would be one thing which always took first place in the worst way possible.
"Shiena!"
"Takechi."
Otoya Takechi stood before her, same as ever, holding a mysteriously suspicious paper bag in one hand and the other outstretched for a hug which never came. Otoya's face fell.
"I didn't know you had a kid." She said, and invited herself in as if this was what they did every day, leaving a gaping Shiena still standing at the door.
"I don't." Shiena countered.
"Didn't think you'd be the type."
"I'm not."
"Nice house."
"It's not- wait, can you just…" Shiena approached her old enemy and tried to push her back to the pits of hell where she came from. "Just what are you doing in my house and why. Why. If I knew any other languages I'd repeat that word because why."
Otoya shrugged, clearly not budging, and decided it was a nice time to rummage through the fridge.
"Because it's the anniversary of our graduation today!" Otoya said through the fridge.
"I hadn't noticed."
"And isn't it customary to share your graduation anniversary with friends?"
There were so many things wrong with that statement Shiena felt her head spin.
"No, it's not." With a scowl, Shiena pulled the cake from Otoya's prying hands and shoved it back in the fridge where it belonged. Too bad she couldn't do that with Otoya. "And since when were we friends? You bullied me for the better half of elementary school."
"Yeah well what about the other half-"
"And middle school."
"Where on earth are you getting these facts I don't recall ever bullying you, nerd-"
"And you completely ignored my existence throughout my whole high school life until our last year."
"To be fair, I didn't actually know you went to the same high school as me, too. Honest mistake."
"You burned down my locker."
"Woops."
"None of the other lockers got damaged."
"That's the funny thing about fires. You never know what they'll destroy next."
"I spent my lunchtimes alone because of you."
"I don't ever recall saying you had to sit alone."
"You made fun of my glasses and got the whole school to hate me, there wasn't really much choice."
"It seems the common denominator in all this is you-"
"And you!"
Otoya, by now, was just looking through every cupboard, drawer and compartment in the kitchen just for the sake of looking and Shiena gave up on even trying anymore.
"Can you at least please stop ruining my house and tell me why you came?" She sighed, and to her surprise, Otoya stopped.
"I already told you," Otoya giggled and the sound was just as fear-inducing as Shiena remembered, "Graduation anniversary. Friendship. Also, I may or may not have forgotten to pay my rent properly but that's only a secondary point!"
"I knew it." Muttered Shiena, darkly, over her glinting glasses. "There's always an ulterior motive. But why my house in particular?"
"It's closest. Also I figured you wouldn't have a proper job by now so I could come in when I like…"
Shiena refused to even acknowledge how little sense that made. "Alright, alright, but what about your belongings?"
There was a silence and Shiena could hear the clock ticking. Tick tock. Tick tock.
"Actually, your kid helped me bring them in already."
What.
"What."
'What' didn't feel like a powerful enough word for what Shiena was feeling that moment. If she knew how to say 'what' in 37 other languages, she'd probably say it in at least 32 of them. But she couldn't, so instead she just repeated it in Japanese.
"What."
Otoya grinned, slinging an arm around Shiena's shoulders. It was repulsive and made her want to scream.
"I told him to go get you but I thought it would be funny if he tricked you because now you can't reject me. I'm officially your roommate. Just like high school!"
"Takechi," Shiena said, rubbing her temples, "we didn't share a room in high school. Nobody shared a room in high school. And nobody is sharing rooms here, in my house! Get out! Why the hell would you even try to think I'd want to see you again?!"
Otoya feigned hurt. Shiena wasn't convinced. Once Otoya figured out that Shiena wasn't convinced, she dropped the act. "Blame the kid. He did it."
"Because you told him to! He is four! He doesn't have any responsibilities yet!"
"Well you should train your kid better."
"He's not my kid…!"
Shiena stopped her useless debate with her old nemesis when she noticed Taichi was standing by the entrance to the kitchen, looking innocently deceitful. She also noticed how much closer they'd gotten in their argument, and took a few steps back. Ew.
"Mama-" Otoya giggle at Taichi's mess up, and he just blushed, "- Auntie Shiena, who is that?"
"Taichi I told you not to let strangers into the home after last time-"
"I'm Otoya Takechi. I'm an old friend of Shiena's. What's your name, little guy?"
Dammit. Otoya had won over the heart of the kid with her fake plastered little smile. Shiena didn't believe it for a second. There had to be a reason for all this niceness.
Taichi moved a little closer, and put one of his fingers in his mouth before replying.
"Taichi…" He said shyly, and Shiena resisted the urge to face-palm. The two of them were trying to win each other over! How ridiculous.
"You're a cute little kid, Taichi. Why are you staying with grumpy old Shiena-chan?" Otoya bent down, hands on her knees. Shiena grumbled something unintelligible in the background. She could have been spitting curses in Hindu, for all they knew.
"Shiena-chan!" Taichi repeated, as if it was the funniest thing in the whole world. "My mama says I have to stay here for… forty days."
"Forty days?!"
"He means a long time." Shiena explained, used to Taichi's ridiculous units of measuring.
"Why's that?" Otoya stood up again, addressing the question to Shiena, who undoubtedly knew more about the situation than Taichi did. Shiena thought that was concern at first but no, it was just Otoya trying to win her over, now. Not going to work.
"She had to go on a business trip. Or something. She didn't really tell me the details."
"Great babysitter."
Shiena scowled, but it went unnoticed.
"Hey, Taichi, let's go play in your room!"
"Wow! Takechi you gotta see my toy cars I have tens of them!"
Shiena was left alone in the kitchen after that, as the two children left the room. This was very much on the fringe of legality. Could Shiena sue? The place where Otoya once stood was empty - surely she had the right to kick her out?
But then she'd have nowhere to stay.
Shiena bit her lip. She hated arguing with herself. She was always right.
Surely Otoya had other friends to go to.
No, that was a lie. Otoya must have been pretty desperate to go to Shiena first.
And besides, if Shiena let Otoya stay for a bit, Taichi might finally be entertained enough to shut up.
"Ugh! Fine, whatever. I give up!" Shiena gave up with her inward argument, having lost again. Otoya could stay for as long as Taichi did. But Shiena would make sure Otoya bought everything child related. And they'd split the bill. And Otoya would have to clean out the oil based paints in the carpet.
A fair deal, indeed.
Shiena returned to work and everything was almost normal again. Taichi and Otoya were nowhere to be found. Perfect. She typed her first word.
"ROAR!"
"Surprise, Shiena-chan!"
"Oh my god I hate you so much."
That's a wrap. And it's like 2000 words what's up with that. Haha.
Also how do you write Otoya as a nice(er) person this makes no sense.
Should I continue this or not huh tell me that.