(- -)
Much Ado About Nothing
It was a hot Sunday afternoon, and the only place of real comfort was inside a house with air conditioning. Kyoya and Hitomi Ohtori's fourteen-year-old triplets found ways to amuse themselves inside the house on their holiday.
The couple had one girl and two boys. The oldest was Kenichi, and he was the spitting image of his father. He had short black hair with gray eyes, hidden behind glasses. Like his parents, he was cool and devious. He always found an angle to work at. The second oldest was Masanori. He had black hair and his mother's blue eyes. Masanori was charismatic and charming on the surface, but inside, he was awfully cunning and sharp. Finally, there was Tsuki. She had long, wavy black hair and gray eyes. She was a practical child whose words were always blunt when she spoke.
The triplets walked into their parents' study while they were there working together to strengthen their company.
"What do you need?" Kyoya demanded immediately.
"We got bored so we decided to amuse ourselves," Kenichi replied.
"By coming into our study?" Hitomi asked skeptically.
"We just wanted you to participate in a little play we three are directing." Masanori answered delightfully.
"You three are directing a play?" Kyoya questioned doubtfully.
"The author thought this would have been funny so we are doing what she tells us," Tsuki said in a matter-of-factly voice.
The triplets dropped a script onto the desk.
"Let's have fun with this shall we?" The three said in unison.
Kyoya and Hitomi hesitantly looked at it.
"You want us to be characters in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing play?" Hitomi inquired.
"Sure thing, mother," Masanori said happily.
"Don't use slang, Masanori," Kyoya scolded. "Who else do you have in mind?"
Tsuki withdrew a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolded it and laid it on the desk. Kyoya and Hitomi peered at it.
Don Pedro, the emperor of Tokyo…Kaoru
Don John, the emperor's brother…Hikaru
Claudio, a young lord of Kyoto…Tamaki
Benedick, a young lord of Osaka…Kyoya
Leonato, governor of Sapporo…Ranka-san
Antonio, the governor's brother…Misuzu
Balthasar, attendant of Kaoru…Kazukiyo Souga
Conrade, follower of Hikaru…Satoshi
Borachio, follower of Hikaru…Yasuchika
Dogberry, a constable…Hunny
Verges, a kind of village-mayor…Mori
Hero, daughter of Ranka-san…Haruhi
Beatrice, niece to Ranka-san…Hitomi
Margaret, servant attending on Haruhi…Renge
Ursula, servant attending on Haruhi…Mei
Kyoya and Hitomi stared unenthusiastically at the list and then at their kids.
"I hope you realize this list is incomplete," Kyoya commented.
"We are aware that," Kenichi replied with a smile.
"Whatever roles are not listed on that list, the three of us will be playing," Masanori answered.
Kyoya looked at the list again. "Also, what makes me Benedick?"
"Because mother says you are such a bastard," Tsuki said bluntly.
"Tsuki!" Hitomi yelled. "Don't say foul words!"
Kyoya glared at his wife. "I'm a bastard, am I?"
Hitomi gave him an apathetic look before saying, "Who are you kidding?"
Surprisingly, Kyoya shrugged with a nod.
"Our setting is Sapporo, Hokkaido and our author wants somewhat modern language," Tsuki ordered.
"Well, if we don't have anymore objections, let's proceed to our first act." Masanori said delightfully.
(- -)
Chapter 1
Act 1
Scene I. Before Ranka's House
(The suffix of –san is roughly used as the titles of Mr., Mrs., and Ms. The suffix –dono roughly means lord. I couldn't really find a title that meant prince or something of the sort, so –sama felt appropriate. If you can help me out here that would be great.)
Ranka-san, his daughter Haruhi, and niece Hitomi were walking down the street. They were heading for Ranka-san's house when a messenger approached them with a letter. Ranka-san opened it up and read it carefully.
"This letter states that Kaoru-sama of Tokyo is coming to Sapporo tonight." Ranka-san replied. Ranka-san was a cross dresser, but in this story no one pays it any mind. His hair is grown out long and of a reddish-brown color. His makeup is thick like a real woman, but not so caked on. He loves his only daughter Haruhi very much so and forces her to be feminine for this entire story.
"Oh yes. He is close by. He was a little less than three leagues from here when I came bearing this message," The messenger replied pleasantly. (Of course, this is Masanori.)
"So the war ends. How many men have you lost because of it?" Ranka-san asked.
"Few, but none to name."
"You could say that a victory is twice itself when the winner brings his army home with few casualties and deaths." Ranka-san replied. He read the letter again and said, "This letter says that Kaoru-sama had placed a great deal of honor on a young lord from Kyoto named Tamaki."
"Oh yes. Tamaki-dono deserves the honor, and Kaoru-sama remembers him well. He bears the promise of his age by having the figure of a lamb and the accomplishments of a courageous lion," The messenger replied. "He has better expectations that you would expect me to tell you."
"He has an uncle here in Sapporo, and he will be very glad to hear of his nephew's honor," Ranka-san said.
"I have delivered his uncle letters and he appears to be overjoyed. He was overjoyed enough that you could not find a single drop of bitterness," The messenger answered.
"Did he break out into tears?
"Very much so."
"What an overflow of kindness, to be sure! Faces certainly are true when they are washed with tears of joy!"
Hitomi quickly cut in and asked the messenger, "I ask of you, is Ohtori-san returning from the war or no?" Hitomi was Ranka-san's niece. She had long, wavy, black hair and dark blue eyes. She quite sharp and witty and always made herself known with her talkative tongue.
"I am sorry, milady, but I do not know that name. There was no one with that name in the army," The messenger reported.
"Who do you ask for, niece?" Ranka-san asked.
"My cousin means Kyoya-dono of Osaka," Haruhi commented. Haruhi is Ranka-san's only daughter and heir to his estate. Haruhi was short. For this story she has her long brown hair and matching colored eyes. She is often blunt with her words, but she doesn't mean any malice from it. She is often dark and uninterested.
"Oh, he has returned, and he is as pleasant as ever."
"He set up his money here in Sapporo and challenged Cupid at archery. My uncle is a fool for reading that letter as it was a challenge for Cupid himself," She answered smartly. (I really didn't understand what Beatrice was trying to say in the original play.)
Haruhi began to zone out and stopped listening to the conversation. The whole idea of this parallel felt stupid to her.
"You should have faith, niece. You challenge Kyoya-dono too much, and he will meet with you without a doubt," Ranka-san answered sternly.
"He has done a good deal of service in the wars, Hitomi-san," The messenger insisted.
"Oh, I'm sure. He has an excellent stomach." Hitomi commented. (Again, I have no clue this time.)
"He is a good soldier too, milady."
"He is a good soldier to a lady, but is he to a lord?" Hitomi asked.
"A lord to a lord, man to man, and he is a man stuffed with honorable virtues," The messenger replied.
"So be it. He is no less than a stuffed man, but he only wants the stuffing. If that is the case, then we all are mortal," Ranka-san's niece said harshly.
"Do not mistake my niece, messenger. There is some kind of war of wit between Kyoya-dono and her. They never meet, but there always is a battle of words," Ranka-san answered.
"Kyoya-san gets nothing by that. In our last conflict, four of his five wits went running off so the man is governed by only one now. If he has enough wit to keep himself warm, let him bear it. It is the difference between him and his property. His wealth is all he has left in order to be seen as a reasonable person. Who is his friend now? Every month, he finds a new friend," Hitomi replied roughly. (The five wits are common wit, imagination, fantasy, judgment, and memory.)
"I wonder if that is possible," The messenger said.
"Of course it is possible. His faith is like the fashion and it changes as often as so," Hitomi replied. She smiled with a smile of mock innocence.
"I see Hitomi-san. You do not like the gentleman."
"No, and if I did, I would burn my study. I ask of you, who is his companion now? Will there ever be a person who will accompany him to hell?"
"He is in the company of Tamaki-dono of Kyoto."
"Oh goodness, Kyoya-san will hang upon the poor lord like a disease. May Tamaki-dono be helped! If he is caught by Kyoya-san, it will cost Tamaki-dono more than a thousand yen to be cured," The girl replied.
"I will hold this in accountancy with you, Hitomi-san," The messenger answered. He bowed to her.
Hitomi did the same. "Do so, good friend."
"My, my niece. I am sure you will never run mad," Ranka-san commented slyly.
"Of course not, uncle, at least not until there is a hot January," Hitomi shot back.
"Ah! Kaoru-sama is approaching!" The messenger pointed out.
Sure enough, Kaoru was approaching with his brother Hikaru, Tamaki, Kyoya, and Kazukiyo, Kaoru's attendant. As they approached, Ranka-san, Hitomi, and Haruhi bowed out of respect.
"Good Ranka-san, you meet us with trouble," Kaoru replied. Kaoru was tall, with reddish brown hair and hazel eyes. Between him and his brother, he was the mature one, and especially fit to be king and for the role.
"Trouble does not come in the presence of you Kaoru-sama. You drive the trouble away and all that is left is comfort. When you depart for Tokyo, sorrow must be put up with and soon happiness takes its leave," Ranka-san answered.
"You embrace it too willingly," The emperor commented. He wandered off to Haruhi. He stared at her face for a moment before asking, "Is this your daughter?"
"My wife has told me many times so."
"Were you doubting yourself, sir? Is that why you asked her?" Kyoya asked with a humorous smile. Kyoya was also tall, almost towering over Haruhi. (This might explain why she is so afraid of him as well.) He had black hair and cool gray eyes hidden behind clear glasses.
"Kyoya-dono, of course not. If I was in doubt, then you would be a child," Ranka-san commented with a laugh.
"There you have it, Kyoya. We shall presume you are being a man." Kaoru turned back to Haruhi. "Be happy, Haruhi-san. I am sure you will be like your honorable father."
"If Ranka-san truly is Haruhi's father, she would have his head on her shoulders for all of Sapporo," Kyoya replied.
Kaoru began talking with Ranka-san, while Hitomi stepped in to speak to Kyoya.
Hitomi said to Kyoya, "I wonder why you are still talking, Kyoya-san. No one marks you."
"Are you still living, lady of disdain?" the lord of Osaka asked Hitomi.
"I wonder if it is possible that disdain and scorn may die when she has food to be fed by your hand, Kyoya-san. Courtesy must change into disdain when you come into her presence," The girl retorted.
The pair glared at each other coolly.
"If that is the case, then courtesy is a turncoat," Kyoya countered.
He paced around Hitomi, glancing at her coolly. "I am certain that all woman love me, except for you. Truly in my heart, I love none."
"My, such dear happiness to women. I would expect they would be trouble with a malicious suitor," Hitomi replied sarcastically. "Thank goodness I have cold blood. I most certainly am made fun of by your words because of it. I prefer to hear my dog bark at a crow rather than hear a man swear he loves me."
"You should still keep your ladyship in that mind of yours so some other man can escape a scratched ego," Kyoya sneered.
"Scratching cannot make it worse. I think your face can though," The girl laughed scornfully.
Kyoya scoffed and said, "You are a rare parrot." (He is making fun of the fact that Hitomi speaks too much.)
"A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours," Hitomi shot back.
"You know, my horse can keep up with your tongue."
"Ha! What a joke! You always end our conversations with an old-fashioned trick. I know you too well."
Hitomi turned her heel and rejoined Haruhi for company. Kaoru and Ranka-san approached both Kyoya and Tamaki.
Kaoru began by saying, "Tamaki-dono, Kyoya-dono, Ranka-san has invited both of you and the rest of the company. I have already said we shall stay here for at least a month, and Ranka-san hopes there will be some occasion that will keep us here longer."
Tamaki and Kyoya nodded with agreement.
Ranka-san faced Hikaru, Kaori's brother and said, "Welcome my lord. To be reconciled by your brother, I owe you of all duty."
Hikaru smiled and chuckled. "Thank you. I am not a man of many words, but I thank you." Hikaru was the spitting image of his brother Kaoru. There isn't much more to explain about him except that he is much more mischievous and devilish than his brother.
Ranka-san turned to the others and beckoned them. "Shall you lead on, Kaoru-sama?" He asked.
"By your hand, Ranka-san, we shall all go together to your home," Kaoru answered.
Ranka-san began to walk down the street as his daughter, niece, Kaoru, and the rest of the entourage followed. Kyoya was beginning to follow along, when Tamaki held him back.
"Kyoya, did you note upon Ranka-san's daughter?" Tamaki asked excitedly.
"I looked on her."
"Don't you think she is a modest young lady?"
"Do you want my simple and true judgment or would you rather speak judgment as a professed tyrant of their sex?" Kyoya asked.
"Please, speak with serious judgment."
"I do not like her. She is too dark and boring for my taste," Kyoya answered seriously.
"I think you will find me crazy, Kyoya. I really like her!" Tamaki confessed delightfully.
"Would you buy her as to inquire after her?"
"Can the world buy such a jewel?"
"Yes, and a case to go along with it."
"In my eyes, Haruhi-san is the sweetest lady I ever looked upon," Tamaki stated sternly. "She's so cute!"
"I can see that you like Haruhi even without my glasses, and yet I see no such thing why she should be a "cute" (as you call it) lady," Kyoya commented. "Her cousin appeals much more to me if she were not filled with such fury. And if that should ever come true, she would be more beautiful than the first of May and the last of December." Kyoya stared quizzically at his friend. "I hope you don't intend to turn husband."
"I wouldn't trust myself to get married, but if Haruhi were to be my wife, I will swear on the contrary," Tamaki replied excitedly.
"Must it come to this?" Kyoya asked. He shook his head and then looked up to find Kaoru approaching them. "Look, Kaoru-sama has returned to seek us."
"What secret has held you here rather than following the rest to Ranka-san's house?" Kaoru asked.
"I would tell you, Kaoru-sama, but I am constrained to tell," Kyoya commented.
"You will answer on your allegiance," Kaoru ordered.
"Tamaki-dono is in love. With who now? That is up to you Kaoru-sama to figure out. In short, he is in love with Haruhi, Ranka-san's short daughter," Kyoya explained.
"Is this be the case, let the truth be uttered," Tamaki said.
"Go ahead and love her for the lady is well worthy," Kaoru replied.
"You speak this, my lord?"
" I have spoken my thought," The prince commented.
"As have I," The lord of Kyoto answered.
"I have spoken my thought as well," Kyoya added.
"This is how I feel. I love Haruhi," Tamaki admitted. (Psh. That was one fast way to fall in love.)
"She is worthy," Kaoru remarked.
"I really do not know how she should be loved or she could be worthy of Tamaki, but this is only my opinion," Kyoya replied. He shrugged with lack of interest.
Kaoru glared at him and said, "You are a stubborn heretic when it comes to beauty."
"He could never maintain his part except against his will," Tamaki added.
"I thank my mother for conceiving me and bringing me up, but when I grow horns from my head all women shall pardon me. I will not mistrust any of them, and I have the right not to trust them. I promise to live as a bachelor forever," Kyoya explained.
"I see. Before I die, I want to see you sick with love," Kaoru replied with a grin.
Kyoya scoffed. "You shall see me with anger, with sickness, or even hunger, but never with love."
"Well, if you ever do fall from this faith, you will prove to be a notable debater," The prince stated quietly.
Kyoya rolled his eyes. "If I do, hang me or shoot me." He soon left Tamaki and Kaoru, heading toward the direction of Ranka-san's house.
"Well, my liege, will you now teach me?" Tamaki asked. I don't see why I have to be taught. I am a man of France! He thought.
"I will teach you, but how is the question. When this lesson is over, you will see how suitable it is to learn. Any hard lesson will do you some good."
"Does Ranka-san have a son, my lord?"
"No child, but Haruhi. She is his heir," Kaoru answered. "Did you affect her in anyway Tamaki?"
"No, Kaoru-sama. All I did was look upon her with a soldier's eye."
"You will be a lover soon. If you love dear Haruhi, cherish it," Kaoru advised. "I shall impersonate you at the party and court her for you and bring the subject up with her father."
"How good of you to minister to love!"
"She will become yours. Let us put it presently."
(- -)
Scene II. A room in Ranka-san's house.
Ranka-san paced about his study when his brother Misuzu came in. Misuzu also was a cross-dresser like Ranka-san with light brown hair and light brown eyes.
"What is it brother?" Ranka-san asked.
"I can tell you strange news that could not dream about," Misuzu said excitedly.
"Is it good?"
"The prince and Tamaki-dono were overheard by a servant in the street. Kaoru-sama revealed to Tamaki that he loves Haruhi, and will acknowledge it tonight at the party. If he finds her in agreement, Kaoru-sama will ask you for her hand in marriage," Misuzu explained quickly. He was so excited, he was almost jumping up and down.
"Does the servant who told you this have any wit?" Ranka-san asked.
"He is a good sharp fellow. Shall I ring him up so you may question him yourself?"
"No, no. We shall hold this as a dream until it comes true tonight. I will make sure she will acquaint herself with Kaoru-sama so she will be better prepared for tonight."
Ranka-san rang a bell and three attendants came in.
"Go and tell my daughter of it."
(- -)
Scene III. Another room inside Ranka-san's house.
An attendant opened the door of a guestroom and showed both Hikaru and one of his followers, Yasuchika inside. The attendant closed the door and both Hikaru and Yasuchika were free to speak.
"It is a good year, my lord. Why are you sad?" Yasuchika asked. Yasuchika is the little brother of Hunny, but for the play, his relationship with his brother is severed. Yasuchika has blond hair and hazel eyes. He wears prescription glasses just so his brother looks blurry to him. He hates sweets and is serious about everything he does.
"Sadness is without limit," Hikaru answered dully.
"You should reason instead."
Hikaru scoffed. "And when I hear it, what good tidings will it bring?"
"If it doesn't bring a remedy, it should at least provide a patient tolerance," The follower stated.
The prince's brother sighed before saying, "I wonder if I was born under a melancholy temperament has to do with the fact that mischief is my only medicine. I am what I am. I become sad when I have a reason to be, I smile at no one's jests, eat when I am hungry, sleep when I am tired, laugh when I find something funny, and I do not claw a man for his humor."
"I can see what you mean, but you must not make a show until you control yourself," Yasuchika replied. "You fought against your brother in the war and yet he forgives you. You should frame the season for your own desire."
Hikaru scowled. "I would rather be a menace in a hedge than a rose in my brother's grace. I would rather be despised by all than to be loved. I am no honest man. I am a plain villain!" He hissed.
"Will you use your displeasure?"
"I will use all of it, and I alone."
A knock came from the bedroom door.
"Who is it?"
The door opened and Hikaru's other follower, Satoshi came inside.
"What news Satoshi?" Hikaru asked.
"I just came from a fantastic supper. Your brother is being entertained by Ranka-san, and I can give you knowledge of a future marriage," The second follower reported. Satoshi is Mori's younger brother, but for this play, their relationship is severed. ("But why?" Satoshi asked.) Satoshi has black hair and dark brown eyes. He often whips Yasuchika into shape and disciplines him. He doesn't have any tastes buds either.
"Can it serve as a way to build mischief on? Who is the fool to wishes to get married?" Hikaru inquired eagerly.
"It happens to be your brother's right hand."
"Is that Tamaki?"
"Yes, he."
"He is a proper squire! Now who is it? Who is the one he looks at?" Hikaru demanded keenly.
"He looks at Haruhi, the daughter and heir of Ranka-san."
"Interesting! How did you come about this information?"
"I overheard the prince and Tamaki speaking about it. I heard the plan itself! The prince shall woo Haruhi and when he obtains her, he will give her to Tamaki-dono," Satoshi explained.
Hikaru smiled devilishly as he said, "Come, come, let us think. This will become food for my discontent. My dear brother has all the glory of my overthrow, and I shall cross him in any way. Will you both assist me?"
"Of course, my lord, until death." Yasuchika answered.
"Then let us go to dinner. Shall we prove what is to be done?"
Satoshi nodded. "Yes. We shall wait upon your lordship."
Act I End.
Thanks for reading! The hardest thing about this is translating the old Victorian language. Even if I do understand it, it still is hard. There was a lot that I did edit out, because I felt like it was unecessary. If you don't understand any of this feel free to PM or something and I will explain it to you if you would like. Thanks for reading again! I'll see you with the next update!