Be the Cause of Nightmares.
Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . then he'd be mine.
Rating: Teen
Authoress Note: Integra learns the best way to overcome her own fears is to be scary to others. Many thanks and credit to Arei-The Peridot Dragon for the story idea!
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Integra had been crawling through the air vents for what felt like an age, she was sure she was lost. But she had to be getting close, she had been heading down for a long time and the temperature was getting lower, the smell of damp was off-putting but reassuring, she had to be in the basement by now.
She knew if she came out of the vents it would be easier to navigate, but she could hear the men running through the hallways, they would find her if she came out. They were going to find her soon anyway, they'd figure it out, they had looked almost everywhere else. She wasn't going to find what she was looking for, she didn't even know what she was looking for, not really. A cryptic clue left by her father was not enough to base a plan on. Why had she come down here? Why hadn't she just run? Because there were men on the rooftops watching the grounds, they'd see her and she'd be shot before she got ten feet away from the house.
She was going to die.
She stopped crawling for a moment and tried to slow her breathing down, her vision was turning black at the edges, she needed to calm down before she passed out. Trying to take deep breaths she inadvertently stirred up dust and it hit the back of her throat making her cough. The men walking under the vent stopped, hearing the cough, and Integra felt bile rise in her throat.
They were going to find her.
She was breathing so loudly that she clasped her hand over her mouth, they had to hear her, they had to. They were going to find her.
"I heard something," one of the men said. He lifted a radio. "She's in the basement."
Oh god, more were coming.
Integra felt her eyes burn with the dust, tears formed and fell. She was going to die.
The men moved off, and she took a moment to breathe, swallowing hard to try and sooth the irritation at the back of her throat. After a long moment, she crawled forward.
"Integra," the voice of her uncle echoed the hallways. "I know you're here." Through the mesh in the vent, she was able to see him, he was surrounded by armed men.
"She's here sir," one of the men said. "We'll find her."
Trying to move as quietly as possible Integra continued to crawl, she edged forwards and her bare knee came down on broken metal. She didn't know what it was but it sent a spike of pain through her leg as it cut through her skin easily. She whimpered, bit her lip to stop the sound and felt air rush through her nose. They had to have heard her, they had to have.
But no, they hadn't reacted.
She stayed perfectly still for a moment before pulling her leg up and off the broken metal, she tasted blood as she bit through her lip in an effort to remain quiet. She started forward again, doing her best to ignore the pain. The sudden crash behind her as something tore into the vent made her shout, the grip on her ankle made her scream and she was pulled down, out of the vent. She landed hard on the cold stone floor, banging her head hard enough that her vision blurred and darkened at the edges.
"I told you I'd find you," she heard Richard say. Her vision cleared enough that she could see where she was. She could see the door at the end of the hallway, the door marked with a symbol and she knew then that if she reached that door, she would be safe. She tried to crawl. "I don't think so," Richard laughed. "You know Integra, I was going to take my time with you but now, now I think not." She heard the click as the gun was cocked. "Goodbye, niece."
Integra screamed something was holding her down, struggling she managed to throw off the duvet. But something still had her pinned, red eyes glowed in the dark.
"Little Master," the voice was deep, one she recognised. It wasn't Richard. She stopped fighting and the weight on her lifted. The lamp snapped on. She was in her bedroom, she still hadn't moved to the master bedroom, it was her father's room, the room he had died in.
She sat up and reached for her glasses, the bedside table was too far for her to reach. A white-gloved hand lifted her glasses from the bedside and handed them to her.
"Thank you," she said her throat dry. "Can I have the glass as well?" she watched as the vampire raised an eyebrow at her but obeyed handing her the glass of water.
"Better?" he asked when she'd taken a few sips. She nodded, noticing how uncomfortable she was, she was clammy and cold, her stomach in knots.
"It was a nightmare," she said looking up at him.
"I figured," he smirked. "Poor little girl." His tone was clearly mocking and she glared at him.
"Shut up," she snapped. His smirk widened and he stood to turn towards the door to leave. "Wait," she said before really thinking about it.
"I'm not the one to ask for comfort," he said. "Cuddles and goodnight kisses are Walters area, not mine."
"I don't want cuddles," Integra snapped making him laugh.
"Liar," he accused. Integra bit her lip.
"Sit down," she said rather than argue with him. He'd only been with her for a few weeks now and she had learned fast that arguing with him was a pointless endeavour, but he was bound to serve her so she could shut him down in other ways. She smirked when he obeyed and sat on the edge of the bed.
She stared at him, he was tall, even when sitting it was obvious and he carried an air of self-confidence that felt reassuring to her. Here was something capable of tearing men and monster into tiny pieces with minimal effort. It was a monster, it should terrify her but instead, she was comforted by its presence and distracted by its teasing. She had nightmares about humans and took comfort from the presence of monsters, the realisation made her shiver.
"Do you want me to stay?" her monster asked.
"Not for long," she said trying to pull herself up into a dignified posture. "I wanted to ask you something and I don't want any sass for it."
"Master," Alucard continued to smirk at her.
"When did you stop being afraid?" she said. he said nothing for a long time and she began to wonder. She had spoken with her father before about the nature of monsters and he had told her he saw them as lost children, terrified and crying. She wasn't so sure he was right, the creature in front of her had endured much. He reading of the family journals over the last few weeks had educated her on that much, but he'd never openly shown fear apparently. Disgust certainly and anger, she'd seen both but not fear.
"You don't," he said snapping her from her thoughts. She frowned at him, he'd stopped smirking and was looking at her with a calm expression. Perfectly serious and open, she'd seen that look only once before.
"What?" she said.
"You will never stop being afraid, not while you live at any rate. But after time you can learn to not let it control you."
"But you're not afraid," she said.
"Not right now, no," he smirked a little but it faded quickly. "But I learned at a young age, younger than you, that if you show fear, or allow it to dictate your actions then you will suffer the consequences."
"Consequences?" she said quietly.
"Yes, others will see it and take advantage, they will take what frightens you and thrust it at you at every opportunity."
"I can believe that," she said.
"If you make your decisions based on fear it will control you, you'll spend your entire life afraid and you'll make too many mistakes."
"But how can you stop it," she said.
"Simple, you face it. You stand before it and stare at it until it loses its edge. You may defeat it entirely, you may not, but by facing it you'll recognise it, know when it's pushing you, build your own strength and it will lose its power over you."
"That doesn't sound simple," Integra sighed.
"It is. It's not easy, but it is simple," her monster said.
"It doesn't help in this instance," she snapped.
"That's because you're being stupid," he grinned at her. She glared at him until he laughed out loud. "Come little Master tell me what has frightened you so and I'll tell you how to face it."
"You're just going to laugh," she muttered.
"I'm already laughing," he said.
"Fine," she said, she had little to lose, he was, after all, already laughing at her. "I was dreaming about the day my uncle died."
"Ahh yes," he nodded. "A unique day."
"One way to put it," Integra said. "But in the dream, he found me before I found you and he…" she trailed off. He waited for a moment but when it was clear she wasn't going to continue he snorted.
"That is foolish," he said. "You're allowing yourself to be afraid of something that didn't happen."
"I know," she said, clenching her jaw. She knew how foolish it was, she knew she was scaring herself. Getting so upset over something that didn't happen. "But it won't stop." This was not the first time she had had this nightmare. "I can't get it to stop," she felt her eyes fill with tears and blinked rapidly to stop them falling. She would not cry.
"Remember what truly happened," he said, his tone not mocking which surprised her.
"What?" she said.
"Recall what happened, remember how he hunted you, a grown man, armed with a gun and several other armed men. All pursuing a little girl. He was afraid of you."
"No, he wasn't," Integra snapped. "He was afraid of losing the family headship."
"He was a coward," Alucard said leaning forwards. "He stood before you and was afraid, a little-unarmed girl terrified him."
"No, that was you," Integra said.
"But you were not afraid," Alucard said.
"I was of him, of what he was going to do," Integra said.
"Fear controlled you, caused you to run. Had to stand up to him…" he started.
"He would have shot me," Integra snapped.
"Possibly," Alucard admitted. "But had you had a weapon you could have killed him first. He was more afraid of you than you were of him."
"Stop saying that," Integra snapped.
"It is the truth," he said. "You are forgetting that I was there. If you had not been letting your fear control you, then you would have seen it too."
"But he's dead now, why am I still…" Integra swallowed the lump that formed in her throat.
"Because you let your fear control you and you are still doing this. Think about what happened, face it remember him."
Integra took a deep breath and tried to forget the dream, she tried instead to remember that night. Panic fluttered in her chest but she pushed it down and remembered, remembered how Richard had looked when he had opened the door and found her. His eyes had been wild, the whites showing all around, he'd been sweating and when he raised the gun to her, he'd been shaking. He'd missed the first shot, claimed it had been on purpose but it wasn't he'd been too afraid to hold his gun steady.
He'd been afraid of her.
Integra felt a bubble of excitement in her stomach. That asshole had been terrified of her, even before her monster had moved and announced himself Richard had been on the verge of wetting himself.
"Holy shit," Integra breathed.
"You see?" Alucard said. "You might be a little girl but you're my master."
"All Hellsing's are your master," Integra said. Alucard laughed.
"Not so, you think I care about your family headship, you think I care about who humans think is in charge?"
"Well, yes," Integra said.
"I thought you were reading the journals?" Alucard snorted. "Have you not noticed that the 'next in line' is not always my master?"
"What, no," Integra said. Alucard sighed, irritated by her lack of observation.
"Your father was younger than Richard, my master before your father was the third eldest of his brothers. If I cared if the seal that binds me cared, about who is the oldest or who is next in line according to human standards then I would not have had the masters I have."
"What are you talking about?" Integra snapped.
"My master is the worthiest of those available. Do you understand?" Alucard said.
"You're saying I was worthier than Richard, that he was a coward and not fit to run the family. But what does that have to do about being afraid."
"Recognise your power little Master, face your fear and control it and you will see the world very differently."
"Differently how?" Integra said.
"You will see a world where others are afraid of you," he laughed. "It's hard to be afraid when you're the scariest thing in the room."
"Couldn't you have just said that!" Integra snapped.
"No, it isn't enough to pretend you're the scariest you have to understand it to be true, you cannot bullshit this little master."
"I have to believe I am the biggest nastiest thing in the room," Integra said slowly.
"It might take some time," he smirked at her. "Hard to feel like the biggest when you're so small."
"Will you stop on about my height!" Integra snapped but couldn't help but laugh a little.
"Not until your taller," he said.
"Asshole," Integra said. "Asshole monster, my asshole monster."
"Is my little master realising something?"
"I don't have to be bigger," Integra said. "I have you to be bigger for me."
"You want to sit on my shoulders at the next council meeting perhaps?" Alucard raised an eyebrow at her.
"That would be an interesting way to hold a meeting but no, I'd never be able to reach the table, I'd have to use your head as a desk." The vampire laughed aloud at that. "No, what I'm thinking is I might have to remember that Richard didn't find me before I found you. I found you in the basement, I am your master and you scare people."
"I'm good at it," Alucard acknowledged.
"I think I want to go back to sleep now," Integra said slowly.
"Do you require me to stay?" Alucard smirked at her. She shook her head.
"No, you can go back to skulking in dark corners," she smiled at him and lay down. He grinned at her and leaning forward took her glasses from her, put them on the bedside and turned off the lamp. She could make out his eyes as he stood and walked to the door.
"Good night little master," he said. "Try not to have any more nightmares." She snorted.
"I think I'll be the one giving nightmares soon," she said and closed her eyes to his laughter.
End Fic
Authoress Note: Thank you for reading, please comment/review, I'd love to hear what you think.
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