Learning to Live
Disclaimer: The Mortal Instrument Series belongs to Cassandra Clare.
Summary: It has been two years since Clarissa Fray vanished from both the Shadowhunter world and mundane. Jace Wayland, the Lightwoods, Luke, Jocelyn, Simon, and Magnus Bane never stopped searching. She's about to resurface, but not the way any of them were expecting.
Chapter 1
Not Okay
Isabelle Lightwood leaned against the doorframe of her adoptive brother's room. Jace Wayland sat on his bed; his hands wrapped around a picture frame. His head was bowed. His usually confident shoulders were slumped. He was a man burning and he had been for two years.
"Jace," she spoke. He looked up. His golden eyes focused on her. "Dinner's ready." He cast her a wary look. She chuckled. "I didn't cook it. We ordered out." The banter over dinner always reminded her of better days. Days when Clarissa Fray stood just a few inches from them, eyebrows raised in disbelief.
Eyes filled with pain as she listened to Jace cut her down. Her speedy retreat from the room, down the stairs, and out of their world.
Isabelle shook her head to dispel those memories. She knew Clarissa Fray. She wouldn't just leave the Shadowhunter world like that. She would stay and be stubborn enough to prove Jace wrong. That much was proven when Magnus Bane recounted the last time he had seen her.
"The last time I saw her, she had just come back from Wayland Manor." Jace, who had been listening with rapt attention, sat back and looked at the warlock strangely. His golden eyes wide with curiosity and worry. They had found the rubble that had once been Wayland Manor. "I don't know how she found your old home…but in her hands she held the book coveted by all warlocks and magical dabbling Shadowhunters. The White Book." He went into Clary's first visit to Ragnor Fell's house and how he had been there to greet her. He told them of who she had been with. "Before she disappeared," Magnus sighed, "Clary handed me the key to saving her mother."
Isabelle ran a hand through her hair as she walked down the hallway. There had been many other revelations over the years. For instance, they now knew that the Sebastian they had known was an imposter. The real Sebastian's belongings and body had been found. Isabelle shuddered. They had all lived under the same roof as him; Clary had went somewhere with him. Clary had trusted him. After her disappearance, he was their first suspect-only no one could find him. Like Clary, he seemed to have vanished. The implications brought chills to Isabelle's arms.
'I should have followed her out that night…' Isabelle thought as she walked into the kitchen. 'I should have chased her outside and stayed with her…but I chose Jace over her. A girl hopelessly lost in Idris-not to mention the Shadowhunter world-without someone to act as her guide. She must have felt so abandoned by us.' Isabelle felt the familiar sting of tears building in her eyes. The guilt would never fully leave her, just as she suspected it wouldn't leave Jace or Alec either. None of them had done anything to help her. They had simply shot her down and berated her for coming to Idris. She had seen Sebastian chase after her that night. The night, she now knew, they found Magnus. Then, Clary went missing only a day after.
Isabelle stared down at the take out Chinese and filled her plate slowly. She glanced across the table at her brother. He met her eyes and cracked a small half smile.
"It's not your fault," he told her. Isabelle's throat tightened with a vengeance. She felt her lower lip start to wobble. Alec abandoned his food and moved across the table as the first few tears slipped from his sister's eyes. He gathered her in his arms and simply held her. She latched her arms around him. He fought the wince at the pain of her tight hold. He ran a hand through her long black hair as she cried.
'It's good,' he thought, glancing toward the door, 'that Jace isn't in here yet…' His parabatai had become a shell of his former self. His brother's pain had become his own. At first, he had been irrationally angry with Clary, certain she would show up again in a few weeks once she was certain she had caused them enough pain and worry. Those weeks turned to months. His anger had faded into a reluctant worry. He had always aided them in looking for her, if only to humor Jace and Isabelle; but as the months wore on, he became just as invested as the rest of them. The girl had found a way inside of his heart slowly. The months shifted into years. Alec watched as his brother and sister refused to give up; even though his hope of finding her alive had faded into a dull shimmer, he still helped them search.
Clarissa's face flashed behind his eyelid. Her brilliant green eyes sparked in anger as she stared him down that night in the Institute.
Alec sighed and closed his eyes. He rested his head on top of his sister's.
Her eyes filled with betrayal and pain as she stared at Jace as he spoke the words Alec feared, deep inside, would break her. Her turning on her heel and retreating from the room. No one followed her.
He swallowed. There were thousands of times he wished he could rewind time and redo that night. Would anything have changed had he been the one to chase after her instead of Sebastian? He could imagine the crazy look she would have given him for following her. She would have expected anyone but him.
Alec was pulled from his thoughts by his sister's gentle pushing on his chest. He dropped his arms from around her and stepped back. He looked into her blood shot brown eyes. He didn't dare ask if she was okay because he knew the answer. He returned to his seat and his plate. Isabelle sat down at her own plate and began timidly eating.
"Do you think we'll ever find her?" Isabelle asked after a few minutes. Alec set his glass down on the table and looked to his sister. Her brown eyes were staring expectantly at him. He sighed and glanced toward Jace's bedroom.
"We have too…" Alec muttered. Jace chose that moment to walk through the door.
"Started without me, huh?" He asked, a teasing glint in his eyes. Alec snorted.
"Well, you take so long making certain every hair is perfect…we'd starve waiting on you," Alec shot back. Jace chuckled.
"This much perfection is natural, Alec," Jace returned. Alec rolled his eyes. Isabelle gave a forced smile and met her brother's eyes. There was a sadness underneath Alec's faked annoyance. They both knew how fake Jace's behavior was now. They had seen him cry, scream, and break. He couldn't hide his pain, not from them; but he wouldn't be Jace if he didn't try. So, they played along. If only to distract him for a few hours.
X
Jace stared down at the picture he had taken from her bedroom. It was the most recent one he could find. She stood beside her mother in a white sundress with small, hollow black diamonds around the skirt's hem. Her red curls were down and falling around her. A heart pendant hung from a long chain at her chest. She was smiling. Her green eyes were free of pain and filled with innocence. A violent sob threatened to escape from his throat. He tightened his grip around the frame.
'Two years…' He thought with a pained shiver. He hadn't felt whole since the moment she left. At first, he had simply believed she had heeded his lie and left, but then…Jocelyn came to Idris…hunting her daughter. He could still remember the panic that had rushed up inside of him. It had taken everything in him to remain seated and to listen to the rest of the story.
Clary had given Magnus the White Book. Magnus had went back to New York to wake Jocelyn up. Somewhere in that time, Clary had disappeared. 'And so,' Jace thought, curling his hands tighter around the protesting frame, 'had Sebastian.'
It's possible,' he thought simply to reassure himself to Sebastian didn't have her, 'that she's hiding away in the mundane world.' Jace swallowed, 'but a small part of me really thought she wouldn't have taken those words to heart. She's just stubborn enough to try and prove me wrong.' He looked into her green eyes and sighed. 'I would take her stubbornness if it meant I had her here with me now…' He moved a hand from the picture frame. His palm was red from the pressure, but he didn't care. He ran a thumb over Clary's face.