Alright, so this is my first 1st person POV fic (wow, first was said a lot in that sentence, eh? lol), so please be kind.

It was taken from that scene where Lorelai see's Rory unloading her books onto the pool house shelves, which was such a powerful scene that really stuck with me. This is all from Rory's POV, just ranting pretty much about how shitty she feels.

It's not the norm of what's been out there recently, with Rory automatically regretting her decision, because I don't think that's right for the character. But then again, this is just my take on Rory's thoughts during that one scene.

Anyways, done with the intro. Enjoy.

Unload

"And it's been awhile, since I said I'm sorry"
(Stained, "It's Been Awhile")

I wish I could take it all back. Everything just got so out of hand. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to be that girl. But, shit happens.

And that look on her face. She was so disappointed. So angry. So betrayed. And I couldn't blame her. I just sold out to the enemy. The two people and the lifestyle that she had be trying to protect me from was right smack dab where I ended up. I never wanted to disappoint her. Not in a million years. Under threat of death, I used to think I would never intentionally do something that I know would hurt her.

And yet, here I am.

Unloading the books that she bought for me. The books that I asked her to read, and by golly, by gosh she did read, even though she didn't understand a word of any of them! I was just unloading them and sticking them on some shelf in my grandparents' pool house of all places!

I never meant to be that girl!

But it seems that the vicious cycle that made my mom leave her parents, came back to haunt her in me. That's the problem with being a Gilmore. We're too damn stubborn and prideful for our own good. It seems funny, in the most ironic sense of the word, that the place that my mom had tried to take me away from and protect me from was the place that in my biggest time of need I ran too.

Even after all she did to make that house a home.

And she would never admit when things were bad. She'd always say she was fine. She didn't need any help. Even as a grown woman, my mom will still never admit to me when she needs help. Hell, she's only done it once in her life, and that was in a hysterical rant to Luke, so that one probably shouldn't even count. But Lorelai Gilmore was just too damn prideful to ever admit to needing help.

Even when she had to borrow money from the Grandparents for my school, she did it in a business like format. It wasn't 'I need help' it was a 'I need a loan for my kid and fuck you if you don't give it to me' type of attitude.

And I betrayed that woman. The woman that gave me everything in the world. That wasn't afraid to go crawling back waving that white flag to get me where I needed to go. The woman at the age of sixteen not only gave birth to me, but ended up leaving and making it on her own.

I betrayed that. The one person who I've ever really wanted to be.

But this was just too big. I always thought I was some kind of big fish stuck in a little pond. But after taking a dip in the bigger pond, I realized that I wasn't all that big. That maybe, just maybe, this pond was big enough for me.

And hopefully, she could accept that. And get that look out of her eyes.

Short and sweet, I know. A lot of my one shots tend to turn out like that.

Please Review.