Spoilers: Black Market
A/N: A big shout out to goes to Mary S for doing the beta thing for me, thanks bunches girl :) Ultra Vires - Beyond One's Powers.
Ultra Vires
By Socket
Lee didn't want to make it back to Galactica; he wished his life away.
The relief of not waking up. The joy of not having to think and feel every instance of his loss, not having to suffer the endless days bleeding into each other or live the unending nightmare that had become his life.
As he floats in space, Lee's last conscious thought is of Roslin... of leaving her when there is still so much unsaid between them…
The oxygen slips from Apollo's flight suit, his eyes close and images of Laura Roslin sweep through his mind - she's surround by sunlight and holds out her arms to him... but he's being pulled away from her by an invisible force and he tries to fight it... strives to reach her.
"Laura!" he calls out to her apparition, but she disappears from view and Lee is alone, floating in darkness.
Then a strange calmness settles over him as the knowledge that Laura will soon join him perforates his mind; they will be reunited in death and he feels at peace.
In the darkness Laura's essence is there - surrounding him, comforting him… he's happy, he's secure… and then, violently, he's pulled back. Lee feels his body convulse, feels his heart shocked back into functioning… he wheezes as breath forces its way through his lungs and his chest burns, his eyes open. He hears noises about him but is too dazed to recognise them.
He hurts, pain is everywhere: he is alive again.
"Captain, can you hear me?" a voice demands.
"Yes," Lee gasps.
Lee sits beside Laura on the sofa in her room. They're drinking whisky because it's become their new crux. They don't have any cause to fight, anyone to flee, any moral high ground to take or any disease to be brave about… so they have turned to clandestine meetings in her room every Tuesday night.
They talk about many things; political corruption in Baltar's government, human greed and how their hopes and plans for the fleet have been corroded until nothing was left.
Lee's disillusioned and Laura is his only comfort. She's tainted, like everyone else but she had made him believe... if only for a short time, that there was good in the world and for that he will be forever grateful.
"A cubit for your thoughts," Roslin says, noticing the distracted look on Lee's face.
His pale blue eyes peer into hers and he's surprised, still, by the ease of confessing the darkest recesses of his heart to her. "When I was ejected from The Blackbird I wanted to die," he admits, gripping his glass tightly but he finds no judgement in her gaze.
Laura turns her own glass round and round in her hands. "And now?"
"Everything's so difficult… just getting up, just opening my eyes. It's so hard."
Laura nods in understanding. "I wanted to die too."
Lee stares at her. "When?"
"When I was in the Life Station, when the cancer won… It was my time, I was ready – I wasn't afraid of death. When I accepted it, the fear faded away - so did the pain and I was ready to die," she pauses. "I let go, I felt the world slip away… it was so peaceful. So beautifully peaceful… but then they brought me back."
Roslin gazes at her companion.
He nods. "That's it exactly. When I knew - when there was no escape - I surrendered to death and I was at peace. I was happy, for the first time since the attacks… but then I was pulled back."
"By well-meaning people," Laura says.
"By well-meaning people who should have left well enough alone," Lee states. "Now I'm forced to live this nightmare again. Nothing here feels real. We never learn - humans are still greedy and selfish, even after all we've lost – people still find a way to exploit each other… and I don't want to be here, Laura. I'm tired, I'm weary of it all, of the pettiness… I feel sparse and I don't want to be here."
They lock eyes.
"But you are here," she says softly. "Maybe it just wasn't our time."
"Maybe," he takes a sip of his whisky. "You know, Kara asked me about it once and I tried to explain how I felt but she didn't understand."
"I understand," Roslin says softly.
"I know," Apollo murmurs, fixing his eyes on her - Laura always understands, that's why he seeks her out every Tuesday evening.
"At least we have each other," Roslin consoles.
Lee nods. "At least we have that," and he smiles warmly at Laura because he's grateful that she's here; he couldn't do it alone.
They sip their drinks and let the silence enfold them.
Laura leans towards him and rests her head against his shoulder; being with Lee is the only time she feels alive anymore.
"Things will change, won't they?" he asks, almost afraid to hope.
"Things always change," Laura murmurs. "So fast and so unexpectedly..."
Lee holds up his glass in toast. "Here's to change!"
Laura draws away from him and raises her glass to meet his. Their drinks clink.
A sadness flickers in her eyes and Lee knows that sight all too well; neither of them expected to live this long or to become this jaded.
He kisses the top of her head in an attempt to comfort her.
"Sorry," Laura apologises.
"Hey," he says tenderly. "At least we have each other, right?"
She smiles appreciatively at him.
Laura hasn't spoken since it happened.
Since Billy's heart stopped beating, since death claimed him and she was left utterly alone, again.
They're all gone: everyone she ever cared about, except Apollo. Her faithful Captain. He is still with her, he hasn't forsaken her.
She sits in her quarters, whisky in hand, but it's not strong enough to take the pain away - nothing is.
Lee sits beside her, he's been trying to coax her to speak, has been with her since he heard the news…
Even now Lee can't take it in, can't imagine Laura's sorrow.
She sips the wine in her glass.
"Do you want me to stay?" Lee asks, thinking that maybe he should leave her to grieve alone.
She doesn't respond, just stares blankly ahead.
Lee tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Laura, tell me what to do," he pleads. He can't bear seeing her like this.
He stands to fetch her another drink and she grabs his arm, he sits back down and she slips her hand about his neck and pulls him towards her, covering his mouth with hers.
When their lips part, she murmurs. "Make me feel Lee," and runs her hand up his thigh.
Lee takes Laura's glass and places it on the coffee table, then begins to undo the buttons on her blouse; slowly revealing her creamy skin.
They undress each other, drinking in the sight of limbs and skin.
They don't make love often; it's too fierce between them.
Sometimes the intensity is too much to stand, their caresses too tender…
She envelops him in her arms and he presses her into the sofa. Laura's fingernails dig into his flesh and claw down his back. Lee grips her wrists and forces them above her head; pinning her down; Laura gasps at the suddenness of it.
He leans over her. "Gently," he whispers and then trails kisses down her throat, releasing her wrists.
Laura rests her hands on his shoulders and grazes his ribs with her fingertips. Her touch is gentle, as he requested, and Lee gazes lovingly into her eyes as he enters her. Laura moans and her eyes flicker shut.
As he moves inside her, as Laura's hips rise to meet his thrusts… something happens between them, hope is reborn… because if they can feel this complete, this blissful in each others arms, then they might just be able to exist outside of this room.
She climaxes first and he follows.
They lie still, breathing in unison, their bodies melded together amidst sex and sweat. His head rests against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. They lie like this for hours. Everything outside this room is meaningless - the world is their curves, sex and whispered words.
"You should go," she murmurs and her fingers rake through his hair.
It's an hour before his CAG shift starts.
Apollo sighs into her shoulder, then lifts his head, his chin resting on her breast bone. "I don't want to go," he replies. "All I need is here, in my arms."
She traces the outline of his jaw with her fingertips. "You have to face the world, Lee. I can't hide you from it," she says and places a light kiss on his forehead.
Lee sits up. He gathers his clothing and dresses.
Then, he leans over her slender form, kisses her lips and whispers in her ear. "You're my addiction."
Laura smiles brightly at him; it's their way of saying 'I love you' - their pledge that they will crave no other.
"Good hunting, Captain Apollo," she says softly.
Lee exits her room and Laura closes her eyes. All she has to do is survive until she sees him again. She won't think of Billy, loss or the bleakness of the future… just her Captain and the world inside his arms.
~The End~