It was just another lunch Himeko: a bento, sandwich, black tea, and an idyllic spring afternoon with her bestfriend since only- gods-know-when Himemiya Chikane.
Or at least it would have been had it not been for Himeko's confession. As far as historical accuracies are concerned, it went a little something like this:
"Chikane-chan?" Himeko was almost whispering.
"Hmm?" her Student Council President / Bestfriend Extraordinaire looked up from her tea.
"Have you heard about Daidouji Tomoyo, the famous designer?" Himeko was not even eating her bento now. She was just rolling her food around nervously hoping; praying to the gods that the conversation she had been practicing for weeks now would go as planned.
"Yes. I like her designs. She's my go-to designer when Otoha fails me. What about her?" Of course she knew THE Daidouji Tomoyo. Himeko knew her bestfriend was downplaying the part about liking Daidouji's designs. She didn't like them. She loved them. Her dresses were almost exclusively from the famous designer.
"So you heard about her marriage then?" Himeko was really trying hard to sound comfortable now. She was almost getting to the point…almost there…
"Hmm?" Himemiya Chikane looked up thoughtfully for a moment. "Ah yes. She finally married her bestfriend, Kinemoto Sakura, right? I was invited but I couldn't make it. We had finals then." She shrugged as if it was nothing.
It was not nothing and Himeko knew this. Only the elites were invited and Chikane was personally invited. Himeko knew this because why else would Daidouji Tomoyo go to Mahoroba? It wasn't as if Mahoroba was a tourist spot. It was a small, idyllic, lazy, and mostly rural town. Everybody knew that the only reason famous and important people go to Mahoroba was to see the heir to the Himemiya Group of Companies who adamantly refused to go to Tokyo for her schooling.
"But you know about this, Himeko, so why are you asking?" Chikane had placed her cup of tea down and was now looking curiously at Himeko.
"Well…I was—uhmm—wondering… What did you think of it?" Himeko nervously swallowed and focused on trying to look…comfortable. She wasn't, of course. Her blood was racing and her heart was pumping. She could swear Chikane was just ignoring how loudly Himeko's heart was pumping.
"Of the wedding, you mean?" Chikane asked.
"Well…yeah. I guess." Himeko had now begun rubbing out something from her skirt in an effort to avoid Chikane's curious stare.
"I don't really qualify as a good judge. I didn't attend the ceremonies, remember? But the pictures they sent looked really good." Chikane shrugged.
"I see…"
(awkward silence)
"…I'm gay."
Himeko didn't dare look at her bestfriend's reaction. The conversation was not how she planned it. She also didn't know why she just suddenly blurted it out.
The months and weeks she gave just to plan this conversation, to come clean and finally breathe it out to the only person she thinks really deserves to know the truth—all of it ruined, sort of. Her plan was far from being perfect, she knew that. Only her bestfriend could come up with a perfect plan. But all she ever wanted was to find a way she could ease it in without sounding too awkward.
So much for trying to ease it in…
And with every painfully passing second of silence from Chikane, Himeko's poor heart was threatening to fall apart and break.
"Please say something…" Himeko begged.
"How long have you known?" the question came out of nowhere and it wasn't something Himeko expected. But it was at least something..
"I think…I may have always known…" Himeko's voice was growing smaller and smaller.
"And you only decided to tell me now because-?" There was a distinct lightness in Chikane's voice that Himeko did not fail to notice. Summoning all the courage she had left, she finally looked up to meet her bestfriend's gaze…
And what she found was an amused Chikane staring at her.
"I'm confused. You're not mad at me? Disgusted?" And Himeko was genuinely confused.
"Mad? No. Disgusted? Not even close. I am, however, a little peeved that you are only telling me this now after knowing for so long." Her bestfriend did look a little hurt for a moment but then quickly started smiling at Himeko again.
"I'm sorry, Chikane-chan. I just…"
Himeko had to cut herself short. What was she going to say? She had only recently come to terms with her preference and it wasn't the easiest thing to go through. Besides, how was she really going to tell her bestfriend that the only reason she really couldn't tell her about her sexuality was because, all this time, she has been madly in love with her bestfriend?
No. Himeko would never risk it. She would never risk her friendship. Being comfortable and spending time with Chikane-chan was all she could ever ask for. Even if her bestfriend just assured her that she is fine with Himeko being gay, Himeko would never risk pushing things a bit too far. Maybe one day, she'll confess. But that is such a dark and dreadful day and Himeko refuses to even prepare for it. She'd rather not let it come at all.
"I understand, Himeko. I just wish you had told me sooner. I imagine it's not the easiest thing to come to terms with and I applaud your courage." Showing that she is, in fact, the perfect bestfriend, Chikane scooted closer and hugged Himeko tightly.
Himeko breathed a sigh of relief. It was better than she expected. It was one less secret she had to keep. The other…well…she'd much rather bring it to her grave. Of course it should be noted that the hug was doing wonders to her bodily system. It should be noted but not mentioned. So Himeko just melted deeper into the obviously friendly hug but kept most of her feelings at bay…most.
"I'm so glad you understand. You really are the best, Chikane-chan!" and for the first time in a very long time, Himeko was able to breathe more easily.
After a while and with much hesitation, she decided to detach herself from her bestfriend so as not to aggravate the growing desire in her anymore. She just wanted the whole confession thing to be over with now that she knows her bestfriend is at least okay with it.
But Chikane was not about to let it go. The question Himeko would rather not really answer at the moment came up and she didn't know how to answer.
"So, is there anyone you like?"
It should be said that there was no way in the world anyone would be able to refuse to answer Himemiya Chikane when she looked as curious and amused as she did. It was even harder for Himeko who knew she could never outright refuse anything her bestfriend ever asked of her.
"Well…sort of…"
That's a safe answer right?
"Sort of? What kind of answer is that? You just sort of like the girl? So you're not sure what you feel about her yet?" Himeko should have known her bestfriend was not going to let her get away with such a weak answer, but it was worth a try. And besides, Chikane had just offered her a way out of the trap, so she took it.
"Yeah. I'm still sorting out what I really feel for her." Himeko nodded, convinced that what she said sounded true. It was a blatant lie, of course. She knew exactly how she felt for her bestfriend, but again, telling her about it was out of the question.
"Can I at least know who she is?"
"No…"
Nobody has ever refused Himemiya Chikane of anything. Himeko knew this. But there has to be a first time to everything, right? Unfortunately, this was not going to be the first time for it…
"Why not?"
"Because…I'm not ready…yet…"
"But I thought I was your bestfriend."
Dammit! Why is this so hard? And why does she have to pull the "Bestfriend" card?
"You are! It's just…as I said…"
"You're still sorting out your feelings for her. I understand that. But what I want to know is who."
"But…"
"Come on… please?"
And just then, Himemiya Chikane pulled out her most awesome puppy-dog eyes. Himeko was a goner. Almost.
In panic, and without really thinking too much about it, Himeko blurted out the only name she knew she could sacrifice…
"Mako-chan."
"YOU SAID WHAT?!"
Saotome Makoto was visibly upset—understandably. Her roommate Himeko had just finished recounting how her confession went. And when Himeko got to the part where she said she had a crush on Mako, Mako nearly lost it.
"I'm so sorry, Mako-chan. I panicked…" It was a flimsy excuse, but it was the truth. "Besides, I didn't want to act like I was in love with some random girl." And when Mako refused to calm down and stop pacing around their room, Himeko added, "I'd really rather pretend to be in love with you."
It worked wonders, of course. Mako stopped pacing and was now looking incredulously at her roommate. There were rare moments when she wanted to strangle her roommate, and this was one of them. But after what Himeko said, there was no way she could ever bring herself to strangle her roommate now. But she was still worried.
"Look," Mako started as calmly as she could, "I understand why you want to hide the truth from the princess and I sort of am coming to terms with how you just used me to cover you up, but then what? How long are you going to pretend to have a huge crush on me? Also, how much longer do you think you have before your bestfriend intervenes for you? You know she will do anything for you, and I don't think it's beneath her to do just about anything and everything to make sure I fall for you…"
Mako didn't want to preach. In fact she didn't want this conversation. She wasn't the smart one. She was the Jock. She was the athlete running around and being energetic. She didn't want to be the sensible one. She relied heavily on Himeko for that.
Apparently though, when it came to love, her usually sensible roommate was completely and utterly senseless.
"I'm so sorry, Mako-chan. If it's any consolation, I was thinking maybe we can keep up the charade for maybe a month and then I'll say I have given up on you." Himeko smiled wryly.
"Oh? You call that a plan? And how is that going to work? Do you know what happened to the last person who tried to refuse her anything?" Mako asked.
Himeko shook her head slowly in response.
"She used her roommate as a cover! Her own roommate! Can you believe that? And now you're telling me you expect Himemiya Chikane will let it go that easily?" Mako answered. But her tone was softer. She knew her roommate never meant to intentionally harm her. She was probably pushed to a corner.
And knowing how her roommate felt for her bestfriend, Mako was certain Himeko was not just pushed to a corner, she volunteered to stand at the corner and allowed herself to be pushed in to it. That's how annoyingly miserable Himeko was when it came to love.
Mako couldn't remain angry for too long though. There was no way she could remain angry at her roommate for too long.
The truth was she was just a tad bit envious. To be clear, she didn't like Himeko that way. But she did love her roommate to bits and pieces. She envied Himemiya Chikane for having someone as devoted and loving and faithful as Himeko. She wanted her own kind of "Himeko".
She had known about her roommates feelings for the Himemiya heiress for about a year now—way before her roommate had come to terms with what she really felt. She watched how Himeko's feelings evolved and became stronger and stronger everyday. She didn't want to press the matter because she wanted Himeko to open up to her. She wanted to make sure Himeko was ready before she nudged her towards acceptance.
It was a few months ago, at the night of Himeko's sixteenth birthday when Mako deemed Himeko ready to accept her feelings towards her bestfriend. Himeko wouldn't shut up about how beautiful Himemiya was. She was also holding on to her bestfriend's gift to her as if it was her lifeline.
Casually, Mako eased the question in the middle of Himeko's love-drunken story-telling.
"So when are you going to tell her you love her?"
The question left Himeko dumbfounded. And as usual, she tried to dodge it.
"She knows how much I love her. She's my bestfriend!" Himeko answered, a slight blush for tinting her cheeks.
"We both know that's not what I asked." Mako crossed her arms in front of her chest and smirked at her roommate.
Himeko put on her best confused look. Unfortunately, it was no match for Mako's soul-searching stare. Not a minute passed before Himeko caved in.
"How long have you known?" Himeko looked uncertain, like she wasn't sure how her roommate was going to react.
"Uh, let's see…It wasn't really that hard to figure out. I swear you're an open book most of the time. Besides, it's not like you ever talk about anybody else. You spend most of your day away from her but all you can talk about is her." Mako was looking straight at Himeko teasingly. "If we had switched places, you would've caught me too…without much effort."
Mako almost pitied Himeko. She looked hopelessly in love and scared at the same time.
"Look, I'm not going to say anything. Just…stop pretending you're not in love, okay?"
That was how it all ended…or started depending on how you look at it.
And for months leading up to the confession, she saw her roommate squirm and blush at the thought of finally baring her heart and soul to her beloved. Mako thought it was cute and then pathetic at the same time. Cute because…well Himeko was really cute when she squirms and blushes. Pathetic because they both knew and understood that her chances were one in a billion…bestfriend or not.
Mako couldn't say she knew the Himemiya princess well. To be honest, they have only ever met on very few occasions. Most of those occasions, she was flanked by students or teachers or servants. But those few occasions were enough to convince Mako that Himemiya Chikane was the straightest person she had ever met. There was not a strand of gayness in her…at least Mako thought so. She was hoping she was wrong.
Himemiya Chikane couldn't concentrate.
She was at a Student Council meeting and was sure they were saying something relevant. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tried to focus on what they were all saying, her thoughts kept drifting back to what happened during lunch.
Himeko was the last person she'd ever suspect of being gay. She never even saw it coming. Not that she was uncomfortable with the fact that her bestfriend was gay, it's just that she wasn't too happy with the fact that Himeko kept it all to herself for such a long time.
Chikane felt like she had to do something…maybe help out a little bit. But Himeko made her promise not to interfere. There must be something she can do.
And on top of all this was the nagging feeling she had…
She should be happy for her bestfriend, right? That's what a good and loving bestfriend does, right? Support your bestfriend.
So why is she feeling more and more uncomfortable with the fact that her bestfriend is in love?
Chikane shook her head slightly and breathed deeply.
She decided to push these things back and sort them out later. For now, she's going to be there for her bestfriend.
For now…