It seems too cold to be May tonight. Feels more like January. Must be this stupid wind.
Whitni Ellis poked one finger through the blinds of her living room window and stared out into the darkness through the small crack at her new view.
A stretch of uneven pavement with a few dead, dry leaves and a couple pieces of random trash scuttling across it. Two old cars parked on the opposite side of the lot, a once-sporty white mustang with a ripped convertible top and a minivan painted a disgusting shade of dirty red. Cigarette butts littered across the sidewalk along with random shards of broken glass. Oleander bushes, hiding the junked-up house next door, swaying in the breeze over a patched up board fence. Everything washed in a dreary orange light from a pair of bulbs on the corner of the building.
In the apartment downstairs a small child wailed and another voice snapped out in an angry tone. Out on Park Avenue, a car horn honked and Whitni could hear the chainsaw buzz of several cars racing on the speedway.
That'll probably keep me awake the whole night, she sighed to herself. At least I'm in here, not out there. God knows what goes on in this neighborhood at night.
Whitni flopped back onto the couch and surveyed the inside of her new apartment. There were boxes everywhere, mostly empty except two in the corner. She made a note to unpack those the next morning. If she felt up to it. Then again, there was a reason she hadn't opened those boxes since she first filled them after graduating from high school. And there was no reason to risk making herself depressed again when she had just broken free of her crappy old home. If it even deserved to be called home. Tonight was her first night all on her own, and she should be celebrating, not crying.
"All on my own," she repeated aloud, her voice sounding smaller than usual and slightly scared. If something happened to her, no one might find out for hours or even days. A lump started rising in her throat. What if there was an emergency? She wasn't even sure who she would call if she needed help.
Actually, that wasn't quite true. Deep down inside, Whitni was pretty sure that the first number she would dial would be Dylan Casey's. She half-smiled to herself, thinking of her longtime crush's adorable, slightly husky voice on the other end of the line. It would take a full-blown emergency to force her into actually calling him, though. They were good friends, but she was far too shy to do more than send him a text every now and then. Especially since his controlling girlfriend had caught one of her messages and sent a bitchy reply.
I miss him. Her eyes stung a little as she realized it had been nearly a month since she saw Dylan last. He had offered to help her move in when they had last talked, but as usual, she didn't take advantage of it and did everything herself, but not without wishing, with every box she lifted, that he had been there to crack jokes and give her hugs like he always did. Maybe I could text him now and see if he can come over just to keep me company...he won't be able to, though...
Hitting "send" on her message, Whitni dropped her cell onto the couch and walked back to her room. Rummaging through a pile of clothes in the corner that still needed to be hung in the closet, she grabbed her maroon school sweater and tugged it on over her tank top. She slipped on flannel pajama pants, grabbed her ipod, and began scrolling through her favorites playlist, searching for a song. Daughtry. P!nk. The Script. Taylor Swift. That's perfect. Taylor Swift is always just right. Whitni stuck her earbuds in and pressed play on "Never Grow Up." The words seemed to echo her thoughts.
"To you, everything's funny; you've got nothing to regret/I'd give all I have, honey, if you could stay like that/Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up..."
If I have kids someday, I'll let them stay children as long as I can...I wish I hadn't made myself grow up so fast...I wish I hadn't had to become an adult at 16...if only I'd never had to watch my sister die...
"Oh, I don't wanna grow up/wish I'd never grown up, I could still be little/oh, I don't wanna grow up/wish I'd never grown up, it could still be simple..."
Every word rang true for Whitni. Childhood had been the best part of her life. It was only when she became a teenager that things had started to change. It was a long and complicated story, but the end result left her and her 5 younger brothers split up in 3 different foster homes, forced to live a completely different life. For Whitni especially, it had been difficult because she had always been rather shy and had a hard time making new friends, so starting over at a new school with a new home and family and...well, pretty much new everything, had been a challenge.
I wish I could go back in time to when everything was simple. No social workers, no sneering judgmental adults, no cliquey kids...no confusing feelings about Dylan. Whitni wasn't sure how she felt about that idea. Wait. My phone is vibrating.
Aww, you're lonely? Wanna hang? I can be there in 10 :)
~~5 hours later~~
"It was really great to see you again," Dylan said shyly, pausing at the door.
"Yeah," Whitni smiled, shuffling her feet awkwardly and looking at the ground. "Come over anytime, kay?"
"That would be fun." He grinned, an adorable lopsided grin. "Well, it's like 2 a.m. and I think I'd better go..."
"Okay, yeah, bye. See you later. Text me." Why can't I put two words together without sounding awkward?
"I will!" Dylan smiled and waved as she closed the door after him.
"Yessssss!" Whitni jumped up and down in place. "He likes me. I swear. He likes me. I have to tell someone. Oh, wait, it's the middle of the night. I'll do it tomorrow."
She turned on the radio and did a little dance down the hall to brush her teeth. The fan in the bathroom sounded like it badly needed to be oiled, the mirror was permanently flecked with little brown splatters of rust, and the room generally smelled off, but Whitni didn't care. Today hadn't turned out so badly after all.
A new, catchy song was playing as Whitni made her bed.
"You're insecure, don't know what for/you're turning heads when you walk through the door..."
Whitni bobbed her head to the music and awkwardly danced around the room with her arms full of blankets and her mind buzzing happily. This is a good song. I wonder why I haven't heard it before. I think it's by that band that Ashley is so crazy about. One Direction? Or whatever it's called. I'll look it up tomorrow. Wait, today. Oh shit, I have to get up for school in like 5 hours. Ehh, I don't really care, tonight was a good night. Why am I so wide awake? It's like I drank coffee. She laughed, tucking in the last corner of the bedspread.
"You don't know you're beautiful/that's what makes you beautiful!"
I'll look this band up later, Whitni promised herself. And maybe talk to Dylan some more. She grinned again. What if he really, really likes me? What if he breaks up with Angela and asks me out? I've never had a boyfriend before. I don't even know what I'd do. Geez, I have to stop freaking out over nothing. It's not like he's going to like me that much anyway.
Whitni pulled off her sweater and slid under the covers as the last few notes of the chorus played and then switched off the radio. Well, I did it. I moved into my own place and I finally got the nerve to invite Dylan over. I think things can only get better from here. Today was great. I have nothing to regret.
But she was wrong.