A/N: Okay, here's another one-shot by me. Hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters. I just enjoy playing around with them… XD

"Dammit!"

I swore under my breath as I slammed a fist into my dorm wall, ignoring the searing pain and blood that now streamed from the newly formed cuts on my knuckles.

Why do I always have to mess things up? Why couldn't I ever have self-control and for once, think about someone else besides my feelings? Because I'm a selfish ass.

The memories from the past couple of hours stalked in my mind and refused to leave. I couldn't get Roxas' horrified expression out of my mind before the kid literally ran. And I felt another hole rip through my heart as that image repeated itself over and over, without letting up.

I slumped down on my knees, leaning my head against the wall while squeezing my eyes as tightly as I could, trying to block everything out. It wasn't working. If anything, the images got more colorful and my mind added extra dialogue that hadn't been there before. Imagining what the blonde could have said, instead of what he did say. Nothing.

"Dammit." I hissed again, this time a single tear escaped as I let my memories take over and engulf me.

I was walking Roxas home, as usual, and Roxas was crying about his boyfriend, as usual. And, as usual, I could barely contain my anger when the fifteen-year old collapsed and let his grief overtake him. I never really got how Roxas could handle being treated like this. It wasn't the first time Seifer had cheated on him, but I would make sure it was the last. I wasn't going to take Roxas crying over the no-good a-hole anymore. I refused.

"I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong, Axel." Roxas sobbed on the side-walk ignoring the people around us giving strange looks. "I just don't get it. I've done everything I could think of, and I just can't seem to keep him to me and only me."

I sighed as I sat down beside the boy I had known his entire life, and who had increasingly gotten more depressed as the days go on. Time for the daily reassurance routine.

"Roxas," I began slowly, making sure I was close to comfort him, but not touching, unless my body reacted before my mind could take control. "For the last time, it's not you. Seifer just doesn't get the meaning of 'commitment'." He said.

Granted, you probably don't either, since you're only fifteen, but I'll let it slide for now.

Roxas sniffed a bit and looked up at my, his blue eyes wide. "But-,"

"No, 'buts'. Seifer is just a douche. Plain and simple." I told him, averting my eyes away from Roxas'.

He's only fifteen, he's only fifteen, he's only fifteen. I repeated to myself like a mantra. You're ten years older than him. Ten years older. Stop being one of those pedophiles on TV. He's only fifteen.

"Leave him. He deserves it."

Roxas sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "Axel," He whined, "You know I can't."

I scrubbed a hand over my face and looked at Roxas, who was now looking at the ground below us. "And why not?"

Roxas looked at me, with sadness and love all mixed into his innocent eyes. "I love him." He groaned to himself and closed his eyes, inclining his head toward the sky. "I don't even understand it myself, but I do. Even after he's repeatedly cheated on me with, god knows how many people, I still love him."

I glanced at him and really took him in.

The sun was glinting off of his blonde hair, making it look more like gold. His mouth was twisted into a sarcastic smile, but it was a smile nonetheless, and it fit his face perfectly. He was talking as though he was my age, when in fact, he was still just a sophomore in high school. But he was so much more mature than the rest of them, hell; he was more mature than most people in my college… people almost twice his age acted like they were kids. It was amazing how he could act so old, yet still be so young. And I think that type of thinking got my fantastic self-control to snap at that moment.

I had no idea what I was doing. My body was acting before my brain could even register there was an action at all. My hands traveled up his face, turning it towards me, my eyes not registering his frightened look before my lips overtook his. My hands holding his head eagerly as my mouth moved against his still lips. I still hadn't taken into account at all what I was doing before I released him and saw the horror in his eyes that stayed there for a few minutes as I mulled over what I had just done.

"Roxas, I-," And I didn't finish the sentence because he gathered up his bag and muttered he had to hurry home and left. And after a few seconds, I watched him run towards the secret trail we used to take whenever he wanted to get home in a hurry.

I sucked in a breath and tangled my hands in my hair and tugged a bit, ignoring the splitting pain that emerged from the act and was only consumed with what I had done.

I may have just lost the one person I could never lose.

As I sit there on the floor in my dorm, hoping my roommate is at his boyfriend's room for a couple hours and just let the cries that were making themselves known, loudly, take me over completely.

How could I have been so stupid? That split second of succumbing to my basic wants may have cost me all that I've had in fifteen years. I was there when he was born, and I was there when he had his first 'boo-boo'. He was there when my parents died, asking in his eight-year old innocence, if I was going to be okay. I looked at him, the tears still spilling over, sad that they had missed my graduation by only a couple months, and he gave me the biggest hug I had ever had in my eighteen years. I was always happy whenever Roxas was around.

I still don't know exactly when my feelings for the kid had changed so drastically, I wish they hadn't. I wish I didn't feel like a disgusting pervert all the time and I wish that I was younger, but neither could ever happen. I was a pedo and I was a lot older than Roxas. I'm officially damned for the rest of my life. I deserved it.

As my cell phone rang I groaned as I moved to get out of my crouching position and fumbled around my desk for the stupid thing. I eventually found it by the third ring and flipped it open, not bothering to look at who it was.

"Hello?"

"Axel?"

My eyes bugged out my head.

"Mrs. Hart!" My voice shot up a couple octaves in panic. Why would she be calling me? I hadn't heard from her for a year and a half. We'd exchange holiday and birthday cards, but that was it. What could she possibly want now? "I'm so glad to hear from you."

It was true. Since my parents had died, she and Mr. Hart had been the replacement parents. They came to my graduation, helped pay for college and a car. Helped me get a job. They offered everything they had to me, and for that, I was grateful to them.

I heard her exasperated sigh on the other line. This couldn't be good. "Look, Axel, I know this isn't on the best of terms for our first talk in a long time, but I had to call." She started. I held my breath, waiting for her to go on. "I got a very disturbing call from one of Roxas' friends. And he told me the most absurd thing I've ever heard of, I just had to talk to you first."

"Go on." I breathed into the phone.

"Axel… Did you kiss Roxas?"

I froze. Every fiber of my being had turned to solid stone. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. Her words played over and over again in my head, my mind not wanting to wrap around the fact that she knew what I had done. The most shameful thing I could have done. And the people I didn't want to know about it, knew.

I licked my lips, not liking what I had to say. I didn't find it morally okay to lie, but I didn't know what else to do. And I would certainly like to know which one of 'Roxas' friends' had called to rat him out, or rather, rat me out. Granted, it was wrong for me to have any kind of romantic relationship with a fifteen year old, but at the time, he didn't seem fifteen. He seemed much older, and that cause me to lose my mind and go for it.

So, deciding it's always better to go with the truth, I answered, "I did."

A pregnant silence came after I uttered those two simple, yet powerful words into the phone. I couldn't even hear her breathing. I wasn't breathing, I knew that, as I waited for the screaming and yelling, telling me to never talk to Roxas again. But I didn't get any of that. I did eventually hear a click and then the dial-tone filled the silence.

She hung up on me. I stood there, staring at my dorm wall, not moving, too shocked to react to anything. I understood her though. I understood perfectly well, why she would do that. I knew I'm not supposed to call back, and I'm not supposed to call anyone from that family ever again. All that understood from a dial-tone.

I flipped it shut and held it tightly in my fist, not blinking at all, or even moving besides shutting the phone.

I need to talk to Roxas. I need to apologize and hope he can forgive me. I can't leave it like this. Not now.

I flipped the phone back open and speed-dialed Roxas' cell number, holding the phone up to my ear, barely breathing in anticipation. After the second ring I heard Roxas' voice. It was like music to my ears. Everything suddenly got so much brighter for me.

"Hello?"

"Roxas." I breathed and heard Roxas suck in a breath in response to me. I'm so sorry, Roxy.

"Axel, this isn't really a good time." He said, I could tell he was anxious. I didn't want him to be anxious. Not because of me and my stupidity.

"Roxas, I called to apologize. I didn't mean to kiss you, I swear, I just…" I trailed off, not knowing exactly how to tell him the truth but not freak him out at the same time. I had to keep reminding myself that Roxas is still just a kid, stuck in-between childhood and adulthood, not knowing exactly where he belongs in the world yet. I knew he belonged with me, but not yet. Not yet.

"Just…?" He asked, provoking me further.

"I just can't seem to control myself anymore. And I'm sorry for that." I took a deep breath. "But I promise it won't happen again. So, can we please, just, forget it ever happened and get on with being best friends again?" I choked from the tears that seemed to collect even more in my eyes as I imagined him saying he couldn't do that and hanging up on just like his mother. I could barely handle it from her; I couldn't handle it from my Roxie.

"Axel…" he stretched out my name, his voice thick with stress and he sounded apologetic. I could almost see him running a hand through his hair, a habit he picked up from me when he was little, and exhaling through his nose. He would chew on the inside of his cheek as he contemplated what he would say next. I could picture that all and more inside my head.

"You're my best friend," He started, "And I don't want to lose that, but – I don't want you to get the wrong idea either."

I bit my tongue, trying to keep from interrupting him when every fiber of my being was screaming at me to say something, anything to get him to see that I wouldn't let it happen again. Not if I could possibly lose him forever.

"So, I guess what I'm saying is – good-bye, Axel."

The whole world stopped. I couldn't hear anything except that one sentence in my head, repeating itself over and over – never relenting, never slowing down. "Roxas," I choked out, "Don't. Please."

He heard him sigh. "Axel, I can't. I'm sorry, I just…can't."

I didn't want to hear this.

"We can't be friends if you think there's a possibility that there might be something more, Axel."

Please, just stop.

"I can't do it anymore, Axel, I can't."

No. Don't say that.

"I hope you're happy, Axel. I really do. Good-bye."

Click. Dial-tone.

I'm sitting there – frozen, unable to move at all. I can't think, I can't breathe, and I still haven't blinked.

I fall to the floor, my back hitting it hard. But I don't care. I lost him. The one person I promised myself I would never let go. He's gone.

I hear Demyx's voice ringing in my ear, but he sounds so far away. I feel the wetness of tears coursing down my cheeks, but I don't care. I'm staring at the ceiling, not fully believing that Roxas left me. We weren't even friends. Now, I would just be a bad memory to him.

God, it hurts so much. I didn't even realize something like this could hurt so badly. How is something even possible? I feel like I'm tearing in two.

"Axel?" I hear my roommate scream in my ear. "Axel? What's going on? Are you okay? Axel?"

I don't answer him. I can't seem to get my mouth to function properly. I open it, but no sound erupts. I'm lost.

The last time I saw him, was when he graduated.

His mother had called me to tell me about it but I couldn't go anywhere but near the back of the audience. Still, it was enough.

Roxas was smiling as he shook his teachers hand and got his diploma I couldn't contain myself. I cheered him on, and he froze on stage and looked towards me. I gave him a thumbs-up and he gave me a small smile back.

It was enough. I knew he had at least forgiven me fully for what happened two years ago.

Hell, maybe he would take a class of mine at one of the local universities and we could catch up. I left the graduation feeling better than I had in a long time. Roxas had forgiven me. I could wait for the rest.

A/N: So, now that it's done, you all must review and tell me what you think. I might continue this but not right away. For now, it's complete.

And I'm trying to work on a HP challenge but by the looks of the first chapter I'm not gonna get it on time... Oh, well. I'll post it anyway.

Look out for the new chapter of 'Come What May' which should be updated soon.