Music: OneRepublic – "Something I Need"
Disclaimer: no, and all other characters/settings automatically go along with my not owning them.
Ritsu stands in the middle of his living room, and he has a thought that socks him right in the stomach. He's staring at his tiny living room, filled with a bookshelf and a television and a sofa and a coffee table—and a pair of socks that aren't his, along with a pair of glasses resting precariously against pale, knobby fingers; and a stain circle on his table that wasn't there yesterday; and his (official) boyfriend of one year casually slumped on the couch watching some game show in which the contestants make fools of themselves, like always.
And all of a sudden, there's the strongest urge to cry rising up within his throat, and his chest is aching and he can't stop trembling, like there're millions of tiny electric sparks embedded in his skin that are jumping all over the place. And he realizes, with only the smallest bit of acceptance, that he would be glad to feel this content for the rest of his life only by watching his lover watch crappy tv and seeing not just his but Masamune's stuff in his apartment like it was empty before those small items were there and he was not built to hold so much emotion.
With a shaky breath, he shuffles over with a small smile and pulls Masamune up from behind the sofa into his spindly arms, pressing a gentle kiss to that pale skin. "Hey, hey," he says, voice quiet and emotions a messy, tangled thing inside him. "What're you watching?" The warmth from the older male's body calms him just a bit, grounds him and prevents him from bursting into tears.
Masamune touches his hand softly with his own smile, turning his head to look at him. Ritsu only holds on a bit tighter, swallowing to keep his feelings from spilling over. Somehow, it's become a reflex from spending time around his boss at work, even when they're so close at home. "Just some shitty game show. Look at this. They're so stupid." He chuckles when someone on the screen falling over into mud, but his attention is clearly not fully on the television.
"Oh." Ritsu lets loose his own chuckle, already feeling better from his near-emotional breakdown in the middle of his living room. "Yeah, they are. You would've thought they'd be smarter than just running headfirst like that."
"Wouldn't it be funny if we entered that show?" Masamune asks, only mostly joking, but still, Ritsu can feel his throat closing up again, because it sounds like some kind of couple thing they'd do together and he wants that so badly and not just to pretend that they're not in love whenever they're in busy public places, or even at work. "We'd cream the competition."
"Y-yeah," he can only whisper, feeling his eyes sting.
Masamune turns almost fully to him, already concerned and eyebrows furrowing in that way that Ritsu's come to know so well. He always wants to smooth them out when they show up, whether with kisses or with a few words, whatever. Ritsu doesn't like Masamune worried about him so much. "You ok?"
And god, how can it hurt to love someone so much? He never asks for any explanation, just that Ritsu is ok and that if he is, then everything is alright with the world. Masamune, recently, has never asked 'something wrong?' like Ritsu will readily share everything on his mind if only there's an invitation, and Ritsu is so completely grateful for that.
"Yeah, I'm ok." Ritsu has to smile, anyways, even as he presses his face into Masamune's neck to bar back the tears that're already beginning to leak out. "Yeah. I love you."
Even though he can't see Masamune's face, he can already picture the look of absolute adoration shining within his honey-colored eyes, lips quirked in a smile, and the epitome of complete happiness in every inch of his being. For some reason, the thought only makes him want to cry harder. Masamune doesn't say anything, but Ritsu knows that he means his love with every particle of his soul.
"Hah?! What do you mean, you need more time? The deadline's in three days!" Ritsu exclaims into the phone. After working here at Marukawa for over a year, he's learned to be a bit stricter with his authors; especially since now, there's new batches of them flooding in what seems like every month. He can't afford to have anything slip up now that he's been this long in the game.
He huffs, tapping his fingers against the table and also frantically trying to search for a pen, any pen, that he can use to write with. "Yes, I understand, but—please understand that we're rather hurried here and if we wait any longer, it'll be impossible to get the manga printed in—yes, I understand." A long breath escapes him, and he wants to tear his hair out when he still can't find a damn pen.
A glance at his calendar tells him that his schedule is nearly packed this month, for whatever reason that's beyond him, and the big red circle that's just a few days away only makes his blood pressure jump higher. Lord, this job is fucking stressful. "What exactly are you trying to say here?" He asks when he can finally get a word in. "Mhm. Yes. I see." A vein makes its appearance on his forehead. "I see, but you should know that—"
There's a warm hand on his shoulder, and he looks up quickly to see Masamune placing a pen on the table and a can of coffee from the vending machine in the break room before wandering back to his own desk. His chest fills with warmth and appreciation, and suddenly he feels a lot more relaxed than before the phone conversation started.
I think I would die without him, is his errant thought before he turns his attention back to speaking with his irresponsible author. The thought itself doesn't spark any red flags, and he continues and finishes his conversation with little more than a scolding and a promise from his author that she would not do the same next month.
Well then. He sits back, pleased, as he cracks open his coffee, twirling the pen between his fingers and idly wondering what they were going to have for dinner tonight.
They have a fight.
Before they started dating, these were very often and often very heated, leading to passionate hate (at least somewhat on Ritsu's end) sex and somewhat regretful morning-afters. Now, though, they hardly fight; and when they do, it's almost disgustingly cute, how they bicker over stupid things like old domestic couples about groceries or the ending to a book they had both read.
Today is different. Today it is raining, and they'd been working a late night, and neither of them had brought an umbrella. That's not what irritates Ritsu the most, though. What irritates him the most are the sarcastic, backhanded comments that Masamune makes as they're riding down to the lobby about An-chan—and he'd never directly insulted Ritsu's childhood friend, ever. He'd always been polite, if a little tense, and Ritsu has been grateful for that, he has.
Still, right now he thinks he wants to strangle his boyfriend's neck, but the violent urge settles a bit as they exit into the lobby and out into the overhang separating them from comfortable dryness and unpleasant, stick-to-your-clothes wet.
Then comes, "I just don't see how your parents would think she'd be a good match for you, there's not much to see there—"
Shit. Ritsu swivels to face Masamune, fury boiling into his very veins. "Maybe I should just go be with her, at least she wouldn't try to badmouth anyone like you're doing right now!" He's barely finished with his sentence before he runs off into the rain, anger and something close to despair twisting his chest as he dashes off with no destination in mind.
He doesn't stop until he feels a hand jerking him to a halt, and he heaves a breath, wiping the sudden tears from his face—not like he can tell the difference between them and the rain—as he stands there, shivering in the rain that didn't seem so cold a moment ago.
"Ritsu," Masamune pants out, also catching his breath. "Ritsu, don't tell me you're really gonna go to her—don't."
"That's what you're worried about?" Ritsu's voice almost comes out shrill as he turns to glare at his boss/lover/sort of best friend. "That I'll run off to An-chan even though we've been dating for a year and just because you said some insulting things? I feel insulted. How fake do you think I am?!"
Masamune's eyes widen as he realizes his mistake, but just as Ritsu is about to turn around to run home—their apartment, because damn him, that's the only real home he's known lately—a hand clutches onto his own thin one, and he has to stop. "No! Stop it, Ritsu! God, don't you know that I don't think you're fake or cheap or whatever word you want to throw around? I know that. Trust me, I do so much. And I won't let you think that way about yourself, either."
"You still don't get it, do you?" Ritsu shakes his head, wet hair sticking to his temples as he finally realizes that epiphany he should've had in their living room that night two weeks ago, when he was feeling too emotional for words; and even when last week, Masamune had only handed him a pen and some coffee and he'd thought that he'd die without this sweet, passionate man taking care of him. "You don't think I know that I'm not like that? Of course I know that. I'm upset because you still have no idea how much I want to stick with you."
The death grip on his hand loosens a bit. "What…do you mean?"
"What I mean is, hah," Ritsu slicks his wet bangs back with his free hand. "I would die without you. I couldn't live without you. And even then, it's still a choice that I'd always pick. We only die once, right? Well, I'd want to die with you, because just thinking of living without you in this world with me is so unbearable that I can't stand it. And if we only live once, then I'd always want to live with you. I don't care what would happen. I'd just want to be with you."
He's genuinely crying now, and he has to fight not to let the sobs tear out of his chest, because he's been unconsciously feeling this way for far too long, and he just wants to let the first and only love of his life know something so inherently important. It's so very important. It's not even about An-chan anymore. Regardless, he lets out a small sob, and that seems to break Masamune out of whatever trance he was in during Ritsu's impassioned speech. Ritsu feels strong arms a vice around his waist as they push him up to meet lips that curve firmly over his, and he tilts his head to deepen it even as he continues to cry a bit (a lot) and Masamune kisses him back just as deeply, just as intensely.
In the back of his mind, he thinks this scene is just out of a shoujo manga, but he pushes that far, far away. Masamune pulls back just enough so Ritsu can see his face, and he looks close to crying, too. It shocks something within Ritsu. He's never seen his lover even close to crying before, in all the years they've known each other.
"Oh, Ritsu," Masamune leans forward to say on Ritsu's cheek, near his ear. "I don't even want to think about another possibility, of us not being together, always. We're a team, you and I. There's never been any other option for me."
Ritsu lets out another sob, and he holds on tight.
A/N: "We're a team, you and I." –cries- Just imagining Hinata saying that to Kageyama even though this is a completely different fandom—
-ChemicallyEnhanced