" HAPPY FLUID"
22ND JUNE
" I love you Tidus..." whispered Yuna down his ear one night
" Sorry did you say something?" Tidus said as he continued to daze at a blank television. " Foot ball's interesting this evening..."
" Dear, the TV isn't even on..."
Tidus jumped up " what? Yuna use your imagination! They're playing in the dark...stupid woman..." he shouted.
" Tidus, I love you" she repeated more forcefully.
" I know you want me to go to bed with you, but it won't work this time! Not like the time you told me that there was a giant piece of candy floss under the bed just so I would go into the bedroom...no-hey, not gonna work tonight" he stated with his mouth full of popcorn.
" No! I attempting to persuade you to see my parents...they insist you meet them."
" Yuna, Yuna, Yuna...didn't I tell you you're little plan won't work..." it took a while to register " they want me to meet them?...I'm...honored...meet...me...mmm"
" Yeah they want to meet you...tomorrow..."
The next day Yuna took Tidus to meet her parents. As they stood at the door Tidus said:
" Lord...Braska, wants to meet...me?"
" Oh get over it Tid"
" Hahaha...don't call me that"
" Sorry Tidus, but get over it would you! It's not like its Santa or anything is it?" she said rather annoyed
" No... IT'S BETTER!"
A while later, after a good 10 minutes of knocking, the door was answered by Yuna's mother who looked extremely tired.
" Hello mother!" Yuna said cheerfully
" Hi...honey...who's that?" she replied poking Tidus
" That's Tidus mum...don't you remember, the Blonde pansy that I fell in love with?"
" No...he looks more like a lobster with a cat stuck up his nose ( there was no point to that )"
" Oh come on now! My nose hair isn't THAT long!" squeaked Tidus " and OH! AH! LOBSTERS!"
Yuna's mother ran her fingers through her hair and led them into the house
" Tidus," said Yuna " don't embarrass me! Keep quiet and smile only when you need to.."
Tidus smiled
" Good, that will do...oh yeah and...um...don't say anything about what we have done with our relationship..."
Tidus smiled
" You can answer to ME you know, don't just keep smiling at me"
Tidus smiled
" Okay don't do that now...it's really uncomfortable"
Tidus smiled
" I give up"
After walking what seemed like decades through the winding corridors of Yuna's parent's house, they finally entered the living room where Braska sat.
" Hello Father!" said Yuna happily
" A'righ'" replied Braska sticking his thumbs up
" Yes, this is Tidus dad..."
" A'righ' Tid!"
Tidus laughed " yeah, good one! Never been called that before! Haha...ha..ha" he said as he observed the disgusted look on Yuna's face. He smiled
" So then, how is every one?" said Yuna
" A'righ'" replied Braska. Her mother moaned
" Dad, what's wrong with mum? She seems sort of, less...mumish"
" Heroin, she's on it, not good eh?"
" Drugs? Mother!"
" On the wine an' all!"
" Alcohol! Mother!"
" Havin' an affair!"
" New man! Yuna's mother!" yelled Tidus
" I'm a'righ' though, teams bad in it?"
" I beg your pardon? Team? Since when were you interested in football?""
" Pretty down, I know," said Tidus " playing in the dark yesterday evening!"
" I don' recall tha'"
" Dad, since when did you become all sports maniacish? Sport? Socks over trousers? Shades on top of your head? Dad! It's not right"
" Don' take the piss!" he shouted back at her
" Yeah Yuna don't take the piss out of sport maniacs!"
" They're right hun..."
A while later Yuna was sitting at the table talking to her boyfriend
" This isn't right!"
" I know, a pink table cloth sooooo doesn't go with green walls.."
" No! Dad a sport idiot, mum a junkie/alcoholic/what ever they call people who have affairs, and you, getting along fine with my parents! It's all wrong!"
" Such a pretty spider," said Tidus taking no notice of Yuna " hey there little fellow, need a hand or 7?"
" This really isn't my day!" and with that she stormed out.
" What the hell is this world coming to?" she said in a raging mood " no-one listens!"
" A'righ'!" said Braska as he walked past " wasup?"
" You know too bloody well what's up! You've all changed!"
" No swearin' young lady." And he walked on readjusting the sports socks he had laid over the hem of his trousers
" Oi!" Braska called back " what happened to the blue haired dude?"
" Seymour? Oh he turned gay..."
" I knew it..." Braska carried on walking
" Tidus," Yuna said later that afternoon " don't interact with my parents...ever again..."
" Why not?"
" They aren't who they used to be..."
" I thought you're mum had always been on Heroin"
" And dad..."
" Braska's on Heroin!"
" No! He isn't what he used to be at all either!"
" I knew that, but why can't I talk to them?"
" Because..."
" Why...?"
"Because..."
"Why...?"
"BECAUSE!"
later on, Tidus was by himself after Yuna had vanished to redo her make-up
" Tidus..." a voice called from behind him
" Yes?" he asked he turned round to see Yuna's mother
" Want this?" she produced a shiny metal cylinder from her sleeve " you want it, you gonna have to pay for it...so deal?"
" Woah woah woah! What the frickin' hell is it for a start?"
" It's called ' Happy Fluid' it's not addictive at all and it most certainly isn't a drug...you want it?"
" Hmmmm...how much?"
" 7,500"
" Potatoes? Or pillow cases?"
" Dollars"
" Okay Mrs. Braska woman, you have yourself a deal...hmmm you drive a hard bargain Mrs. B..."
" Hand over the cash, I give you this. You got it" she handed him the cylinder and he gave her $7,500"
Yuna returned to find Tidus in a state. He was bouncing off the walls, licking the fruit bowl and petting the windows all in one rapid movement.
" What the hell is up with you?" she yelled trying to keep her eyes on the blonde blob darting around the room
" I'M ON HAPPY FLUID!"
" Lemonade or Cola?"
" HAPPY FLUID!"
"This is getting nowhere...what's happened?" she asked calmly. Tidus stood remotely still besides the fact that he was doing a stupid kind of jig
" HAPPY FLUID" he repeated
" What the hell are you doing now?" Yuna asked as she observed the dances that Tidus was doing
" Dancing is cool, dancing is fun...I like doing this because it jiggles my-"
" I don't want to know thanks"
" Try it try it!" he handed her the cylinder " good for you! It's brilliant! Take it take it!"
" This isn't Happy Fluid Tidus, this is Heroin, where did you get this?"
"It IS, it is! It's HAPPY FLUID! You're mum sold it me for $7,500! Bargain eh?"
" I don't even think that this IS Heroin...it's just water..."
" How do you know?"
" That's what it says on the label, you moron"
Still, after and hour, Tidus was still bouncing up and down, but had now begun to sing lullaby's to the sofa.
" Hush-a-bye sofa, on the hard floor...to sit on's your purpose, that's all you're good for...when you get broken, I'll tell you this...we'll dump you and wreck you, but I'll blow you a kiss..."
" that's enough! Tidus...we're going!"
" but I'm having such a good time! You know I thing that the lampshade is trying to talk to me."
" Fine have a nice journey Yuna" said Braska.
Her mum perked up " see you soon dear!"
" what...the ...hell?" thought Yuna.
However odd the visit had been, the farewells had been normal. Tidus had calmed down, and was now walking sensibly.
" hmm... you know Yuna, that was a really boring visit"
yeah yeah, cheesy ending, but it's not meant to make sense. Mind you, nor does "hagaski klopog toshinya" please review if you can, not that I'm a review maniac or anything...haha...ha...ha
thanks for reading,
Nyviay xXxXx