"I don't have to go, you know?"
His cold arms gently rubbed mine, exciting that electrical current always existent in our presence. His ebony eyes gazed down into mine as he bent his head down to plant a kiss on my forehead. I closed mine, relishing in the moment that would soon be over inevitably. My breathing hitched as his lips moved down my face, pausing to kiss my eyelids.
"Don't be ridiculous, you have to go," I managed to stammer. His face lifted up with a hesitant smile. Though his eyes were not the beloved golden I was used to, the stiffness in them didn't go unnoticed. He remains guarded, afraid terribly of the consequences of him losing control. My faith in him never wavers, though he refuses to accept his strength is enough. He had long denied the siren call of my blood, explaining to me how his very being shied away from anything that could cause me harm. Despite his words, I never stopped believing that I was the cause of all his pain. I was the one who ignited flames in the marble throat of his.
His hands moved up to cup my face as he gazed intently into my eyes. "Bella, I will manage. If you want to me to stay I will."
I unclasped a hand from behind his neck and brought it to his mouth, stopping him from saying anything else. Though it was a terrible pain, one that rendered me quiet and suffering to be away from him, I would let him go. It had been a months since we had returned from Italy. But my heart seemed to beat weakly, without a purpose, when he was away. He knew I hated to be parted from him, he knew how much pain it caused. And he, always being excruciatingly unselfish, would stay with me for weeks without hunting. Yet it was this unselfish nature of his that made me strong. Every pain he experienced was my pain, every sorrow he had, was my sorrow. Therefore, I had to be strong and let him go every time he needed to hunt.
I had been with him long enough to know when his thirst was increasing. His eyes were not the only indication of how it grew, but his actions gave it away as well. He gave me everything I wanted. But he acted restrained around me at these times, his thoughts always abuzz with the primary concern for my safety. It hurt me to know that I was not only giving him discomfort, but I was also an agony for his family. The people I had come to love so dearly, the people that would soon become my family, I hurt. Though they refused to even acknowledge it, I knew that I was always the source of temptation.
I reached up on my toes, winding my hands back around his neck. He bent his head down to make it possible for me to grasp his lips between mine. His actions were not the only ones that changed with the color of his eyes. In order to cause him as little discomfort as possible, I remained controlled. No longer was I the young, unknowing little girl that craved self-satisfaction, unaware of how much he was giving up in order to give me what I wanted. I had learned a few things from him, the most important being how to love unconditionally. My grip on him was looser, ready to let go if he so needed. It was his time to receive, and my time to give. Almost as if he had heard my thoughts, his grip tightened on my waist, drawing me closer to him. The kiss that I had meant to be light and playful increased in its intensity until I was gasping for breath. My heartbeat thudded in my ears as my hands tangled in his hair, my resolve was faltering. As his lips tore away from mine and moved down my neck, I finally had the time to compose my thoughts.
He brought his head up again, his eyes scorching into mine. My chest tightened at what I saw there. It wasn't hunger, nor was it the primal lust that was evident in so many eyes of men, but it was love. Despite the black night in his eyes, I still managed to see the warm love that swirled there. It took my breath away to know that it was present for me. How could I ever forget that I was holding more an angel in my arms than a man?
"Breathe, love," he whispered, planting another kiss on my temple. I crumpled into his chest, tucking my head into the crook of his neck. My determination was beginning of break entirely; I had to let him go before I lost it. Unwillingly I stepped out of his embrace, keeping my arms twined behind his waist. My lips found the hollow beneath his throat as I tried to speak.
"I'll be fine," I managed to get out. "Besides, Esme and Alice will be here. Don't worry, Alice will keep me busy." A smile curved my mouth as I looked up at him. He mimicked the motion as a soft rap on the door made up look towards the entrance of his room. Carlisle stood there with a gentle smile on his face. He looked at Edward with a somber expression, almost as if to say he understood. I knew it was meant to go unnoticed, but I saw him nod slightly towards Carlisle.
"It's time to go, son," he said smoothly. Edward nodded slowly again before escorting me out of his room. He kept a hand encircled around my waist as I leaned into him. The serious attitude of the house was broken with Emmett's booming laughter. Before I knew it, I had been grasped from Edwards half embrace and was being twirled around the room. I laughed halfheartedly as Emmett put me down, swaying a little.
"Let's go catch some nice and juicy Grizzly's, shall we?" he said rubbing his hands together. I smiled up at him, appreciating fully the effort he put in making me feel like family. His eyes seemed a darker shade than even Edward's, if that was possible. I was always there to make sure it wasn't. Edward replaced himself next to me as he drew me in, chuckling slightly at his brother. The anxiety that I was starting to build up calmed suddenly, and I looked around searching for the origin of the calmness. Jasper stood to the corner of the house, the closest one to the door. He gave me a light nod and smile as Rosalie filed after him.
My relationship with her was not as bad as it once was. Though it was not on agreeing terms just yet, it was comfortable. She smiled at me as she stepped towards her husband, putting a hand on his giant bicep. She drew him closer to the door and Jasper followed fit. Carlisle was the next one to step out as he looked at Edward with an expectant look.
"I'll be right out," Edward said, nodding at his father. He turned to me then, gathering me in a tight hug. He crushed his lips down to mine, all of the restraint seemingly gone. As he let me go, he brought my hand up to his mouth, kissing each fingertip. My arms screamed for his presence as he turned and walked out, looking back to give me a reassuring smile. I meant to return it, but the empty feeling in my chest paralyzed me to do so. Luckily, there was someone there to keep my mind off of the unbearable loneliness. Where Edward had been a second ago, Alice was now. She gave me a tight hug, almost as if she felt the pain that I was going through.
"Bella!" she squealed, bringing me back to the present. I hugged her back with as much strength as I could muster. A faint laugh escaped my lips as she let me go, putting me back on my feet. Esme came up from behind, twining a hand around my waist and giving me a half hug.
"They'll be back before you know it," she whispered in my ear before kissing my temple. I smiled up at her; utterly grateful for the motherly presence I missed so much. We walked to the large living room of the Cullen house, or as it should be called, mansion. Alice set up some movies as Esme and I collapsed into the cream colored sofa. I had no idea what Alice had planned for tonight, but I was willing, it would keep my mind off of things. As Alice flitted across the room and placed herself gracefully into the empty seat of the couch, she held up four different shades of nail paints, all hues of blue. She smiled at me as I picked the one she held onto first, an intense shade of royal blue.
"I liked that one too!" she chimed, already bringing my hands onto her lap. As both my hands and all my toenails were painted we watched the movie, it was a comfortable silence, one that had me rest my head on Esme's shoulder. She smoothed my hair down gently, already bringing back memories of my own mother. As Alice finished painting my nails, she jumped up brightly, almost singing with excitement.
"Let's go shopping she said, I just saw a bunch of new sales go out! Oh Bella, you look beautiful," she said as her gaze drifted across the room. "Can we Esme, please?!" Esme laughed as she nodded her head. Alice squealed again as she jumped up and down clapping her hands. "We have an hour before we have to get there. And that's perfect! I have to change and get everything ready! Oh for the love of all that's holy!" She suddenly ran across the room, much too fast for my eyes to see. I looked up at Esme with a confused look. Another laugh escaped out of he mouth as she straightened up.
"She's probably hyped up about something with fashion trends, it gotten her quite worked up these days. The trends aren't as good as they used to be, as far as she thinks," she said. I laughed lightly as I thought of the trouble Alice must be going through to set trends right. She loved fashion with a fervor that was almost inspiring. "It'll take a long time for her to come down," she said as she looked up at the spiral staircase that Alice had just run up, cellphone glued to her ear. Esme turned to me then, tucking a strand of hair behind me ear. "How are you dear?" she asked. "It's been so long since we have actually talked."
I smiled up at her, something I was trying to make seem reassuring. "I'm fine, now that you're back," I said honestly. "Things have returned back to normal, or as normal as they can be," I finished with a laugh. Esme nodded in agreement, a frown painting her face.
"Edward's happy too, Bella. Its so good to see some life back in him," she looked down at me again, a her eyes glittered in the faint light. "You have brought him back to life, my dear," she said.
"Hardly," I whispered. Though I guess I should have known better than to try to whisper anything within this house. Esme smiled again, placing a hand on mine.
"You have no idea, Bella. Do you wish to know what it was like for him to be away from you? I don't think I can ever describe it. If it came to down to it, I don't think that even Edward would be able to describe it. He stayed away from us most of the time, tracking Victoria. He would never answer calls, unless Carlisle called him personally. Even the days that he would come to visit, he would lock himself in his room, dear. The moans we would hear from him would break out hearts. It seemed like he had lost all purpose to live at all. I noticed it the second I looked into his eyes. They held no emotion, Bella, simply pain. The glitter in his eyes, that you had put there, was gone," she wiped a tears that had fallen out of my eyes, gathering me up in an embrace. "Dear Bella, you are so important to him. I know you don't think that, sweetheart, but you mean to world to him. Trust me, I know." I nodded my head slowly, not finding any words to say. "He never even touched the piano we had, not once did he glance at it," she whispered. "Has Edward ever told you how much he's into music? I suppose not, he hardly even looks at his piano anymore. Before you came into his life, dear, he would spend hours on it. He was content to just sit there and pour his soul out into his music. It was the one thing that he desired with a passion."
I wiped away that last traces of my tears as I looked up at her, confusion and hurt evident on my face. "He doesn't play his piano anymore?" I asked, disbelievingly. Esme shook her head, causing a sharp pain to sear down my chest. Had I taken this away from him as well, something that was so dear to him? Almost as if sensing my distress, Esme squeezed my shoulder a little, smiling down at me.
"Maybe you can get him back into that habit. It'll be nice to have this house filled with music again," she whispered. I nodded more to myself than I did to her. I would make sure to return Edward to the world that he loved. He had already given up so much for me; I would not let him sacrifice everything! Interrupting my thoughts, Alice came sliding down the straicase, her light laughter filling the room. She was over to the couch pulling me up, before I even knew it. Esme trailed behind as I was shoved into the back seat of her Porsche. She gracefully sat shotgun before I turned my head towards Alice.
"Where are we going?" I asked her skeptically.
"Canada," she responded with a shrug almost as if it were a daily activity. I let my head rest against the seat, closing my eyes and getting ready for a long day ahead.
It seemed with the big day ahead, that my mind would be occupied with matters that could lighten the burden of being away from him. Yet, he was the thought at the forefront of my mind. The whole day was spent buying and shopping for more dresses that I could ever afford, and despite my constant disapproval, Alice continued on buying. It surprised me how much money the Cullen's had, though I had gotten used to it all thanks to Alice. She shopped with tireless effort and unending enthusiasm. By midday, I had given up on scolding her for her unabashed desire to buy clothes, and had fallen behind with Esme. She walked with a calm step, smiling once and again at Alice and I.
By the time we eventually got back to the huge house in Forks, twilight was already dwindling in the horizon. My anxiety and impatience seemed to seep out of me. As I stepped into the living room, Esme put a calming hand on my shoulder as Alice flew through the door.
"Calm down Bella, they'll be home in 10 minutes. Would you listen to that heart of yours, you're going to get me in trouble. If he hears it, he'll think I did something to make you so nervous. Now, lets get you dressed up for Edward, shall we?" I had no energy to argue, having spent it all in Canada.
I complied as Alice dragged me to his room, setting down the ten bags that held my clothes. I cringed as I saw her set each one down individually, shuddering at the thought of how much they must have cost. Alice had refused to let me see the price of any clothing, afraid that I would never come shopping with her again. I went to stand next to the wall length window of his room. The bed, an everlasting symbol for the care he held for me, was place to the right of the window. I looked out at the waxing moon as my eyes scanned the thick forest ahead. Though I doubted my eyes could catch anything, they still were aching to see his face. A gentle tap on the shoulder turned me around to look at the dress Alice was holding up. It was an elegant piece of clothing, not too flashy, yet not simple. It cut off directly above the knee and was fitted to accentuate feminine curves, if I had any. Its color stood out the most; a deep navy blue with horizontal strips of the same color lining the outside. It was his favorite color.
The dress was quickly put on through Alice's constant urges to hurry. According to her, the hunting party would be home in less than five minutes. She looked disapprovingly at my human slowness as she fit my hair up into a sophisticated bun. With a turn of her head, I knew he was home. Her laugh filled the room as she bounced cheerfully out of it. I looked back into the mirror that he had bought simply for my benefit. I would have to do for now. Quickly getting up, I walked out of his room, gently closing the door.
I was surprised to find him alone in the living room, hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall. His golden eyes looked up as I walked down the stairs, nervously taking each step. His mouth hung open slightly and even I heard the slight breath get caught in his throat. The separation had become too much at that moment. After the stairs came to an end, I all but sprinted across the space to crash into his arms. His arms wound tightly around my body as he buried his head in my hair, inhaling deeply. I pressed my lips to the side of his throat, extracting a gentle moan. He pulled back to look at me, my eyes locking into his ocher ones. They swirled once again with the love ever present when he looked at me. Bending down, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips.
"I missed you," he whispered, his lips brushing mine. He increased the intensity of the kiss, knocking me breathless once again as my hands twined around his neck. He pulled back to lay his forehead against mine, and I was surprised to notice that I was not the only one out of breath. "You look exquisite," he whispered. Taking my hand in his, he walked out of the door to the large garden that lined the outside of his house. It was bigger than any garden I had ever seen, full of all kinds of flowers and fountains galore. The tracks that led down to the forest were made of marble, once again a reminder of his wealth. As we came to a fountain of Adonis, he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin against my shoulder. I leaned back into him, despising any space between us. The moonlight reflected off of his skin, making it shine like the sun never could. The moon cast gentle sparkles that made his skin luminous. It was subtle, but beautiful.
"Catch any good mountain lions?" I asked playfully, turning into his embrace. The chuckle resonated in his chest, making me smile.
"Only a few," he responded. "Emmett is quite happy though, there were plenty of grizzly's." I laughed at that and looked back up at him. He held a smile that inevitably took my breath away. As he cupped my head in his hands, his thumb traced my lower lip.
"How good it is to hear you laugh. I don't think I'll get enough of that sound if I live to be a Billion years old." With that he pulled me closer, tucking my head under his neck. I was content in his arms, more at home here than I would be anywhere. He breathed deeply as his arms wound tighter around my form. The soft gurgle of the water in the background served as the gentle music of the night. It seemed as if even the wind did not want to disturb the perfect moment we were having. I never failed to remember how my luck must have shined on me when his eyes first met mine. What we had, he and I, was not something everyone got to experience. To love so deeply that your very soul seems to meld with the one you loved, is something truly worthy of awe. Our love would never fade; I felt it in the very air that surrounded us. It was pure, untainted by anything. As it almost vibrated in the air, I knew, as I had realized long ago, what we had would never die. It was one thing to be immortal, but was another thing completely to have something eternal.
It was my belief that immortality was only a prolonged life. Everything had to come to an end one day or the other. What Edward considered immortal, I considered blessed with a long, un-aging life. And I was content to spend the rest of my days on Earth with this beautiful creature, whether those days ended in a few hundred years, or in several eons. Our love would flourish whether we remained or not. It was simply the nature of the pure, true love that he and I possessed. Yet somehow, I had the feeling that he and I would remain together forever, even after the days of the Earth ended. My other half would never be parted from me.
His hands made soothing circles on my back as he kissed my head. He let me go briefly as we walked to the small stone bench set underneath a towering rose bush. The potent scent of the flowers hung heavily in the air as he sat next to me, taking me back into his embrace. We watched the moon silently, all of our communication being done in the gentle touch of our entwined hands. After having sat there for several minutes, simply savoring each other's company, I turned to him. He smiled at me as his eyes turned scorching. Gathering my breath I returned the smile.
"Do you want to go inside now?" I asked. He brought my hand up to his lip before kissing it.
"Whatever you want, love." He proceeded to get up but I stopped him, pulling slightly on his arm. He sat back down, looking at me expectantly. I refused to meet his gaze as my hand traced invisible patterns across his. A cool finger lifted my face up to meet his gaze. "What's bothering you, Bella?" he asked. I took a moment before responding, unsure about how to put it.
"Would you play the piano for me?" I asked, deciding to keep it simple. He stiffened a bit; I felt it in his hands as the liquid in his eyes turned into hard solid. Though he kept the smile on his face as he turned away, I felt the restraint return in him. I cupped his face my hands, bringing it back to face me. But his eyes were closed as he breathed deeply, almost needing the breaths to keep his calm. "Edward," I called to him, stroking his face. "Look at me."
He opened his eyes as he let out a large sigh. Leaning his head against my shoulder he spoke in a soft whisper. "I don't think that would be a very good idea, love."
"Why not?" I questioned. I let him sift through his thoughts, staying silent as I let the rhythm of our breathing be the only sound to encompass the area. With a groan he sat up again. This time he looked me in the eyes. "Esme told me you don't play anymore, why not? You love it right? Than why the hesitation?" He shook his head slightly as he bent his face in his hands.
"Bella," he whispered as he came back up again. "I don't deserve to do things that I love anymore." I froze in my spot, terrified of where the conversation was leading. His hands pulled me back into his embrace with an exasperated laugh; there was no humor in his chuckle. "Breath, sweetheart, just hear me out. I know where your mind went when I said that, I'm sorry I should have phrased it differently. I will never leave you again. You will never be alone. It's a promise that I will uphold until the end of time," he paused as he planted kisses on my forehead. "Bella, when I left, I gave you a pain that I wished to take away. It was in my ignorance that I thought I would be giving you a chance at a healthy human life. It was the one time that I chose to give into my thoughts, and it led me to hurt the one that I love the most.'" He gave me a gentle squeeze as I relaxed into his arms. "But Bella you have to realize that coming back to you, was like coming back to life. However, I can't ever forgive myself for the pain I have caused you. I don't deserve you Bella, I don't deserve anything that makes me happy after what I did to you."
I turned to him then, too weak to hear anything else he said. My lips crushed down on his and there was no hesitation in his movements. He took me into his lap, rocking us slowly back and forth. As my head began to swim he pulled away, but his lips never left my body. They trailed a scorching trail of kisses along my jaw to my neck. He looked back up with a faint smile when my heartbeat had calmed down. Once again I took his face between my hands, transferring all the love that I had with my gaze. "Edward Anthony Mason Cullen," I whispered. "If there is anyone in this world that I know of who deserves all the happiness it can give, it is you." With that I crawled out of his lap, grabbing his arm I led him back into the house. The piano stood to the corner of his house, placed within clear view of the upstairs. A large window lined the wall opposite it, facing the sun during sunrise. I led him to it, having memorized the way from the times where he played without any reluctance. When he played for me.
I turned to him when we got there. Standing on my tiptoes I kissed his soft lips as his hands wound around my waist. "For me," I whispered against his mouth. I took a seat on the stool, leaving enough space for his form to slip in beside. At first he hesitated, then with a pull that he could seemingly not resist, he was guided into the seat. He planted a soft peck on my temple before his hands turned to the piano.
The house was filled with the sweet melody of my lullaby. Pure joy radiated from his face, making me smile in response. He seemed at peace finally, almost ready to burst with joy. As his hands moved across the flawless instrument with likewise accuracy, I lay my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes to fully take in the breathtaking beauty of his music. I was content, not only because I was here with the one and only man that could posses my heart, but also because I had returned him to something that brought him pure joy. The house rang with the rise and fall of the harmonious chords, effervescent with the love he put into the song. As the closing notes to the lullaby were played I looked up to find his family smiling down at us from the railing that lined the upstairs. Chaste smiles were planted on their faces as they looked down proudly. I looked to Esme, waiting for her verdict on my work. Her smile increased to one that would have knocked any mortal man breathless as she mouth 'Thank you' to me. I returned the smile, turning my attention back to Edward.
With the closing of the song, his family soon returned to their rooms, giving us the privacy they always held to such high respect. He turned to me then and the smile that was plastered on his face was one that made my heart skip a few beats. His lips were on mine then with an intensity that had me floating. I cared not for my lungs that screamed for breath nor my head that swam with the need for oxygen. My hands clasped around his neck, tangling his hair as he pulled away. He lay his forehead against mine, the love evident in his liquid onyx eyes.
"Thank you, my love," he whispered before pulling me back to his lips.
