This is just a little something i wrote after being in a very controlling relationship of three years. I was cheated on multiple times and was only recently smart enough to get out, i look back on what i went through and think why did i ever bother. I hope no one ever goes through what i went through. but i hope you enjoy this random little piece of babble.
more than welcome to critic it, and tell me your own experiences :)
Empowerment.
Three years in a deep slumber, in a dream changing from a night mare to a fairy tale every few seconds. Looking at only what I could see and not taking a step back to see the bigger picture.
That picture was full mistakes I let slide on by, heartbreaks I repaired by myself and loneliness I never knew was there.
I wake up to the world and not my "perfect" little dream.
Yet I do not cry, I sit and stare at the picture of me & him on the bedside table.
Time keeps passing me by and I'm stuck, until I make the choice to move on, I never felt this empowerment, this rush, I guess this is what letting feelings out means.
I pick myself up out of bed lift the silver frame and kiss the couple in the park holding hands. I look at it a little closer I see him and my best friend, I see him blowing me off every weekend with out a care, I see him laughing at my desperate rants for affection, I see him and those whores and then I see red.
I fling the picture to my wall in my loft apartment, I see it shatter I feel shards of glass hit my feet and I feel free, I want this feeling again I pick up the locket he got me for my birthday and drop it from my balcony I see it fall straight down and hit the pavement, I have this completely insane rampage but I don't care I feel my tears turn into laughter and I'm healing!
I continue my fit, I reach for my box of letters from him rip them and pull my lighter from the kitchen draw in flames it goes, I chuck them in the toilet and flush them down and then I see something that makes me shiver with delight, HIS shirt I've been wearing around the house for over 3 years, I tear it with my bare bleeding hands and cry from the deep pit of my stomach.
I look around my apartment and sink to the floor I should feel incredibly ashamed, but I feel a pride.
After a good couple of hours I sweep up the shards of glass, throw the shirt in the bin, and then shower to clean my many cuts.
The water makes my whole body sting yet the pain has no comparison to my ripped heart, the asshole.
I sit in the bottom of the shower and sob, not over him he is not worth my tears but because I'm overwhelmed with different sensations.
Let the new me begin. And with the steaming water pelting down my back I feel old Bella wash away and feel a new woman emerge.
Jacob Black is going to eat his hear out.
review my friends :) x