Summary: For some reason ever since I was young, I never really felt like I was me. thinking that when I talk, it's not me talking. and if I was laughing, it was not me laughing. some say I was just imagining things, others said I just wanted attention. will they take me seriously when I start to hurt the canvas that is me? Or will they once again pretend I am normal?
As long as I can remember I never had a difficult childhood, and was never bullied or hit by my parents.
So why am I like this? Why do I seem to have so many problems even though I have such a great life?
I'm tired of never knowing the answers to all these questions I have.
It's almost like I keep repeating all the wrong things I have done up till now.
I wish that there was just something, anything that would make my world stop turning at full speed; and make it just stop.
Even for just a few seconds.
My name is Akiyama Mio. Currently I am 16 years old; the school I attend is Sakuragaoka High School.
My favorite things to do are write lyrics and play bass guitar.
My friends are Ritsu Tainaka my childhood friend and drummer, Tsumugi Kotobuki our lovely and gentle keyboardist, Azusa Nakano young junior and rhythm guitarist, and Yui Hirasawa lead vocalist and guitarist.
Together we make up the Light Music club.
That's only a game I play with though. I put on a face at school though, and act as though I am a perfect student, and act as though I'm shy and scared of everything.
Yet I still feel like this is not enough for me.
It's just not a big enough distraction.
I need something that will take my mind off of this hollow and painful feeling inside my chest. Even after all these years, I have yet to find an antidote for this disease that manifests inside of me.
Almost like a caged beast gnawing at the bars which imprison it.
I'm scared, I feel like I am losing myself every passing minute.
Kind of like the Mio that I am now, will turn into some random person that just looks like me.
I wonder if there is something wrong with me.
I truly can't even begin to think that I am completely normal, so that means that I am somewhat…
"Mio!"
Quickly darting my eyes from side to side I scan the path in front of me looking around to see where exactly the voice had just come from.
Turing around I see my best friend, Ritsu I give her a faint but gentle smile and nod my head making the "hurry up" gesture.
Upon hearing the clacking of school shoes meet the ground I knew that she had quickly dashed up to my side.
"Hey what's up with you this morning you didn't even bother to wait for me, we always walk to school together. Is there something wrong that you'd like to talk about?"
I glanced in Ritsu direction her golden eyes stared at me. Yet it felt more like she was staring right through me.
"It's the same thing just like any other day. Sorry about not waiting my mind was elsewhere."
"Hey Mio you know me and you have known each other for what 11 years? 12? We both have the same problems, same fears. And we both can't help but have this hollow and painful feeling all the time. But I think I found a way to make all of our troubles stop even if it's only for a few minutes."
My ears had picked up on a few keywords found, way, make it stop. I had wanted to burst into tears at that very statement. Ritsu had found a way to make it all stop.
To make our troubles go all away.
"Did you really find a way…to make this suffering stop?"
"You bet I did! And it may even make you become one with yourself too!"
"It's sounding so hard to believe at this moment…. Can you tell me how to do it or what I need to do to stop all of this?"
"I think it would be better to show to and let you experience it instead, you wouldn't understand unless you feel it."
"Well, if you say so I guess I'll just have to wait then."
"Who said you had to wait?"
At that comment Ritsu grabbed a hold of my palm and held it close to her.
The other hand retracted and dug inside of her pocket for something.
After a few seconds of rummaging she pulled out a small little shiny piece of metal.
Looking up at her I give off a questioning look.
"Now just to let you know this may hurt at first, but I promise you it will feel much better once it kicks in."
I looked down into my palm I saw that shiny piece of metal was a razor blade and that Ritsu had planned on trying to cut me.
Quickly pulling my hand back I hissed through gritted teeth as the blade managed to get a descent sized cut inside of my hand.
"What in the hell are you doing?!"
I screamed, as I held my hand and watched as the blood slowly dripped off and hit the concrete floor.
"Look Mio, you wanted a cure I found one. See even I did it."
Opening up her hand I see a long horizontal cut reaching from one end of her hand to the other.
Looking up to meet her eyes I see nothing but calmness.
It was so unlike her to be like this. But what was like Ritsu and what was unlike Ritsu?
The last thing I can remember about the real Ritsu is the fact that the person others see her as is nothing but a little façade.
So I guess this is the real Ritsu.
Would that make me just like ritsu?
something is weird. somehow it's almost like...I don't fell anything right now.
"Ritsu...I think you might be right about this... it doesn't hurt inside my chest anymore it's like I'm numbed or something."
"see I told you so. You just had to believe in me."
"Lets just get this school day over and done with. baka..."
"I wish I could go back to that day and tell ritsu that i found a bette..."
My eyes had closed and I fell asleep letting my mind rest and no longer think about the past.
"Ma'am please step back we need to make room for the stretcher!"
i couldn't move not a since inch. it was like my body had refused to move,more like it just couldn't.
I think the correct word to describe how i felt at that moment would be shock. Yeah that's it shock...
Me and Ritsu had planned on watching a movie at her house and just wanted to hang out with each other since we hadn't had time to just lazy around and do nothing, since the exams were coming up.
When I got there, it wasn't what I was expecting at all.
Laying there on the kitchen floor was Ritsu, blood had pooled around her wrist as she lay there taking small shallow breathes of air...dying...
Bits and pieces are all black as a small white room comes into my view, it was a hospital room.
"How is she doctor? Is she alright?"
"Please calm down ma'am. She is fine, luckily you called when you did or else she would have died of blood loss."
" thank goodness..."
"But we will be putting her on suicide watch and she will be transferred to Hide and Seek Mental institution.
b..bee...bbeeeeppppp...beep!
UGH! damn alarm clock. shifting out of the thin sheets i sit up and look around my room.
"It was just a dream huh?"
It's been like this for some time. almost every night the same vivid nightmare plays over and over again in my sleep.
3 months ago Ritsu had cut herself to deep and nearly bled to death. since then she has been inside of the hospital Hide and Seek.
"From what I've heard, you wouldn't want to go into the hospital to many weird things have happened. once you go in it's like you are a part of their cruel secrets. I wonder how bad the secrets are."
"But it's not like I'll be going there anytime soon though so I don't have to worry about any of that."
One thing Mio didn't know was that she was going to be stuck in the same place as Ritsu and the two will have to figure out the secrets and how to escape from their own death beds. At the... Hide and Seek hospital...