I AM SO VERY HAPPY

Eduard Khil, who was in Lima, Ohio to help the Glee club perform the trololol song, walked into Rod Remington's office. He had a smile that could scare a baby, and eyes that could kill a man. Rod Remington saw that he had both a potential enemy and love interest in this man.

"Who are you? I'm Rod Remington, local anchor of Lima, Ohio. I believe it is in our best interest to either fight or have sexual intercourse. Though I have been a straight all my life, I would much prefer the latter over the former." Beads of sweat dropped down his face and testicles.

The mouth, perpetually open, now produced sound.

"yuyuyuyu yu, yuyu yu, yuyu yu, ohohohohoooh… yuyuyuyu yu, yuyu yu, yuyu yu, ohohohohooooooooooooyayayaaa aaaaaayayayaaaaayaaaayaya," Khil said, unzipping his pants to reveal his erect penis. Rod Remington took a step back, with puzzled intrigue and internal horror. Khil's penis head looked exactly like Khil's face! It began to sing the same tune.

"yeyeyeye ye yeye ye ye ye ye lalalalaaaaaaa." It said, sharing the same vapid, empty smile, open mouth, and cold, unblinking eyes that it's master had several feet above. The eyes compelled Rod. He felt urges he had never felt before. They felt wrong, like they were the urges of someone else. He wanted to leave, to run away from that place where the beast with one back and a singing face on his penis sought to undo his sanity. And anal virginity. But a voice in his head hushed him. A new voice. A soothing, Russian, baritone voice. It sounded a lot like

"lululululalulalululalulooooo ooo yuyuyuyu yu yuyuyu yuyuyu ohohohohohoooooooohhh!" it spoke to him, its luscious tones caressing the creases in his brain, releasing his endorphins and sending him to his knees. Kneeling before the two-faced monster, he realized this had gone too far. The face would be inside of him. It would consume him like it had consumed the entire Russian government in 1914. Before Rod could even react in his head Khil's pubic hair was brushing against his nose and eyes. He could hear the singing within his throat. His mouth opened slightly, and the effect was somewhat like a talkbox. Tears ran down his eyes as he turned around and presented himself to Khil. The face went in, and the eyes grew even wider with spirit. The singing shaft sang softly all throughout the penetration, never stopping, never stopping. Rod had never felt so beautiful, yet so ashamed. The climax was so great the sound passed all the way through Rod's digestive system and the two voices became one, one trolololololololololol. And Rod knew he was a changed man. He turned around, but Eduard Khil was already gone. Away to sing another day. Rod looked out the window of his office, and saw only birds in the trees outside. And he was so very happy.

"Push!" the doctor yelled urgently. "Push!"

Rod was trying desperately to rid the baby from within his engorged anus. All of the medication he had taken, all of the breathing exercises and preparation, and it wasn't helping. Even his co-anchor by his side wasn't helping comfort his pain. 18 hours into labor and this child didn't feel any closer than it did 12 hours prior.

"Push!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed, and it was done.

The baby was born.

And from it, came a scream.

But no! not a scream.

A song.

"yuyuyuyu yu, yuyu yu, yuyu yu, ohohohohoooooooh! Yuyuyuyu yu, yuyu yu, yuyu yu, ohohohoohoooooooooooh!"

Rod's heart sank through his body and came out his anus.

Disturbed, the doctors handed him the baby. Since this is like a movie, the baby came out fully clean and several months old, and the doctors were ready to just hand it over to him. His baby. His own creation, but he didn't want it. He held it in his arms. It was soft, and smooth, and all his. He turned the baby over, and looked at his face.

Its face was the face of Eduard Khil.

And it continued to sing.