Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or any of its characters. They belong to Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon… or at least, they did before… IT WAS CANCELLED! *breaks down sobbing* D':
Note: *sniff* Okay, I'm done sobbing now lol. I just wanted to begin by saying that this fic has some major warnings coming up for chapters starting after this one. It will have some dark stuff like rape, torture, and possibly really grossly detailed descriptions of bodies/murders. It will also have f/f sex in later chapters and cursing. This is one of those stories where I really get to let out my dark emotions as well as my happy ones. Just thought I'd warn ya now so that you know what you're getting into when you read this. And as always, if you don't like that kind of stuff or are too young, then please leave and never come back. I rather like writing these kinda things, so don't mess that up for me! Got it? … Good. Now that we understand one another, I'd also like to say that the idea for this story was inspired by the movie Monster (2003) starring Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci. It's based off the real-life story of a prostitute named Aileen Wuornos (portrayed by Theron) who becomes a serial killer and falls in love with a girl (Ricci). It's a pretty awesome movie; Charlize Theron's acting was incredible. I totally recommend it if you haven't seen it.
Enjoy!
~~~~~Victorious~~~~~
Tori sighed as she stepped into the cool water in her shower. The LA sun had been unforgivingly hot that day, its heat even penetrating the indoors and making it so that there weren't many places to hide from it. Tori had been stuck inside her stuffy studio recording her latest album for most of the day, having to take breaks every so often to drink some water so as not to dehydrate her body, mind, and voice. It was for that reason that stepping into the cool shower at that moment felt like heaven. For a few moments, she just stood still her face looking upwards as the water just flowed over her and cooled her body. She let her mind go complete blank and felt some of the pressure of recording melt away. It was times like this when she wondered about a few things about her life. When would she back away from the limelight? Would she settled down with someone and have family? What else would she do with her life? At 25 years old, Tori had already accomplished many musical achievements. Seven award winning albums, three Grammys, performances at a handful of award shows as well as on multiple TV shows including Saturday Night Live, Ellen, and The Voice, and touring on concert were among them. All those things had happened since graduating from Hollywood Arts seven years ago. Tori wasn't full of herself, but she wasn't insecure enough to believe that her career wouldn't continue on this impressive track should she continue. Of course, it wasn't that Tori didn't still love this career or wanted out! She just had moments when she felt as if something were missing, and she couldn't quite figure out what. Shaking the thought from her head, she began washing her body.
'Don't be so silly,' she told herself, 'You have everything you ever wanted. A huge apartment to call your own, a rolling music career, friends who you are still very close with- friends like Andre, Beck, Sikowitz, Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer, and Gibby. Cat too when she takes time away from my sister and their kids to come visit, but she calls at least every week otherwise. And Robbie comes around when he isn't travelling for his comedy career. Most of them you'll be seeing tonight for Beck's birthday.' Thinking about all her friends though, she realized that something WASmissing; every get-together with her friends reminded her of the friend she'd lost, the one who, after graduating, suddenly disappeared. Jade West. God, even after all these years, Tori still missed Jade like crazy. For a year and a half, starting after their forced date, Tori and Jade were the best of friends. Jade still taunted and tormented Tori, causing Tori to yell at her, but it had been more out of habit and entertainment than anything else. Jade and Tori became almost inseparable, hanging out every weekend, doing homework together on most weekdays, going to movies and on shopping trips, and anything else they could think of. Sometimes Jade would just be at Tori's house in the morning when she woke up, ready to tease Tori about her bedhead as she handed her a cup of coffee. Tori's parents got used to it and Tori depended on it. It took all of Tori's will power to not confess how deeply in love she'd fallen with her pale-skinned friend. Jade had gotten back with Beck, and, even if they hardly acted like a couple (spending very little time outside school with each other and barely talking even when they were together), Tori was not going to get between them by telling Jade how she felt.
And then graduation had come. After finally getting their high school diplomas, they had had one last party just the eight of them (Tori, Jade, Andre, Beck, Cat, Robbie, Trina, and Sikowitz) because they had found that they were actually sad to leave the school that had brought them so many memories and enabled them to just be themselves. It was this party that had been the last time they would see Jade. It had been a blast; Tori and Jade danced and laughed, and when the night came to an end, Jade drove Tori home. Tori had started silently crying from the bittersweet feelings she was having. When Jade pulled into her driveway, Tori had fully expected Jade to make fun of her, but she'd been shocked to see Jade was crying too. They held each other for a long time, comforting each other. And then, all of a sudden, Tori couldn't even remember if anything caused it or who initiated it, the two girls were passionately kissing. Their make-out session felt so good and so right to Tori, and she had never wanted to stop. It ended all too soon when Jade pulled away. As she rested her forehead against Tori's, panting for air, her blue-green eyes looked back into Tori's brown ones. She was certain that Jade could read all the emotions Tori felt, but she didn't care. Tori could see many emotions run through Jade's eyes as well. Some were unrecognizable. Others Tori could identify as happiness, shock, sadness, and regret. For a second, all those emotions were overpowered by a look of fear. But before Tori could ask her about it, it was gone, leaving Tori to wonder if it had even been there. Jade's look was now full of honesty and regret as she said, "You have no idea how badly I want more Tor."
Tori had opened her mouth to tell Jade she felt the same and that Jade could have anything she wanted that Tori could give, but Jade placed a finger over her lips. Her eyes welled with fresh tears as she whispered, "Please. Just don't say anything. Don't make this moment harder than it has to be. There are so many things I wish I could say, but I can't because it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I wasn't even going to say anything at all, but I just… I can't leave it like that. So I'm only going to say one thing and then I want you to get out of the car, go inside your house, and pretend this never happened. Trust me when I say, it'll be much easier for you that way. Promise me Tori. Promise that after I say this, you'll leave, and move on with your life."
Her sapphire colored eyes stared at Tori so intensely that Tori understood this was a promise Jade needed her to make. She wanted to ask some many questions and beg Jade to stay. But when she opened her mouth, all she could say was, "I'll try Jade. I promise."
Jade relaxed slightly before whispering, "I love you Tori. Since we met, you have made my life so much better. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that. I'm sorry that I was never able to show you how deeply in love with you I am. It was always you. It will always be you. I just… wanted you to know that." And then she pressed her lips back to Tori's in a searing, deep kiss that left Tori lightheaded. Again it was too soon when Jade pulled away, but this time she fell back into her seat, grabbed the steering wheel in a death-grip that left her knuckles turning white, and glared straight ahead.
As much as Tori wanted to stay longer and make Jade stay with her, she had to keep her promise. She swallowed hard as she forced herself to open the door and get out. She heard the engine roar back to life as she straightened. She was just about to close the door, when she quickly turned around, crawled back in the car, and pressed one final kiss to Jade's lips. Then she pulled away and gasped, "I love you too Jade. Always have; always will."
Jade gasped as she stared wide-eyed at the Latina. Then her face was overcome by a huge smile, one that Tori could see she was helpless to prevent. Tori returned it, pecked her lips one last time, then got out, closing the door behind her as she walked to her front door. She turned around and watched as Jade drove away and out of sight. Then she stood there for twenty more minutes, smiling dreamily and gently touching her lips, trying to preserve the feeling of Jade's against them. Later the next day when she got the call from Beck that Jade was gone, her house vacant and cell number dislocated, Tori was not surprised. She had known in the back of her mind that that had been the reason for Jade's confession the night before. To have it confirmed though, left Tori a broken-hearted, sobbing mess. She also was scared for Jade when she remembered the quick look of fear that had passed through her eyes, but she kept that to herself. It had taken Tori a long time to stop being so sad, but she still missed Jade every day of her life, wondering where she was, if she was okay, and if she missed Tori and what they could've had together as much as Tori did.
"Hey Tor! You home?" a voice called through the large, studio apartment, interrupting Tori's thoughts.
Tori turned off the water, and stepped out as she called back, "Yah Andre! I'm almost ready!"
"Take your time chica," Andre said as he put his bag down, shed his shoes, and started moving through the apartment towards his room, "I wanna take a quick shower before I change though. It was one helluva hot day, and I got all sweaty."
Tori chuckled as she came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and running a brush through her wet hair. Andre and Tori had been living together long enough- about seven years to be exact, since not long after they'd graduated- that they were completely comfortable with one another. Thankfully, it hadn't been like that time Andre has stayed over when his grandma was driving him crazy; he and Tori had proved that they could be excellent roommates. Andre did most of the cooking while Tori did most of the cleaning. They respected each other boundaries and did their own laundry. It was great, and Tori hated to admit it, but she was a little happy that Andre no longer had his grandma to worry about. Not having to care for the crazy woman had really let Andre show his independent and mature side. "Awh! You poor baby," Tori teased as she leaned against the door frame and watched as he began to shed his clothes. "So how'd it go?"
He moved past her into the bathroom, wearing only his boxers as he answered, "Not that bad actually. Marlena's parents may actually like me."
"Oh Andre! That's great! So does that mean a proposal may be coming soon?" She wiggled her eyes suggestively as she exclaimed excitedly.
He laughed and leaned over to turn the shower back on, "Well, if it's coming, it's coming sooner now that I've met her parents."
Tori squealed before hugging him.
Andre just laughed before smirking, "Cover your eyes chica!"
Tori rolled her eyes, "Why are you afraid that you'll turn me straight, and you'll have to explain to your girlfriend why your roommate is suddenly all over you?" Tori made a show of looking him up and down, "Trust me. Not gonna happen."
When Andre hit her with a towel, Tori began laughing hysterically. "I'm not sure if I should be offended or relieved," was his usual response to a comment like that- not that Tori made those jokes a lot, but she was in such a good mood all of a sudden that she couldn't help it. Tori just continued laughing but did him the favor of turning around, so he could strip. She calmed down as she brushed her teeth. "Speaking of someone being all over someone else, where's Rebecca been lately?"
Tori groaned at the mention of her latest love-interest. Tori spit the foam of her mouth and said, "She won't be coming around anymore."
"What? Why? What happened?"
Tori made an exasperated noise as she explained, "I told her from the beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious. At the time, she seemed fine with that. It would just be some casual dating and hooking-up while I focused on my new album and she focused on her DJ-ing. It seemed like it was going fine. I liked it; she seemed to be liking it. And about two weeks ago, she was suddenly calling me a million times a day and starting to tell me she loved me. Yesterday, she had the gall to yell at me for not wanting to commit after I specifically told her that I wasn't going to do so. So I broke it off." Tori let out a growl of frustration. There was only one girl Tori had ever considered committing to, and she doubted she would find another. Even though Tori had absolutely no hope that she would ever see Jade again, she couldn't stop her heart from still loving her- still needing her.
"Daymn girl," Andre said as he turned off the water. The towel slid over the top of the curtain rod as he questioned, "You okay about it?"
"Oh yah," Tori answered as she left the bathroom to head next door to her room. Over her shoulder, she called, "Hurry up and get dressed. We got twenty minutes before we have to leave. Beck will be pissed if we're late." She went to her walk-in closet and pulled out her black jeans, black knee-high boots, blood-red tank top, black belt to go over said tank top, and her black, faux-leather vest. After getting dressed, she headed back to the bathroom to blow-dry her hair, leaving it slightly damp so that it would curl slightly, and put on her make-up. Feeling a little edgy, she put on her black leather dog collar and matching red-and-black plaid cloth wristbands. If she had time, she would've painted her nails black and red, but decided that that might have been overkill anyway. Red and black were Tori's favorite colors- well two out of three of her favorite colors. Her other favorite was the blue-green of Jade's eyes that Tori could still remember perfectly. Looking in the mirror, she smiled satisfied. Beck had decided he wanted to party at a club for both straight and gay people, so Tori felt her look was appropriate.
Tori heard a wolf whistle and turned to stick her tongue out at her roommate. He smirked, "Hoping to pick up a chick or two with that outfit?"
"Maybe," Tori smirked back. "So you ready?"
He was wearing a simple outfit of blue jeans, a dangling-chain belt, white wife beater, and grey-and-blue plaid button-up shirt that he'd left unbuttoned. He nodded, "Yup. Just… Do you know where I left Beck's gift?"
"The vintage Batmobile RC toy?" He nodded, "Yah. You didn't want Beck to find it so you hid it in the laundry closet." See? Perfect roommates.
Tori and Andre got their presents (and Tori grabbed her purse) before they headed out. They took the elevator down, waved to Jonah the doorman (who was rather like Lewbert from iCarly so he naturally yelled at them), and flagged down a cab. By the time they got there, the club was already hoppin'. The music's bass could be heard even on the street and made Tori's ribs vibrate. "Tori! Andre!" a girly voice called. Tori and Andre turned to see Cat waving excitedly at them, Trina at her side and holding her other hand.
"Oh my god!" Tori gasped with a large smile before running into Cat's arms. Then she hugged her sister, "I thought you guys weren't going to be able to make it. Where are my gorgeous niece and nephew, Amelia and Marty?"
"They're with our parents. We'll be here for a couple of days, and I'm sure they'd love to see their famous Auntie Tori. And their Uncle Andre of course," Trina offered them with a smile.
Tori laughed, "Yah of course."
"Just let me know when!" Andre hugged each of them, warmly. They had all started to like Trina much better after she'd begun dating Cat. Tori agreed that Cat had magically managed to bring out the best, more-likable qualities in her sister.
They caught up for a few minutes, waiting for the others to show. Soon, Spencer and Sikowitz showed up together (the two man-children had been together for three years now) followed by Beck- the Birthday Boy as Tori and Cat deemed and refused to stop calling him no matter how much he asked. Then Gibby and Freddie showed up. Carly and Sam, who'd gotten married last year, were the last to arrive, much to Carly's dismay. They quickly put their presents for Beck in his car before heading inside. The group partied hard, drinking, dancing, shouting, and laughing. A few hours later, Tori had gone to sit down for a breather and had begun to watch as Trina and Cat made out in the middle of the dance floor causing the men around them to holler excitedly. Seeing her sister and sister-in-law so happy together always reminded her of Jade and made her sad. Sam and Carly had noticed her staring at them with a faraway, sad look and offered her comfort. But combined with all the thinking she'd done about Jade earlier and the dreams she was having now, she found that that particular sadness just wasn't going to let her go tonight. But she put on a brave, happy face and cheered as Andre and the club staff brought a huge cake out for Beck. The whole place sang for him, making him blush, and then about eight girls were all over him for the rest of the night. When closing time came at 1 a.m. they said their goodbyes and headed home. Andre was wasted by this point so Tori had to help him inside the cab and up to their apartment, which was no easy task considering Andre was basically a dead-weight. When Tori finally unlocked and opened their door, she was pretty much carrying him. "Come on Andre," Tori groaned, "Ya gotta move your feet."
"Am moovin' meh feet," Andre slurred.
Tori grunted, "Are not. You're lucky I've been lifting more often. Just stay awake long enough for me to get you to bed. Then I'll get you some water and Advil to help with the major hangover you'll probably have in the morning." Tori knew she might as well be talking to herself as she moved past their entertainment area, around the corner, and down the hallway towards Andre's room. Finally, she shrugged him off of her and tossed him on to his bed. Like the good friend she was, she removed his shoes, pants, and shirts so he would rest comfortably. Hey, he'd done it many times for her but for different reasons. Tori usually only had a few drinks at most, but more times than she had fingers and toes, she'd come home from the studio or from running too tired to move. Tori couldn't help but smile affectionately at her best friend when he let out a snore loud enough to wake the dead. "Well, I guess that means you won't be taking any Advil tonight." She shrugged and moved into the kitchen anyway. She filled a large cup with water and left it and four pills on his bedside table. Then she turned off the lights and left, closing his door behind her. Tiredly, she made her way back towards the front door and closed it. She turned off all the lights as she made her way back down the hall to her room. Not wasting any more time standing, Tori threw herself onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling, letting out a loud sigh of relief.
"Rough night?" a sudden voice made Tori scream and shoot off her bed, turning to face the voice. Her lamp was clicked on, blinding her for a moment. She blinked a few times until she could see the intruder clearly. Tori's eyes widened when she finally recognized the other person, and a gasp escaped her lips, "Jade?"
Standing there with the smirk Tori remembered, was indeed Jade West. "Thanks for the intro Vega," the smirk spread at Tori's surprise.
For a moment, Tori was sure she was hallucinating- that her constant thoughts, memories, and dreams of the pale girl had suddenly brought her to life. Then a huge smile broke out on her face. "Jade!" she squealed happily before attacking Jade with a hug. When Tori's body met the hard realness of Jade's, she knew that she was real. She hugged Jade tight, feeling her heart almost burst when Jade returned it. Tori pulled away to look at Jade's face. "What the… How… When…?" Tori was too excited to complete any of sentences.
Jade chuckled, "You gonna finish any of those thoughts?"
Tori laughed at the sarcasm that she'd missed so much as she hugged Jade close once again. "I can't!" she laughed, "I'm just so happy you're here."
Jade sighed and relaxed as she squeezed Tori tighter, "Me too Tori. Me too."