A/N: Just a random bit of fluff that came to me this afternoon..
"Is it a very terrible thing, I wonder, to be quite glad that someone is dead?"
Twirling her breakfast spoon between her fingers, Mary had been occupied pondering this thought for some time. It seemed such a dreadful thing to consider, but the thought had been playing on her mind increasingly. Matthew, who had been quite contentedly reading the newspaper, raised an eyebrow at the odd question. Without raising his head, he peered querulously from under his brows at his wife.
"Yes! Of course you cannot be glad someone is dead," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Ah, but is it really?" Mary pressed. She was sure he was probably right, but then she did enjoy playing devil's advocate. "What about a cold-blooded murderer? Jack the Ripper?" She shook her spoon teasingly at Matthew. "You cannot deny that in some cases, society is better off without such an individual?"
Matthew looked up at her fully then, folding his arms and leaning forwards across the table. Ah, now she had his attention! She allowed herself a small smile of satisfaction.
"Society might well be safer without certain individuals, though I'm not sure that equates to being glad that they're dead," he responded carefully. His eyes sparkled in response to her teasing, his lips quirking upwards into a smile. "In any case my dear, I hardly think that your real concern is with Jack the Ripper or some other such criminal, now, is it?"
"No," she smiled fondly back at him. She did love it when he looked at her like that. "You are quite right." She contributed no further clue as to her real purpose in asking, rather relishing Matthew's fleeting frown of frustration.
"As I thought," he murmured. "Then why on earth do you ask?"
Mary reached across the small table to take his hand in hers as she considered her answer.
"Oh it's really nothing of consequence." Her low, smooth voice was like silk. Matthew raised his eyebrows.
"Mary, I know you well enough to know that you do not generally wonder about things of no consequence." He squeezed her hand gently, encouragingly. "What is it?"
More serious now, Mary told him what had been playing on her mind. There was but one person in the world she could truly speak her mind to, and she loved him for it.
"It is only that," she began, "when cousin Patrick died, I remember being quite sad due to feeling that I should be much more sad than I really was." Matthew's eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. "Well, I did make it quite clear to you that I wasn't at all sure I had a heart," Mary smiled ruefully. Matthew frowned in rebuke, whilst tenderly rubbing her hand. "Only now," she continued, "I cannot help but find that I am really quite pleased about it, in some ways." She pursed her lips. "So, you see, I fear there is no hope for me!"
"Oh Mary," Matthew raised his other hand to tenderly stroke her cheek, his eyes displaying sorrow at her self-deprecation. "I wish you would not say things like that."
"You said yourself that it is a terrible thing to be glad of!" Mary exclaimed. "How then do you justify your defence of me?"
Matthew sighed a little inwardly. Though she frustrated him often, he could not help but find her endearing.
"Alright," he spoke slowly. "Tell me, why are you glad that cousin Patrick died?"
"I maybe would not call it glad, as such," Mary thought aloud. "Yet I cannot help but think how different things would be, were he still alive. And be glad for it." Gazing warmly into Matthew's clear blue eyes, she squeezed his hand. "In the main, if cousin Patrick were still alive, he and I would be married and you would not be here." A small smile graced her lips. "And should I not be glad of that? Are not you?"
Matthew's head dipped a fraction in acknowledgement.
"I suppose I cannot deny that I am much happier now in my current situation of life than I was previously," he smiled conspiratorially, knowing full well that Mary perfectly understood that he was referring to their marriage rather than his position as heir to Downton Abbey. After pondering a moment more, he continued. "Although, I was perfectly happy in Manchester before any of that changed." He frowned slightly. "I suppose that, had cousin Patrick not died, we neither of us would have known how different things could have been. And therefore, we should not have been sorry for missing them."
"Hmm," Mary murmured in acquiescence. Certainly, now that she knew and loved Matthew, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that Patrick would have been a pale shadow of a husband in comparison. How could she have borne it? But then, as Matthew so sensibly – how did he always manage to be so sensible? – pointed out, she would not have known any different. The thought of never having known Matthew at all sent an odd flicker of panic through her chest.
"Maybe," Matthew wondered, "we can simply appreciate the way our situations have come about as a result. Rather than being glad, per se, that he is dead." He gazed fondly at his wife, lips turning upwards in a contended smile. Certainly, he could not be happier than he was now; he simply could not imagine a life without Mary to share it with. How dull his life must have been before he knew her! It seemed strange that he did not consider it so at the time.
"I imagine you are probably right, as usual." Mary took his face gently in her hands, conveying the warmth of her affection with her eyes. "So... Do you think it is such a terrible thing, after all?" She raised a teasing eyebrow, chuckling as she was swiftly chastised by a kiss across the table.
"No, I suppose it isn't."
A/N: Thank you so much for reading my wafflings :) I do hope it remains in character, not really being within the timeline of the show. Please let me know what you thought - any feedback, constructive criticism etc is extremely welcomed!