Catastrophes with the Cullen Clan:
Jasper & Emmett Hatch a Scheme
Jasper's Suffering
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
-Three Days Grace
Jasper always seemed to be in pain these days. It really wasn't fair. Sure, he dealt with it at school, but Bella was just torture. She was always with the Cullen family, tempting Jasper. It wasn't like he liked her; he actually thought she was quite annoying. Why can't Edward just turn her into a vampire already? he often found himself thinking when Bella came over for dinner. Rosalie complained that these get-togethers weren't really dinners; just the Cullens watching Bella eat. Jasper wished he could eat at these dinners, but Edward probably wouldn't appreciate his one true love being the main course. So it came as no surprise when Jasper reacted the way he did when Bella cut her finger chopping carrots.
"Jasper, NO!!!" screamed Edward. Emmett flung himself between Jasper and Bella. Jasper fought with all his might, but the combined strength of Edward and Emmett was too much. Rosalie pushed Bella away from the fighting vampires, "accidentally" her knocking into the wall. Bella fell to the floor unconscious.
"I'm a doctor!" yelled Carlisle, rushing to help Bella.
"Jasper, it's okay. I'm here. Shh, it's okay. You're fine." Alice's soothing voice wasn't even enough to bring Jasper back to his senses. He was sick and tired of tormenting himself!!! Edward and Emmett dragged him out of the room, Alice not far behind.
My God, it's just like her birthday, Alice thought. Bella would make one heck of an emo considering how often she manages to cut herself in front of Jasper. Why can't Edward just turn her into a vampire already?
A half-hour later, Carlisle reported that Bella was going to fine. The cut was extremely minor; she only needed a Band-Aid.
"We're lucky she didn't get a concussion from the force of a certain vampire shoving her into a wall," he said, glaring openly at Rosalie.
"Yeah, real lucky," muttered Rosalie. She took no mind though; surely Edward wouldn't take that clumsy little mortal around for a while. She did have an open wound after all.
As it so happened, Edward had no such plans. He seemed to think that the Cullen clan could control themselves around Bella. When he made this clear, everyone had their own reaction…
Alice: Oh, are you sure, Edward? Is it really worth the risk of someone hurting Bella?
Emmett: Well, I can handle myself I think. But what about Jasper? You know how he loves Italian…
Esme: I agree with Alice. You love Bella, why put her in any unnecessary danger?
Jasper: Edward, the last thing I want is to hurt someone I care about. You saw what happened today. If Emmett had been a second later-
Emmett: Excuse me?
Jasper: -then I could have killed Bella. I could have bitten her. And drank her blood. And let it linger in my mouth.
Jasper had gotten a hungry look in his eyes and there was drool starting to build up in his mouth, so Rosalie figured she had better cut in.
"Are you a total moron or just brain-dead, Edward?" she said disgustedly. "You claim to love Bella and yet you're, like, planning her demise. I swear this won't stop until she gets turned into a vampire or dies."
And that was when Jasper had his revelation: the revelation that would end his incessant suffering. Deep down, Jasper knew Rosalie was right. So, really, there was nothing else he could do. Jasper would just have to kill Bella.
Author's Note: I know this chapter was short, but I just thought that was a good note to end on. Can't go wrong with killing Bella. :) Please keep reading 'cause the rest of the story isn't this dark. Just humorous inhumanity, silly sadism, and violence-impaired vampires. :) P.S. "I'm a doctor" is a reference to Evil Iguana's one Twilight spoof, which is hilarious!!!! P.S.S. I just know some Twilight fanatic's gonna yell at me for messing up the New Moon birthday scene, so just cool your jets! It's the not the same scene y'all! P.S.S.S. I doubt I'm gonna get sued but, just in case, Stephanie Meyers owns all the Twilight stuff, although I wouldn't mind claiming Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle! Three Days Grace owns Pain, even though it's totally Jasper's theme song!
Happy Reading!!!!!