The lake was my only safe haven. I've been away for so long, I figured that one day I was bound to go back… I just wished it was in different terms then death; as harsh as it may sound, I took what I could get.
My mom died of cancer, Leukemia to be exact. She was in and out of the hospital for three years, and on the third year, she just let go. She held my hand, holding tears back just to be strong for me. After my dad died, she was all I had.
Her funeral was like a black abyss. I couldn't see anything but her coffin. Everything else around me disappeared. When they lowered her into her final resting place, that's when reality set in. That's when I knew I'd never see her again, and I came to terms with that.
I had to leave Georgia, I couldn't stay in a place that my mom and I once shared. Without second guessing, I knew where I wanted to return. I wanted to return to the lake. I moved into our old house. I used what money I did have to buy it. Luckily my cousin Jason was still there.
"Jay, I'm gonna go down to the lake." I told my older cousin.
"Okay, I'm gonna get Van and Flip in a bit, and we'll come down." He replied. I nodded, running upstairs to my room. I changed into my black bikini and grabbed a towel. I walked back downstairs and fixed me a glass of coke. I kissed Jason on his cheek, then left.
I looked around and something caught my eye. The same rope swing, Van and I had when we were younger was still there. I smiled, walking down the dock and onto the floating dock. I laid my towel down, and dove into the water. I stayed under water for about two minutes before surfacing. God, I missed this. I floated on my back, singing softly to myself.
"You a fish or something, girl?" I heard above me. I opened my eyes and saw my old crush, Van.
"Van!" I exclaimed, swimming over to him. He pulled me out of the water, and I attached myself to him instantly. I had my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs around his waist.
"Holy shit, Erica!" He said in my hair. I looked at him, setting my feet on the dock.
"I've missed you! Jason didn't say you were back." He admitted.
"I've missed you, too Van. I'm back for good." I said, smiling sadly. He kissed my forehead.
"Where's your mom?" He wondered, watching my face fall into complete sadness.
"Eri, what's wrong?" He wondered. I shook my head.
"Nothing, just thinking. Lay down with me?" I asked. He nodded, spreading a cover out for us. He and I laid on the floating dock.
"So you gonna tell me why you're back?" He looked over at me, shielding his eyes from the sun. I sighed, looking over at him, doing the same with my hand.
"Well Van, I thought you missed me! I see Jay hasn't changed," I started. "The reason why I'm back is because mom died." I said, biting my lip.
"Oh fuck, babe. I'm sorry. If I would've known, I would've gone to the funeral." He said sincerely. He grabbed my hand, entwining his fingers with mine.
"Thank you Van. I appreciate that. She's better off. I talk to her everyday… helps ease the pain." I spoke, closing my eyes.
"I know, but still, you know you can always talk to me. I'm the same Van you once loved when we were little." He said with a smile. I laughed.
"Conceited bastard. I have missed you Van. I love your tattoos. You have the same as I do." I said, pointing to my hip. It's the little flying creature he came up with. He got it tattooed on the inside of his arm.
"We always said we were gonna get the same tattoo." He spoke, I nodded.
"It is kinda cool Van. We did say that, but we both ended up getting the weirdest one." I laughed, watching him nod.
"That's true. I'm glad you're back, Eri." He said looking at me, his hand still entwined with mine. I looked at him and smiled.
"I'm glad to be back, Van." I whispered, squeezing his hand.
"Yo Van, Eri!" I heard Jason call out. I sighed, feeling the dock shake. I sighed, feeling the dock shake.
"What Jay?" I wondered.
"Yo Van, Julie's back. Party Tonight." He smiled, squatting by Van. I felt Van let go of my hand.
"I'll see you two later. I'm gonna go see Jules." He smiled, getting up.
"Yeah, sure. Bye Van." I said, getting back in the water.
"Eri, you okay?" Jason asked. I watched Van walk away. I nodded slightly.
"Sure, if that's what you wanna call it." I said, pushing off the dock.
"Feelings coming back?" Jason wondered. I rolled my eyes.
"Fuck you, Jason. Go smoke a joint." I yelled before going under water. I swam the whole lake, mostly under water.
When I was little, Van's daddy and my daddy always took us to the lake. We'd swim told we were past pruned. Our dads always called us Fish, only because we could stay under water for a long period of time.
The sky turned pink and orange over the lake. I swam back over to the dock, pulling myself up. I wrapped up in the towel, and laid on the cover, Van had laid out. I watched the sunset. Nothing in this world was better than this.
I closed my eyes as the sun set it's finally set behind the hills and trees. It started to become nightfall. I closed my eyes, listening to the crickets and frogs. The smell of the lake was fresh, the lights off of the houses shown on the rippling water; this was my home. This is what I longed for. I sighed, opening my eyes, screeching as Van stood over me.
He laughed aloud, quickly receiving a smack to the hip. I growled, as he took his seat beside me.
"You're an ass, Van." I muttered, closing my eyes once again.
"You gonna sleep out here?" He wondered. I nodded.
"More than likely. It's hot out, Van. I'm back, I miss this the most. Not having a care in the world, only thing between you and the water are the clothes on your back." I spoke, opening my eyes, looking at the stars. I felt him lay down beside me.
"What's wrong with you Van?" I wondered. He grabbed my hand.
"Julie. She's such a bitch. She said she didn't have a college boyfriend, but boys that are friends. I don't believe it though. She thinks I'm stupid for staying here and not going to school." He explained. I looked over at him.
"Van, you are way far from stupid. You have always been one of the smartest people I knew. Screw her. You're a better man than most. Who would take care of their dad, like you are?" I rationed. He squeezed my hand.
"She and I are done. When I went to go see her, she wanted to make it like she didn't know me in front of her friends." He muttered.
"Van, you are amazing. Never forget that, and never allow people to tell you any differently. It's her loss, not yours. You can have anyone you want." I said, squeezing his hand.
"Why did you have to move away?" He wondered, looking over at me. I bit my lip and looked at him.
"Mom said after dad died, it wasn't the same. She said everything reminded her of him, even I reminded her of him." I answered.
"I'm sorry. With all that's happened, I can't imagine how you feel." He muttered.
"They're both better off, Van. They're pain free, they're not in this world of hate and despair. That's what I thank God about every day. I know they're oaky, I know they're together." I piped, sitting up. I felt his arm go around my shoulders.
"You won't ever have to face anything alone from now on." He smiled. I nodded.
"Thanks Van. How about we do a swim for old time sake?" I asked, but I was interrupted.
"Oh yo! Ericaaaa, Vannyyyy. Let's get this party starteddd!" My drunk cousin Jason slurred. I laughed, noticing the four girls that was with him and Flip, and another guy.
"Van, we brought you a present to make you feel better." Flip egged. I rolled my eyes.
"You're such a dick, Flip. Fuck you. Me and Eri's going swimming. Yal are more that welcome to join." Van replied. The girls took their shirts, shorts, and bra's off. Jason and Flip stripped down to their boxers, as did Van. I guess I was the only sane one.
"You're Erica?" The guy, whom I didn't know the name of, asked. I furrowed my eyebrows and nodded.
"Yeah, and you are?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm Doug. Nice to finally meet you." He offered his hand. I took it, shaking it.
"Nice to meet you." I smiled. I could tell he wasn't straight. He stared at the guys, not the topless girls.
Flip pushed Doug in, along with Jason. Van started to push me in, but I dove in, swimming as fast as I could. I surfaced, looking to see if Van was behind me… but he wasn't. Next thing I knew, I was being pulled under. How I could I have fell for that?
I swam away from him, surfacing the water once again; along with Van. He smiled, swimming to me. I latched onto him.
"What do you think about Doug?" He wondered. I nodded.
"He's gay, isn't he?" I wondered. Van's eyes widened.
"Where do you get that he's gay? He's with that topless girl over there." He pointed out. I shrugged.
"So? Your point? Look, I saw him staring at you, Flip and Jason. I mean hell, I'm fine with a gay friend. He can go with me shopping, you know for bikini's, underwear, and bra's." I winked. His lips went to a straight line. He shook his head.
"Nope, no one sees this body but me." He urged. I rolled my head back, laughing.
"Oh Van, Van, Van… you are one of a kind. What makes you think I want you looking at my body?" I offered.
"Because like you said earlier, some things never change." He spoke, sticking his tongue out. I caught it with my fingers.
"Ah, ah, ah, no need to be a smartass." I smiled, pulling his tongue, making his eyes widened.
"I torrey, I towry, I towry." He managed to get out. I laughed, letting go of it.
"Oh, you're gonna get it now!" He exclaimed, as I tried to swim away, but I didn't get a good time. He had caught me, bringing me back to him.
"That was a very naughty thing to do, Erica!" He taunted. I giggled, trying to get out his strong grasp, but failing.
"Don't fight it. You deserve this!" He laughed, tickling my sides. I tightened my grip on him, making us go under water. I grabbed him swimming up to the surface.
"Yo, Van, Eri! Come over here." Flip yelled over by the dock. I'd say we were a good hundred yards from them.
"We'll be there in a second." Van called back to them. We saw him nod, then diving in the water.
"God, I've missed this." He whispered. I looked in his eyes.
"Me too, Van. Me, too." I muttered, hugging him. I felt him kiss my shoulder then my neck.
"You remember we used to have so much fun when we were younger?" He whispered against my neck. I nodded. We did. He was my first kiss, I was his. He took my virginity, I took his. We were 14, and I got pregnant, and ended up losing the baby in less than a few weeks. We didn't even know I was pregnant, until I started bleeding down there, and I passed out.
"Do you ever think what it would've been like if I didn't lose the baby?" I asked him, biting my lip.
"All the time. I still love the baby, no matter what, even if we didn't know." He answered. I nodded.
"What about you? Do you?" He wondered.
"All the time, Van. Even though we would've been parents to an actual human being at 14, I think we would've been great parents." I replied as honest as I could.
"I still think about that day. We were out on the dock dancing, you started bleeding and you passed out. I've never been so scared in my life. I thought I lost everything." He spoke softly, in my neck.
"I was scared. When I woke up with those machines hooked up to me, and I saw you; I thought you were the best thing ever. When you told me what happened, I felt ashamed. I knew we could've never had anything… that was the only thing I would've had of you." I replied. He looked up at me, face hardening.
"What do you mean we could've never had anything? Erica, I gave my heart to you." He spoke, voice breaking after each word. I shook my head.
"Van, you had Christy, Jessica, and Jennifer. You dated all three at the same time. Of course there wasn't room for me." I shot back.
"Fuck no! You can't do that to me! I went for you. You were all I wanted." He gritted.
"Van, can you just hold me? I don't want to fight." I reasoned. He nodded, setting his arms around me. I laid my head on his shoulder, as he did the same for his.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Me, too." I whispered in reply.
"Erica! Van! Come on!" Jason yelled out to us. I sighed, picking my head up. I swam around Van to his back. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and my arms around his neck. He started swimming us to Flip, Jason, Doug, and the four girls. Not even three minutes, we were to them. Jason kissed my head, and smiled.
"Erica, this is Amanda, Roxy, Brianna, and Jenny." He said, introducing the girls. I nodded their way.
"Ladies, this is my little cousin, Erica. She's back for good!" He exclaimed, making everyone laugh.
"Nice to meet you girls." I smiled over to them.
"Nice to meet you as well." They all spoke in unison. I grinned, kissing Van on the back of his head, before pushing him underwater. Everyone laughed as I swam quickly to the floating dock, and climbed on it.
I sat down, placing my finger over my lips for them to stay quiet. They nodded, as Van came up for air.
"She's gonna get it now!" He laughed, spitting water out his mouth. I rolled my eyes. He thinks he gonna get me.
"Oh Van, when do I get to see your house?" Roxy wondered, touching his arm. I felt that burning feeling of jealousy shoot through my body. He was mine, always have been, just as I was his.
"Oh um, I don't know… never?" He asked dumbfounded. I sat back laughing. He turned his head and shot me a grin. He motioned for me to go back over to him. I nodded, getting up and diving into the water. I swam back over to him.
"I heard about you and Julie, but don't worry Vanny, I will take care of you." She purred, I couldn't help but laugh. I got choked. Everyone looked at me.
"I had some water in my mouth." I smiled sweetly, and coughed.
"Oh really? Um, I don't think that's a good idea. I wanna lay low for a while, ya know?" He shot to Roxy. Her face fell into a simper, like she understood. I bit back my laugh, watching her swim back over to Amanda.
I felt Van's arm go around my waist, pulling me to him. I laughed aloud, and he clamped his hand over my mouth.
"Shush, she's been around more than Jo-Jo the Prostitute. I don't need that." He muttered in a husky voice.
"Hey Van, we still on for tomorrow?" Doug asked Van. He looked at me, then back to Doug. He smiled.
"Yeah, sure buddy." He spoke. Doug started getting out at the lake, onto the dock with the girls, Jason and Flip.
"Erica, we're gonna go to your house and party our own!" Jason shouted.
"Not in my fucking bed you pig!" I yelled in reply. Everyone laughed.
"I swear to God and all above Jason! I come home, and find yours, Flip's or Doug's sperm on my bed, I'm gonna forreal cut your dicks off and hang them on the tree as Christmas ornaments!" I shouted, as they walked.
"They're such dicks." I grumbled. Van laughed.
"Oh don't get me started on you Van! … Yeah, sure buddy." I mocked him. He gaped as if he were shocked, and splashed water on me.
"You're such a kid." I giggled, splashing back.
"Says the girl who is splashing!" He retorted.
"You started it!" I exclaimed, swimming away from him and to the dock.
"Come on Water Boy, let's go before they can do immediate damage!" I yelled over to him as I wrapped my towel around me. He laughed, swimming to the dock. He got up, rinsing his shorts out some. He grabbed his clothes. I folded the cover, and grabbed my clothes.
He helped me onto the dock. He put his arm around my shoulders and we started walking up to my house. I wrapped my arm around his waist, as we trotted up the concrete steps up the hill. I noticed Jason turned every light on in my house.
I growled, and Van laughed. I hit him lightly in the stomach, than I walked in. Jason had turned the cd player on with the strobe light, and the disco light on; so pretty much they were having a dance party. The girls were still topless, I rolled my eyes, chuckling.
Doug was not pleased at all. You could tell he wasn't having fun dancing with girls. I was gonna find him a man. He and I would talk later, I'd make sure of that.
"Do you wanna dance?" Van asked me. I smiled, and nodded. We put our clothes and the cover on the table. We walked over to where the guys and girls were. 'Get In My Bed' went off and 'How Do I Live' came on.
Van wrapped his arms around my waist, hands resting at the top of my ass. I wrapped my left arm around his neck and my right arm around his arm, resting my hand on his shoulder. He pulled me close to him. I smiled to myself, closing my eyes and laying my head on his chest.
I started singing absentmindedly with LeAnne Rimes. I felt Van smile against my head. He kissed my head, then laying his against mine. I never wanted to let go, no matter what the situation was. The song went off. I looked at the clock and it was 3 A.M.
"I hate to cut my fun time short, but I'm going to bed. Yal are more than welcomed to stay." I said, nudging Van. He smiled as I ran upstairs. I jumped in the shower, washing my body off, and jumping out. I wrapped the towel around me walking in my room. Van was on my bed.
"Go take a bath, and come to bed." He nodded, smiling. I gave him a pair of boxers that I usually sleep in. He ran into the bathroom turning the shower on.
I changed into a white wife beater, and a pair of boy shorts. I pulled the covers back, as the door opened. I looked back at Van and he was drying off. He had the boxers on though. I sat on the bed, and laid back. He turned the light off, and got in the bed.
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. I faced him wrapping my arm around him. I leaned up and kissed him on his lips. I felt him smile against mine, and kissed me back.
I broke away nuzzling my face in his neck. He ran his fingers through my hair, as I ran mine on his back. He kissed my forehead.
"I love you, Eri." He whispered. I kissed his neck.
"I love you, Van." I whispered in reply.
I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep. I was where I needed to be, I was in his arms. I just hope this is the start of what we were before, but just without him having three girlfriends. I loved Van with all my heart, and I never stopped.