Mystrade.
A sleek black car had slowly approached outside as I watched from the window. I eased the curtains as I went back to the chair. He hadn't seen me in months; he can't come prancing in here like everything is fine. No contact not even a poxy email. I would expect like always for Anthea to knock at the door, half paying attention as she taps away at her blackberry telling me that Mycroft wants me to go somewhere. It's not going down like that. Yeah I am crazy for him but I have to put my self first, and I can't keep putting myself through this.
My heart rose to my chest as the knock on the door came. I dropped my hands on my lap, refusing to get up. Who ever were there was hesitant on the next knock; it was approaching midnight which was the point. The final third knock came, and my heart felt as if it was still lurching.
"Gregory please answers the door. It's me my." Came a muffled pleading voice.
I sat there staring at the painting I bought the other week. It was hard not having him there. Not being able to talk, to touch him, Working for the government shouldn't be as important! I should be! Feeling like a spoilt child, I decided to at least hear what he has to say. At least then I can interrogate him about disappearing and not even a goodbye! I got up and straightened out my jumper, with Myc it felt like an impulse to make myself look as best as I could. I opened the door half expecting to see him stood there, but he was about to get into the car. My chest lurched. I welled up. I couldn't let him leave me no mater how angry I was. Through my training I ran as fast as I did within the physical test they make you do. I reached him, threw my arms around his waist and before I even knew it I was sobbing. I felt him sigh, but stood there just to let me hold him. For reassurance I guess.
"Gregory please, lets go inside shall we?" he pleaded
Immediately feeling overwhelmed with guilt for being angry, and the sudden burst of embarrassment, I thought it was best to ignore, avoid even the situation. Felt rational given the situation.
"My, I'm sorry, I... I'm... Ermm I'm busy.. paperwork." I sniffled as I turned and bought my sleeve to my eyes. I was adamant on not letting him see me like this."
I started to walk as briskly as I could, but his hand went around my arm and he twisted me round. Stood not even centimetres apart, I tried to step back but he wouldn't let me.
"Greg the one thing I love about you is the fact that your emotions spread across your face, so I read them before you even attempt to hide them. The fact that you're tensing, shows that you're feeling angst against me. I owe you an explanation into why I disappeared."
He moved his hand so it cupped my face; I looked up at him longingly. My's beautiful, he really is. His thumb started to rub my cheek as he leant in for a soft kiss. His lips melted him to mine. For the first time in months I felt he was back, I had my boyfriend back.
We had went in , and he sat down explaining he had to deal with some last minute documents in Russia, so he got whisked off. Then when he tried to ring or send an email he lost signal. I couldn't help but feel as if I made an idiot of myself, this was because I felt I let my down. I should have trusted him. A pain spread through me so fast I barley was able to deal with it. Before he could stop me I got up and ran to my room, I had an on suite bathroom which I ran into so I could use it. It was too late; the panic attack was back this time. I was losing it. I dived straight for the loo and before I knew it I was sick.
"Was it a panic attack?!" Mycroft asked as he stepped into the bathroom.
Oh! The concern in his voice was overwhelming. I heard him walk away, but came back ten minutes later. He walked into the bathroom and I watched him as he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He picked up the bottle of water and came beside me aware that I was watching him in shock. He helped me up and took me over to the sink and told me to rinse out my mouth with the water he gave me while he cleaned up the mess. He then came over to put the jacket over me.
"You okay now? I thought this might happen. Oh Greg, I'm so sorry for leaving you like that. I should have known. I'm not Michele, I'm not going to leave you or hurt you. You have to trust me." He said leaning me in for a hug.
I sighed as I went for a hug. He was right, I should trust him its just hard, and that's not necessarily his fault. Michelle was my ex, she cheated on my badly and you can guess that just ruined my confidence within myself. So then when I met my, through Sherlock I just knew. When we first started, I explained to him what had happened. Explained that I needed time, and he understood that and told me that he would never leave me. He understood why I was shy and told me that he would wait for me. It was the smell of his jacket that bought me back. He always smelt fantastic. I loved it.
Why was I letting my emotions get to me like this I will never know. We walked back into the sitting room where I still felt the security of the jacket around me. I looked upon the sofa where upon Anthea I presume had dropped his stuff. He went into the kitchen to make himself and me something to drink. I could really use that now. I sighed as I dropped in the chair, I looked over at where my's stuff was due to the fact his phone was going off.
"Would you get that for me Greg?" He called.
"Yes Love" came my reply.
I reached over for his phone and answered
"Mycroft? I'm only going to be quick, no need to responded. Its about the documents, they need signing; you need to come to the office, in London. See you there"
Phone clicked off.
No. No. No. NO. I had to calm down, surely there is a logical explanation to why my has been in London, or is needed there. I blanked.
My came in carrying the tea. I made sure he had both of them on the table, before I even started. He sat next to me and placed his hand on my thigh. I shot straight up. Tears were already flowing and I couldn't give a damn!
"Where were you for the past month my? You weren't in Russia were you?" I didn't even give him the chance to reply."YOU WERE IN LONDON THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME."
It was hard not to be upset when the man I love lied to me. He knew he wasn't that far, and its London for Christ sake you can get signal everywhere. Did he cheat? Does he not want to be with me? Oh it's that. He looks at me and knows he doesn't. My figure? Looks? Wealth? Before I knew it I was on the floor grabbing my chest. Breathe Greg Breathe.
My was still sat in the chair frozen, it was weird how I got to answer his phone, but could it be that he was expecting Sherlock. He was timid and that's what I loved about him, he looks so frail, yet within a matter of seconds he could pick me up. One thing that frustrates My is that I think, no I feel. Scratch that I know that I'm fat. In actual fact in that person that you see walking down the street wearing something that doesn't flatter them, walking with their hands down by their sides and head down. I guess yeah I'm insecure. It drives My crazy; he keeps telling me time after time how beautiful I really am.
It was 2 months into the relationship when we explored each other. It's been a year and we haven't had sex, I was in my birthday suit hidden behind the duvet, showing nothing. Lights had to be off. They were kept on as My came through the room, each crevice, birth mark and freckle was outstandingly beautiful. He stood there face dropped and I knew why. I had hidden myself away in the duvet. He kept telling me there was no need. With that he pulled the duvet off me as it fell to the floor, I was curled up on the bed cradling myself. I spent half an hour crying and he just held me till I fell asleep.
As my breathing calmed, I looked over at My who still hadn't said a word. Why hasn't he told me yet? I was crying and it was clear to see.
"Greg, yes I was in London but you have to understand. I didn't want to tell you because I knew how you would get. The queen needed something dealt with and truth be told it was driving me mad how I wasn't able to see you let alone talk. They kept us under restrictions and it... I..."
He could have said one word and I knew through the sincerity of his voice he was telling the truth. With that like a hit to the stomach I felt more embarrassed then I ever have.
"Greg comes here please?" he pleaded.
I got myself up from the floor and collapsed onto the chair head in my hands.
"I hate what she's done to me. My it's crippling." I sobbed
He put his arms around me as I rested my head on his shoulder; he pulled my legs over his. Covering me. Protecting me. He started to stroke my arm before continuing. "Greg, I knew you thought I wither cheated or didn't want you. I was so close, yet so far. You're a brilliant man Gregory, So smart yet it's frustrating when I see you scurrying off to the bathroom so you can get changed when I've seen it all before. Like I said I will wait for you when you completely ready but please try to see you're self in a better light. The same way I eat for you. I love you but you do drive me crazy."
I was feeling like a train wreck. Nothing more could have destroyed me. My continued. "Michele was unfortunate not to see what she had. You're so stunning yet you refuse to believe me"
We sat there in silence before he picked me up, and carried me to bed. I folded into him before drifting to sleep. That night was the best night sleep I have had in ages.