This is a story my sister actually thought of but didn't want to write herself for whatever reason, so I decided to write it instead. This one might end up a bit serious at points, but let's face it, it's mostly going to just be really goofy. So, have fun with that.

Just so you know, this is all going to be in first-person point of view, switching between Clyde and Token because I am really obsessed with the first-person point of view. I don't know why.

Chapter One – We didn't start the fire

Clyde's POV

I didn't realize having a gay best friend would make me feel so weird. I tried hard not to, but when Craig started dating Tweek, I would sometimes lay awake at night and wonder. Wonder if he ever had the hots for me, that sort of thing. I felt bad for thinking it, but I know I started to feel a little bit more awkward around Craig from then on. Thankfully, he never seemed to notice. Neither did Tweek. And you know what? I didn't really have to worry. Craig might have claimed that he wasn't really gay, but I saw the look he got whenever he talked about Tweek. The two of them were totally in love. It was actually really adorable about how in love with each other they were. I didn't have to worry about a thing.

At least, until we came back from winter break in our junior year of high school, that is. I have no idea what happened, and even now both of them refuse to tell me the details, but Craig and Tweek had a fight. A huge one. A relationship shattering, "I never want to see for as long as I live" sort of fight. The sort of fight that, in the wrong hands, could be used to power an atom bomb with the sort of fiery hatred the two of them had for each other. And Token, Jimmy and I were somehow caught in the middle of this war.

I remember when I got to school the first day after break, I noticed Craig looking rather pissed off about something. Token and Jimmy were standing with him, looking worried, but I couldn't see hide nor hair of Tweek. Curious, I went over to them.

"Hey dudes," I greeted them, trying to sound friendly. "What's up?"

"You know what, Clyde?" Craig snarled at me, making me pull back in surprise. "Why don't you take that stupid attitude of yours and shove it!" Then he stormed off in a rage. I gaped in shock after him for a long moment.

"What the hell was that about?" I wondered. "Was it something I said?"

"Tweek and Craig had a f-f-fight," Jimmy informed me. "They broke up over bre… They broke up over bre-They broke up over break." Token nodded solemnly beside him.

"Apparently it didn't end well and Craig's still kind of mad about it," Token added.

"What were they fighting about?" I wondered.

"I don't know, neither of them will say," Token told me with a sigh. "But if I were you, I'd just give them both some space for now. They're clearly still hurting."

I was barely listening, however. I felt as Craig's best friend it should be my duty to try and cheer him up. But something told me that I would just make things worse if I tried to find him right now. It was probably the look that Token was giving me that told me that.

"How's Tweek been doing?" I wondered, looking around as if he might just magically appear.

"I don't know, we haven't really seen him," Token told me, cocking an eyebrow.

Maybe I could talk some sense into him. Tweek was never that reasonable, especially when he was emotional, but for some reason I had the desire to fix this as quickly as possible. Plus, I'm sure he needed a shoulder to cry on.

"Okay, I'll see you guys later then," I said to Token and Jimmy. I noticed, as I turned to walk away, that Token had his mouth open and was staring at me in shock, and it occurred to me later that I had probably just walked away while he was talking to me, but at the time I didn't really care.

Tweek was angrily shoving everything he owned into his locker and trying to slam it shut, not even bothering to take out his books or anything. He was muttering angrily under his breath, and didn't seem to notice as I approached him.

"Hey Tweek," I greeted gently, not wanting to startle him. It didn't work. He spun around and leaned against his locker, grabbing his chest and giving me a panicked look. Then he frowned when he saw that it was just me.

"What do you want, Clyde?" he asked, turning back to his locker.

"I heard about you and Craig," I told him. "I'm sorry that happened. And I just wanted you to know that even though the two of you broke up, you've still got a friend in me."

"I don't need your sympathy," Tweek growled at me, finally managing to close his locker despite the fact that the straps of his backpack were still sticking out. Feeling a bit hurt by this, I hung my head and started to walk away. "Wait, Clyde!" he said quickly, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I snapped. I'm just still so angry at Craig. I didn't mean to take it out on you." I gave him a reassuring smile.

"It's ok," I told him. "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you, man."

He looked around nervously for a moment, as if he were afraid that someone would overhear our not very scandalous conversation before turning back to me.

"Actually, could you meet me after school?" he asked. "I haven't told my parents yet that Craig and I broke up, but I can't do it alone. I think would give me a confidence boost if you were there with me."

"Sure, buddy," I replied, trying ignore the strange, sinking feeling I suddenly got in my gut. "I'll come meet you at your locker then."

He muttered a quick and shy "Thanks," before quickly shuffling off to homeroom. I let out a sigh and started towards my own locker. Maybe if Tweek hadn't told his parents yet, the two of them weren't as broken up as I first thought. I didn't know why I cared so much about them staying together. If anything, I should be at Craig's side, agreeing with every horrible thing he had to say about Tweek right now. But here I was, going behind his back and trying to comfort his ex-boyfriend. I didn't know what kind of friend that made me, but I didn't really want to find out.

Maybe I could resolve this conflict quickly and then I wouldn't have to feel this weird. One could only hope that their problem was easy enough to fix. I shuddered to think what would happen if we were all forced to pick sides.

With a sigh, all I could do now was slug through classes and wait for this nightmare to start so that it could be over faster.

I'm just going to end this chapter right there because otherwise I'm going to just start rambling. Next chapter, Clyde and Tweek are going to go break Tweek's parents' hearts, so that will be fun.

So, tell me what you think so far! This is going to be the first South Park fan fiction where the main character isn't Kyle, so this should be interesting. He's still going to be in it as a sort of major character (because he's my favorite character), but it's just going to be focused on Clyde's stupidity and the hilarity that ensues. I'm probably going to be drawing a lot of inspiration from one of my favorite other shows, Jeeves and Wooster. That will be fun.