I'M ALIVE!

That's right, I'm not dead! I'm just really busy with life and I'm dealing with a lot of shit and writing has been pushed to the furthest burner.

BUT, I'm back for at least one more quick oneshot!

I'm rewatching Brotherhood and when Roy said he's not Ed and Al's father, he's their commanding officer, I was slapped with angst-filled inspiration. I honestly could not get this out of my head and I had to write it out, and since I haven't posted in a while I decided "WHY NOT LET THEM NOW I'M STILL ALIVE BY RUINING THEIR LIVES?!"

So, yeah, here ya go.

By the time Mustang reaches the scene with Hawkeye and Armstrong it's already too late, the small village is rubble. Ed is on his knees, right arm crushed to pieces and teeth painted red by blood, Alphonse is at his side and turns when the adults come within earshot. Roy hears the sobs the young alchemist is trying desperately to stifle, and a part of him aches because he knows Ed did everything he could to save the village but it just wasn't enough. Riza takes to him first, so Roy stays back, silently assessing the damage and deciding how to proceed with cleanup. Their first priority is to find survivors and he delegates the task to Armstrong and a squad of soldiers, but something deep down tells him that he's being too optimistic.

"C'mon, Ed," Riza says softly. "You need medical attention."

Ed doesn't budge, doesn't respond, doesn't even seem to have heard her. He remains in his place, staring at the rubble with disbelief and regret. Al is just as stunned, because not only does he remain just as still, but he doesn't try to convince his brother to get up either. They're both in shock and as bad as Roy feels for them he doesn't have time to be the comforter, he has to be their commanding officer and get them out of the way so the others can do their jobs.

"Fullmetal, we have work to do!" he barks at him, without a hint of sympathy or caring.

Riza looks at him as if he's just slapped her. "Colonel-,"

"We don't have time for you to feel sorry for yourself," Roy growls. "Get your ass to the medics, now! That's an order!"

Ed jumps a little at the last sentence, turning to look at Roy over his shoulder. He watches him for a what seems like hours, tears rapidly slipping down his cheeks and eyes full of pain, but when Roy's eyes narrow he shifts. Walls go up and suddenly he's unreadable as he stands and wipes his face with the back of his gloved hand. He looks up at Al for a moment before he starts walking, and when he passes Roy his shoulders are back and his head is high and besides the redness rimming his eyes you'd never know he had been crying. Roy doesn't turn to watch him leave, or even acknowledge that he's passed, he simply returns to shouting orders and begins digging through the debris himself.

It's nearly an hour before Hawkeye approaches him again, and something in her eyes tells Roy she'd rather be speaking to anyone else. He ignores the guilty feeling gnawing at his stomach and stands from where he is pushing aside roofing to address her. "What is it?"

"Ed wants to speak with you," Riza replies, simply.

Roy nods because he knows if he tells her he's too busy that she'll either lecture him about being heartless or she'll physically drag him to the kid by his ear. He walks away and can feels her eyes on his back the entire time. Ed is sat on a pile of concrete chunks, his right arm gone and his broken nose turning both of his eyes purple. He's watching Alphonse assist Armstrong, and when he hears Roy's footsteps he turns to the sound.

"Hawkeye said you wanted to talk to me," Roy says plainly, keeping about two-feet between them.

Ed looks away again but this time his focus is his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry," he says, voice soft and broken, completely devoid of it's usual cockiness. "I messed up."

Roy's jaw ticks. He wants to tell him everything's going to be ok and that he understands how he feels, because lord knows Roy understands. He was young once, a rookie determined to be noticed by his superiors no matter what he had to do, and because of that he had messed up just as badly as the boy before him. But he doesn't say any of that, doesn't offer any comfort or pity, instead he says: "It happens. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself won't change anything."

Ed's fists clench and his head snaps so he can glare at the man. He opens his mouth and leans forward like he's about to start yelling, but he stops, scoffs, and gets up and walks away. He doesn't look back, doesn't pause or mumble under his breath, he just walks away.

Roy has half a mind to call after him, but he doesn't because he isn't Ed's friend or father, he's his commanding officer and it isn't his job to make the boy feel better. He turns around and starts back to Riza, when suddenly an anguished scream rips through the air and echoes around them, followed by the dull thud of Ed falling to the ground as his legs give out. The sound of angry cursing is faint but Roy hears it loud and clear, and he doesn't have to look to know Ed is punching the earth with every bit of strength he had left in his good arm. Because Roy's been there, he knows everything Ed is feeling, and he knows those feelings will never go away and nothing will ever get better.

But he doesn't stop walking, and he doesn't even flinch when Riza sends him an angry, tearful glare. Because he has a job to do, and he doesn't have time to care.

I...I hate myself for writing this.

I apologize for whatever you may be feeling.

Forgive me, my darlings.

FLAMES WILL BE DELETED SO DON'T BE AN ASSHAT WHEN REVIEWING. THANKS.

xoxo