It was a one shot, that turned into a long shot. Enjoy.
Amelia never planned to end up like this. especially not given the latest turn with her and Meredith. Amelia had actually considered moving out right then and there, but there was an unknown force keeping her rooted in that house. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't really have anywhere else to go, but Meredith – despite her current feelings – had in fact become her family. Meredith had officially become one of her sisters in the last few months. Her and Meredith fought all the time, it wasn't actual fighting, but rather mindless bickering that drove them both crazy and a few of those times, they drove each other crazy on purpose. That must have been what it was like to grow up with a sister, Meredith had none, but Amelia's sisters were a lot older than her and never really considered as such. Nevertheless, the problem at hand at the moment was anything but trivial and ordinary. It was something neither was willing to cut any slack to the other and they were forever stuck in this vicious cycle.
In this moment of crisis Amelia had turned to Owen, letting go for now of her fears and doubts regarding their relationship or friendship or what they should soon define but wouldn't, for support and understanding. In his own way Owen was trying to offer that, when Owen himself was battling with a lot at the same time. It was easy for her to find him waiting in the parking lot at night, in the last three days he'd actually waited for her twice and one of those times, he had waited for two hours for her to get out of surgery. Amelia would have normally felt pressured and scared at his overbearing presence, but after that infamous dinner party she needed him regardless. She didn't need a love declaration or a marriage proposal and luckily Owen knew that without the need for her to say so. What Amelia needed was for someone to be there for her whenever she turned, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to who wasn't necessarily Meredith's friend first. Most nights Amelia settled for cuddles after dinner, whether it be on his couch in front of the tv, which neither was really paying attention to, acting more as a deterrent than anything else; or at the house, but only if Meredith wasn't in.
Ever since the dinner, Amelia had made sure to avoid Meredith at all costs. It didn't even matter who was right and wrong, it didn't matter if Meredith was actually speaking to her and wanting to talk it out. Amelia was having none of it, her stubborn and somewhat childish streak overruling common sense. Even so, Owen had never been over to the house nor had he spent the night, to both their disappointment. If on the one side Amelia spent a lot of time and energy in making sure she and Meredith didn't cross paths inside the house, Owen didn't feel at ease in spending the night. Even if that night would be spent talking or just spooning, fully clothed as just a tiny bit more than friends. It was complicated and it was frustrating and Owen wanted to shove them both into a room so that they could sort their crap out. Whenever he thought of it, it sounded better and better each passing time.
Tonight, though, for the first time since it happened, Amelia had broken down in his arms. They were still at the hospital and she was waiting for him to get off his shift, napping in an on call room. Owen didn't have the faintest idea what had happened, but when he found her she was in tears. In a way, he'd been expecting it, to be fair she was allowed to still be upset over it. Given the circumstances he was surprised it had taken her days to get to that point – it went all to his admiration of her and how much work she'd put into processing Derek's death, instead of just shoving everything under the rug. The only thing he could do was to hold her, try his best to comfort her and hope that was enough for now. Hope that was what she needed from him in that moment. Maybe it was just minutes, but Owen couldn't tell, the incessant rain falling outside and dark, clouded sky made it nearly impossible to notice any changes, made it impossible to know just how long they spent standing in that on call room in each other's arms.
When Amelia pulled away, shamelessly wiping her tears in his t-shirt, she looked up at him, huge, wet, blue eyes staring up right into his own and he didn't need her to say anything at all. He couldn't help but keep her gaze for a little longer than necessary, wondering what it was about those eyes that had the power to make him do anything – even when Bailey used this trick he'd usually fell for it. The hope was the little Ellis would inherit her mother's eyes or those kids would hold such a power over him it made him feel a little intimidated. Of course, his own kids might very well grow up to have the Shepherd blue eyes – but that sort of daydreaming was for another day. Right now he and Amelia were nowhere closer to have kids than they were over a year ago. A bitter voice in the back of his head slyly suggested they might never be there, there was a chance he and Amelia would never get to that point in their relationship. Amelia was standing, as close to him as laws of physics would allow, and it was enough. Last year just having her stand against him like this, looking down in he big beautiful eyes was a stepping stone, today it was the goal. They were both there and they were there for each other, neither really seemed to want more.
Owen smiled at her, cupping her cheek, stroking gently the back of her neck, pulling some strands of hair from the messy ponytail. The mere action of standing there, within each other's reach served as comfort and not just for Amelia. Owen wasn't going to push, he wasn't going to ask, he would never because she never did. That's why it worked so well between them – he realized – it was this understanding that seemed to have always been there, which provided a sense of comfort and security that was so rare and precious in a relationship, and with their respective difficult past, it was a gift. In fact, Owen wasn't even sure what his feelings were, his relationship with Cristina had been filled with passion and physical attraction as well as love and affection. It appeared him and Amelia had skipped that stage entirely. Not that he didn't find her attractive, he'd be mad not to, but it wasn't her body that he noticed when he looked at her. He could see it right this moment, in her eyes staring up at him, it was trust – she trusted him not to hurt her, she was giving him free reign with the most vulnerable part of herself and some days he wondered if he really was worthy of that.
Before anything could be said his arm snaked around her, pressing her back against him, kissing the crown of her heard before pulling away nodding at the door. Amelia reached up to her cheeks, making sure there weren't anymore tears, wiping underneath her eyes any trace of smudged make up. The carelessness and calm with which she just did it, like she'd cried in front of him a million times before, was testament of the depth of their bond. It wasn't even a relationship – or maybe it was – and they had already reached the almost ultimate level of comfort around each other. Amelia stepped away from him and he let her, brushing her hand all the way along his arm until she was too far away to touch him. With a last look up to him she opened the door of the on call room and walked out, never turning once, sure he was following her closely. They walked all the way to the entrance doors, at times walking side by side, at others almost as if they were going in the same direction by chance. It wasn't about keeping it a secret, compared to everything that was going on, it didn't even matter anymore – whatever it was, it wasn't a quick hook up in an on call room to be kept under wraps from the judgy nurses.
The walk to the parking lot was silent, this morning they had driven in in her car and the mutual accord had been that they would take her car on the way back as well, wherever that may be. She'd spent almost every night at his place and he'd let her, no questions asked. They'd drive over together or she'd get there after work, they would eat or watch a movie that Amelia would pointedly fall asleep to and he'd take her to bed, slipping in on the other side, holding her throughout the night. It was comfortable and nice and Owen wasn't even sure he could push her much further at the moment. The bunch of seconds they had spent on her bed during the dinner had meant the world to him, had calmed his fears and probably hers too. He'd wanted to kiss her and hold her and never let go, but sadly their world wasn't perfect and – it seemed – Amelia's was far, far from it. Not that he'd ever thought she was being overdramatic in complaining about her life and her tragedies, but until a few nights ago he had not truly been able to understand her pain. His world had gone on, the world of most people around that table had kept spinning, but Amelia's was still being rocked by the void left by Derek and Owen was only now aware of how much pain she was still in.
Slipping in the passenger seat felt a little foreign, he was used to drive – even her car – whenever they were together and he'd been too wrapped up in thought to realize it, until she was already inside the car waiting for him. In the effort of not overthinking he got in quickly and spared a moment to look her way. Amelia was looking down at the steering wheel, maybe trying to avoid him, maybe thinking about something else entirely, Owen extended his hand and rubbed her shoulder firmly, taking satisfaction in how her whole body seemed to relax at the contact. Amelia leaned into his touch, eyes closing and breaths coming in uneven puffs of warm air, little clouds illuminated by the streetlights filtering through the car windows. Owen just rubbed with his thumb the sharp bone in her shoulder, feeling the muscles around tense a little. He knew the feeling, though, that was a different kind of tense. The good kind.
"Do you need a minute?" he asked, realizing she was gripping the steering wheel so tight, she was cutting circulation in her hands. He was okay with taking over with driving or going back inside the hospital to sleep in an on call room or driving her home and taking a cab afterward – he knew Meredith was going to be home later tonight.
Amelia took a deep breath, he could see her chest expanding despite her heavy sweater and jacket. She didn't move, but opened her eyes, looking straight into his from underneath her brow. Instinctively, his hand moved up – out of its own volition, because Owen realized it moved only when he saw it on her cheek, gently stroking under her cheekbone. "It's fine. Let's go."
As if nothing had happened, she turned back to the wheel, turned the key in the ignition and started the car. He believed her, there was something in the way she'd looked at him that confused Owen. It was different, he couldn't quite put his finger on it, and he had no idea if it was good or bad. He had no idea what was going on inside her head on a good day, today was definitely not the day to even try to figure it out. She drove in silence and Owen was too focused on subtly observing her that he didn't see where they were going. They had not discussed it and, just like in the past few days, the unspoken mutual agreement had been that they would spend the night together. Before leaving they he would patiently ask about Meredith's schedule, implicitly asking her to come over – he knew Meredith had maybe one night shift a month, and that had been just last week, which meant she was home every night and that meant Amelia wouldn't be. Also, that meant Amelia would be sleeping at his place, something he was definitely not sorry for.
When she pulled up to the house, her house, he was surprised. Amelia just stopped the car, parked it in the driveway and waited. It was right then that he felt dread suddenly spread through all of him. This could only mean she wanted to be alone tonight and so he would have to be too. Owen turned to Amelia, wanting a sign – any sign – of what she was thinking, but all he got was her staring at her hands in her lap. Owen was okay with going home to sleep in his own bed, he was more than willing to allow her the space she needed, he knew it wasn't about him. Yet he needed confirmation. Sleeping in the same bed at night was as much for her sake and comfort as it was for his, it was definitely not unilateral and convenient. The feelings and the affection was there and it was mutual, which only meant he craved it as muh as she did and vice versa. After a couple of minutes of waiting in the car – something he would have done all night if it hadn't been so cold – Owen reached over to her lap and closed his hand on her smaller ones, wincing internally at the freezing temperatures of them.
"Amelia?"
She smiled, or rather, he saw her dimple peek out on her cheek and she twisted her hands so that she was holding his hand in both of hers. Amelia turned to look at him, leaning into her seat, letting her eyes linger on the soft features of his face. "Do you…" she looked away and he hated that. "Do you mind staying here?"
Owen had been waiting for her to finish that phrase, somehow, though, he felt like he was missing something. His eyes narrowed and the creases on his forehead grew deeper as he tried to understand what it was that she was asking him. "Here…" he repeated under his breath, not entirely able to associate it to what she had. "In the car?"
Amelia smiled. Owen thought, at least he got her to do that. She shook her head and gave him a look that he liked to believe mirrored the one he'd been giving her all night. Hell, the one he'd been giving her since he'd come back from Iraq, if not longer before. "No, not in the car." She tugged gently at his hands, mostly to make sure that he would look at her when she spoke next, but – Owen also noticed – she'd pulled them closer to her, as they now lay against her sweater. "In my room. I really want to sleep in my bed tonight."
As the rock dissolved from Owen's chest, he smiled at her, releasing some more of that tension. "You want me to stay with you? In your room?" he asked, a bit nervously, to make sure he'd got that one right.
"I-I meant… if you want. We don't have to… uh, we can just go to your place and-"
Owen turned his body to face her, his other hand – the one not already in her lap – fell to her thigh, wrapping around most of her leg. That got her to stop rambling and look up at him, finally. There was a lot in her eyes and he could recognize a few, confusion, anxiousness, exhaustion, but there was still that… shadow he couldn't quite make out. "Amelia." He called out to her, wanting her to relax, to know that she was fine there with him, that she didn't need to worry. "I thought you didn't want to be here."
Amelia looked down, her eyes fixated on the hand periodically squeezing her leg. It did provide some sort of comfort, but at the same time, it altered her thought process and she needed that. Owen's touch made her eyes roll back into her head and that was a feeling she was all too accustomed to. "I know, I, uh… wanted to feel at home." She said in what was a barely audible, feeble voice, averting his eyes all the while. It wasn't until it was out there that she realized how that sounded. It must have shown somehow because his hand tightened in her hold, pressing further against her body. "Stupid, right? This isn't even my house. I don't have a house, but it's…"
"Hey," Owen leaned forward in his seat, thankfully her car was big enough for him to do that, and the hand on her thigh moved to her lap, to wrap around their hands. "It is, your home. If it feels like home then it is." She looked at him in a way that, Owen was sure, he could have sat there all night staring into her eyes. He wanted to be her home. He wanted to be that place where she always felt save, because she deserved that. Because when she'd said the words he'd felt a stab in his chest, just before realizing this wasn't about him. "Should we get inside, then?"
The smile Amelia gave him was enough, he thought. It was enough that she could have never looked at him again and he would have been okay like that, she had a way of wearing her emotions and feelings – some times – that needed no words to be spoken at all. Silently they made their way inside, Owen followed behind her a few steps, he knew the layout of the house like that back of his hand – hell, he'd got married in that living room. Though, there was something in her step, it slowed at times and swiftly cut corners at others and he couldn't tell why. What was blatantly obvious, was how she was enjoying the quiet of the house with no sisters and no kids around, with the crazy hours they worked it was entirely possible this was the first time she got the house all to herself since she'd moved. He followed her around mindlessly, like a puppy, waiting for her to retrieve laundry and put the mugs from the coffee table in the sink. Owen was observing her in her element and it was fascinating. Creepy, sure, but it gave him precious insight on the real Amelia.
In fact, he knew very well she wasn't being all housewifey, cleaning and straightening around the house, but she was silently freaking out and for just a little bit he was letting her. Knowing that he had this effect on her did things to him, things that he hadn't felt in so long they almost felt foreign. The longer time passed, the more Amelia would fidget and, while Meredith would probably be glad for all the tidying she was doing, he didn't want to spent the night watching her load the dishwasher and fold baby clothes.
Owen walked up to her, standing about an inch away from her back while she rinsed Ellie's bottles for the fifth time. Amelia had obviously been too wrapped up into her activities to notice him standing right behind her. When his hands found their way to her hips she jumped a little, all of her muscles tensing in surprise and then relaxing under his touch. He could feel the uneasiness in her, something he'd never seen when they went to his place. His right hand travelled up her belly, pulling her backwards against him, rubbing her taut skin with his thumb. It took maybe a minute, maybe more, but at a point he felt her head lean back against his shoulder and – he didn't actually see, but Owen knew – her eyes closed. Owen had no idea where this was coming from and it certainly didn't help that Amelia was acting all kinds of weird tonight. As he felt her back press more and more into his chest, Owen relaxed and let his other hand reach and grab the bottle from her hands to put it back in the sink. She mumbled something he wasn't able to understand, he didn't have to, because a second later she turned into his arms, burying her face in the crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry." She smiled, feeling a little ashamed as she finally realized what she had been doing.
Owen chuckled, wrapping his arms entirely around her, pulling her to him as much as he could while still allowing the both of them to breathe. "You're freaking out."
"Am not." Argued Amelia feebly.
"Are too." Owen stated, bringing one of his hands to tangle up in her hair, gently stroking her head. He really couldn't help himself and in the end he understood all the hype about Derek's hair. After all Derek's hair was Amelia's hair, and he found he liked it. A lot. He liked Amelia's hair. "It's adorable and you don't have to worry about, uh… whatever it is that you're worrying about. It's fine – I'm fine with it."
Amelia turned up to look into his eyes, those eyes were one of the things that made her fall for him at first glance. The rugged, tough army guy exterior, which was admittedly intimidating at times, dissolved when he looked at her. His blue eyes were an almost exact mirror of her own and Amelia felt only comfort and security when gazing into them. "You are a little perfect."
"I definitely," he said rubbing his nose against hers. "am not." He looked into her eyes, fully aware of how watching the two of them right now could give anyone diabetes, but disregarding the thought, because feeling Amelia Shepherd in his arms, while looking in the ocean blue of her eyes was more important. He saw her lips stretch into a smile, he saw her dimples and he wanted to squeeze her so tight, because she wouldn't allow him to express his affection any other way. Instead, Owen leaned down, placing a kiss in between her eyes, which fluttered shut.
Goosebumps erupted all over her skin, as her whole body went numb. It was such a unique feeling Amelia wished it had a name – maybe it did, though. When Owen pulled away, this time, Amelia didn't stare into his eyes, trying to read his inner workings and imagine his hopes and dreams, this time Amelia let her hands drop around his waist, pulling away from his slightly. Before the disappointment and confusion in his eyes could grow any more noticeable she grabbed his hand and she tugged it to her. "Let's go to bed, okay?"