The Periwinkle Room

"Why do people ony ask the Trio for advice and opinions?" complained Stan Shunpike one night while riding the Knight Bus. "I got opinions too, ya know! Don' you think I got good opinions, Ern? Sure, 'Arry Potter isn' the ony one. Right, Ern?"

Ernie only nodded in agreement. Stan was the talkative one. Ernie was just the driver. No one cared about them, really. If you weren't the Chosen One or the Chosen One's best friend or the Chosen One's best friend's little sister or the headmaster of Hogwarts, no one gave a fried pickle sandwich about your opinions.

But then an extraordinary thing happened! Stan Shunpike, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, Percy Weasly, Severus Snape, Fred and George, and Moaning Myrtle all wished they could give fanfiction readers advice and opinions and random answers to random questions at the same time. This, as you would expect, touched the heart of Razzmatazz Girl, the fanfiction writer. Smiling, she devised a plan.

Five hours and a lot of sleeping hexes later…

"What the…" Snape muttered under his breath, slowly waking up. "Where am I? How did I get here? Potter! Granger! Weasly!"

To this came the reply of three harmonious 'yes's from Percy, Fred, and George Weasly. They were sitting in the corner of the periwinkle room in which Snape was also sitting. The brothers explained that they did not know how they had gotten there, sir, there were still a few people asleep, sir, and no, they did not think Potter was responsible.

"It doesn't seem to be You-Know-Who's work either," said Percy. "Look, whoever put us here seems to have taken the most random people they could find. Neville Longbottom, Loony Lovegood, Myrtle, and the conductor of the Knight Bus."

"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard! Just stick out your wand hand- oh. Oh, sorry, didn' see you all…" Stan had been awoken by the sound of his vehicle's name and now trailed off awkwardly.

One by one the other three prisoners woke up and groggily asked what was going on. Each reacted in their own way. While Percy and Snape were both rather angry at their current predicament, Fred and George thought the situation was hilarious. Neville was quite worried and hoped he wouldn't get expelled for getting lost, but Luna seemed perfectly calm and explained that she was sure this was the work of gawkbats. And Moaning Myrtle just, well, moaned. And sobbed. And shrieked. And annoyed everybody.

"This is absurd!" yelled Snape. "Someone must have some idea as to why we're all here in this bloody room!"

"That would be me," said Razzmatazz Girl, coming out of nowhere. "You see, I heard your wishes last night and since I am the all-powerful fanfiction writer, I figured I'd help you guys out. Sooo… What do you think? Pretty radical, huh?"

"Why are you using slang from the 80's?" asked George.

"Cause it was a cool decade, obviously! Any other questions?"

"Um, yeah," continued Fred. "So we're here to answer questions from fanfiction readers? Like Dear Abby?"

"Sure, let's go with that. Actually they can ask for anything: advice, embarrassing stories, scenario questions, why you do certain things, opinions, and anything else their little hearts desire! But they're not allowed to bash you too bad or request the Trio, Ginny, or Dumbledore. They're not coming do you hear me?!(See how I snuck the rules and guidelines into the story?)"

"But everybody hates me," whined Myrtle. "Why do I have to be here?"

"Yeah, why does she have to be here?" whined everybody else.

"And another thing," said Percy indignantly. "I did not wish to answer fanfiction readers' questions. I wished to give the Ministry advice and opinions."

"I didn't wish for that either!" yelled Snape. "I wished that all the people I despise would have to answer these idiotic questions!"

"My bad," said Razzmatazz Girl. "I guess I misheard-"

"And I wished that all the other fanfictions like this would do well, not that I'd be a part of one!" Neville exclaimed. Pretty soon everyone, except Luna, was yelling about what they did and did not wish for. Razzmatazz Girl decided she had better flee before this got out of hand. As she turned to leave wherever she'd come in, she yelled one last message to the readers.

"The chapters after this will probably be in script form, just because it's easier. Feel free to ask any question, although I probably won't allow any really profane ones, okay? You can request other characters to be in the Periwinkle Room (I might add Draco Malfoy ) but no REALLY main characters. Please ask questions! Have fun! The characters sure aren't! Oh, and please don't think I have terrible spelling/grammar; Stan's supposed to talk like that! Hm, I just realized Fred and Luna haven't actually talked this whole time. Oops! See ya next chapter!"