Season 7 Repression episode SPOILERS...
chapter 1
Chakotay's pain
Her cold glare looked me up and down, she was not happy, hurt, maybe a little but there was more to it than that, a hint of fear radiated from her darkened blue eyes as she looked at me. I couldn't blame her.
What could I say to her? How could I make right what I had done? Feebly I tried to act as casually as I could "I thought you might want your ship back." Was all I had come up with as the force field dropped releasing her from the brig were I had put her.
That cold stare fell upon me, her eyes repulsively looking me up and down "no more rebellion?" she spat at me as she marched past me without a backwards glance.
Her concern was for Tuvok, of course, yet there I stood behind waiting for her acknowledgement yet none came. "It's good to have you back commander" she said openly to Tuvok leaving the brig without even a look in my direction.
Now here I sit the cold stare of my captain still etched it my mind, never had I dreamed of seeing such hurt and fear radiate from her eyes as she looked upon me.
My thoughts wonder to happier times shared with my beloved captain, her radiant smile, her trusting heart. It makes me want to weep, could I have lost such a precious gift? Could her trust for me be lost forever? Will she ever look at me with her bright blue eyes and open her heart to me again?
I can't sleep, not this night, the events of hours before plaguing my mind; I stood and watched as she entered her ready room, lead in at phaser point into my mercy. There was no plan, no discussing. My beloved Kathryn stood before me, visible trepidation and fear drawn across her beautiful face as she waited to hear my next orders. Never could she have imagined what would come from my lips, I still hear my own voice saying those terrifying words so coldly and heartlessly "it's set to kill…"
Her shocked and pleading eyes fell upon me, only to be met by my cold stern unyielding brown eyes "you said nobody would be hurt" her pleading gasp was met only by my cold dark silence.
It was me, I saw and heard from my own eyes and ears what my own mouth was saying, my mind was still there buried deep, I knew what I was doing, that's the worst part, I knew. Yet all reason and caring was driven from me, anger filled my reasoning, somebody else's agenda controlling me. The man I am, Chakotay, First Officer on the Starship Voyager was there yet not in control and the woman I love paid the price.
More soon to come...