I picked up a picture of my long-term boyfriend, Antonio.
He was as attractive as ever, but my heart did not take off like his did when he saw me.
Even Feli insisted that it should, but it never did.
I didn't even remember if it ever had.
Fuck love, fuck this!
It didn't really matter, did it?
I slid out of bed, and I suddenly remembered when Antonio and I had last fought.
"Do you feel anything for me?" Antonio was on the verge of tears again.
"Why would I put up with you if I didn't, Tomato Bastard?" I had shouted back.
"But I never see love in your eyes when you look at me, Lovi." He pouted like a sulky child.
I couldn't deny that I didn't have that overly sappy feeling that Feli always prattled on about when I was around Spain.
He left after I did not answer him.
It hurt like hell to know that I fucked up again.
I got dressed, and headed for Feli's new house that he had had built to be closer to the Potato Bastard's house; I had never met him personally, but I already hated him.
I burst in to the door of Feli's house, not expecting him to have guests over.
My heart pounded faster than it ever did when I locked eyes with blue eyes.
I shook my head; this couldn't be happening!
The man before me turned out to be the Potato Bastard, himself.
I hated him; how dare my fucking heart decide any different!
My heart only responded in that cliche way when I was around that bastard.
It was all his fault that my life had turned out this way; he should have never been born, and Feli should have fallen for someone else.
I should have loved Spain this way; damn potato bastards that ruin love lives!
What was the point of all of this, anyway?
I knew without a doubt how Feli felt about him; it was so fucking obvious!
I never knew how much it would hurt to hide my feelings around him, especially after my fratello decided to visit Antonio and I with the Potato Bastard in tow.
Spain seemed to think that it was okay to shatter my heart with his words, "So how long have you two been dating?"
"We aren't." Feli's voice seemed to weaken when he said that.
"I-uh do not currently have a girlfriend or a boyfriend." Germany nervously tacked on.
My heart should not have fluttered at that, damn it!
"Feli is almost constantly talking about you. Are you sure that you aren't?" The Tomato Bastard that I call my boyfriend asked; why did I put up with such an idiot?
My heart ached though at the reminder of Feli's feelings for the Potato Bastard.
Perfect Feli would win him over after all the only person to ever choose me over my little brother was Spain.
Feli blushed at Antonio's comment.
"I would know if I was dating someone." Germany pointed out.
I couldn't help, but notice over time that the Potato Bastard was really smart.
He was also as orderly as fuck!
Not everything revolved around a schedule!
Still he was as handsome as ever, and my heart continued to race around him.
Why did my heart have to react that way around Feli's future boyfriend?
He would never like me, and so I kept my racing heart a secret even when they eventually got together as a couple; I seemed to be the only one that didn't think that they were perfect for eachother.