I figured that there's not NEARLY enough of this pairing as there should be... Im just a fan and this is not at all true. This is my first quincest and the first story i've posted in a LONG time, so needless to say I'm super nervous about it. I hope you all enjoy it! Reviews and criticism are welcomed! :)

I always hated New Year's Eve.

But this year, I told myself I would enjoy myself, I told myself that I would join the congregation of blissfully stumbling drunks and young lovers and paint a convincing smile on my face. I told myself that, no matter what, I would convince everyone that I was happy. I would convince myself that I was happy.

Tegan had arrived at my house at 8 that night, rapping on the door with far too much energy for someone who had probably only gotten 3 hours of sleep. I had been in bed all day, feeling nauseous and dizzy from the fact that I hadn't slept in three days straight. I stumbled to the door, tripping over my pajamas that were still twisted angrily around my hips, my sleep-drunk fingers pawing at the doorknob before I mustered enough energy to wretch it open.

"Tegan…. You're early." I groaned, but she pushed past me and my mumbled protests and headed for the fridge. I leaned against the wall and watched her fish through my nearly empty refrigerator. Her eyes narrowed and she bit her lip, running her hair through her hair before pulling out a half empty water bottle.

I said it was half empty, she would have said it was half full.

She swigged it quickly before grabbing my wrist and gently pulling me to my room; I was far too tired to tell her to get the fuck off, so I lazily obliged.

"It's never too early for New Year's, Sara. I'm gonna fix up you today so you'll look smoking hot tonight. And then you can hook up with some hot drunk chick." She winked at me and I laughed half-heartedly. Her smile started to falter as she turned to the closet and looked through my clothes.

She knew I wouldn't be looking at anyone tonight. She knew this two months ago, when I stumbled into her apartment at four in the morning, eyes red-rimmed and puffy, breath reeking of stale beer. I was never one to lose my mind over a girl, but Emy was different.

Emy was everything to me.

And it was pathetic that I couldn't get over her, it was pathetic that I got so fucking attached. It was pathetic that I wasted 5 years on a girl that cheated on me for half a year without a backward glance. The wound that sat so prominent in my heart wiggled and twisted when I thought about Emy, her perfect smile, her sense of humor, her eyes.

Stop it, Sara. Shut the fuck up. She's gone, she left you.

Luckily, Tegan noticed my change in mood and jumped in immediately. "Here," She threw a black and white striped shirt at my face, and I caught it quickly. "Try this one. I always liked it on you."

She offered her hand and I took it, pulling myself up from my bed and towards the bathroom. She threw a pair of skinny jeans in after me and I changed slowly, methodically. I glanced at myself in the mirror, taking in my messy hair that I was too tired to fix and the bags under my eyes that I could never get rid of.

I was always so fucking tired.

I ran a hand through my hair lazily, and adjusted my jeans over my hips. Tegan knocked twice and came in before I had a chance to look up, let alone respond.

"God, Sara." Her voice soundly oddly hoarse and I raised a brow. "You look hot."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to mirror. I looked far from hot. I looked like a fucking hung over zombie.

"Shut up Tegan. I know you're trying to be nice, but you don't have to lie to me."

"Im not lying!" She insisted and came up behind me. "You just gotta pull down your shirt a little."

Her lips were close to my ear and I tried not to notice. Her fingers twisted up around the hem of my shirt; I had lazily left it hitched around my bellybutton, and she pulled it down to my waist. Her fingers brushed over the small of my back and I shivered.

My mind wandered wantonly, and I thought about Tegan in ways that I shouldn't. I was just so tired. That was it, I was exhausted and my mind was playing tricks on me.

An awkward silence crept in slowly, and it swirled stagnantly around the room. I coughed, and twisted around to face Tegan. "So, what time is the party?" I asked and my voice broke loudly when my lips curled around the word party. Tegan pursed her lips, and I could tell she was holding back laughter. I glared at her, just daring her to, and that seemed to spur her on until she was bending down, shaking with laughter.

I bit my lip in attempt not to smile.

"Oh, shut the fuck up." I grumbled, and pushed past her into my room.

"Sorry, sorry!'' She choked between guffaws, and I ignored her and did my best to look angry. She wrapped her arms around my waist and I tried to shrug her off. But she was insistent, and we swayed in an awkward dance until I gave in and let her squeeze my back to her chest. "Sorry." She mumbled into my neck, and the feeling of her lips so close to my neck made me break out in goosebumps. "It's fine." I shrugged out of her grip before she could notice the blush on my cheeks.

She didn't notice. Either that, or she didn't say anything.

"The party starts in an hour." She said as she walked into the foyer of my apartment. She was wearing make-up, I noticed, and although she normally didn't, I figured it looked quite nice on her. It brought out the color of her eyes, and I found myself staring at them, drinking them in, losing myself in them.

She looked confused at my stare, and her lips parted slightly.

"What?" She whispered, and I found myself speechless, tracing over trained responses in my head. I couldn't speak coherently. I should have slept, I should have had coffee this morning. I should have said something so that I didn't seem like an illiterate stalker, but I didn't.

Nothing seemed right, nothing would have broken the intensity of our stare.

So instead I merely coughed awkward and dropped my gaze, tracing over my bare feet. She twisted a tendril of her hair before grabbing her purse from the countertop.

"Lindsey's house is 45 minutes away though," She twirled her car keys idly around her index finger; she had finally gotten her driver's license and now had insisted on driving me, everyone, and anyone everywhere possible. It was annoying, especially because her driving was so reckless that I usually ended up crouched in the bottom of my seat in fear, looking out the window between the gaps of my fingers.

"We should get going now. We don't want to late."

I nodded slowly – she was staring at me again and she looked worried. I quickly flashed a smile and brushed by her, jogging down the stairs and into the parking lot.

We were far from late. To be honest, we were probably too early, because Lindsey was frazzled when we opened the door, covered from head to toe in flour and stains from whatever dish she was making.

"Are we early?" Tegan asked and I sent her a glare. Of course we are, you dumb shit, you only drove 80 mph the whole time. She returned my glare as Lindsey pulled us inside.

"You're fine." She said, obviously preoccupied. "You can help me set up!"

"Oh, great."I grumbled; sleep deprivation was making me far grumpier than I had the right to be.

"Just come on." Tegan pressed her hand against my back and I shrugged her off, glaring.

"Don't fucking touch me, okay?" I hissed and she simply rolled her eyes and walked past me into the foyer. She threw a box of decorations at me and I caught it half-heartedly. I fished through recycled ribbons and banners, running my fingers over the edges of them. I could feel it clawing at my throat again, that insistent melancholy that made it more than hard to swallow. I tried to choke it down, like always, hating that it had come over me like this, hating how weak I felt. I wondered if I moved too fast, would my bones break down? Just like that?

Tegan's eyes were pressing into my back now, burning holes through the cotton of my shirt and straight to my nerves. She was worried, I could feel it, and I wanted to tell her – I wanted to tell all of them - to shut the fuck up, that I was perfectly fine, even if I wasn't. I didn't deserve their pity.

I idly twisted a ribbon around my finger.

"Hey," I felt Tegan's hand loop around my forearm and pull me up to her side. "Help me with this banner. I'm not tall enough."

I shrugged off her hand. "Well Tegan, we're practically the same height, so I won't be much help-"

"Get on my shoulders then." She leaned down and a smile wormed its way onto her face, painting creases in her cheeks.

"No!" I said, and I felt like we were 10 again, fucking around in my mom's living room.

"Come on, Sara-"

"I'm not a fucking kid, we're gonna look like idiots-"

"Okay, whatever. Nobody's here except for Lindsey, and she's not paying attention. Just get on my back-"

"No!"

Tegan groaned, impatient now, and caught my wrist in her hand. She pulled me over, hard, and I nearly tripped over her, clutching at her neck for support. And before I could let go, she rose to her feet and I was left dangling on her back. I twisted my thighs around her waist and twined my fingers around her neck.

"You're a loser." I mumbled in her ear, still catching my breath as she laughed and stumbled over to the opposite wall.

"You have to admit it, that was pretty impressive." She had a cheeky grin on her face, and for once I didn't have the urge to slap it right off her face. I hid my smile in her neck.

"Shut up and hand me the ribbon."

Tegan had told me it would be a small party, maybe a few dozen people at most, all crammed into Lindsey's gigantic apartment.

She had lied.

There was at least 50 people (54 people, I was later informed by a very drunk Sarah Bastian) pressed into the apartment, laying lopsided on the couches and chairs. I stood awkwardly by the kitchen, clutching my half empty bottle of Amstel Light to my hip. It churned uneasily – much like my stomach – and I pressed the mouth of my bottle to my lips. Tegan was across the room, constantly stroking the neck of what had to be her third bottle of beer; she spotted me looking and grinned, motioning me over.

I smiled and shook my head in a polite no, thanks.

She rolled her eyes and quickly excused herself, stumbling over to me.

"Tegan, I'm fine." I insisted before she had even opened her mouth. I already knew what she was going to say, I already knew the list of questions she would ask me: Are you okay? Are you feeling well? Are you thinking about Emy?

She shrugged, and leaned up against my hip. I could practically taste the beer on her lips.

"I just wanted to say hi." Her voice was low and husky, and it excited places on my body that it shouldn't. I shouldn't have thought her voice sounded sexy. I shouldn't have wanted to kiss that damned smile right off her nude lips. It was beer – that was it – I was drinking too much.

"Well, hi." I said simply and pressed my beer to my lips. She grinned and touched my hand softly. "When you want to stop being a loner, come join us okay?" She winked at me before sauntering back off to her friends.

I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. I shut my eyes, slowly, trying to block out the pumping bass of the stereo or the insistent chatter of the people around me.

I wanted to go home.

Fuck, I didn't even know what I wanted.

"Hey," I blinked my eyes open to see a very drunk blonde girl walked up to me, twisting her hair around my fingers. "I'm Heather." Her voice oozed like the beer in her hand, and she smiled a provocative smile that made me nervous.

"I can't do this." I mumbled, more to myself than her. I politely excused myself and rushed out to the balcony.

The fresh air hit me and pushed my skin back against my bones. But it felt wonderful, and I grinned into the wind; it made me feel delirious in the best way possible. I idly swigged my beer and leaned my elbows up against the railing.

"Sara?"

Tegan shut the door behind her as she walked beside me, still fingering an empty beer bottle. She leaned her arms against the railing, her position mimicking mine as she tried to look me in the eye. But my gaze stayed determined on the bustling Montreal street below us, with its flashing lights and couples holding hands.

I felt my heart ache, and I told it to shut the fuck up.

Tegan stayed silent and let her gaze move from me to the ground. I could hear the party inside getting excited, and before I knew it they were yelling: 10, 9, 8….

"Sara, we should go inside." She whispered, twisting her fingers around my sleeve. The gesture was enough to bring the melancholy back, choking up my throat, and I strugged to hold back tears.

I wouldn't cry, not in front of Tegan.

7, 6, 5…

"Sara," She mumbled, watching me as I bit my lip, almost hard enough to draw blood.

4,3,2, 1.

And before I could cover my ears, the crowd broke out in yells of HAPPY NEW YEAR! and that was enough to break me down, it was enough to break the block of melancholy into a strangled sob, and it ripped its way out of my throat and into the stagnant air.

"Oh, Sara…" Tegan whispered and pulled me close, clutching my head to her shoulder and rubbed small circles on my back. She whispered incoherently into my hair, soothingly, and I hated how weak I was, I hated how I was so goddamned fragile, I hated that with Emy it was always making love, not having sex – as if her being too rough would break my straight in half.

I was so sick of it.

Before I knew it I had pulled away, using the railing to hold myself steady. Tegan was staring at me, her finger still brushing the front of my shirt. "C'mon, Sara, let's go home." She whispered, and I could taste the pity that coated her words. I ground my teeth together and met her gaze. And before I could stop myself I tangled my fingers in Tegan's hair and crushed her mouth to mine. Her eyes were wide, staring into my eyelids – I wouldn't look at her, I wouldn't let myself, I just wanted her and I needed her, and I felt my heart pick up as her lips started to move against mine. Her fingers twisted tighter into the front of my shirt and her eyes fluttered closed; she let out a low moan as I ran my tongue over her teeth and she ground her hips into mine. "Fuck, Sara." She grumbled into my mouth as I pressed up her against the railing.

I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, or maybe it was the exhaustion, or maybe it was that tonight, more than ever, Tegan had been there for me when no one else was. Maybe it was how her body molded perfectly to mine, maybe it was how I wanted to melt myself into her.

Maybe it was insanity, but I never wanted to stop.

She pulled away after a moment, nearly panting, both of our eyes filled with lust that we shouldn't have felt.

"I…uhh… thanks?" She looked embarrassed now and I couldn't help but grin.

"Shut up." I mumbled and crushed my lips back to hers. I reached around her and picked up the half empty – pardon me, half full – beer bottle and dumped it over the edge.

Maybe I wouldn't hate this New Year's, after all.