Wistful Winter Whimsies, Wishful Winter Night
The sound of the wind breathing against the frost-laced windowpanes. The beating of wildly playing snowflakes against thick sheets of glass. The crackle of the warm blaze in the hearth. Tranquil and soothing, the tune of midwinter's melodies on that December dusk. He felt that the chill outside could never touch him, although the only distance between them was a mere several inches of glass, metal and wood. Confined within the softly lit walls of the living room, he felt completely safe.
"Ne, Subaru-kun. What do you want for Christmas?"
No immediate reply. Two large, lovely green eyes blinked, tearing away from the sugar-white landscape outside, yet avoiding the intent stare of the person who had addressed him. It startled him, the question. It just… startled him. It didn't seem right that he should be asked that. He felt awkwardly tongue-tied, and it was a different feeling from the delicious mix of shyness and suppressed anticipation he usually experienced when the man behind him asked him questions.
He didn't quite know how to respond, and for some reason, it made him slightly guilty. But it seemed rude not to reply, so he said, somewhat haltingly:
"I don't know… nothing, I guess."
A third face on the scene that mirrored his own features gaped at him. "Wh-What do you mean, nothing?" his flabbergasted twin sister cried out. "How can you not want anything? I mean, it's Christmas!"
Subaru smiled a strained smile, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. His fingers tightened on the window sill as his mind groped for something to justify his baffling answer.
"Should I…," he began delicately, uncertain whether he was saying the right things.
"Should I want for something on Christmas?"
His question was greeted with a puzzled silence from the older Sumeragi.
The man who had brought up the topic, however, was always ready with his irrefutable psychoanalytical answers. He grinned at Subaru, dazzling the sixteen-year-old with his perfect row of pearly teeth and twinkling eyes, and the boy blushed a deep pink.
"I think this is Hokuto-chan's way of telling you to ease up on yourself this Christmas," he said easily. "It's only once a year, and I do believe that the good citizens of Tokyo won't terribly miss your constant worrying over their private troubles. You've been a lot quieter lately, I've noticed. Are you coming down with something? It must be all that running in the harsh snow." Already, his right hand was reaching to touch Subaru's forehead, and the blushing boy hastily stepped away.
"No, no," he was quick to reassure him. "There's nothing wrong with me… it's just that… I don't know—" He sighed in frustration.
"You always seem a little gloomy when it's Christmas time," Hokuto observed, with concern. "In the past years, you've never really seemed to take an interest in all the festivities of the holiday season. I never really understood why." Her eyes sought her brother's. "I've always believed that Christmas was supposed to be happy," she said quietly.
But you always seem so sad whenever it's Christmas.
"I'm sorry," Subaru murmured apologetically, his gaze returning to the outside view. Night was falling, and the snow was starting to ease up a bit. The first stars were starting to appear against a wonderful dark blue backdrop, and the pine trees lining the roads were like pillars, glistening in the faint light.
He started when he felt Seishirou come up behind him. "Beautiful, isn't it?" the veterinarian remarked, his palm settling over the younger boy's left shoulder. "The clear winter night."
"Yeah…"
But not just the night. Seishirou-san… if I could want anything for Christmas… if I absolutely needed to want for something…
I'd do anything to know what you really think of me…
"Say, Sei-chan!" Hokuto's bright voice broke into the tension that had risen in the air. "What do you really want for Christmas? Anything at all!"
Seishirou's laughter made Subaru's soul bubble deliciously with a sweet warmth. "Well, it's something you can't wrap up in a gift box," he chuckled in his rich voice. Then he smiled almost devilishly down at the young man and said, "What I want, more than anything, is a chance to prove to Subaru-kun just how much I love him." He gave Subaru's shoulder a tight little squeeze.
"S-Seishirou-san!" Subaru exclaimed, his face beet red, and Hokuto pounded her fist on the wall, green eyes shining. "You go, Sei-chan!" she cheered on encouragingly. "Lucky Subaru," she sighed, shooting a glance of wicked delight at him.
A little smile tugged at the corners of Subaru's mouth. Suddenly, he felt much better than he had a few moments ago. His skin tingled beneath Seishirou's touch, and the knowledge that the older man standing behind him and the girl grinning at them were people who cared made him feel light inside. The spell of gloom that had been hanging about him started to fade, and suddenly, the night outside didn't look so chilly. He was warmed by the reassuring thought that if ever he had to go out in the cold dark, he could count on the two of them to be by his side.
"How 'bout you, Hokuto-chan?" Seishirou inquired. "What do you want for Christmas?"
Hokuto laughed, and it was such a pure, sincere sound that Subaru turned to look at her face, radiant in the glow of the firelight.
"What I've always wanted every Christmastime, that's what I want this Christmas," she said, regarding her brother with a look of fond affection. "For Subaru to be really happy, for once. And if he could be really happy with you, Sei-chan—" She beamed up at the older man, "—then there's no one I'd rather have for a brother-in-law."
"Aw, I'm touched," Seishirou drawled, making the girl giggle and wink mischievously.
And Subaru, too, was touched. Deeply so, perhaps more than either of them would ever realize.
For the last time, he glanced back at the snow-covered world outside. It was beautiful, as Seishirou had commented earlier. The snow had completely abated for now, and the heavens were ablaze with numerous sparkling gems. A romantic mist had swept over the streets, making everything seem soft and far away. Christmas lights that decked the other houses down the road twinkled merrily at him, as though to say, Why must you be so sad, Subaru? It's Christmas! The time of the year when the selfless should be a little less so, and the selfish a little less so. The time of the year when your heart's supposed to be happy. So cheer up! And Merry Christmas!
Subaru turned away from the window, and surprised Seishirou and Hokuto with his wonderful smile.
"I don't have to want for anything for Christmas," he declared, his soft, beautiful voice coated with emotion.
"Everything I could possibly want for Christmas, or for any time of the year…"
Or for any time of my life, his mind silently added.
"… I already have right now."
Thanks to you, Neesan. Seishirou-san.
"Come on," he said, feeling his cheeks heat up at the way they were both staring at him, as though they had been completely unprepared for his sudden, impassioned declaration. Surely I can't have been all that suppressive of what I felt and all, can I? he asked himself. "Let's go have dinner."
Hokuto still looked stunned, but Seishirou seemed to get it, and he grinned at the boy with a smile that said congratulations.
"He's right, we'd better go now, Hokuto-chan. All that sushi I worked so hard to prepare will get cold if we don't get a move on."
"R-Right!"
Merry Christmas, everyone.
December 21st, 2000 (Thursday)
A little over half past midnight
Retitled later the same day