Title: Don't Cry Chapter One
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none for this chapter. Has implied sex but no actual description since I'm crap at writing smut
Notes: Title and lyrics from the Guns N Roses song of the same name. This is my first Chryed fic over 400 words long so feedback is greatly appreciated
Dislaimer: Don't own Eastenders or its characters. Once again I'm only causing them angst and pain for my own amusement

Don't cry

Chapter One

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry

It was quiet when the house was empty, Syed mused as he sat alone. Everyone had gone out for the evening but Syed had claimed to be ill so he could stay at home. He wasn't really sick but he just wanted some time to himself to think. He had been married now for several months but he found he could not get Christian out of his head. He thought about him every minute of every day; wondering what he was doing and how he was feeling. Christian was in his head and his heart and no amount of pretending was going to change that.

Slowly, Syed picked up the phone and stared at it in his hands. He desperately wanted to call Christian just to talk to him but he didn't have the nerve. He hadn't seen Christian much since the wedding but every time he had Christian had been with a different man. Syed knew it was just Christian's way of moving on but it always break his heart a little more to see it. He didn't even know if Christian actually wanted to see him. They had barely said two words to each other. Taking a deep breath; Syed summoned up the nerve to dial Christian's number.

"Hi," he said quietly. "I was wondering if we could talk," he sat there in silence as he awaited an answer.

Christian silently entered the house when Syed opened the door for him. He had to admit Syed looked good, if slightly nervous.

"Would you like something to drink?" Syed asked politely, not sure what he should be saying in this situation. It was the first time he had spoken to an ex-lover before.

"Coffee," Christian smiled awkwardly and followed Syed into the kitchen. He had never imagined that things would be like this between the two of them. Filled with small talk and uncomfortable silences. He watched Syed intently as he made them both a cup of coffee before placing a mug on the table and sat down opposite him. "So, for what do I owe the pleasure of wanting to speak to me?"

"I needed to see you," Syed admitted, his hands shaking so much he had to grip his mug tightly. "I miss you."

"Haven't we already had this conversation? If I remember correctly it ended with you getting married," Christian mocked slightly, the sarcasm dripping in his tone.

"I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what?"

"Pretend," Syed told him, tears welling up in his eyes. "I can't pretend anymore that I don't want to be with you; that I'm happy being married. All I've ever wanted is you and it's breaking my heart not being with you."

"That's the way I've always felt, so why the sudden change?"

"You're all I think about," Syed said as he wiped a tear away that had fallen down his cheek. Christian felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of the man he loved in pain. All he wanted to do was reach out and comfort the younger man but he was unsure of what to do at the moment. "I think about kissing you, holding you, making love to you and it's making me crazy. I just want it to stop but it won't. Tell me how I can make it stop," Syed begged, the tears flowing more now. He couldn't make it stop.

Christian stood up and moved over to Syed, kneeling down in front of him between his legs and rubbed his arms.

"I can't because I don't know how to myself. I want to tell you that it will get easier with time; that eventually you will stop thinking about me but I can't. Because I'm not there yet."

"Then what do we do?"

"I don't know," Christian admitted; he could also feel the tears well up in his eyes. "I think the only thing we can do is leave things as they are. I tried so hard to make you leave with me and I am so tired of fighting for you."

"I don't want to think of my life without you," Syed cried. Christian reached up and cupped Syed's face with his hands.

"Shh don't cry," Christian soothed. "I will always be here for you; I promise, but you have to want me. If and when you decide that you want to be with me then I will be there like a shot. Until then I will be waiting and hoping that someday you will want me."

They stayed like this for a few moments before Christian decided it was time that he left. He stood up and stroked Syed's face one more time. "I'll be waiting."

Just as Christian was about to leave; Syed stood up and grabbed his arm. "Don't go," he whispered and pulled Christian close. Their lips brushed as Christian wrapped his arms around the younger man and he pulled him in for a loving kiss. "Please... stay," Syed whimpered breathlessly as the kiss ended.

"You sure?" Christian asked and Syed nodded silently as he grasped his hand tightly and led him upstairs.

Syed lay in Christian's arms, never wanting the moment to end because as soon as it did he knew he would have to face reality again and that was not something he wanted to do just yet. It had been a hard few months living without Christian and he didn't want to continue any further.

"What happens now?" Syed asked quietly.

"It's up to you," Christian replied, kissing the top of Syed's head gently.

"I don't think I can lie anymore. I don't want to pretend but I'm scared."

"You can do this, Syed," Christian quietly encouraged him.

"We can't stay here. Not if I tell everyone. There's no way that can happen."

"Then we'll leave; start a new life somewhere else. Somewhere we can be ourselves and not have to hide."

"I like that idea," Syed sighed. "It sounds perfect."

"We could leave tonight. Just slip out and no-one would ever know."

"No," Syed said, sitting up. "I have to do this right. I have to tell Amira myself. I owe her that much." Syed threw back the covers and rooted around the floor of his bedroom for his discarded clothing.

"I think you left your shirt on the stairs," Christian grinned as he followed suit.

"Thanks," Syed threw the door open and hurried down the stairs to pick up his shirt. Just as he grabbed it, he looked up and saw Amira standing there.

"You got your shirt?" Syed heard Christian say as he also appeared on the stairs. "Oh," he said as he too saw Amira.

"What's going on?" She asked.

Syed took a deep breath and prepared himself for the backlash.