Reality Check
BPOV
Chapter One: Blood Lust
Jake will be here any minute with his girl friend, I need to go out and hunt but I want to be around when he gets her. "Edward, I need to go hunt, Jake is bringing Lily. I'm going to go and ask Jasper if he will go with me." I was not fully confident that I could handle my blood lust around her for three days. "Okay love, but be back before they get here I don't want to have to do this alone. I know I told you I wanted to be friends with him, but I don't know the first thing about him." He looked worried as he said this. "Edward, what am I going to do with you?" I laughed as I walked over to kiss him. When we broke apart I went to find Jasper. He was playing video games with Emmett in the den. I don't know what those two would do if there were no video games, besides hunting and being with there wives, video games are all they do. "Jasper will you go hunting with me before they get here. His girlfriend is human and I don't want to scare her." Jasper was my lifeline he was all I could ask for in a big brother, we both shared the agonizing blood lust that tempted us every time a human got in range of our senses. "Oh sure Bella I would like to get that done too, we don't need to be trying to kill our house guests." We laughed at his joke, and he left Emmett alone in the middle of there game to hunt with me. "What about our game Jasper?!" Emmett was mad now. "Well as Rose or Alice to play." We laughed and walked out of the room. "Well, they will be here in about 15 minutes. I know I should have done this earlier but I was working on the guest room." I felt bad because I knew I would be leaving Edward to entertain a werewolf and his girlfriend for an extra 15 minutes, but I had to do this. Jasper and I did not go far; I found some deer about a mile from the house. I fed on them and went to wait for Jasper in the clearing. I realized I needed to change my clothes before I started any conversations with Jake or his girlfriend, because I had managed to get blood all over my blouse. I finally saw Jasper walking towards me. "Hey, what did you find?" I was curious I never really paid attention to what Jasper liked to eat. "A bear and you look like you took a bath in your meal!" he said laughing at me. "Well I was in a hurry, now I have to go change." I knew if I was still human I would be blushing at his comment. "Well there here" I said as we approached the house. I saw a car in front of the house. I realized that I was covered in blood and about to walk past a girl who probably did not know I was a vampire or better yet with my luck has problems looking at blood. "Jasper I am a mess, what if she blood makes her sick?!" he laughed at me "Then she gets sick." We walked into the house to find Jake and Lily having a normal conversation with Edward. "BELLA WHY ARE YOU COVERED IN BLOOD?!" Jake was freaking out thinking I hurt someone. "Jake chill out I was just hunting and I am a messy eater…" I laughed at him for a moment then let them know I was going to go change. "Alice, will you help me pick out something to wear I got blood all over my blouse when I was hunting." I was about to raid her closet but then realized she had already picked out an outfit for me. "Uhm thanks Alice." I was not sure I could pull of this low cut shirt, but I trusted Alice she had been dressing me for almost 3 years now and I have looked stunning each and every time. "Well, you're lucky I trust you Alice, but do you really think I will be able to fill out this shirt?" She laughed at me "Yep!" I changed and brushed my hair and decided it needed to be put up so I put it in a half ponytail. Threw on some eye liner and ran down stairs at top speed. "Sorry I took so long I was a mess." I looked over at Jake and Lily who were now talking to Carlise and Esme. "Hi, Lily I am Bella." I would have hugged her if she didn't just see me in blood stained clothes, but she walked over and hugged me anyways. "Hi, I have heard so much about you and your family Jake you mean a lot to Jake" She told me this with a smile. "Well I do not know where I would be without Jake he helped me through some stuff a few years ago I owe him for that." I walked over to give my Jake a hug, I had motives for making it longer than Edward liked. "Does she know what we are" I whispered into his ear. He nodded and I broke from him "Well I seeing as I don't eat like you guys, I did not get food but I sent Rose to get some. I still can't leave the house." I glared at Edward who shrugged and came over to wrap his arms around my waist. "Well, I'll show you guys to your room. I spent all week renovating it. It looks so cool!" I was so excited to show them the benefits of all my hard work. "Lily, if Jake ever gets on your nerves you can come hang out with me and Alice, she is so excited to have another girl in the house for the weekend." I said laughing at Jakes expression. "Jake I was kidding, but hey I got Emmett to rent us some movies for later." I was excited to just hang out with one of my best friends and just sink back into the times we had back in the day. I missed my visits to La Push. I remembered working on our bikes and learning to ride them, I remembered all the times we spent watching TV and just talking about life. I miss that. "Well here we are." I opened the door to the room I had just re-did. It was a nature themed room. I had done a lot of detailed work on it. We even had a mural painted on the walls of woods and a lake. "WOW! Bells this room is amazing!" Jake was in shock. "It looks so pretty Bella!" Lily liked it as well.
Chapter Two: Charlie
After we talked for a while I decided it was time to cook dinner. "Well I am going to go cook you guys some dinner." Jake Lily there is beer in the fridge and Alice is going to make margaritas." I headed into the kitchen to make them dinner when I heard Jakes phone ring. He walked outside to take the call. "Oh, Bella you don't have to go out of your way to cook us dinner, I can do it." Lily felt bad for making me cook. "No its okay I did it all the time for my dad." That was the first time I had talked about him in months and it hit me hard to say that. If I could produce tears I would have. "Jake told me about that, I'm sorry for your loss, and not even knowing till months after. I felt so bad." I was about to run out of the kitchen and lock myself in my bedroom when Alice came in she ran to my side and hugged me "Bella go lie down I'll cook dinner." She must have seen me make the choice to dash up to my room and lock the door. "Thanks Alice, I don't know what I would do without you." I was sobbing when I left the room. As I passed the door Jake walked in and glanced over at me. He ran over to see what was wrong. "Jake I am fine we just were talking about Charlie and I hadn't talked about it since you left, it was just hard. I'm fine though." He hugged me "I am sorry Bells, I love you you're my best friend, I got good news though." He was reaching into his pocket. "I am going to ask Lily to marry me." He pulled a box from his pocket and showed me the ring. "Jake it's so pretty! She will love it." I was not happy though, well I was but I was more along the lines of frustrated that he would ask her here in front of me knowing how we felt about each other. "I'm so happy for you guys!" I hugged him and we went to the den to find Edward, I needed a hug from him I was having some trouble composing myself after talking about Charlie for the first time in months. Edward and Jake were having a silent conversation the moment we walked into the room. "Okay you too, words!" I was getting pissed. "Bella love, are you okay?" he came up and kissed me I pushed him away "NO I'M NOT! I WANT TO GO SEE CHARLIE!" I was sobbing again, but this time it was into Edwards shoulder. "Bella, I promise as soon as you are ready we will fly out and see him. I promise Bella, just please stop crying." I looked up at him and half smiled. He kissed my cheek and let me go sit down. He and Jake sat on either side of me. "Bells, are you okay about me asking her to marry me here? Is it going to upset you? I don't want to make you uncomfortable. We both know how we feel." I looked at him for a moment then I looked at a shocked Edward and laughed. "No Jake I don't mind." We decided to watch the news till dinner was ready. "Jake, how is every one back In La Push?" I was really curious about how Billy was doing. "Well Billy is doing fine, Sam and Emily send there love of course. Billy wants to you why you don't call him." He laughed. "Hand me your phone Jake." He reached in his pocket and grabbed his phone then gave it to me. "Jake when did you get a nice phone like this?" an I-Phone?! Wow he must be making good money with his auto shop. "Well it was kind of a splurge I wanted one for a long time and I just went and got it one day." He laughed and showed me how to use it. It rang a few times then I heard Billy answer on the other line. "Hello?" I was happy to know he was doing okay after Charlie's death. "Billy Its Bells, how are you doing?" he laughed for a moment "I'm doing fine, I miss seeing your pretty little face though. How is that vampire treating you?" "Fine, we get along very well." "That's good, how did your change go?" "Well, that was painful, but I am enjoying the running and not having to eat all the time, but the blood lust takes getting used to." "Well Jake told me you haven't touched a human. I am proud of you." "Thanks Billy, Well when I get that blood lust under control we are coming out to see Charlie. It will be a few more months though." "Well, better late then never." "Well I got your son and his girlfriend here so I will talk to you later." "Okay keep him in line for me" "I will, talk to you later." "Bye Bells." I gave Jake back his phone. "Well, let's go see how Alice is doing with dinner." The thought of Alice actually cooking made me giggle. We got up and Edward grabbed my hand. "Alice how are you doing in there?" I walked into the kitchen to find her and Lily working together on spaghetti. "Well, I was totally lost so Lily started helping me." I smiled and went to go set the table. "Jake do you want a beer?" I looked over at him "Sure." I grabbed one out of the fridge and handed it to him. I set their table and Alice put the food out. Edward and I sat the table with them so we could talk. "Bella, I am sorry for upsetting you earlier." "Its okay, I needed to think about it. It hurt more suppressing it." We smiled at each other and went on with our night. After dinner Jake asked if Lily wanted to go for a walk. I knew he was going to pop the question while they were out walking, under the full moon in the Alaska sky.
Chapter Three: Congratulations
While Jake was out getting himself a fiancé Edward and I cleaned the kitchen. "Edward, when do you think we can go see Charlie? I really feel bad for not being there." I felt like crying again. "Soon Bella, soon." I was glad that he and Jake were getting along but I was also getting the urge to feed on Jakes girlfriend. I did not say anything to Edward because I did not want things to be weird but I knew I had to. "Edward, I don't know how much longer I can be around her. At dinner I was seriously about to kill her. I mean I can't help it, this blood lust is terrible!" he shook his head at me. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Go hunt I'll finish this." "Edward, I want to build up strength, in the future I will not always be able to go hunt at a seconds notice, I need to get used to it." He laughed at me before kissing me. Honestly I was glad I could tell him everything. He made me so happy. "Edward turn on the radio please." I said smiling at him happily. We sat at the kitchen table talking for the next hour. Then our song came on "I'll Stand by You" By the Pretenders. "Will you dance with me?" he seemed to be excited to get me in a better mood after the earlier events. I was still really upset about it and he could tell, even though he could not read my mind. "Sure, I would love to." He held out his hand and when I took it he pulled me to him as he put his hands on my waist. This reminded me of our wedding reception. I was so happy to finally be married to him. "I'll stand by you." He whispered in my ear at the end of the song. "I know you will. I love you Edward Cullen." "I love you Bella Cullen." We stood there in each others arms until we heard laughing coming from the foyer. "I think there back." We walked to find an ecstatic Lily and Jake. "I take it she said yes?" he nodded at a loss for words. I ran up and hugged him "OH MY GOD YOUR GETTING MARRIED! CONGRATS!!" I was over powered by excitement. "Lily, I know you don't know her very well, but she did my wedding and I know if you asked her she would love to, Alice is a miracle worker." At the sound of her name Alice was at our side. "So Lily I would love to do your wedding." "Lily Alice here is a psychic, literally, Jake I am surprised that you didn't block her vision this time." He laughed. "It's probably cause I am a human now." At that moment when Lily shook her head the scent of her blood came and slapped me in the face. I was growling. Before I knew it was ready to kill her. I had to come to my senses; this was my best friends Fiancé. "Uh I have to go hunt…NOW!" I ran out of the house. I was sobbing. I hated myself for wanting to kill her. I hated the monster inside of me. I broke down in the woods I wished I could cry. I wanted it so bad, I came so close. If I would have stood there any longer I would have killed her. I would have killed an innocent person, who my best friend loved. I would have done it. What if I did? What would they all think of me? Would Jake hate me? Of course he would he just asked her to marry him! I had to find something to feed on before I went back in, just as I went to run I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Bells, are you Okay?" I started sobbing once again wishing I could cry. "Jake I almost killed her, I was seconds away from taking away the love of your life." He shook his head. "Bells, I am worried about you. Are you sure you want us to stay?" I thought about saying no, but I needed this time with him. Who knew how long it would be before I saw him again? "Jake that's your choice. I do want you here, I hope I didn't scare her." He laughed, "She runs with wolves it takes more than that to scare her." I thought about when Edward would ask if he scared me. I always said no and it was true, I have never been scared of Edward. "Kay Jake I need to go hunt. Unless you want me to eat your girlfriend?" he laughed "Go hunt then." I left his side after hugging him and apologizing for my behavior. After about 5 minutes of running the scent of a bear caught my attention, it was really close. I found it in about five more minutes. I sucked it dry and disposed of its remains. This time I managed not to get covered in blood. I ran back to the house and spent the next two hours watching "Dirty Dancing." with my family, Jake, and Lily. Then we decided to play truth or dare. "Jake truth or dare?" I was planning on making this one good. "Truth, I don't like that look in your eyes." We laughed. "You are a smart boy. Well let's see…..Are you still a virgin? Don't lie to me Edward will tell me if you are!"
Chapter four: Jakes Revenge
"Yes, I am." He was blushing now. I laughed, "You're kidding?!" "Nope, I'm still a virgin…Is there a problem with that?" he was still beet red. "No, I just thought that…never mind." "Lily, truth or dare?" Emmett said chuckling "Dare." Edward let out a loud chuckle. "I dare you to let Alice and Bella dress you up, hair make up and clothes and then you give Jake a lap dance." She laughed. "Okay." Jake was once again beet red. "Jake, don't be mad, this is the most action you have ever gotten, so be happy Emmett is such a pig." We all laughed. I was glad my family got along with him. They were supposed to be mortal enemies but they seemed to really like him. Alice and me took Lily to Alice's bathroom. I picked out her clothes and music while Alice did her hair and make up. She looked like a stripper in my school girl skirt and white blouse. We made her show cleavage. "Well, your song is, "Situations" by Escape the fate." It is my favorite song, and it seemed to fit into the moment. "Ooh I love that song!" she was excited, more than Jake was. "Well do you want to practice?" Alice did a good job with her hair and make up, Lily had long black hair, so Alice just teased it and put pink hair spray in it to give it a cute tinted look on the top layer. "No I got it planned out." She really wanted to do this. "Well lets go then!" we all walked down stairs to the den where we were playing. "Wow, Jake your girlfriends hot." Jake about jumped out of his seat to kill Emmett before he saw Lily, then all he did was let his jaw drop. I walked over to the computer and opened up my I-tunes and started the song. Jakes face turned red as Lily started to give him the lap dance. She was really good. I sat down next to Edward "Why don't you ever do that for me?" he whispered in my ear. I giggled, "I could later if you want." He Laughed and kissed me on the cheek. When the song ended Jake was a bit less red. Lily decided to sit in his lap for a while. "Emmett truth or dare?" it was Jakes turn, I knew He wanted revenge. "Dare" Emmett is done fore. "Well let's see. I dare you not to touch Rose in any way until we leave Sunday." He looked shocked "Your kidding right?" "Nope" I laughed knowing how hard that would be for them both. "Jake, do you value your life?" Rose was pissed. "Yes, but I think I could defend myself." Jake was laughing so hard it was making me laugh. "Fine" they both said at the same time and we went on with our game. "Edward truth or dare?" Alice was going to do something Edward would regret, I could see it on both there faces. So he picked "Truth" "Well, what do you miss most about Bella being human?" he thought for a moment. "When she blushed every time she got embarrassed" I looked at him for a moment then smiled "Well I for one do not miss it!" he laughed and kissed me, after a minute I realized we were in a room full of people. They laughed. "Truth or dare Bella!" Alice was excited apparently seeing into the future. "Dare." Alice looked shocked to hear me pick dare, apparently her vision was a truth. "Well Bella, I dare you to drink a bottle of beer." She was really going to regret that. I hated the smell of it, and being a vampire I would probably hate the taste of it. Jake handed me one from the table. "Are you kidding me?" she shook her head no as I opened the bottle. I chugged it as fast as I could, I was right about it tasting terrible. I was about to dry heave when I realized it was over and I could go get it out of my system. I left to room and headed to the bathroom. I dry heaved for about 15 minutes till the beer finally came up. I felt a lot better with it out of my body. I headed back down stairs, when I entered the room Jake and Lily were getting ready to go up and head to bed. I guess we lost track of time because when I looked at the clock it was three in the morning. I laughed for a moment "Good night guys." They went to bed after hugging us all and thanking us for letting them stay here.
Chapter Five: "What Sarah Said"
"So, what are we doing today?" He looked like he had been having fun. "Well, I was thinking we could all just hang around the house again, seeing as I am not ready to leave the property." I was angry that my blood lust had almost gotten the best of me yesterday. I really almost killed her. I was seconds away from losing my control. It truly was the most horrifying thing that ever happened to me. I was more scared of hurting someone than I ever was of James or Victoria. "Edward, I am scared. I really am scaring myself. I could have killed her yesterday; I am more scared of hurting someone than I have ever been of anything else in my life." I was thinking of ways to keep my blood lust under control. I did not need to be hurting someone, at this rate it would be another whole year before I could freely go about my life. "Well Bella love, leaving and hunting instead of killing and succumbing to your inner demons took a lot of work. I know that you will be able to be around people soon. It make take a while to be able to go to extremely crowded places but in a month or two I think we can go back to Forks, and maybe have Renee over to visit." Was he being for real? Two months at the most?! I was trying not to jump up and down. I was so excited! I really felt bad for not being there for Charlie. Now, I needed to be there for Renee, no matter what! "Edward, I love you." "I love you to Bella." He pulled me into a kiss wrapping his arms around me. "You really know how to make me happy, all I have wanted to do was go see them." I was smiling now. "I know love." We spent the rest of the night planning the trip to Phoenix and Forks. We would take a plane to Phoenix then spend a week there so I could see Charlie and all my friends in La Push. Then we would take another flight to Phoenix to see Renee and Phil. We would be spending a week there. I would have to tell Renee about my vampirism or risk being seen sparkling on the beach. "Edward, are you sure I can tell her about us?" He laughed and then our alarm went off. It was time to go cook breakfast. I was excited to tell Jake that I would be going home soon. It was about eight in the morning when the rest of my family came down stairs. "Edward, I am going to go hunt." I knew I had just hunted last night but I was NOT taking any more changes. "Okay, be back soon." I kissed him and ran out the door. I did not get much hunting done. I just kind of sat in the woods thinking. I was excited to go see Renee, but she thought I hated her and Jake had to tell her that I did not hate her and make up some huge lie just to get her to calm down. I knew that I had left her and Charlie for the best, but I felt bad for leaving Charlie to die alone. Then not even showing up at the funeral. I was a terrible person. I hated myself, but I had no choice but to change. I could have stayed longer. I then thought about a song I once heard. "What Sarah Said." It was by Death Cab for Cutie. The line in the song "Love is watching someone die." I had to watch from afar, but I let him go. It was my choice to leave, and now I had to pay for it. I deserved all of this guilt and pain. I was a monster. I hated it. I wanted to really for real die at that moment. I had to do what I did to stay alive and be happy. I wanted to live forever with Edward and our family. I just thought this would all be easier. I thought that it would just happen and I would be okay. I was so very wrong. I made a huge mistake letting myself die before Charlie. If I could change the past I would have waited to become a vampire. I would have waited. I could not do anything about this, so why can I not just let go? Why can I not just get back to my life? I needed to go hunt I knew it had been at least an hour since I left and I did not need a house of worried vampires and a werewolf out looking for me. I found a sheep and made sure not to leave one spot of blood in its body, disposed of its remains and ran as fast as I could back to my home. "Sorry I took so long, I just started thinking and got a much needed reality check." Edward came up and hugged me "I was worried." He kissed me and lead me into the room were every one was playing video games and talking. "Hey guys." They looked up and smiled. "How was your breakfast?" Jake laughed as he said this. "It was good, I love sheep." I licked my lips and took a seat on the floor. We all played the Wii and Xbox for about four hours. Then we watched like four movies. We watched, "Crazy Beautiful", "John Tucker Must Die", "The Corpse Bride", "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and "Spirited Away". By the time we were done it was around seven o'clock. Alice and I headed into the kitchen to make dinner for Jake and Lily. We made them frozen pizza. We let them eat in peace while we cleaned up the den so it looked nice when we all went back into it. "Emmet will you go rent a couple more movies and take these ones back?" I wanted to watch more movies. "Sure Bella, any requests?" I thought for a while then decided I wanted to see "The Childsplay Movies!!" I adored them. "Okay, that sounds good." He left and we finished making the room look nice and clean. "Well dinner was great guys." Jake looked full as he and Lily came and sate down on the couch in front of the TV. "Hey Jake lets play some Halo." Jasper was excited to have someone besides Emmett to play video games with. "Sounds good." Jake picked up a controller and He and Jasper played until Emmett returned with the movies. "Well Bella I got all of them." I was excited to watch them; it had been years since I watched them. "What are we watching Bells?" "The Childsplay movies." I said slipping the first of them into the DVD player. We stayed up finishing the whole set before they went to bed. They were leaving that afternoon. "Well, that was fun. I had not seen those movies in years!" Jake was heading up to bed with Lily. "Jake I almost forgot, but in about two months I'm coming back to Forks!" He stopping in his tracks and smiled. "That's great Bells!" we talked for a few minutes about our plans then he headed off to bed.
Chapter Six: Good Bye
Edward and I talked the rest of the night about my "reality check" "Bella, you're not a monster!" he was really mad that I even thought it. "Well, I left Charlie to die, did not go to his funeral then I tried to kill my best friends girlfriend! That all just screams monster to me!" my eyes I guessed were full of guilt and remorse. "Bella love, you did what you had to, and I know that Charlie understands!" Edward looked like a bus hit him after I broke down sobbing into his chest. "I am sorry you lost him Bella, between you and Alice Jasper has his work cut out for him. You both have not been the same since you heard about his death." I looked at him and shook my head "Edward, I know you and Charlie did not get along. But Alice and I loved him, he was my father! I cannot just act like it never happened and I did not leave him alone to die!" he kissed me before talking again. "Bella, I know that, and I do not expect you to not feel guilty. You are just scaring us. We want our happy Bella back!" I looked into his eyes I could tell he was really worried about me. "Edward, it is going to take some time. I know that you do not really remember your parent's death, but I have never lost some one that I was that close to!" I tried to make sense and I think I got him to understand what I was going through. "Bella, I understand that you are upset, but can you at least try not to let it make you miserable! Bella it makes me sick to watch you put this mask on and act like everything's okay but when I see your eyes realize that you are truly miserable! I made you this way, and I feel that it is my fault!" "Edward, you only did what I asked you to, you are not the reason for any of this! So don't even go there with me!" I was really hurt that he felt that way. I know that if I would not have asked him to do it he would not have done it. I knew that he was only trying to make me happy, and in result of that I turned out to be very unhappy at leaving my family. I loved Edward and I knew I would not be able to live without him; I did what I had to do to survive! I was selfish I know but I was on the verge of suicide before Jake and I started hanging out, and even then I still had the gut feeling that I was worthless. Then when Edward came back I felt whole again. I felt that I could do this I could handle the repercussions of my actions. I knew that eventually I would be better, but until I got to see Charlie and Renee again I knew that the mask would be the only way to be happy. "Edward, I know you feel guilty but don't, it was all me. I know that after I get to see Charlie and Renee again I will be the same Bella that you all want back. We just have to get through the two months till then. I will do my best to be happy and not let my guilt flood my eyes, but I am only reacting to this how I would have if I was still human. I guess I have to get used to losing people. It will be part of my new life, and I will just have to accept that." I was smiling, I was coming to the realization that this was the path I chose and I would just have to deal with it. I was going to be happy and there was nothing that anyone could do to change that! "Bella, I love you and I am glad that you are realizing that this kind of stuff happens to everyone, I hope that you can be happy without the mask soon. I will always be there for you and I will never leave your side." We smiled at each other; he pulled me into a deep kiss. After breaking apart we just lied in bed till it was time to go cook for Jake and Lily. I knew that in a few short hours my best friend would be leaving and I would not see him for months. I knew he would be taking a part of me with him, I knew I would not be whole again till I saw him, but I didn't care. We were both in love with amazing people he would be busy with wedding stuff, and Alice would be on the phone with Lily all day everyday working on her wedding. I could manage. Jake and Lily packed up there rental car before eating. "Jake, you had better not forget to be sending me photos and call me so we can keep updated! And I better be getting a wedding invite as soon as you have a date!" we laughed and I hugged him before I turned to Lily "Treat him good, and if he ever gives you any crap call me and I will show him how strong vampires really are" I smiled at Jake who was laughing at the thought of me actually being able to hurt him. "Jake, do you want to see how strong I am?" I was ready to prove to him that I could punch him and not break my hand this time. "Uh I'm good Bells. I know how strong you say you are and I don't want to look like a jerk for hitting a girl. Plus Edward would kill me." We laughed and Edward agreed. "Well you two take care!" I hugged Jake "I love you" I whispered into his ear before we released each other. "I love you to Bells, take care of yourself." I walked them to there car. I stood there and watched them drive until I could no longer see their car. I walked back into the house to find Edward waiting for a break down "I think I will be just fine." I said walking into his open arms. "Good." he kissed my cheek and I knew that I had made a lot of bad choices but he was not one of them, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone. I was happy to be his forever. I wanted to be his forever, and I got it.