- The NGE Sunscreen Song -
By K-Ley Katsuragi (sailor_mercury_@crystal-tokyo.com)
Ladies and Gentlemen of Tokyo-3:
Avoid piloting.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, avoiding piloting would be it. The long-term
benefits of not piloting have been proven by people who did pilot, and, well, died or went
catatonic or lost limbs, while the rest of Tokyo-3 remained relatively unscathed except for
that thing when the city got blown up.
Enjoy the power and beauty of the war. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and
beauty of the war unless you're a war obsessed eighth grade student. But trust me, in 20 years,
you'll look back at all the war toys and logs that were kept and recall in a way you can't
grasp now how disturbing it really was and how much Kensuke needed a girlfriend. It really
was as sad as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to
kill an Angel with a rubber band. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind, the kind that didn't occur to you as you stared at another
unfamiliar ceiling.
Recall one memory each day that scares you.
Sing Fly Me To The Moon.
Don't be self-absorbed, be self-confident. Beat up people who tell you otherwise.
Floss, especially after eating something Misato has passed off as dinner.
Don't waste your time on getting attached to Rei. Sometimes she'll live, sometimes she'll die.
The road is long and, in the end, all that matters is that we have a big tank of 'em.
Remember compliments you received from your father. Forget the insults. OK, let's face it.
You're going to remember the insults regardless of what I say. But if you could forget the
insults, maybe you wouldn't be overrun with such bad memories in the bath.
Keep memories of conversations with Asuka that make you smile. Ignore the bruises.
Synch.
Don't feel guilty if you fall in love with your roommate, someone your friends consider to be
the devil. Some of the most interesting people I know didn't know at 21 that who you love is
not your choice. Some of the most close-minded 40-something-year-olds I know still don't get
it.
Get a good guardian. Be kind to your fellow pilots. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll go on the school trip, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have to do physics by the
pool, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll practice diving in said pool, maybe you'll get to go to
the hot springs and witness thermal expansion. Whatever happens, don't give up hope that you
won't be chosen to dive into lava, but don't force the hope, either. What you get to do is
left completely up to the whims of Ritsuko and Misato. Basically, you have no say.
Enjoy the lunches the class rep makes. Thank her every chance you get. Don't worry about what
other people think it means. You can always beat up your friends if they hassle you about it.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in the middle of Tokyo-3 while fighting an Angel.
Take note of Asuka's suggestions, but listen to Misato, she's always right, at least when
she's commanding. Do not sneak out of a shelter to watch the battle. You'll inevitably get
busted.
Get to know your mother and her soul. Try to find out who your father really is. Be nice to
anyone who's a transfer student. The guilt can be overwhelming if you beat them up and they
don't turn up at school for three days.
Understand that Angels come and go, but philosophical unshaven guys, you should hold onto.
Work hard to keep Misato at work or at home because the more spare time she has, the more
likely it is that she'll go out and get completely tanked.
Spend a night in the fields surrounding Tokyo-3 once, but leave before NERV security comes for
you. Spend several nights at your best friend's house, but leave before you overload her Sega.
Travel on the Tokyo Loopline.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Someone will ask why the teacher seems to always be
talking about the same thing. Others will make up wild answers. You, too, will get jaded. And
when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were new, questions were intelligent, lessons were
informative, and everyone followed proper classroom etiquette.
Respect Gendo's glasses.
Don't trust anyone. Maybe you have a lot of luck when it comes to spying on NERV for the
Japanese Government without getting caught. Maybe you'll have a girlfriend who witnessed the
Second Impact firsthand. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 31, people will start calling you
names like Suicide Blonde, and not just because of what happened to your mother.
Be careful how much you buy pictures of Asuka for. Be patient and kind to those who sell them
at school. It may seem immoral, but Kensuke and Touji know what they're doing and at least you
know you're getting quality photos.
But trust me on not piloting.
-Author's Notes -
To be blatantly honest, I'm not happy with the last two paragraphs of this. But it's the best
I could do.
I wrote this for the sole purpose that there seems to be a sunscreen song for everything out
there. It was time NGE stepped up.
Till next time!
K-Ley Katsuragi
By K-Ley Katsuragi (sailor_mercury_@crystal-tokyo.com)
Ladies and Gentlemen of Tokyo-3:
Avoid piloting.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, avoiding piloting would be it. The long-term
benefits of not piloting have been proven by people who did pilot, and, well, died or went
catatonic or lost limbs, while the rest of Tokyo-3 remained relatively unscathed except for
that thing when the city got blown up.
Enjoy the power and beauty of the war. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and
beauty of the war unless you're a war obsessed eighth grade student. But trust me, in 20 years,
you'll look back at all the war toys and logs that were kept and recall in a way you can't
grasp now how disturbing it really was and how much Kensuke needed a girlfriend. It really
was as sad as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to
kill an Angel with a rubber band. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind, the kind that didn't occur to you as you stared at another
unfamiliar ceiling.
Recall one memory each day that scares you.
Sing Fly Me To The Moon.
Don't be self-absorbed, be self-confident. Beat up people who tell you otherwise.
Floss, especially after eating something Misato has passed off as dinner.
Don't waste your time on getting attached to Rei. Sometimes she'll live, sometimes she'll die.
The road is long and, in the end, all that matters is that we have a big tank of 'em.
Remember compliments you received from your father. Forget the insults. OK, let's face it.
You're going to remember the insults regardless of what I say. But if you could forget the
insults, maybe you wouldn't be overrun with such bad memories in the bath.
Keep memories of conversations with Asuka that make you smile. Ignore the bruises.
Synch.
Don't feel guilty if you fall in love with your roommate, someone your friends consider to be
the devil. Some of the most interesting people I know didn't know at 21 that who you love is
not your choice. Some of the most close-minded 40-something-year-olds I know still don't get
it.
Get a good guardian. Be kind to your fellow pilots. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll go on the school trip, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have to do physics by the
pool, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll practice diving in said pool, maybe you'll get to go to
the hot springs and witness thermal expansion. Whatever happens, don't give up hope that you
won't be chosen to dive into lava, but don't force the hope, either. What you get to do is
left completely up to the whims of Ritsuko and Misato. Basically, you have no say.
Enjoy the lunches the class rep makes. Thank her every chance you get. Don't worry about what
other people think it means. You can always beat up your friends if they hassle you about it.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in the middle of Tokyo-3 while fighting an Angel.
Take note of Asuka's suggestions, but listen to Misato, she's always right, at least when
she's commanding. Do not sneak out of a shelter to watch the battle. You'll inevitably get
busted.
Get to know your mother and her soul. Try to find out who your father really is. Be nice to
anyone who's a transfer student. The guilt can be overwhelming if you beat them up and they
don't turn up at school for three days.
Understand that Angels come and go, but philosophical unshaven guys, you should hold onto.
Work hard to keep Misato at work or at home because the more spare time she has, the more
likely it is that she'll go out and get completely tanked.
Spend a night in the fields surrounding Tokyo-3 once, but leave before NERV security comes for
you. Spend several nights at your best friend's house, but leave before you overload her Sega.
Travel on the Tokyo Loopline.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Someone will ask why the teacher seems to always be
talking about the same thing. Others will make up wild answers. You, too, will get jaded. And
when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were new, questions were intelligent, lessons were
informative, and everyone followed proper classroom etiquette.
Respect Gendo's glasses.
Don't trust anyone. Maybe you have a lot of luck when it comes to spying on NERV for the
Japanese Government without getting caught. Maybe you'll have a girlfriend who witnessed the
Second Impact firsthand. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 31, people will start calling you
names like Suicide Blonde, and not just because of what happened to your mother.
Be careful how much you buy pictures of Asuka for. Be patient and kind to those who sell them
at school. It may seem immoral, but Kensuke and Touji know what they're doing and at least you
know you're getting quality photos.
But trust me on not piloting.
-Author's Notes -
To be blatantly honest, I'm not happy with the last two paragraphs of this. But it's the best
I could do.
I wrote this for the sole purpose that there seems to be a sunscreen song for everything out
there. It was time NGE stepped up.
Till next time!
K-Ley Katsuragi