SLASH BACKSLASH 3.0 CONTEST
Title: Misapprehension
Author: collab between itsjustme1217 and rpfangirljr
Pairing: Edward/Jasper
Rating, Disclaimer, and appropriate Warnings: Rated M for language, drug use, and boy/boy sex. We do not own Twilight but Rob and Jackson own us.
Word Count: 9,999
o.*EPOV*.o
I remember it all now. Everything.
I remember how prom was a sea of white lights and silver taffeta. I was uncomfortable in my black tux and damn glad to have my best friend Jasper by my side. We had both decided to go stag that night on the basis that we 'were keeping our options open'.
What options?
No girls held any interest in me, and I wouldn't notice if they did. I only had eyes for Jasper.
I couldn't tell him the real reason I didn't want to bring a date was because I couldn't stop fantasizing about tangling my fingers in his golden curls. I couldn't tell him his steel blue eyes haunted me in the dark of night. It might be difficult to explain to my best friend I had been in love with him since the ninth grade. Besides, I'm not gay.
How was I supposed to explain to him all those times we played Mario together, I was studying the way his hands move. That I have noticed how his blush spreads from his face down his neck to his chest. All those times we stayed at my place, and he fell asleep in my bed, I was thinking about snuggling, and dry-humping. Plus, I'm not gay.
Oh, that would be a good one!
Then I could explain, too, how I would slide my foot across the bed until I felt his, just so I could touch him.
I couldn't just come out and tell him I loved his lips, or it makes my heart pound when he smiles at me. I guess if I was going to tell him, I should have told him the first day I met him because that's when I first felt it, but after all this time, it almost feels like betrayal. I've seen him naked; he probably wouldn't have undressed in front of me if he knew, probably wouldn't have stayed the night in my bed. Maybe he wouldn't have been my friend at all. Even though, I'm not gay.
The thing is Jasper is a really good friend, not to mention the only one I have I can truly trust. For instance, that time I was sick with the flu, and he did my homework instead of his own. Or when he told Principal Cope he was one who tripped James in the hall, when it was really me. All those times he purposely got detention just so he could stay after school with me. He always lets me be Mario, cause he knows Mario is my favorite.
In fact, he blows off his brothers fraternity parties every weekend to play video games with me because my strict parents won't allow me to attend. He always did that, took care of me before himself.
I just can't give that up, no matter how selfish it makes me. I can't lose him, and I can't hurt him by telling him the truth. What if he thinks our whole friendship was some ploy to get him into bed? I couldn't bare to see his face when he realized I had thought of doing very dirty things with him.
Hey Jasper, by the way, I really want to suck your dick while you're playing Mario.
Luckily, the music masked my thoughts, and Jasper was distracted enough not to notice. We saw some of the others from our school group at a table across the room and made our way over. The rest of the evening was spent talking loudly with our friends and dancing to the school-approved music the DJ played.
Even though they were with dates, I still danced with Bella Swan and Jasper danced with Alice Brandon. The song I danced to with Bella was quick paced. I barely touched her, but as soon as Jasper and Alice walked out on the dance floor, the song switched to a slow number. I hated the way she wrapped her arms around his neck. She had to step on her tiptoes to do it, and I prayed for God to strike her with a cramp...or a fracture.
That damn song lasted forever. I swear it was the longest I had ever heard. His hands were on her waist, and my heart was breaking in my chest. I knew it was irrational to be jealous and angry, but knowing that didn't make the emotions diminish.
So it was no wonder when Newton held up a flask and nodded toward the door I followed him.
o.*JPOV*.o
Okay... So things didn't go as I had wanted.
When Edward and I had planned on going stag together to the prom, I honestly thought we would just spend the whole night together. It was the perfect plan. Me and my best friend, the man I had feelings for.
I don't think he quite knew the feelings I had for him. I mean, how do you tell your best friend you love him? How can you explain you aren't interested in any of the girls you have talked about in the past?
Honestly, they didn't measure up to Edward. Little did he know, I thought about running my hands down his toned chest and abs. Often, I pictured his piercing green eyes looking at me while his perfect mouth was kissing along my dick. I wanted to intertwine my fingers through that bronzed hair on his head.
Anyway, I could never tell him. I would rather just fantasize about him while masturbating rather than lose him because he found out I had feelings for him.
I can't say I was entirely happy when I saw Edward out on the dance floor with Bella Swan, of all people. I don't know what was so special about her that had the majority of the senior-class males in a tizzy. Whatever.
Watching him with her... it was wrong. His hand would graze along her back or her thigh. I would catch his eyes, and he would smile. It drove me fucking insane.
So, what could I do? I asked Mary Alice Brandon to dance.
By the time we made it into an empty spot on the dance floor, the song had switched from fast and fabulous to slow and dreary. Not what I wanted at all. Alice had her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me close to her. She was so short; I had to wrap my arms around her waist to keep her from falling. And when I did, she was humming happily.
Meanwhile, all I could think about was Edward. I'd catch him watching us, and I'd smile. Not a happy one, don't think that. It was more of a 'help me' smile. I'm not sure what was going through his mind, because I didn't get a smile in return. He looked sort of pissed.
Then Edward glanced over to the side of the room near the door. I looked over to see what caught his eye, and I about had a cow. Fucking Mike Newton was waving around a flask. I looked back to Edward to see him leave Bella's side and walk over to Newton. He nodded and said something, making Newton clap him on the back before walking out the door together.
Now, to say I was full on jealous doesn't quite cover what I was feeling. But, I was also panicked about how to get away from Alice... and fast. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. And can I add worried on the list of what I was feeling?
I mean, Edward wasn't a drinker. He can't hold his liquor at all. He only drank one other time... and I was with him. He got a little handsy. Not that I minded.
And that brings me back to jealous. Jealous he might get a little amorous with Mike. When I want him to be that way with me. When will this song end? I need to go!
After what seemed like an eternity, the song finally ended. I escorted Alice to the side where Edward had been standing moments before.
"Thank you so much for the dance, Jasper," Alice chimed.
I couldn't think of a word to say to her. My thoughts were with Edward.
"You know there's an after party at Mike's." I could see in her eyes, she wanted me as her after prom hook-up. This called for some quick action.
"I'm sorry, Alice. I saw Edward leave the room, and he didn't look so good. He's sort of my ride and I think I should go check on him."
The look on her face was definitely disappointment. I quickly told her if Edward was all right, I would meet up with her later. I really stressed that if, because I knew if things went my way, I would be only at one party. A party of two. Edward and myself.
I saw her chipper smile come back as I made a dash for the door. There was no time to waste with pleasantries. I was on a mission with one goal and one goal only. Edward.
The door to the gym slammed behind me, and I found the hallway empty. So knowing the only place you could grab an illegal drink in the school, I knew right where to go. The parking lot.
I don't think I had ever run so fast in my life. Thoughts of an inebriated Edward leaning in with those perfect lips on Mike's nasty, pencil thin lips ran through my head. My Edward can't be kissing any other person. He can only be with me... I think I'm in love with him.
The doors at the end of the hall flew open easily as I burst through them. I ran about four steps into the parking lot before stopping dead in my tracks. My eyes landed on the object of my affection first. He was laughing, taking a swig from the flask. He leaned into Mike as he passed the flask back.
I took a deep breath, calming myself, before walking towards them. My heart leaped when my eyes met his. Yeah, I had it bad.
o.*EPOV*.o
After a few drinks with Mike Newton, the dance was ending. Jasper was the first one out the doors, locking eyes with me and then striding straight to my side. Discussions of various parties ensued, but once we were both back in the Volvo, we agreed, we didn't want to be surrounded by all their drunken pranks. Newton takes things too far.
Jasper blushed when he told me he had reserved a hotel room earlier in the day and stocked it with food, alcohol, and DVD's for us. At first, my heart picked up speed at the thought of us spending the night alone together in a hotel room. I knew I was holding out false hope, but I was still disappointed when I took in the sight of the chips and pretzels on the bed and his lap top on the dresser with movies and game controllers surrounding it. Of course we were going to get drunk and play Play Station. Of course we were going to get the munchies after smoking a joint and watch Star Trek.
What was I thinking?
I wanted to beat my head against the wall.
Jasper took the initiative and poured us both a shot of vodka. Three shots later and a beer in each hand, I sat down on the bed and picked up a controller.
"Isn't this great," Jasper enthused, taking one of the beers from me and kicking off his shoes.
It was a pretty sweet set up so I nodded. No parents, no rules, all of our favorite things and I got to be alone with Jasper.
Not what you want.
Yeah, well...whatever. I'll take what I can get.
We played seven games of Mario Kart and drank two more beers before Jasper sparked up the joint. After that, I told him I had to have a cigarette and excused myself. Out on the balcony, I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
The beer was making it impossible not to watch the way his fingers moved on the controller, or the way his lips puckered when he inhaled the smoke. My dick was so hard, I thought it was going to permanently injure me.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had been alone with Jasper before. I've slept in the same bed with him and even saw him naked. Why was this so different?
Maybe because I know this is the end of an era. We'll both be going to college. Jasper is staying here so he can be around to help his mom and going to business college. I've already registered at the university, so I'll be leaving. I'll only be a few hours away, but it won't be the same. No more riding to school together or spending weekends holed up in my room. This could be the end for us. People drift apart, he'll find a girlfriend, I'm sure, and that will be it.
I inhaled deeply from the cigarette, feeling the burn of nicotine in my chest and throat. I needed to calm the fuck down and just enjoy being with Jasper. My head started feeling cloudy; the tunnel vision set in, and I hoped the marijuana kicking in would help me relax.
Foiled again!
God hates me. I'm going to Hell for sure.
I went back inside and found Jasper stretched out on the bed in black boxers and white socks. He had the pretzel bag open next to his chest and was, frankly, being greedy.
"Save me some of those, fucker," I yelled, jerking the bag away from him, sitting down quickly and praying he wouldn't notice my erection.
"Sorry," Jasper said sheepishly. "I'm hungry."
I rolled my eyes at the cute bastard and handed him the bag back. Jasper's face lit up, and he dove back in, mumbling between bites for me to put on a movie.
I stood too fast, feeling lightheaded but finally made it over to the player and popped open the first case I picked up and shoved the DVD in. I knew the player would start automatically so I flopped back down on the bed. My head felt huge all of a sudden, and it was uncomfortable to hold it up straight. I arranged the pillows behind me, reclined back and closed my eyes for a second, enjoying the floaty feeling working it's way through my body.
The only problem was I could smell Jasper, feel the heat off his body, and it all seemed amplified. I was acutely aware of him, and that meant my cock was hard again. I reached to pull a pillow from behind me to cover my erection when I heard the moaning. My eyes snapped open to see Jasper's shocked expression, his eyes glued to the screen.
Hearing a sultry voice groan, "yes," I turned my head to see what I already knew was there.
"Jasper, I think this is porn," I slurred, stupidly.
o.*JPOV*.o
I can't believe Edward actually considered partying with Mike Newton after the prom. I hated partying with that crowd. The fucking pranks that were a requirement were on the level of a toddler - plastic wrapped toilets, beer bottles with the lids glued on, clear caulking on the sheets so you'd stick to them. Sad thing was they were the same pranks recycled at every party.
When we were finally alone in Edward's Volvo, I made my confession.
"I don't know if you'll like this idea, but I reserved a hotel room for us," I said, barely able to get out the words. "There's food, drinks, games, movies, maybe a joint or two..." Maybe some condoms and lube; should the mood strike you. Please let the mood strike you.
He looked at me and smiled, making me feel more at ease. I knew then, Edward was game.
The second we walked into the room, Edward's expression changed slightly. Was he upset there weren't any girls? Disappointed in my choices? I couldn't be sure, but I was going to quickly fix the situation. Nothing fixes a tense moment better than a shot of Vodka. So while he made himself at home on the bed, I poured our shots.
He drank his shot, closed his eyes and laid back. My eyes couldn't help but to roam over his long body. I swear it looked as though he were a little aroused. It had to have been the alcohol from Mike that caused that reaction, although I wished it were something more.
I was tempted. I wanted to make a move. Touch him. Kiss him. Something.
But I didn't. Why was I so afraid? It's not like we hadn't seen each other naked before. We've done the skinny dipping thing. We've had an all nude sleep over. Hell, we even showered next to each other daily in gym.
Watching him as he lathered in the shower... It was such a turn on. But I digress. Thinking about it was getting me hard. I didn't want to scare my boy off. So I did the first thing that came to mind and grabbed two beers. I offered him one and stuck the other one between my legs. Yep, that cold certainly did the trick.
We got busy playing various video games and talking. Drinking beer was mingled in, but I had to put more of my plan into motion. I had to have him fully relaxed. I reached over and sparked a joint and took a hit before offering it to Edward.
We took turns, passing it back and forth and watching as each other inhaled. As he watched, I wanted to know what was going through his mind as a playful expression spread across his face And when we were done, he excused himself to go out on the balcony to have a smoke.
I couldn't figure out what was on his mind. Was I being too forward? I wanted nothing more than for the night to be special. It was our last night.
Yeah, we would have the summer. But, over the summer, he'll be moving over to Seattle. He'll be getting ready for college. Me? I'll be helping out with my mom. I'll be getting a job and getting ready for my classes as well.
Then after that, he'd be making new friends. I would, too. Maybe during the holidays, we'd see each other, but that was a long shot with family and all. Could I even keep up a call schedule to him without seeming like I was in love with him?
That answer was no. I knew that. Whatever I wanted to happen with Edward had to happen night. Even if it did end our friendship, because, at that moment, it seemed that no matter what action I took, it was going to be over anyway.
Putting the plan into action...
I stripped out of my clothing. Well, everything but my boxers and socks. I knew it wasn't quite the best look, but I didn't want to totally scare Edward off. On that train of thought, what other way to look nonchalant than to be munching on something. I grabbed the first thing I saw - pretzels. I jumped on the bed, my heart pounding, and my hands shaking. Thankfully, I had a strong buzz going.
Edward came back into the room and sat next to me, grabbing the bag from my hands and cursing at me with that gorgeous smirk of his plastered across his face. I couldn't help but to smile back, knowing he was teasing me. Please don't let my erection grow too fast. No erection right now!
I shoved another pretzel into my mouth and requested, "Put in a movie, Edward."
Okay, so I knew the movie in the case was porn. My only thought behind that was to see what Edward liked more... the guys or the girls. I mean, I knew my vote. I was desperate to know his.
Well, Edward made himself comfortable next to me on the bed. Fuck the movie. All I wanted was to roll closer to him - my body against his. I didn't even try. Instead, I just watched him, lying back and eyes closed. And moving the pillow over his crotch.
Okay, that was a surprise. I know why a guy does that, but is that why Edward did that? Was he turned on by me?
Wishful thinking and I knew it.
It was then, the movie started playing. I wasn't prepared for the volume to be as loud as it was. The moaning was incredibly loud, definitely obvious to everyone in a three room radius. So I'm sure I looked shocked.
Edward's eyes popped open and looked at me. He mumbled something about porn. He looked a little scared himself - a deer in the headlights, if you will.
I didn't mean to scare him. Quickly rectifying the situation, I turned down the volume and made a fast excuse.
"Rosalie, is going to die! I asked her to help me pack a bag for tonight. I bet this is one of her sick jokes. I am so sorry, Edward."
He waved me off and slurred something about Emmett, all the while glancing between me and the television screen.
o.*EPOV*.o
"Jasper," I whispered, still watching the screen where two men, on their knees, in a bed, were kissing as a woman, on her back, between them, stroked their cocks.
His head swiveled toward me at the same instant I turned to him, and our eyes locked. Time seemed to stop as I gazed into his bright blues. With both of us partially lying on our sides, propped up on one arm, I had one second to think about how we were like interlocking puzzle pieces.
In the past, I have had many fantasies that began just like this, Jasper and I alone in a room, half naked, watching porn. In my daydreams, I would always kiss him, fisting my hands in his hair, our tongues tangling together. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the joint, but the entire room had taken on a surreal dream like quality. This moment felt exactly the same as my dreams, and I found myself leaning toward him without thinking.
My mouth touched his, and everything else faded away. I felt no fear, even though this was the first time I had done this, and it was Jasper. Hormones guided me on autopilot. I guess I can either thank the toxins in my body or this buzz singing through my body because of him.
Open mouth kisses explore each other. Once. Twice. Then I was hovering over him, straddling his waist, and fucking him with my tongue. I felt like mad, moving my kisses down his neck, slowly slipping further down his body. He was already half naked, and it just fueled me on, I wanted to possess him.
Take, take, take, my mind insisted.
I couldn't get enough of the taste of him, it was driving me wild. The sweet scent of him intoxicated me further as I pulled his boxers down over his hips. I didn't even look up at him to make sure it was okay before I took him in my mouth.
The sounds of moaning echoed between us and the movie. Faster and deeper, I took him into my mouth as I ground my cock into his thigh. It wasn't long before Jasper was screaming my name and trying to push me away, but I refused to stop my ministrations.
He was so deep when he came with a cry, shooting down my throat, I barely tasted it. That's a regret I'll take to my grave.
I flopped over onto the bed, my head feeling fuzzy and light again. I closed my eyes and floated. I probably could have fallen asleep right then, but my cock was wide awake and threatening to bust the zipper out of my pants. Using as little movement as possible, I wrestled it from my pants.
I could feel the wide smile upon my face but had no shame. Completely unable to hold any thoughts, my world had been reduced to the sensation of my hand lazily stroking cock. I felt warm wetness and then a tongue flick across my frenulum.
Drunkenly, I wobbled up just far enough to peer down between my legs. What I saw made my eyes snap shut, and forcing an embarrassingly loud grown from my mouth.
If I'm dreaming, this is the best it's ever been. His mouth feels so good, so hot and moist sliding up and down my length. My hips buck up without my consent, and Jasper moans around me.
"Fuck! Yes, Jasper!"
He takes me fully into his mouth and groans again loudly. The vibrations shoot through my body, triggering my orgasm as fireworks explode behind my eyes, and I break apart from him.
When it's over, I'm boneless. I feel as if I am melting into the bed. I feel some movement next to me. I hear some rustling, but I can't open my eyes or move.
o.*JPOV*.o
Is this really happening? Did I pass the fuck out?
It couldn't have been real. Edward was kissing me! I vaguely remembered him saying my name, and before I knew it, our lips were pressing together. One slight kiss is all it took for everything I had imagined to become a reality.
His lips pressed to mine with such a light touch. Then a little more, some tongue added. With each kiss, the intensity picked up, harder, more needful.
The next thing I knew, he was on top of me, straddling my waist. Our erections were pressing against each other through our clothing. Was he slightly bucking into me, or was I pressing up into him? It could have been both, but I think it was more me than him.
That was until he was kissing down my neck. And he didn't stop when he reached my chest. He trailed down my stomach, straight towards my dick.
I knew I had to have passed out by then. He was tugging my boxers down, freeing my needy dick. The next thing I knew, his mouth was sliding down me. He didn't ask. He didn't make eye contact. He just took.
Every fucking wet dream I have ever had was like that. Hence the fact it couldn't have been real.
"Fuck, Edward," I moaned. My hands went into his hair as he began sliding his hot mouth up and down me, sucking with passion at the tip. It took everything I had not to try to control him, not to thrust up into his welcoming throat.
The one thing I didn't control was my moaning. I wanted him to know what I was experiencing was pure bliss. It was intense... perfect... everything I had ever wanted with Edward.
Before I knew it, I couldn't hold back anymore. The tingles intensified in my balls. My stomach tightened. The feeling of floating ricocheted throughout my body as I screamed out his name, pushing my dick into his throat and unloading everything I had.
I looked down at him and noticed that he swallowed my cum. I watched as he flopped off of me, and closed his eyes. And then I saw his pants were about to bust at the seams. He did it all for me, so I could do it for him.
I sat up, the full effect of the buzz and my orgasm rushing to my head. When I finally had myself centered, I noticed he was trying to wiggle out of his pants. Being the gentleman I am, I helped him. When he sprang free, I saw a small smile spread across his lips.
Reason two as to why I had to have passed out. He was going to enjoy this as much as I had.
Edward's hand began slowly stroking his own dick. It was something to watch as his head peeked out of the foreskin as he moved. It was calling my name. Jasper, taste me.
I leaned down, inhaling Edward's wonderful honey-scented aroma. I licked my lips before licking him. Umami. Heavenly. That is how I would describe the way he tasted. The perfect blend of his sweet skin mixed with the saltiness of his pre-cum.
I licked again, and he groaned. That egged me on. Licking up and down him, slicking his skin so I could easily take it in my mouth and down my throat. Before I knew it, I had his whole length in my mouth, sucking it back as far as I could.
I was thrilled and happy when he moaned. He moaned my name in pleasure! The exhilaration of hearing my name, caused me to go faster, suck harder. I took him all the way back into my throat, with a moan.
With every drop and pull of my mouth, I'd moan and groan. It wasn't long before Edward was tensing and swelling. I pulled my mouth back a little to prepare for that final buck.
He thrust upward, and my mouth filled with his cum. Pure saltiness. The taste was so salty, my tongue burned. Don't think I didn't enjoy that. I enjoyed every last drop.
I climbed back up and laid next to Edward and closed my eyes. My head was spinning, and I fell asleep almost instantly.
o.*EPOV*.o
The next thing I know the sun is peaking through the curtains. I try turning my head away from the light, but damn it hurts.
Why does my head hurt so fucking bad?
Why do my legs feel numb?
Why does this pillow feel flat and the blanket feel different?
Where the Hell am I?
I crack one eye open to take in the scene. There are crushed pretzels all over the bed around me. Beer bottles litter the side tables. I'm lying half down the bed with my legs hanging over the end, and Jasper is asleep right next to me, curled up in a ball, on his side, clutching the blanket to his chin.
Jasper moans in his sleep, scooting closer to me and it all comes flooding back. Drinking shots, playing Mario, practically raping Jasper when that movie came on. I just threw myself at him. I didn't even make sure it was okay. I just...take, take, take. I vault up from the bed and make it just in time before vomiting.
I'm in the shower, trying to scrub away the guilt before I remember the dreamlike blowjob I received. I choke back a sob and fall against the shower wall. Fuck! He only did it because he felt like he had to. He was probably fucking afraid of me now. Of course, he was. I acted like an animal, a monster, I lost control and ruined our relationship. He wouldn't ever want to see me again. I knew I deserved it, but I couldn't stand to hear him say the word. So I dressed as quickly as possible, without even drying off first, and slipped out the door.
Self loathing enveloped me as I drove home. I'm disgusting. I can't believe I did those things...with Jasper. Sure I had thought about it, but I didn't really think it would ever happen. Not just with Jasper, but with anyone. I had been determined to never be labeled gay. I had never made any plans to act on my urges. I didn't need anyone anyway; I just needed my best friend, Jasper, and I would be good as gold.
But one drug infused night of alcohol and I shot all that Hell. My chest ached so bad, I had to pull over and lay down in the front seat. When I was finally able to sit up again, I saw an hour had passed. Situating myself back behind the wheel, I glanced in the rear view mirror and noticed I was crying.
I know there is no way to make up for this, no way I can face Jasper. I needed a new plan, actually a revision of the old one but, sadly, without Jasper. In my mind, the plan consists of two parts. One, leave town. I'll go away to college just as planned, but I'll leave today instead of in two weeks. I won't come back. I'll make excuses during holidays, but I won't bother him anymore. It will be as if I never existed. Two, stay in control. No more drugs or alcohol. No more men. No women.
With a plan set in my mind, I felt a bit of relief. I'm going to go away to college and actually study, make my parents glad they forked out the money to pay for it. Yes, I felt better, but I was still crying when I pulled into my parents driveway.
o.*JPOV*.o
What do I remember?
When I woke up that morning, it was a bright day. My vision was all blurred and hazy, but that didn't matter. I was on a fucking cloud so high...
Edward and I had finally taken our relationship to that next level. We were going to be together! It was just the beginning of our lives. There were so many more firsts for us to experience.
Okay, there was school, but that would just be a minor obstacle in our relationship. Vacations, holidays, summers - moments of time that could add up to make something wonderful out of something dreadful.
I couldn't believe it was happening; then I really woke up.
"Hey, Edward." Reaching out from under the blanket, my hand felt a cold empty spot next to me. I sat up, my eyes quickly adjusting to the room's light. He wasn't in bed with me. I jumped out of bed and had to grab the table to steady myself. Marijuana and alcohol had done a real number on me.
Once I was able to stand on my own, I reached down and picked up my boxers from the floor. I pulled them on and walked straight to the closed bathroom door, knocking on it.
"Edward? Are you okay?"
No answer. I opened the door to find the remnants of steam on the top of the mirror and a small pile of towels on the floor. There was no trace of him. Nothing. Not even a hair on the soap.
I walked back into the room; trying to control my breathing, trying not to cry. Then I noticed the curtain to the balcony was slightly opened. The balcony! Of course, he had to have a smoke.
I threw the curtain back, sunlight flooding the room. I was stunned. My heart stopped. I felt sick to my stomach. Shock couldn't quite describe quite what I felt at that moment.
He wasn't there. It was as if he never existed.
I collapsed into a small ball on the floor. My mind ran through different options for his disappearance. Maybe he went to get breakfast. Maybe he went down to pay for another day. Maybe he wants to surprise me like I did him.
I crawled over to grab my phone off of the table. I checked it for missed calls, messages... something to let me know it was all copacetic. Nothing. Not one damn thing. I quickly shot him a text, letting him know I wanted to talk. After five minutes with no answer, I called. Voicemail. I texted again.
Waiting that second time, I went back through my list of reasons. Stupid reasons I knew weren't what really happened. I knew it in my heart. I fucked it all up with him. I chased him off. I lost him.
I went through every emotion in like the five to ten minutes of waiting to hear back from him - anger, hate, pain, loss... You name it, I felt it. Even love. Yeah, I loved him. That feeling of loving him was so intense; when I finally settled on the fact I lost him, it felt as though I was ripped apart and the pieces burned.
It was always a possibility. I knew that. And I thought I had myself prepared for the fact it would be a one night thing, but I never realized how unprepared I actually was. It was so bad; I was useless. I literally couldn't function.
Thankfully, Rose was there for me. When I called her, she came to my hotel room with her boyfriend, Emmett. No questions asked. And for Emmett, that's saying something.
They helped me get everything picked up and packed so I could check out in time. They drove me home and even helped me into bed.
"Jasper, you don't have to tell me everything. You don't have to tell me anything. But when you are ready to talk, I'll be here for you," Rose said just before leaving me that day.
I was a mess. Maybe it was God's way of telling me I wasn't really in love with Edward. Hell, maybe I wasn't really gay. I probably should call up Alice and ask her out.
Not. It was always Edward or no one. In my heart, I knew he would be the one. He had to answer a text or call eventually...
E, CALL ME.
I JUST WANNA TALK.
J
o.*EPOV*.o
Making excuses to my family, they readily pulled some strings and got me into summer semesters, under the assumption I just couldn't wait to learn. Packing my stuff took longer than I expected, but I was still on campus in my dorm room nine hours later. I had left my phone on my bed at home. I needed a clean break from everything. I put away all of my belongings and made my bed. Drained for the day and still suffering the side effects of last night's binge, I fell asleep the instant my head hit the pillow.
Too bad it didn't last.
Two hours later, I was wide awake, sweating and gasping for air. I dreamed of a werewolf towering over Jasper in the woods. The monster smirked at me before sinking his teeth into Jasper's throat. Jasper's body thrashed on the ground as I stood unable to move for what felt like an eternity. When finally his sparkling eyes fell silent and empty, the wolf turned toward me once more and a gilded frame appeared around my periphery. I watched in horror as the wolf crept closer, morphing into my own self. Every night was the same. Time after time, no matter what I did differently.
Days were a routine of strict self discipline. Classes, work, study, and try not to think about Jasper. I make my self eat, make myself sleep, make myself be normal. My roommate, Demetri kept to himself at first, seeming to tip toe around me. He didn't hang around the dorm too much, choosing to stay at his girlfriend, Heidi's apartment instead.
Still he was here a few nights a week and sometimes during the day. Lately, he had become increasingly annoyed with my attitude. Two nights ago, he called me out on it, and I just spilled it all out in a rush. It felt good to unload after all this time of working to keep it buried.
He smiled when I told him and patted my shoulder. "This is all going to work out," he offered, squeezing my shoulder one last time before grabbing his jacket and leaving the apartment.
At first I was shocked he would just leave after my grand confession, but I couldn't really blame him. I was the worst kind of man; my best friend wouldn't forgive me, why should he?
So I was really surprised to get a call from him yesterday morning, telling me in no uncertain terms we were going out and to be ready. I thought of every excuse from I'm sick to I've got to wash my hair, but when he arrived that evening it was clear Demetri was not taking no for an answer.
In a white, button-down shirt and dress pants with matching sport coat, I step inside the club. Demetri immediately spots Heidi, who waves us over. I said no to the alcohol three different rounds, but after that I gave in. I just wanted to feel better for one fucking night. So I had a shot and drank a beer, and I could have sworn Demetri and Heidi were both flirting with me.
Feeling emboldened by the spirits, I found myself bantering back and forth with them. I was startled when I felt Heidi's hand slip up my thigh, but it didn't stop there. It was good to feel something, I hadn't felt anything but pain and numbness for nearly a year.
Demetri leaned close and kissed my cheek. Instantly I felt my cheeks redden, and I glanced around us to see if anyone was watching. "Are you a homophobe, Edward?" he asks, whispering in my ear.
"No!" I answer immediately, shaking my head. "I don't care what other people do. It's none of my business."
"What makes you special that people should care what you do, Edward?" he taunts, licking the shell of my ear. "Why is it any of their business who you fuck?"
I gasp at his words, not only that he said them but by the truthfulness of their meaning.
Demetri takes my hand, pulling me to the dance floor, Heidi follows, her arm tucked around mine. When we find a spot, Demetri spins me so my back is to his chest and grinds his erection into my ass. Heidi wraps her arms around my neck, pressing her breasts against my chest.
"Why shouldn't you be happy, Edward?" Heidi purrs, swaying her hips suggestively against my groin.
"Everyone else in the world is making themselves happy," Demetri adds.
Palming me through my jeans, he coos teasingly, "Which one of us do you want?"
I get it now, he's trying to prove a point. Trying to get me to admit I am gay, but my epiphany is much more elaborate. I thank them but decline their offer and escape as quickly as possible.
I drove all the way back to my hometown; my brain buzzing with the knowledge it didn't make any difference what labels it sticks me with, I only want Jasper. I love him, not just because I'm gay, but because he's smart, funny, and just him.
I have plenty of time as I make the four hour drive to think back on our relationship. With some perspective, I am able to see things I missed when they were happening. I was so busy trying to fight my urges and feelings, it never occurred to me Jasper could have been fighting the same thing.
I see clearly now how we always spent time alone. How neither of us questioned staying in a hotel room together on prom night. I realize we were acting just like a couple but without the declarations. I didn't know for sure if Jasper really did feel that way, or if it was wishful thinking, but I was determined to beg his forgiveness and find out.
I remember it all now. Everything.
o.*JPOV*.o
"He's where?"
A few weeks after that night, I was finally able to get up on my own two feet. I showered and cleaned up, deciding if Edward wasn't going to call me, he'd have to talk to me face-to-face.
So it came as a total fucking shock to find out from his parents he left for college early. I wasn't quite sure what I did want to hear from them, but that just wasn't it. I left Edward's house with no resolve.
I spent the next few months in a daydream like haze. I was functioning, but not really there. I worked at Newton's Olympic Outfitters, doing whatever was asked of me. School was just an endless set of assignments that I did.
I didn't pour my heart into any of it. I had no heart left.
I texted Edward once a week, although the messages came back as unable to be sent. I was positive he had changed his number. Why would he want to talk to me? The one person he trusted. The same person who abused that trust. I got it.
Things didn't start to change until just before Thanksgiving. I started talking with a guy at school, who, was from La Push. His name was Paul.
We started hanging out. After a few talks, it turned out we had met before on First Beach during high school. By the time spring break rolled around, we had a pretty strong friendship.
The first day of break, we went out to First Beach to surf. The weather didn't cooperate with our plans though. It was cloudy and too cold to head out into the water, even with our wet suits on.
So instead, we sat on the beach talking. Paul was being open. He told me about his ex, Jacob, and how jealous he became over the little things. Then he asked me a question.
"How did you know I was..." I trailed off. I was shocked and couldn't figure out how he knew I was attracted to other men. The word gaydar pops into my head. I just thought I was good at flying under it.
I told him about Edward, leaving out most of the details of our time together. I stuck to the basic story, mentioning how he left without a word and how much I really loved him.
"You know, I do still love Edward..." I was interrupted with a kiss.
Paul's kiss tasted like beef jerky, not nectar sweet like Edward. His breath was hot, stiffling, not cool and fresh like Edward's. His lips were hard and forceful. Edward's were soft, inviting... loving.
It wasn't long before I found myself pushing him back, and saying, "Look, Paul. You're a nice guy and all, but my heart is still his. Even if he doesn't want it. This is just... wrong. I'm sorry."
I got up and walked back up the hill to my car. All the while, Paul was yelling after me. I didn't pay attention to one word he said. My mind filled with thoughts of Edward.
o.*EPOV*.o
When I arrived at Jasper's, I shut the engine off and sat unmoving in the car. This is the first it occurred to me this might not be a good idea. Maybe I didn't think this through all the way. This could possibly go very bad. He could yell or hit me, even worse he could laugh at me.
Does anyone know where my balls are?
I know, at the very least, I owe it to Jasper to explain myself and allow him to have a say. It was wrong to leave him in the hotel room like that. Besides, just the chance Jasper could feel the same about me is worth cracking open my wounds.
With a resigned sigh, I exit the car and lock the doors. When I turn, there he is. My Jasper. He looks tired, a little thinner, but he's beautiful. And he's here. Right here in front of me and I have no idea what to say.
Thankfully, he takes care of all that for me. He searches my eyes and gasps. "Thank, God," he says, grabbing me and pulling me into a hug.
"I'm sorry," we both say at the same time.
"What are you sorry for?" echoes between us and Jasper sighs. "Maybe we should go inside, it seems we have some things to discuss."
I follow him through the door, and he explains his mother is still in bed. I glance at the clock and see it's two in the morning. "Shit Jasper, I am so sorry. I had no idea what time it was."
He looks at me, his expression sad but curious. "Then why did you come?"
"I had to see you," I admit quietly.
"Why? After all this time? Why?" his voice is rising with irritation, and I know it's not gonna be long before he's yelling and kicking me out of his house.
I quickly decide I'll apologize for the way I left and be on my way. But obviously my brain didn't take it to heart because when I opened my mouth all that come out was, "I love you."
When I realize what I have said, out loud, I'm shocked. "I-I-I...Oh shit! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on. I didn't mean to make you have sex with me, and I certainly didn't mean to leave for a year without speaking to you." I rush out on the verge of a panic attack. I can't breath, and I think my head is going to explode.
Jasper says nothing. He just stands there watching me. I really wish he'd just tell me to get out or something, anything, I can't take this silence.
o.*JPOV*.o
I couldn't believe he was here. After all the time that had passed, and he shows up without a word. I didn't know if I should reach out, grab him, and kiss him or totally reject him.
No way was I going to reject him.
After a very awkward exchange, he followed me into my house. We didn't make it out of the foyer before Edward began talking. To be honest, his words did nothing but agitate me. He was pussyfooting around the most important thing we needed to talk about - what would possess him to leave without a word.
I was getting so frustrated. He wasn't answering any question I posed. He stood, looking at me, dumbfounded. I wanted to shake him back to this moment. Tell him I wanted answers. Just fucking say something, Edward!
And, as if he read my mind, he spoke.
What he said was the last thing I ever expected to hear from him... "I love you."
I was in shock. He fucking loved me.
He started rambling about that night, telling me everything was his fault. He led me on? He forced me into sex? Yeah, okay... he did leave without a word, but he was here now professing his love for me. He loved me!
By the time his rambling stopped, he was almost out of breath. He seriously looked like he was going to throw up. His expression was so worried. It was fucking adorable.
"Jasper?" he asked after a few moments.
Blinking, I looked right into his eyes. I didn't say a word as I lifted my finger and smoothed away the lines on his brow. A smile growing across my face.
"After all this time..." I trailed off. "Do you realize we are complete idiots?"
His eyes narrow. "Excuse me?"
"This whole time, you took the blame for what happened that night. You thought it was all you." I didn't mean to laugh, but it slipped out.
"Jasper, are you going mad?" He looked panicked.
"Edward, this whole time, I blamed myself," I explained.
"What?"
"I hated myself for betraying our friendship... your trust, Edward. Yes, I was angry, but I didn't blame you. I never once blamed you. I put all the blame on myself for loving you."
His eyes widened. His mouth dropped as the words, "You what?" slipped out.
I took a step towards him, staring into his brilliant green eyes. "I love you, Edward Cullen. I always have."
I couldn't hold off any more. I practically threw myself into his arms, and kissed him. I just forced my mouth to his and went for it. His professed love was driving me forward.
It felt right. This is how we belonged. Together. At last.
o.*EPOV*.o
When his mouth crashed into mine, that's when I knew I was home. Not when I crossed the county line, not when I drove through town, but by Jasper's side I found forgiveness, understanding, love, and my home forever.
My needs soon took over as Jasper shoved his tongue into my mouth, exploring, until I was moaning with the exquisite pleasure of it.
After long moments, he broke the kiss and ordered me, "Upstairs."
In the bedroom, I toed off my shoes and reached for my shirt, intent on undoing the buttons, but Jasper stopped me. "Slowly, Love. I want to watch you."
Jasper's breath picked up speed as I undressed. Setting each item aside, I slowly revealed my body to him.
"I missed your body, Edward. So sleek, fair and firm."
"I am dying to touch you," he said roughly as I slid out of my jeans and briefs, revealing the hard throbbing length of my cock.
His wide-eyed gaze filled me with a pride I had never felt in myself. My cock seemed to grow larger under his scrutiny.
Jasper groaned, moistening his lips in anticipation, "I want to taste you," he whispered.
But I had other ideas. It was his turn now. I pulled back the covers on the bed and sat down, swinging my legs up, and making myself comfortable against the headboard. I was going to take this as slow as possible since it was both of our first times. I've watched enough porn, I feel comfortable enough with how to make this good for both us. I smiled, sultry, yet teasing, "Strip for me. Slowly."
Jasper paused, but returned my smile. He bent down, removing a sock. Turning, he bent to remove the other, giving me a wonderful view of his ass, stretched taut under his jeans.
"Beautiful." I told him honestly.
He stood, facing me again and smirking, as he began slowly unbuttoning his shirt. If his object is to drive me crazy with need, he's going to be damn surprised when I turn the tables on him.
"That's right, nice and slow. You have such a beautiful body, Jasper. I'm going to run my tongue over every inch of your skin until you're begging me to fuck you."
Jasper's eyes widened, and he swallowed convulsively. Reaching the last button above his jeans, he pulled his shirt tails up and out, undoing the last button and letting his shirt fall open. All the while he watched me, his breath coming harder and harder.
"That's right Jasper, let me see that hard-muscled chest." I ordered softly, reaching for my cock and slowly stroking myself.
Jasper groaned at the sight, his own cock jumping, in the confines of his jeans.
"Fuck! I need you to touch me," he panted.
"Not yet, Baby. Show me the rest," I commanded as I continued to slowly work my dick.
Jasper opened the buttons on his jeans and began pushing them and his briefs down.
"Just the jeans, Babe. One thing at time." I instructed.
He cursed softly, but did as he was told, stepping out of his jeans and dropping them to the floor with his shirt. He stood, his briefs tented by the thick bulge of his cock as it strained against the material. A warm, wet circle formed on the front where the head was leaking precum.
"Come here," I requested, my voice husky.
Jasper moved eagerly forward to stand as close to the bed as he could. I leaned forward and buried my nose in his groin, taking in his potent scent. My tongue slipped out, working over the wet patch on Jasper's briefs. Jasper squeezed his eyes shut, a groan rumbling from his throat.
My hands came up, fingers sliding under the waistband of his briefs, peeling them off his hips His cock slapped against his stomach as it leaped free. Jasper groaned again as he felt the warmth of my breath against his cock.
"That is so amazingly beautiful." I whispered against his skin. My tongue slid slowly over the swollen head, spreading and tasting the sweetness that was all Jasper.
I felt his knees begin to buckle as he moaned, and I positioned my hands to supported him. "Baby, take off the briefs, and lay down with me."
Legs shaking, he obeyed, sighing gratefully as he lay next to me on the bed. I bent over him, smiling. "Feel better?" I teased.
Jasper chuckled, "Oh, yeah."
"Good. Roll over."
He hesitated only a moment then rolled to his stomach. I draped my body over his back and rested against him. I felt him tense when my cock pressed against his ass.
"Relax," I pleaded.
My mouth moved over his shoulders, neck and back, kissing, and licking.
"Get up on your knees for me, Babe." I whispered, nipping his earlobe. He did as I asked, spreading his legs at my urging.
I eased back slowly, so not to startle him and reached for the lube. After coating my fingers, I placed the pad of one against Jasper's hole, lightly rimming his entrance until it gleamed with lube, then gently pushed in.
"Feels so good," Jasper panted.
He groaned when I added a second finger, opening his body more. A third finger moved in with the first two, and Jasper hissed. In increments, his body relaxed, allowing the glide of my fingers free and deep access.
He shouted out in despair when my hand left him. I shushed him and told him to roll over. "I want to watch your face, see your eyes as I fill you." I explained gently.
Jasper nodded wordlessly, turning over as I wrapped my cock in a condom, then helped push his legs up, exposing his entrance. I moved between his legs, spreading more lube on us both before pushing in to him. An involuntary groan tore from my throat as the head of my cock penetrated him.
I stilled, waiting for Jasper's body to relax and accept the invasion. Slowly, slowly, I began to push forward, stopping every inch or so, giving him time to adjust, to become familiar with the sensation of being filled. Finally, I was in to the hilt.I pulled back slightly and returned, each retreat of longer duration until I was taking him with long, slow strokes.
Jasper lay moaning, adding to the pleasure building, blinding in its intensity, within me. My thoughts were on total shutdown, my body intent on complete meltdown. Every long, hard thrust sending pleasure shooting through my groin. Eventually I felt the inevitable tightening of my balls, the tingle that proclaimed my orgasm would not be denied any longer.
"Jasper!" I cried out as I fell over the edge.
Our mutual cries of ecstasy were music to my ears.
o.*JPOV*.o
The next morning, I was awakened by the bright sunlight beaming in through my window. A sudden panic washed over me as memories of the events of the night before came rushing back. I held my breath, afraid to move.
Just because he left last time, doesn't mean he'll be gone this time, I told myself.
It took a lot of internal pep talks to get the nerve to move. As Edward would say, I needed to grow a pair. So I reached behind me. He's here!
I turned over and found him sleeping on his side, his naked body covered by my blanket. I could barely contain my smile. Of course I kissed him lightly on the nose, of all places, making him stir slightly. But he needed a proper wake up call, so I cupped his cheek and kissed him a little more passionately followed by whispers of thanks and love.