Rick watched as Carol walked ahead of him; walking with Daryl of course. Daryl used to walk with him, or leading up ahead. He knew he needed to talk to her. Gods but he'd fucked up, but maybe if she'd been there she'd have been dead too. That had to count for something. He continued to muse, "What was I even thinking. Hell she'd been saving them since the CDC. Soon as Ed – even in his head the name left a bad taste in his mouth – died Carol started to blossom. Then there was… -another name he could almost not bare to think of – Sophia. He hadn't really known the girl, but he had to wonder if Carol could ever forgive him for the number of times he'd screwed up her life. If he hadn't left the girl in the first place he'd never have had to put her down. Hell there were only two walkers; he could take them down today without breaking much of a sweat. He shouldn't have left her, he knew that. Then he just banished her, fuck if he was Carol he'd never have forgiven him. There were just too many transgressions.
If he was truly honest with himself, something which was painful as hell, he didn't even know where to begin. This was Carol – the woman who cared for his children like they were her own. Hell she cared for them better than he did. When she brought them to Tyreese and Judith… god Judith…He looked over at Carl who was carrying his sister. He'd pulled out all the stops to hurt her, to make her want to walk away. Rick remembered how painful the lie was as it came out of his mouth – he believed it in that moment – he had to. It reminded him of the pain that came from Shane's betrayal – only this time, this time he'd betrayed Carol. Rick thought back to Carl running to her in the woods. Fuck even after his betrayal she'd saved them all. He wondered briefly how she knew… maybe… maybe he could just ask. He moved up so he was behind Daryl.
"Hey…uh…Carol. How did… How did you know what that place was?" Rick almost stuttered out.
She looked back over her shoulder at him briefly and shrugged a little. He noticed a little red on her graceful neck. Wait graceful? Where did that come from? Then he realized He was missing her answer. "…I saw them throw someone to the ground and realized it was you. I crept around to the side and set off their propane tanks. For the rest, you saved yourself." He was a little stunned by her answer, she'd seen him and saved them all anyway.
"You ok?" He looked up to see he'd fallen to the back of the group and was now standing with Michonne. Gratefully, she waved the other's on. Rick shook his head then nodded. "Yeah, just…just a lot on my mind I guess."
The samuri woman chuckled, "And that's different than any other time how? Let's catch up before they think something is wrong. More than usual anyway." She started to walk after the others and shaking his head again the bearded leader followed, "What's that supposed to mean anyway? More than usual?" He was grinning as he asked knowing that everyone referred to him as a little crazy and maybe he was, but Michonne got him. He shouldered her and moved to walk at her side.
"I'm just thinking about Carol. She just said she saw them take me, and made the decision to save us. She couldn't have known if she'd save anyone but me, and she…she did it anyway. After…after what I did to her."
Michonne shrugged, "Well, that's Carol for you. You know I don't agree with your decision about all that, but I won't say any more. She's like that, and beside that she knew they had me and Carl. She'd certainly blow up a building for Carl."
Rick was mentally stunned again, and shamed threatened to make him crumble – he had to find a way to make it right.
Later that night he finally caught her alone at the church. "About what I did… what I said.
"You said I'd survive and I did." Carol cut him off.
Rick rambled out a few phrases in something of an apology before asking… "Will you have us?"
Just then Daryl appeared as if out of nowhere and instantly in a protective posture. Rick took a step back, but Carol put her hand on Rick's arm and said, "It's ok Daryl. Things are fine."
Behind her Daryl looked right at Rick and muttered, "The hell they are." But he also let his crossbow drop from his hands. Carol turned to Daryl, "How was your hunt?"
She'd turned away from Rick like he was no longer important, suddenly they were in their own little world. How could he not have seen it? How could he have fucked Daryl over with what he did to Carol? He knew he did it while he was away for a reason; he just hadn't seen the… that was another lie he told himself. He had seen it. A million little things as far back as the farm. Hell there was something as far back as the CDC – but it was right there, blatant as the wall behind him.
He saw Carol walk off with a few rabbits, not as good as a deer might have been, but without Daryl they would have starved. Again. Rick turned to speak to Daryl, "We were just talking, I uh…I asked if we could join her." Daryl tilted his head as if to ask, well what did she say? without vocalizing the words. Rick half smiled, "She agreed. I don't think I'm out of the woods, and she'd sell her soul for the children, but maybe we're back on the right path." Daryl shook his head as he walked away and threw back, "She never left that path."