Disclaimer: Guess what, guys—Advance Wars belongs to Intelligent Systems and Nintendo, not me!

Author's Note: Normally, I don't do crack pairings. However, in my opinion Max/Rachel has a bit of potential and is fun to work with… And I like Nell/Grit and Jake/Sasha, anyway.

Beginning's based slightly on Mission 5: Never-ending War, by the way. Or whatever it is that Koal first shows up.

Not Like Your Sister

Ah, a typical day at Orange Star's Omega Land HQ. Jake wandered through the corridors, fiddling with his headphones and watching soldiers dart off to check supplies and discuss tactics. The blonde CO smiled as he switched to one of his favorite songs, but then frowned quickly. He doubled back and realized what was wrong.

He'd just passed Rachel's office, and she seemed to be yelling. Pulling off his headphones, Jake pressed his ear against the door and rested his hand on the knob.

"Max! Would you quit ordering me around! Whose command is this, anyway?"

"You're just like your sister, Rachel! Why can't you give up command for once and let me go? I could handle it better than—"

"Hey, watch it, muscle head!"

"What did you say? Look, just make sure I have something to eat when I get back, all right?"

"MAX!"

Then the door jerked open, throwing Jake off balance and causing him to crash into none other than Max himself. Rachel groaned and rubbed her temples in the background as Jake staggered backwards.

"Uh… Hey, guys. 'Sup?" Jake tried.

"Ah, Jake," Max smiled, although it looked a bit forced. "We heard Black Hole has some troops prowling around the Tahira Mountains, and—"

"And Max thinks he can just waltz on over and knock a few heads," Rachel scowled.

"Well, hey, it couldn't hurt if we just went to scout around up in there, right?" Jake asked.

"Oh, you mean do some recon," Rachel clarified. "Good idea. Max here just got me so worked up that I…"

"Excuse me?" Max shot back.

"The troops ain't gonna rock and roll all on their own, guys," Jake interjected.

"Sorry," Rachel and Max chorused simultaneously, and then shot each other glares. Jake sighed. It would be a difficult trip in more than one way if this kept up…

- - -

"Was this place always so dry?" Jake questioned.

They'd only reached the edge of the mountain range, but the damage was obvious. The soil was almost sand-like, and wilted plants decorated the landscape.

"No, it just happened recently," Rachel answered, shaking her head. "We think Black Hole has something to do with it, but we haven't got any solid evidence yet."

"Well, hurry it up, then!" Max grunted. "We're probably in enemy range, and—"

The rest of his sentence was cut off by a gunshot that barely missed the trio.

"And I'll take command," Max finished.

"You will not!" Rachel snapped.

"Just watch me," Max brushed her off, taking a transceiver out of his pocket. "All right, Commander Max to infantry unit A…"

- - -

"You should totally apologize to Rachel later, man."

"Why would I want to do that?"

The two male COs were currently in the vending machine room of Orange Star's HQ. They'd only just returned from the battle, which, despite a tense beginning and a rather creepy Black Hole CO, had ended in a victory for Orange Star.

"Because…" Jake frowned as he waited for a soda to drop down from the drink machine. "She's, like, way mad, you know?"

Max crossed his arms. "No way, no how, Jake. She should be the one to apologize to me."

"Man…" Jake knelt down to retrieve his drink. "I thought you were some awesome CO, but now you're not acting so tight."

"All right, all right, I'll go now if it makes you feel better," Max complained.

As Max left, Jake spotted a bag left on the counter—Max's half eaten chips. Jake shrugged.

"Don't think he'll mind."

The young CO grabbed the leftover chips and headed down to the supply room; the spare machine guns needed some inspecting…

- - -

"Hey, uh, Rachel?"

Max didn't bother knocking as he entered the female CO's office. Rachel was sitting at her desk with her back turned to him, her hands folded behind her head.

"Rachel?" Max repeated. "Look, I'm, uh… sorry about what I said before. You're not just like Nell, and—"

"Max, am I ugly?" Rachel blurted.

"Huh?" Max blinked. "Who called you ugly?"

"That CO… What was his name… Koal?"

Max groaned. "You know you shouldn't let that stupid runt bug you—"

"You're dodging the question."

"Why does it bother you so much?" Max demanded.

"You think I'm ugly, don't you, you big lunk!" Rachel shouted, finally spinning her swivel chair around.

"Who are you calling a lunk, you hothead?" Max gritted his teeth. "You really aren't like Nell! She's a lot calmer than you!"

An eerie look settled on Rachel's face. "You like my sister, don't you?"

"Wh-what makes you think that?" Max retorted defensively.

"Oh, forget it," Rachel muttered, turning back around. "Why don't you just go back to whatever it was you were doing? I'm busy."

"Because I came to apologize. I guess you don't want it, though."

Max started back out of the office. Rachel and Nell were alike in some ways, but… What was it about Rachel that made her different? He paused at the door.

"Rachel?" Max called without turning around. "You're not ugly. And you're not like Nell because… You're way more emotional. In a good way, I think…"

"I'm touched. Maxie."

"She told you about that?"

Max felt a vein pulse in his forehead as he spun around. Rachel laughed.

"I probably would've found out anyway. I think it's cute. 'Maxie,' huh?"

Max sighed as he approached Rachel's desk again.

"I guess I don't mind if you use it," he mumbled.

There was silence for a few minutes, during which the two COs simply blinked at each other. Max coughed.

"Well, this is awkward."

"So…" Rachel twiddled her thumbs. "Are you really sorry?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"Well… I am too. You're not a complete muscle head."

"Uh, okay."

"Um…"

"Er…"

"So, do you think I'm cute?" Rachel grinned suddenly.

"Yes—I mean, um…" Max buried his head in his hands, thrown off guard by the question. "That is… Okay, yes."

"Aw, thanks, Maxie."

- - -

No thanks to a random passing soldier, Rachel and Max's conversation began to spread around the HQ. Due to this, rumors began to pop up, and the two COs became somewhat of an item.

Needless to say, said random passing soldier was assigned to laundry duty for a month.

But, oddly enough, after a while Rachel and Max stopped denying the rumors.