Aria's POV
One of the worst parts of being eight months pregnant is that I constantly find myself feeling hungry. It doesn't matter how much I eat during the day. I always wake up at ungodly hours in the morning craving fries from McDonalds, or a steak burrito from chipotle. The worst part is that I can never fall back asleep until I get exactly what I'm craving for.
My eyes dart over to my husband of two years, and I let out a breathy sigh. Ezra looks so beautiful in his sleep. He's gone to get me McDonalds at three o'clock in the morning every night this week, and he deserves some rest. But then again, I am carrying his child.
"Ezra, wake up." I say as I shake the thirty year-old man gently.
My husband's blue eyes shoot open, and he immediately sits up in bed. He seems tense, like he's worried about something.
"Is everything okay? You're not in labor, are you?" Ezra asks with an ounce of panic in his voice.
"No I'm not in labor you goofball! I'm not due for another month, remember?" I ask as I raise an eye brow.
"Right, of course. You're craving something then?" Ezra guesses.
"Bullseye." I say with a nod.
"What do you feel like tonight princess? Chipotle or McDonalds?" Ezra asks me curiously.
"I think your little girl wants some french fries tonight." I say as I gesture towards my round stomach.
"Is that so?" Ezra asks as he rests his hand on my stomach.
I giggle when the baby begins to kick furiously. She's so lively, especially at night. My child begins to kick even more when her daddy bends down and whispers something into my stomach. I never know what he's saying to her when he does that, but for some reason I never feel entitled to ask. Whatever Ezra is saying seems so personal and intimate, and I don't want to come between their father/daughter bond.
"She likes the sound of your voice Ezra. Every time you talk to her, she starts kicking up a storm." I say with a slight smile.
"Well, I love my little Blair so much. I can't wait to hold her for the first time." Ezra says as he continues to rub my stomach.
"Her name isn't Blair. It's Olivia, remember?" I ask with an eye roll.
"No, her name is Blair. According to urban dictionary, Blairs are creative, strong, and beautiful. What more could you want in a daughter?" Ezra asks me curiously.
"Wonderful hearted. That's what Olivia means according to urban dictionary." I say with a smirk.
"Women who are creative, strong, and beautiful are wonderful hearted by definition. Think about it Pookiebear." Ezra says as he rests a hand on my shoulder.
"I am thinking about it Cuddlebug, and I still like Olivia. I'm carrying the child, so I should get the final say." I say as I cross my arms over my chest.
"But I'm getting you fries. Remember?" Ezra asks with a pout.
"I remember, and I appreciate you going out this late to make sure your girls are fed. Are you sure you don't mind though? I can always make some ramen or something..." I start to ramble.
"Absolutely not! My girls want McDonalds, so that's what they're getting. Only the best for my two darlings." Ezra says before kissing my cheek softly.
God I love him so much. He's so good to me, and he's going to make an amazing Daddy. Maybe I wouldn't mind naming our daughter Blair. If Ezra keeps spoiling me like this, he's more likely to get his way than not. But I'm not going to tell him that yet.
"If you insist. Make sure you drive carefully though. It's late, and I worry about you." I tell my husband seriously.
"I'll drive slow, don't worry about me sweetheart. I'll be home in no time." Ezra says before bending down to kiss my forehead.
All the sudden, I get the urge to have him next to me. I don't know why, but I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't want my husband to go anywhere. I want him to stay home with me.
"Ezra, I'm not hungry anymore. I'd feel better if you stayed here tonight." I blurt out suddenly.
"Honey, it's okay. Nothing is going to happen to me. I'm a great driver, remember?" Ezra asks me softly.
This is less about his driving, and more about something else. I can't put my finger on what it is, but I don't think tonight it is a good night for him to leave me here. But I'm not thinking rationally at all... Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones.
"Okay. Promise you'll be careful?" I ask him.
"I promise. I'll be home before you know it." Ezra says before kissing me one last time, and walking out the doorway.
"I love you." I call out after him.
But I don't get a response. My husband is already gone.
Line Break
Stop it Aria! Ezra is fine! He's probably stuck in traffic, really bad traffic. As I'm thinking this, the doorbell to the house begins to ring. Thank goodness! My husband is home! When I see him I'm going to hug him, and then I'm going to kiss him, but after I finishing being nice I'm going to yell at him for not calling me. I was so worried about him, and this stress isn't good for me or the baby.
"Ezra! What took so long-" I start to say as I answer the door. But I stop talking mid-sentence when I see a police officer standing in the doorway. He looks as serious as a heart attack, and I immediately begin to worry.
"Are you Mrs. Fitz?" The man asks me softly.
"Yes, that's me. What can I do for you officer?" I ask him nervously.
"I'm Officer Kelly. Do you mind if I come inside for a few minutes?" The man asks me curiously.
How do I know this man is a real police officer? What if he's an imposture who's here to murder me? Ezra always tells me to be careful of who I let in the house when he isn't home, but this man looks legitimate. His badge looks real, and out of the corner of my eyes I see a police car in the driveway. I think he's safe.
"Yes, please come in officer." I say as I open the door for him.
The man walks into my house, and takes a seat on the living room couch. His eyes dart over to my baby bump, and a look of sadness washes over his face. What on Earth is the matter?
"How far along are you?" The man asks me curiously.
"I'm about eight months pregnant." I say with a slight smile.
"Do you have any others, or is this your first?" He questions.
"This is my first. My husband and I have been trying for a while, and we never had any luck until I got pregnant with her." I tell the officer.
"Her? So you're having a little girl?" The man asks with a heavy sigh.
"That's right." I say with a nod.
"I have a little girl at home. She's turning ten in two weeks." The officer says as he stares into my hazel eyes.
Why is he asking me these questions, and telling me these things? Why is he here at all? I wish I could ask, but I don't want to offend an armed officer.
"How sweet." I mutter.
"Mrs. Fitz, how about you join me on the couch?" The officer suggests.
I nod, before walking over to the couch and taking a seat next to the officer. He lets out a breathy sigh, and he looks incredibly distraught.
"Sir, is everything okay?" I ask him softly.
"No Mrs. Fitz, everything is not okay. I have some terrible news, and I don't know how to tell you." The man says as he tries to hold back tears.
My body feels numb. Something is wrong. Something is really, really wrong. Part of me wants to know what's going on, but the other part of me doesn't. Somehow I know that I'll never be the same after I hear the truth.
"I-Is this about Ezra? I sent him to McDonalds because I was craving french fries, and he still isn't home. It's been two hours." I say as tears begin to form in my eyes.
"Ma'am, a crazy person went to that McDonalds this evening. He had a had a gun, and your husband and the workers were the only people at the restaurant. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but he's dead Mrs. Fitz." The officer says as tears begin to form in his eyes.
Dead? Ezra is dead? But he can't be dead! I'm having our baby in a month, and we were going to raise her and grow old together. How is this happening? This has to be a nightmare! I'm going to close my eyes and count to ten, and when I open them Ezra will be laying next to me in bed. I'll wake him up, and tell him that I had a bad dream. He'll hold me close to him, and tell me that everything is okay. He'll be with me, and I'll tell him how much he means to me.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.
Ezra isn't here. I'm still siting face to face with the stranger who told me the news that caused my heart to shatter into a million pieces. That's when I begin to cry. I begin to cry so hard, that I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. No. This can't be real. This isn't real. I know it's not real.
"Do you have family nearby?" The officer asks me softly.
"M-my mom and dad live across town. Why?" I ask through my tears.
"We need someone to-to identify the body. You're in a fragile state, and I think it would be best if someone else did that." The man tells me gently.
Ezra is not a body. He's a person with a heart, a soul, and a breathe of life. Or at least he used to be. What is he now? I imagine a cold and lifeless corps, with a bullet hole right in the middle of the forehead. My poor baby. He must have been so scared in his last moments. That's the hardest part for me. Knowing that he wasn't in peace when he left this world.
"No. I want to do it. I need to know the truth." I say as I shake my head vigorously.
"I don't think that's a good idea..." Officer Kelly starts to say.
"I don't give a crap what you think!" I scream furiously.
"Okay. This is your decision. Don't say I didn't warn you though." The man says with a heavy sigh.
Line Break
My body feels completely numb as I enter the morgue. Strangely enough, I don't feel sad in the slightest. I feel something even worse than sadness. Emptiness. Officer Kelly leads me over to an examination table, where my husband's corpse lays underneath a yellow cover.
"Are you ready Mrs. Fitz?" The man asks me softly.
I don't have the strength to respond, so I simply give the officer a small nod. The officer lets out a breathy sigh, before stripping the yellow sheet away from my husband's remains. My mouth drops open when I see what is left of the love of my life. There isn't only one bullet hole, there are several. This doesn't even look like Ezra. All I see is a bloody mess.
"Ma'am, is this your husband?" The officer asks me gently.
It's definitely Ezra. I recognize the blue shirt he's wearing, and the Rolex watch his grandfather left for him. The news of my husband's death finally hits me. It hits me hard. Ezra's gone, and he's never coming back. All I have left of him is the little girl that I'm carrying. The little girl who Ezra will never be able to hold.
"Mrs. Fitz?" The police man asks as he rests a hand on my shoulder.
That's all it takes for me to break down completely. I begin to sob hysterically, and within seconds I'm vomiting all over the floor of the morgue. And Officer Kelly pats my back, before walking through the door, and leaving me alone with Ezra's body.
"I'm so sorry Ezra. I'm so sorry." I say through my heavy sobs.
At that moment, the door to the morgue bursts open. I look up, and gasp when I see my mother standing in front of me. She has tears in her eyes, and I can tell she's almost as upset as I am.
"Oh Aria..." My mom says through her tears.
"M-Mommy." I say as I begin to cry even harder if that's humanly possible.
"I'm here sweetheart. I'm right here." My mom mutters before wrapping her arms around me, and pulling my body close to hers.
"Ezra's gone." I say through my heavy breathing.
"I know sweetheart. The police called your father and I and told us everything. I'm so sorry." My mom says with a heavy sigh.
"It's all my fault. I sent him out because I was craving fries..." I start to say.
"Aria, this isn't your fault. This was a complete fluke, and I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now." My mom says as she stares into my hazel eyes.
Well she's lucky. I feel like I'm broken beyond repair. Like a piece of me died, and I'll never get it back. Why did this have to happen to me?
(One Month Later)
My eyes flutter open, and I see my mother and Spencer hovering over me with tears in their eyes. I've been in labor for twenty-three hours now, and neither one of them have left my side. Heck, they haven't left my side since Ezra's death. After my mom heard the tragic news, she insisted upon me moving back home with her and my father. I sleep in my old room, and the only time I get out of bed is when she forces me to eat dinner or take a shower.
As for Spencer, she's been the best friend a girl could ask for. She comes and visits me everyday so I don't go insane, and she takes me to all my appointments. I already promised Spencer that she'd be the godmother of my little girl.
Both her and my mother are extremely existed to meet the new baby. Probably even more excited than I am. I honestly don't know if I'll ever feel happy or excited again. I miss Ezra so much, and it gets worse everyday. They keep telling me that things will get better after I give birth. That having a little life to love and protect will add some kind of purpose and meaning to my life. But how am I supposed to raise this child without Ezra? The thought is incomprehensible to me, and I'm going to officially become a mother any minute now.
"Did you have a nice nap sweetheart?" My mom asks as she runs her fingers through my dark hair.
"I guess." I mutter as I avoid looking into her hazel eyes.
At that moment, pain surges through my body. I grimace and squeeze my mom's hand but I don't cry out or scream. Contractions hurt a lot, but the pain feels like a stubbed toe compared to the pain I felt after losing Ezra.
"Poor thing." My mom says with a heavy sigh.
"I know. When I gave birth to Cooper and Dylan three years ago the contractions hurt like hell. I'm surprised you're so composed Aria." Spencer says as her eyes dart over to me.
I wouldn't call myself composed. I'd probably use the worlds lifeless, purposeless, or maybe even zombie-like. I don't have the energy to complain about contractions.
"Mrs. Fitz, I think it's time to push." My doctor calls out to me.
"R-right now?" I ask as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Yes, right now." He says with a nod.
Holy crap! It's finally time! I'm about to become a mother. God help me.
"Come on baby, you can do it." My mom says as she gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.
I take a deep breath, before pushing with all my might. This hurts so much, and I cannot contain my pain anymore. I let out a shrill shriek, which is followed by a series of heavy moans. What makes this even more painful is that Ezra isn't here to comfort me. He promised that he'd hold my hand the entire time I was in labor, but of course he can't do that anymore.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a baby crying. I glance up at my mom and Spencer, who both have tears of joy in their eyes.
"She's beautiful Aria!" My mom says through her heavy sobs.
"Absolutely perfect." Spencer mutters.
Moments later my doctor hands me a petit baby girl. I look into her eyes and realize that they're blue, just like Ezra's were. She also inherited his bone structure, and his dark curls. She looks just like her daddy. And I should feel happy, but I don't. I don't feel anything at all.
"What do you think Aria?" My mom asks me softly.
"That I'm tired." I mutter before handing my mother the infant and closing my hazel eyes.
"A-Aria, you're meeting your daughter for the first time! Don't you want to hold her for awhile?" Spencer asks me shocked.
"No. I want to sleep for awhile." I grumble.
"Do you at least have a name?" Spencer asks me with a heavy sigh.
"Her name is Blair. Blair Olivia Fitz." I say before rolling over so I'm facing the wall.
(Five Years Later)
"Mommy." I hear a little voice say.
My eyes flutter open, and I let out a breathy sigh when I see my five year old daughter Blair standing in the doorway of my bedroom. It's three o'clock in the morning, so why is she awake? I was up until midnight grading papers, and I have to get up at six to get my daughter ready for Kindergarden.
"Blair, why aren't you in bed?" I ask as I try to contain my annoyance.
"I-I had a scary dream." The girl says through her heavy sobs.
"I'm sorry about that, but you have to go back to sleep now. You have Kindergarden, and I have work." I grumble.
"C-can I sleep with you tonight Mommy? I don't want to be alone." Blair says with a sniffle.
"Blair, we've talked about this. You cannot sleep with me after you have a nightmare. What will you do when you go off to college and I'm not there? You have to be strong, and you have to be independent." I tell my daughter seriously.
"I-I know Mommy, but I'm afraid. Can I please stay with you?" The girl begs.
"Blair, I already said no. Come here, and I'll carry you to your room." I mutter before scooping the little girl into my arms, and carrying her across the dark hallway.
As soon as we get into the princess themed bedroom, I tuck my daughter into her canopy bed and turn off the lights. She's still crying hysterically, and I don't how how to comfort her.
"Mommy, don't leave me. Please don't leave me." The girl cries.
Oh God. I know I should walk away. She needs to learn how to take care of herself, and she cannot depend having someone next to her to fall asleep at night. But at the same time she's really upset, and if I leave now she might be up all night. I sure as hell don't want to deal with a cranky five year-old tomorrow morning.
"How about we compromise? I'll sit right here until you fall asleep, but after I'm going back to my room." I decide after thinking about it for a minute.
Blair responds by crawling into my lap, and wrapping her arms around me tightly. She's such an affectionate girl, and I'm not affectionate in the slightest anymore. It's always awkward when my daughter tries to cuddle with me because the last thing I ever want to do is cuddle.
"Mommy?" Blair asks me softly.
"What is it sweetheart?" I ask as I rub small circles across her back.
"My dream was that someone stole me. No one will ever steal me right Mommy? You'll keep me safe from bad guys, won't you?" Blair asks as she stares into my hazel eyes.
How can I promise her that? I had every intention of keeping my husband safe from "bad guys", but he still ended up in a body bag. For all I know, the same thing could happen to my daughter. But the chances of her getting hurt like Ezra did are slim, and I don't want to worry her over nothing. All I want is for her to go to sleep.
"Of course. I'll always protect your Blair." I assure her.
"But how can you protect me if I'm in my room and you're in yours? What if a bad guy sneaks into my room, and takes me without you knowing?" Blair questions.
"That wouldn't happen. We have the best security money can buy. If anyone enters this house, all of our alarms will go off immediately and the police will come." I tell the girl.
My response seems to soothe my daughter because she finally closes her piercing blue eyes. I desperately want to go back to my room so I can sleep, but I know she'll throw a fit if I leave before she falls asleep.
"I love you Mommy." Blair whispers suddenly.
"I love you too Blair." I mutter.
And I do love Blair. I really do. It's just... Hard. She's so much like Ezra that it's scary. Her physical features are almost identical to his, but their personalities are even more similar. Much to my surprise, Blair learned to read children's books on her own by the time she was three years-old! Now that she's five, Blair always has her nose up a book, and she loves to tell stories. She's also incredibly polite and sweet, and even though I've never met her Kindergarden teacher, I get emails from her almost every week telling me how wonderful Blair is.
So I should adore my daughter, right? I should also want to spend every second of every day with her, shouldn't I? Well, I don't. Even though she's definitely Ezra's child, I sometimes question whether or not she's really mine. I just don't understand Blair. She's so goddamn happy and energetic all the time. I learned from my daughter that being too happy can be a fatal flaw. How can someone who's never experienced sadness or grieve sympathize with the people around her? How is she supposed to feel compassion and empathy for those who suffer, when her biggest problems are the nightmares that keep her up at night? Yes, she lost her father, but she's too naive to understand what that means. She's never met Ezra, so she doesn't even know what she's missing out on. How can I connect with someone like her?
I told Spencer this, and she rolled her eyes and told me that I was the naive one. According to her godmother, Blair is still young, and she'll understand the world better when she gets older. But I'm not convinced. How different from your five year-old self can your twenty-five year-old self really be? At the end of the day, we are who we are. If you're unsympathetic at five, you're going to be unsympathetic at twenty-five. Sorry Spencer, but I don't care what you say. People are born with flaws, and there isn't we can do to change those flaws. The only thing we can do about our flaws is get really good at hiding them from the rest of the world.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of my daughter laughing softly. This is a sure sign that she's sound asleep. Without looking at the five year-old who shares half of my DNA, I storm out of the bedroom and close the door behind me.
Line Break
"Mommy, what should I get?" Blair asks me curiously.
I ignore the five year-old, and continue to do work on my blackberry. Every morning is the same for us. I get my daughter out of bed, help her get dressed for Kindergarden, and take her to the Apple Rose Grille for breakfast. She always asks me what she should get, and no matter what I tell her, she goes with the blueberry pancakes and a side of sourdough toast. After we eat, I drop the girl off at Kindergarden, and then I go to work. I don't see Blair again until about seven-thirty at night when I leave Hollis to pick her up from Spencer's house. After I pick her up from Spencer's house, we come back to the Apple Rose Grille for dinner, and by the time we get home it's time for Blair to go to bed.
"Mommy, what should I get?" Blair asks, slightly louder this time.
"How about you get bacon and sausage today." I ask, playing along with the five year-old.
"Nawww. I think I'll get blueberry pancakes and a side of sourdough toast." Blair says as she slams her menu shut.
At that moment, a toned waiter with green eyes and messy blonde hair approaches our table. That's strange. I've never seen him here before, and I come here twice a day.
"Hello ladies. My name is Stephen and I'll be taking care of you today." The man says with a charming smile.
"Are you new? I've never met you." Blair says as she observes the man.
"As a matter of fact I am new. This is my first day on the job actually. I'm guessing you two come here a lot?" The man asks with a chuckle.
"Yes! Mommy takes me here for breakfast and dinner everyday!" Blair exclaims.
"Really? What about your daddy? Does he ever come here?" Stephan asks my daughter curiously.
"No Sir. My daddy is..." Blair starts to say.
"So, are you ready to order honey? We need to hurry up if you want to get to Kindergarden on time." I say, cutting my daughter off before she can finish her sentence.
"Yes! I'll have blueberry pancakes with a side of sourdough toast." Blair says with a cheeky smile.
"And for you Ma'am?" The waiter asks as his eyes dart down to my breasts.
Eww! This guy is totally into me! He can't be older than nineteen, and I have a little girl with me! I'm not looking for a man right now, but if I were I'd want just that, a man. I haven't been in a solid relationship since Ezra's death, but I've had a few sexual partners. None of them meant anything to me though, and I always end up cutting men off before we get too close. The thought of falling in love with someone who isn't Ezra scares the shit out of me.
"I'm not really hungry. I'll probably just have whatever my daughter doesn't finish." I mutter as I hand Stephan my menu.
As soon as he is gone, Blair starts to laugh hysterically. Did they put sugar in her water or something?
"What's so funny?" I ask her curiously.
"That man was staring at your boobies." Blair says through her laughter.
I can't believe she noticed that. My cheeks turn bright red, and I avoid looking into my daughter's eyes. I get flirted with a lot in front of her because we're never in the presence of a husband or a father figure. I guess every man out there just assumes that a single mom wants to jump someone's bones.
"Why do boys always stare at your boobies?" Blair asks me curiously.
Oh God! How am I supposed to explain this to a five year-old?
"Boys are weird Blair. Some of them are disrespectful because their mommies didn't teach them manners." I tell my daughter.
"Why don't guys stare at my boobies like they stare at yours?" Blair asks me.
"Because you don't have boobies yet." I say with a chuckle.
"Why not?" She asks with a puzzled expression on her face.
"You're not a woman yet." I say before taking a long sip of water.
"I am too! I don't have a penis." Blair says as she crosses her arms over her chest.
"How do you know what a penis is?" I ask ask my eyes grow wide with shock.
"One time Cooper and Dylan were walking around naked and I saw theirs. I asked Auntie Spencer what those were, and she told me all about penises." My daughter informs me.
"Wonderful." I mutter.
At that moment, Stephan comes back to our table. Great, just what I needed this morning. Hopefully this encounter doesn't lead to more awkward questions from my little girl.
"Can I refill your water?" Stephan asks as he stares at my chest.
"You shouldn't stare at my mommy's boobies you know. That's not very polite." Blair tells the man suddenly.
I gasp at my daughter's words, and am left utterly speechless by them.
"Well... I um..." Stephan says as his cheeks turn bright red.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings sir. I just told you in case your mommy didn't teach you manners." Blair tells him innocently.
"I should go." Stephan mutters before hurrying away.
As soon as the man is gone, I burst into laughter. My daughter sure knows how to put a man in his place. Maybe she is mine after all.
"Mommy, why are you laughing?" Blair asks as she furrows her brow in confusion.
"That was hilarious Blair." I say through my laughter.
"Really?" She asks as her eyes light up with excitement.
"Uh-huh." I say with a nod.
"Wait until you see me in the Kindergarden play today! I'm so funny in it Mommy." Blair tells me proudly.
Shit. I completely forgot about that. Blair's been talking about the play for nearly a month, and I reluctantly agreed to go see it. But I have so much work to do today... Stop it Aria! A promise is a promise. I haven't even met my daughter's teacher yet, and the school year ends in less than a month. I have to go see the Kindergarden play, whether I want to or not.
"I can't wait" I say as I force a smile.
"You're going to love the play Mommy! My teacher says I'm a wonderful actress." Blair brags.
"I'm sure you are." I say as I pull out my phone to check my email.
Line Break
I sit in my office and try to focus on the stack of papers that I have to grade before next period, but my mind is elsewhere. I know I promised Blair that I'd go to her play, but I don't know how I'm going to fit it into my schedule. If I don't get these papers finished before I leave work today, I'll be up all night for the second time this week. I really need my sleep... After thinking about it for a minute, I pull out my phone and dial Spencer's number. Luckily, she picks up on the fourth ring.
"Hey Aria. What's up?" I hear Spencer ask from the other end of the line.
"Are you going to Blair's play?" I ask her curiously.
"Of course I am! She's been talking about it for weeks! Toby is also getting off work early to see it, and I got permission to pull the twins out of class so they can support their little cousin up on stage." Spencer says with excitement in her voice.
Jesus. Even Toby's getting off work to see the play. I guess that makes my situation better because I'll know that Blair has people there to support her.
"She's so excited that you're going Aria! Don't tell her I told you this, but Blair is dedicating her performance to you. Isn't that adorable?" She asks with a squeal.
"Spence, stop." I say with irritation in my voice.
"I'm sorry. Maybe you wanted the last part be a surprise..." Spencer starts to say.
"No, it's just that something came up. I can't go to the play anymore." I mutter into the phone.
A long silence follows my remarks. After what seems like eternity, Spencer finally speaks up.
"What the hell Aria?" Spencer growls furiously.
"Spence..." I start to say.
"Don't you dare "Spence" me right now Aria. Do you have any idea how devastated that poor little girl is going to be? Earlier this year when you missed her parent/teacher conference she cried for three hours straight." Spencer screams into the phone.
"I know, and I feel terrible..." I start to say.
"Don't lie to me Aria." Spencer growls.
"Honestly I do!" I exclaim.
"Really? It seems like you could couldn't care less about Blair!" Spencer tells me angrily.
I do care about Blair, but I have priorities. Getting my grading done is more important than seeing her play because my job is what's keeping the bread on the table. Spencer wouldn't understand. She quit her job as a lawyer after she had kids, and now her only job is to take care of her eight year-old sons. Toby supports her, and she never has to worry about paying the bills on her own.
"Well if I had a husband who was alive to support me I'd go to all of Blair's school events. But guess what Spencer, I don't. I actually have to work for what I have." I spit out furiously.
"Don't use money as an excuse Aria. You make more than enough to provide for yourself and Blair, and I'm sure taking an extra hour out of you day to support her emotionally wouldn't kill you." Spencer argues.
"You have no idea what our financial situation is like, and you have no idea how tight my schedule is." I tell her defensively.
"Stop trying to justify your selfishness. I'm your best friend, and I'm absolutely ashamed of you. How do you think Ezra would feel about this? Have you forgotten about him Aria? I doubt he'd recognize the person you've become." Spencer strikes back.
That was a lot blow! She knows how much I've struggled with my husband's death, and I can't believe she's accusing me of forgetting about him.
"How dare you drag Ezra into this!" I scream through the phone.
"He is in this Aria. Ezra was Blair's father, and if he were alive he'd be there for her every minute of everyday. Why can't you do the same? When are you going to be a mommy to that little girl?" Spencer questions.
"You know what, don't take Blair home with you after school today. Bring her to my office. I don't want you around her." I say as I try to keep the tears from falling.
But I don't get a response. Spencer has already hung up the phone.
Line Break
I glance at the clock in my office and sigh when I realize that it's already four o'clock. If Spencer had followed my instructions, Blair would have been here two hours ago. Where does Spencer get the nerve to say those awful things to me, and then not bring my daughter to me when I ask her to? I'm absolutely furious.
As I'm thinking this, Spencer barges into my office. Tears are pouring out of her eyes, and she looks incredibly distraught. Maybe she's going to apologize for being a total bitch. It takes a minute for me to realize that Blair is not next to her. Where is my daughter?
"Where is Blair?" I ask as I spring to my feet.
Spencer doesn't respond, but her sobs intensify.
"Spence, what's going on?" I ask as my voice softens.
"S-She's gone Aria." Spencer says through her tears.
G-gone? What does she mean gone?
"Gone?" I ask with panic in my voice.
"I told her that you weren't going to the play before it started, and she had a complete break-down. She was so upset, that she didn't even get to perform. Toby and I felt so badly that we decided to take her and the twins to the park. Blair was still sad... She just sat in the sandbox and wept." Spencer says as she shakes her head slowly.
"So where is she?" I ask with irritation in my voice.
"T-Toby and I went to the other side of the park to by her ice cream, and we told the boys to look after her. But they didn't do a very good job because Blair was gone when we got back." Spencer says as she begins to hyperventilate.
I can literally hear my heart breaking in my chest. What if someone kidnapped her? I quickly think back to last night when Blair woke me up because of a nightmare. I told her I wouldn't let anyone take her...
I can imagine Blair kicking and screaming, while a shady man throws her into the back of his truck. What if the kidnapper killed her? I can imagine Blair's lifeless body sinking to the bottom of a lake, while the bastard who hurt her drives away. I can imagine going into a morgue, and having to identity my daughter's body just like I had to with Ezra.
"Aria, say something." Spencer says as her voice cracks in despair.
"Y-you lost my baby?" I ask as tears begin to pour out of my eyes.
Something about my words seem to infuriate Spencer, because she looks angry instead of sad. What's her problem?
"Your baby? Your baby?" Spencer screams furiously.
"Yes, my baby." I say as I begin to raise my voice.
"She's my fucking baby Aria! I'm the one who takes care of her after school, and on weekends. I'm the one who goes to all her plays and soccer games. I'm also the one who shows her unconditional love and support!" Spencer fumes.
"I do those things too Spencer." I mutter.
"Really? How many of her soccer games have you been to?" Spencer questions.
"Well none, but that's because I have office hours on Friday afternoons." I say defensively.
"Did you know that her coach thinks she has a chance at the all-star team? Who am I kidding? You don't know anything about Blair." Spencer says with a heavy sigh.
"Yes I do! And in case you're forgetting, I was the one who pushed her out of my vagina." I say as I take a step closer to Spencer.
"That makes you her mother, but it doesn't make you her mommy. I bet you can't even tell me what your daughter's favorite color is." Spencer challenges.
"Of course I can! Her favorite color is... Pink." I say after thinking about it for a minute.
"No, it's purple." Spencer says with an eye roll.
"Pink, purple, same thing Spence. I know other things about my daughter." I say as I cross my arms over my chest.
"What's her favorite animal?" Spencer asks me.
"Dog." I answer immediately.
"No, she likes platypuses." Spencer says as she shakes her head.
What five year-old likes platypuses? What five year-old even knows what those are?
"What does Blair want to be when she grows up?" Spencer questions.
"A vet?" I ask with uncertainty in my voice.
"No, she wants to teach just like her Mommy." Spencer says as she rolls her eyes in disgust.
"Spence..." I start to say.
"Can you at least tell me the name of her teacher? You know, the one you've never met?" Spencer asks me sarcastically.
Shit. I should know this. Blair talks about her everyday at dinner, but I'm usually on my blackberry. I think it starts with a P though...
"Mrs. Price?" I ask nervously.
"Mrs. Petty." Spencer grumbles.
How do I not know the name of my daughter's Kindergarden teacher! I am a terrible mother. All these years I've been so focused on myself, that I forgot about the most important person in my life. The worst part of this is that a little girl lost both her father and her mother because of an accident. Maybe she understands grief more than I thought she did. Maybe her laughter and smiles are just masks, and she's carrying an unbearable amount of grief underneath the surface.
"Oh Spencer... I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible, and I'm selfish. She must hate me." I say before I begin to cry so hard, that I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.
To my surprise, Spencer wraps her arms around me and strokes my dark hair gently. How many times did Blair need this from me? A simple hug or kiss to get her through a difficult time.
"Aria, you're not a terrible person. You've been through a lot, and you've lost yourself. But I know my best friend is down there somewhere, and I love her." Spencer says as she stares into my hazel eyes.
"I'm here Spence, I'm right here. You see the real me, but does Blair? That little girl must hate me." I say through my tears.
"No. Blair loves you so much Aria. In fact, the more you push her away the more she seems to love you. Blair is a lot smarter than you give her credit for. She asks me all the time why you're so sad." Spencer tells me softly.
"S-she does?" I ask as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Uh-huh. She also asks me why you're always working, and why you never spend time with her." Spencer tells me sadly.
"What do you say?" I ask Spencer curiously.
"I tell her the truth." Spencer tells me softly.
"What's the truth?" I question.
"That I don't know." Spencer answers honestly.
"It's because she's so much like Ezra! Every time I'm with her, I think of him, and it breaks my heart because I miss him everyday. I don't want to get too close to Blair because it will make losing her all the more difficult." I spit out.
"Losing her? What are you talking about?" Spencer asks with confusion in her voice.
"She's going to graduate from college, and she's going to leave me. I'll only see her on birthdays and holidays, and she won't be my baby girl anymore..." I start to ramble.
"Aria, I get it. I'm dreading the day my boys will have to leave..." Spencer starts to say.
"But your situation is different. You have Toby. I have no one. I'm going to be alone after Blair leaves, and I'm so tired of being alone." I say as I sob into Spencer's chest.
"You're so wrong. You have me, Emily, Hanna, Mike, your parents, and most importantly Blair. You've never been alone Aria. You've just been so busy shutting the rest of the world out that you've forgotten about all the people who love you." Spencer tells me.
"I'm just so unhappy Spence." I say as I begin to hyperventilate.
"Look, I don't know why this had to happen to you Aria. I don't know why you had to lose your husband, or why you were left alone with a little girl to raise. All I know is that Ezra loved you and Blair more than anything in the entire world, and he wouldn't have wanted this life for you Aria. Ezra would want you to move on, and be happy." Spencer says as she rests a hand on my shoulder.
"How can I do that when I think about him everyday?" I ask through my tears.
"Don't you get it? Ezra's spirit is still with you Aria. All you have to do is let him in. And you have Blair! She's the spitting image of her daddy, and I know you see that as a bad thing, but how about seeing it as a blessing? He didn't leave you alone Aria. He left you with a little piece of himself to love and protect." Spencer tells me seriously.
"You're right." I say with a sniffle.
"And Blair is absolutely perfect Aria! She's smart, kind, happy, beautiful, athletic, and yours! She's yours Aria, all yours!" Spencer says with a slight smile.
"Maybe not anymore. What if the police don't find her Spence?" I ask through my tears.
"They're going to find her Aria. I know they will." She assures me.
"But what if someone is hurting her..." I start to say.
"Don't think that way. I'm going to drive you to the station, and you can answer questions about Blair. She'll be home in no time." Spencer assures me.
She better be because as soon as I see my daughter, I'm going to hug her and never let go. I'm going to make up for all the lost years, and I'm going to prove to Blair that I love her more than anything in the world.
Blair's POV
The forrest is scary. There aren't any people, and I keep hearing weird noises in the bushes. Also, I can't find an orphanage anywhere! Maybe I should go back to Auntie Spencer. I'm tired, and I'm hungry. But I can't go back. If I go back, Auntie Spencer will make me go back to my mommy. I want a new mommy who will go to my plays and my soccer games, so I have to find an orphanage! I should sing my most favorite song from Matilda the Musical. That always helps.
"Jack and Jill, went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. So they say, their subsequent fall was inevitable, they never stood a chance they were written that way. Innocent victims of their story. Like Romeo and Juliet, t'was written in the starts before they even met. That love and fate and a touch of stupidity would rob them of the hope of living happily. The endings, are often a little bit gory! I wonder why they didn't just change their story. We're told we have to do what we're told but surely... Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty!" I sing at the top if my lungs.
I still don't feel better. I want to go home. But I can't. Mommy doesn't want me, so I need to find someone like Mrs. Honey or Daddy Warbucks who will adopt me. The only way that I can do that is if I find an orphanage.
My stomach starts to grow. I need food. I need it right now. Mommy always makes me keep ten dollars in my backpack in case there is an emergency and I need money. This is definitely an emergency! Maybe I'll go into town to get food, and then I can ask where the nearest orphanage is.
I walk and walk and walk, but I don't see town anymore. In Kindergarden we learned about navigation. I've been traveling north, so maybe I should change directions and go west.
I walk for a gazillion years before I find town. I walk onto the streets, and smile when I see a Subway. A sandwich sounds delicious. I get in line behind a man with a long beard, and wait my turn.
"What can I get for you today ma'am?" A young woman asks me politely.
"I'll take a meatball sandwich, and a large chocolate-chip cookie please." I say with a big smile.
Mommy never lets me get cookies when we come to Subway. She says they're unhealthy. But Mommy isn't my mommy anymore, so I don't have to listen to her.
"Excuse me sweetheart, but where is your mommy?" The woman asks me gently.
Oh no! What if she calls Mommy! She'll come to Subway, pick me up, and put me on a time-out. No, no no!
"I don't got a Mommy." I say as I avoid looking into the woman's eyes.
"What about a daddy?" The woman asks me curiously.
I've never had a daddy. He died when I was in Mommy's tummy, so I never got to meet him. I know my daddy's name was Ezra, and he looked just like me. My mommy misses him very much. Sometimes when I'm in my bed at night, I hear her crying his name from across the hallway. My daddy must have been very special if Mommy cries over him, because she isn't a crier.
"I don't got one of those either." I say as I avoid looking into her eyes.
"So who takes care of you?" She asks me softly.
"No one. I'm an orphan. Do you happen to know where the Orphanage in Rosewood is? I decided to go for a stroll, and I got lost. If I'm not back soon, Mrs. Hannigan is going to make me scrub the floors until two o'clock in the morning!" I exclaim.
"How old are you?" The lady asks me curiously.
"I've five." I say as I hold out my hand.
"Well, you're much too young to be going for a stroll by yourself." The woman mutters.
"I turn six in August." I say defensively.
"Stay here for a minute sweetheart." The woman says before handing me my sandwich and walking me to a table.
I sit down, and the woman walks out of the room. Where is she going? I sigh, before unwrapping my sandwich and taking a giant bite. Delicious! Maybe being an orphan isn't so bad after all. Mommy never lets me eat junk food, and now I can eat whatever I want!
A frown forms on my face when the sandwich lady approaches me. I don't want to talk to her right now. I want to be left alone.
"Honey, what's your name?" The woman asks me softly.
"Blair." I mutter as I avoid looking into her eyes.
The woman's eyes grow wide with shock, and that's when I realize that she's holding a phone. This cannot be good!
"Yes, I have the girl you're looking for." The woman mutters before hanging up the phone.
Who is looking for me? Maybe Auntie Spencer. She loves me, even though Mommy doesn't. But why won't she let me go? Auntie Spencer knows how mean Mommy is, so why would she make me go back to her?
"Honey, the police are on their way." The woman says as she rests a hand on my shoulder.
Police? Are they going to arrest me? I haven't broken any laws! I mean, two days ago I stepped on an ant, but I swear it was an accident! Can I go to jail for accidentally killing an ant?
"A-Am I going to jail?" I ask as tears begin to form in my eyes.
"No Blair. The police are coming so they can bring you home to your mommy." She says with a chuckle.
That's even worse. Mommy doesn't even want me! I should make a run for it. I have to find a new mommy, and maybe a new daddy. I can't go back to her. I can't.
"Hey lady, there is a giant monster with green fur and pointy teeth standing right behind you!" I exclaim.
The woman turns around, and I leap towards the door. I don't get very far though, because she grabs my arm almost immediately.
"Not so fast missy. I told the police I wouldn't let you out of my sigh." The woman tells me seriously.
That's when it hits me. I'm not getting a new family. I'm stuck with my mommy for the rest of my life. I begin to sob like I did when Auntie Spencer told me Mommy couldn't come to the play. I'm so unhappy.
"Honey..." The woman starts to say.
"She hates me." I say through my heavy sobs.
"Who?" She asks with confusion in her voice.
"My mommy." I spit out.
"I'm sure that's not true!" She exclaims.
"It's true. My mommy always works, and she missed my special play. She misses everything." I tell her sadly.
Before the woman can respond, the door to the sandwich shop bursts open. I see Mommy, Auntie Spencer, Uncle Toby, and a group of policemen huddled together. This is it. I'm dead meat. Mommy's going to put me on time-out, and hate me even more.
"Blair! Oh Blair!" My mommy cries out.
I look up at her and realize that she's crying. She's crying real hard. She's probably disappointed that they found me. I bet my mommy wishes she could be an orphan parent.
A startled gasp escapes from my lips when my mommy begins to sprint towards me. Within seconds her arms are around me, and they're squeezing me so tightly that I can barely breathe.
"I was so worried. I thought I lost you too Blair. Oh my baby, my baby girl." My mommy says through her heavy sobs.
Baby girl? Mommy's never called me that before.
"Honey I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry for everything." Mommy cries.
She's sorry? I thought I was going to have to say sorry. I was the one who ran away.
"So you're not mad at me?" I ask with shock in my voice.
"No, of course I'm not mad at you. The only person I'm mad at right now is myself." Mommy says as she pulls me even closer to her.
Why is she mad at herself? I'm really confused.
"Come on, let's get you home sweetheart. I'll draw you a bubble bath, and then I'll tuck you into bed and read you a story. You can even sleep with me if you want. Anything you want baby." My mommy says with a sniffle.
Wait a second! She wants me to go home with her just like that? Mommy hurt me. She hurt me so badly that I cried and cried for hours! I'm not going to go home with her without a fight.
"No." I say as I push her away from me.
"No?" Mommy asks with confusion in her voice.
"I'm not going home with you. I'm going to an orphanage because I want a new mommy." I say as I cross my arms over my chest.
"I don't blame you for wanting a new mommy, but you're stuck with me Blair. You're all I have left, and I need you..." Mommy starts to say.
"I needed you too and you weren't there! You're just a mean mommy!" I shout.
Mommy starts to cry even harder, and I almost feel badly for yelling at her. But Mommy yells at me all the time, and she never feels badly.
"Blair, that's enough. I'm driving you and your mother home, and you don't get a say in the matter." Auntie Spencer growls at me.
I gasp at my auntie's words. She never yells at me. Why is she being mean? Why is Mommy being nice? Is this topsy-turvy day or something?
"Spencer..." Mommy starts to say.
"Enough Aria. Let's get you two home." Spencer mutters before grabbing my hand and leading me out of the restaurant.
Line Break
No one says anything on the drive home. My mommy keeps reaching for my hand, but I keep slapping hers away. Uncle Toby is focused on the road, and Auntie Spencer keeps huffing angrily. Finally, she speaks up.
"Do you have any idea how stupid that was Blair?" Auntie Spencer asks me suddenly.
Oh no! Here comes the yelling and the time-out.
"Spence, enough." Mommy hisses in annoyance.
"No Aria! Blair is five years-old, and she was walking around the forrest alone! What if she had been kidnapped, or eaten by some giant animal?" Auntie Spencer fumes.
"Stop. I don't even want to image those things happening to her." Mommy says as more tears begin to form in her eyes.
"Well they could have happened easily. Blair, you are never allowed to go anywhere without an adult again. You had everyone worried sick!" Auntie Spencer says as she begins to raise her voice.
"I said knock it off! Blair is just a baby Spencer! She didn't know any better! This whole thing was entirely my fault, we already went over this." Mommy tells Spencer.
Baby? I'm not a baby. What is Mommy talking about?
"It doesn't matter whose fault it was Aria! Our little girl could have been hurt. She needs to understand that what she did was completely unacceptable. This can never happen again." Auntie Spencer says.
"It won't happen again. Blair and I can talk about this later." Mommy tells her stubbornly.
"Good." Spencer grumbles.
Uncle Toby pulls into the driveway, and Mommy gives my hand a tight squeeze. I think she wants to make sure that I'm coming with her.
"Ready to go sweetheart?" Mommy asks me softly.
Well I could stay with my auntie and uncle, but they look mad. Mommy isn't going to put me on time-out, but they might. I nod, before hoping out if the car with my mommy.
"Blair, I love you. I'm sorry I yelled." Auntie Spencer says as she rolls down the window.
"I love you too. Sorry I made you worry until you got sick." I tell her apologetically.
For some reason, Spencer and Toby begin to laugh hysterically. What's so funny? Being sick isn't something to laugh about.
"I'll call you tomorrow Spencer." Mommy says as she waves goodbye to her friend.
As soon as they are gone, Mommy scoops me into her arms and carries me inside. This is odd. Mommy never carries me.
"Where are we going?" I ask her curiously.
"To give you a nice bath. I'm sure you're filthy from all that wandering." Mommy mutters.
I hate taking baths at home. Whenever I take them here, Mommy sits on the bathroom floor and types stuff on her computer. When I take them at Auntie Spencer's house, she gives me fun toys to play with and she asks me about my day. Maybe I shouldn't have come with Mommy after all.
As soon as we get into Mommy's bathroom, she takes off all my clothes and starts the bathtub. It's cold without clothes on, so I begin to shiver like I do when I play in the snow. Before I can get too cold, Mommy picks me up and puts me in the bathtub. That's much better!
"Is the water to warm for you Blair? I can cool it down." Mommy offers.
"No. It's perfect." I say as I shake my head vigorously.
Then Mommy does the most peculiar thing. She bends down to kiss me. Mommy only kisses me on Christmas or on my birthday! How strange! Then something even stranger happens! Mommy doesn't pick up her laptop. She just stares, and stares, and stares at me.
"You shouldn't stare at someone when they're naked. That's very rude." I tell her angrily.
"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about... Never mind." Mommy mutters.
But Mommy doesn't stop staring. It's making me very uncomfortable.
"You're just so beautiful Blair. You look just like Daddy, and he was the most handsome man I'd ever seen." Mommy says as tears begin to form in her eyes.
Mommy never talks about Daddy. The only things I know about him I learned from Auntie Spencer and Grandma. Why is Mommy acting so different today?
"Are you all clean?" Mommy asks me suddenly.
I'm definitely clean. My body feels warm, and I smell like lavender soap. I give Mommy a small nod, and she lifts me out of the bathtub and places me on the ground. Next, she dries off my body with a towel, and helps me into my pajamas. I love pajamas. They're soft, and they smell like fresh laundry.
"Blair, would you like to sleep with me tonight?" Mommy asks me softly.
What! Mommy never lets me sleep in her bed. Ever. I swear this isn't my real mommy. Maybe God kidnapped my real Mommy, and sent down an angel who looks like her to care for me.
"Are you my real mommy?" I ask her suddenly.
"Of course I'm your real mommy! Why would you even ask that?" Mommy asks with confusion in her voice.
"Prove it." I say as I cross my arms over my chest.
Mommy responds by lifting up her shirt to reveal all the weird marks on her tummy. I once asked Mommy how she got them, and she told me that she got the marks while I was in her tummy. I grew too much, so I stretched her tummy and left behind funny marks. For a while I thought that's why Mommy hated me. I would hate someone too if they made my tummy look that ugly.
"Now that you know I'm your real mommy, will you sleep with me?" Mommy asks me hopefully.
"No thank you. I'd rather sleep in my bed." I mutter.
"Please Blair? I really missed you today, and I don't want to be alone." Mommy begs.
That makes me really, really mad. I always miss Mommy when I'm at Auntie Spencer's house, but she never answers the phone when we try calling her. I never want to be alone at night, but Mommy never lets me sleep with her when I ask. Why should I have to make her feel better when she never does that for me?
"No Mommy. You need to be strong, and you need to be independent." I tell her stubbornly.
Mommy starts to cry hysterically. At first that makes me happy because she made me cry earlier, but when she doesn't stop I start to feel sad. Then I start to worry that Mommy's tears will fill up the bathroom, and drown both of us.
"Okay, okay, okay. I'll sleep in the big bed with you. Just stop crying. You're making me sad." I say as my voice softens.
Mommy tries to stop crying, but she can't. She just starts making these really funny noises while she struggles to catch her breath.
"I'm sorry Blair. I'm really sorry." Mommy says through her tears.
"It's fine." I mutter before storming out of the bathroom, and jumping onto the big bed.
Maybe sleeping with Mommy will be a good thing. Her bed is so comfortable, and the pillows are even bigger than I am! I'm glad I agreed to stay here. Moments later Mommy crawls into bed and pulls my body close to hers. Even though I'm mad at her, it kind of feels nice. Mommy smells delicious, and her tummy feels warm.
"Blair, I don't blame you for hating me." Mommy tells me suddenly.
What? She hates me. I don't hate her. Mommy has this all mixed up.
"I don't hate you. You hate me!" I exclaim.
"Blair Olivia Fitz, I do not hate you! I love you more than anything in the entire world. The only person I hate right now is myself for letting you down again." Mommy says with a sniffle.
"You don't love me Mommy. Mommies who love their daughters go to their plays, soccer games, and Girl Scout meetings. I'm always the only one who doesn't have a Mommy there, and it makes me sad." I say as tears begin to form in my eyes.
"Oh baby! I'm so sorry I missed the play today. I'm sorry I missed everything else too. I didn't realize how much it upset you." Mommy tells me sadly.
"You told me never to cry. You want me to be strong, so I never cried in front of you because I wanted you to like me. But you're never going to like me. The only person you like is yourself." I growl.
"I was wrong Blair. I was so wrong. You don't have to be strong with me. You can cry whenever you're feeling sad or angry, and I won't judge you. And you're right; I don't like you. I love you. I love you with all my heart." Mommy tells me softly.
"You do a bad job of showing it." I tell her truthfully.
"I know I do. Your father would be disappointed in me." Mommy says with a heavy sigh.
"Why?" I ask with confusion in my voice.
"Because you were everything to him Blair. Most men want a son, but not him. He was so happy when he found out I was having a little girl. The entire time I was pregnant he would lay by me, and whisper things into my tummy so you could hear his voice. Do you remember what he sounded like? Do you remember what he told you?" Mommy asks me curiously.
"No." I say as I shake my head slowly.
"I never knew what he was saying, but I'm almost positive he was telling you how much he loved you. You were his baby girl Blair, and he would have been the best daddy in the world. I sometimes wish God had taken me instead of him. You would have been so much happier with Daddy than you are with me." Mommy says sadly.
"Don't say that." I tell her seriously.
"But it's true. I've been such a horrible mother to you Blair. All this time I've been pushing you away, when I should have been letting you in. God gave me such a precious gift, and I've taken it for granted. I've taken you for granted." Mommy says with a heavy sigh.
"But why? Why did you do that to me?" I ask her curiously.
"I don't know Blair. I really don't know. Maybe it's because you remind me of Daddy. Every time I look at you I think of him, and I miss him so much. But the thing is... I don't want to miss him anymore. I just want to move on and be happy, you know? I'm sure he would have wanted that for me." Mommy tells me.
"Probably." I say with a nod.
"Maybe I pushed you away because I'm afraid of losing you. I already lost Ezra, and I don't know what I'm going to do when I lose you too." Mommy says as more tears begin to form in her eyes.
"Lose me? Why are you going to lose me?" I ask with confusion in my voice.
"You're growing up Blair. You're not going to be my little girl forever. One of these days you're going to go off to college, and leave me by myself. You're going to fall in love, have a family of your own, and forget all about me." Mommy says with a heavy sigh.
I don't want to leave Mommy behind. I'd miss her. Doesn't she know that?
"Mommy, I won't go to college. I'll marry you, so we can stay together!" I exclaim.
For some reason Mommy starts to laugh. I guess she doesn't like my idea.
"You have to go to college Blair, and we cannot get married. First of all that would be illegal, and secondly that wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve to go to college and have beautiful children. I want those things for you Blair. I want you to be happy." Mommy tells me softly.
"What about you? Are you ever going to be happy?" I ask her.
"I hope so baby. I really hope so." Mommy says as she forces a smile.
"Why don't you marry a new man? I'd have a daddy, and you wouldn't be alone anymore." I suggest.
"Oh Blair, I wish it were that simple. I don't even know if I'm capable of loving someone who isn't Ezra. Maybe I'll find a way someday, but right now I'm not ready to be in a relationship. Even if I did get remarried, that man wouldn't be your daddy. Ezra is you daddy, and he's up in heaven." Mommy tells me sadly.
"So I'm never going to get a daddy?" I ask with disappointment in my voice.
"You have a daddy Blair. He's right here." Mommy says before placing her hand over my heart.
"He is?" I ask as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Uh-huh. He's with you Blair. I know he is. All you have to do is listen for him." Mommy says as she pulls me close to her.
"I wonder if he likes me." I think out loud.
"He loves you, and I'm sure he's so proud of the young woman you've become. Do you know what your name means?" Mommy asks me curiously.
"No." I say as I shake my head slowly.
"According to urban dictionary, Blairs are creative, strong, and beautiful. Daddy wanted you to be all those things, and that's why he chose the name Blair. And you are those things honey." Mommy says with a slight smile.
"I am?" I ask her skeptically.
"Yes. I wanted your first name to be Olivia because the name means wonderful hearted, and you're that too. You've made both your father and I very proud. Now I have to make both of you proud." Mommy says thoughtfully.
"I'm proud of you Mommy. You're a great teacher, and you're very smart. I bet you're smarter than Albert Einstein!" I exclaim.
"That's sweet of you honey, but I'm not as smart as Albert Einstein. I'm smart though, and I'm great at my job. But those things don't really matter. The only thing that matters is whether or not I'm a good mommy to you. I haven't been a good one, but that's going to change. Blair, you and I are going to be spending a lot more time together." Mommy says as she strokes my dark curls.
"Does this mean you'll quit your job like Auntie Spencer did?" I ask Mommy hopefully.
"I'm afraid I can't do that. I have to keep working so I can feed you and put a roof over your head." Mommy says with a chuckle.
"Oh." I say with disappointment in my voice.
"But things are going to change Blair. From now on, I'll spend a lot less time at work. I'll pick you up from Auntie Spencer's house earlier, and when we're together I'll focus on you and only you. I'll go to all your soccer games, and all your Girl-Scout meetings. My weekends will be devoted to spending time with you, and I promise I'll put my laptop away until Monday morning." Mommy tells me.
That sounds like a dream come true. Maybe things will get better after all. Maybe I didn't even need to run away. I don't have the words to speak, so I simply wrap my arms around Mommy.
"How about we have a Mommy/Blair day tomorrow? I'll take you to Philadelphia, and we can do whatever you want to do." Mommy offers.
"Can we go shopping, ride in one of those carriages, get our nails done, and see the Liberty Bell?" I ask Mommy hopefully.
"Whatever you want to do." Mommy says with a chuckle.
"Alright!" I exclaim.
"But promise me that you'll never run away again. I was so worried about you Blair, and if something were to ever happen to you I'd never be able to forgive myself." Mommy tells me seriously.
"I promise." I say with a cheeky smile.
"Good. How about we go to bed now? We have a big day tomorrow." Mommy says as she holds me close to her.
I do feel tired. Running away and crying sure does drain your energy.
"Okay Momma." I say as I close my eyes.
"I love you so much honey." Mommy whispers into my ear.
"I love you too." I say with a tired yawn
And I know that we both mean it.
AN: What did you think? I wrote this story a few months ago, and since I'm home sick today I thought I'd publish it. Please review and tell me what you thought of the story. I also might be updating The Room today, so keep your eyes open. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this