Tuesday August 18
Why am I writing this? That's right my shrink says I should.
"Record your dreams in every detail while they are fresh in your mind"
That's the problem shrink. I am trying to forget my dreams. I don't have dreams they are just nightmares. It is the nightmares that are the reason I try to avoid sleeping.
Well I passed out after 3 days awake. As usual I came to covered in sweat.
Terrified.
Panicked.
Barely remember shit. Except for the hands. Lots of dirty hands reaching for me.
Hours after waking up I am still shaking in fear.
I would kill my self but I have even a bigger fear of that or actually after I kill myself. The idea of killing my self does not scare me. It is just I know that something is or will happen after and that scares me and fills me with dread.
If I thought I could get peace by dying then I would not hesistate to do it. But I know that something like I know wher my fingers end, something about dying but what I don't know.
Enough