NOTES:
Love yourself! Its a harsh world out there. Why do you need to take all the crapp from everyone else and yourself. also take care of yourself. yes i know its stupid advice, that I probably should be listening to, but you get my point. We all have bad days, its okay, its also okay to remember that "everyone is self concsience, there just better at hiding it." so yeah dont feel down about yourself, because theres ALWAYS something worse that could be happening.
Deceit
why
can't I be happy
why can't I love
I can't fault anyone for this not even myself
I try to live life
like I used
to
but no more
am I awful like that
desperate like
that
revolting like that
I look at my reflection and that's
what I see
someone who's
lost
pitiful
hopeless
loathing
gagging
at their own
hideous image
I can't bear to see my self
no wonder he
can't
some days I just want to hide
away from everyone
so
they can't see me
I'll do them a favor
and just
disappear
maybe if I was
interesting
scandalous
unsuspected
they mite love me
but
she wont let me
cut
smoke
kill
drug
...myself
so I
guess I'm stuck
in between paths
I never fit
I will never
fit
never part of a stereotype
just there
alone standing
I
know how they'll remember me
"oh...um...yeah she was
nice...I guess"
they'll never regret not knowing me
because
truthfully they haven't missed a thing
except averting there
eyes from the wretch
or sighing as I repeat my plea of death
or
having to watch what they say to me
because they don't know
how I'll react
do I really bring this much grief into the
world
into their lives
am I that pitiful, that
pathetic
that I can only think of myself
I am disgusted
with my appearance
my complexion
my face
my nose
my
hair
my smile
my body
but even more my eyes
for they
are the ones that deceive my lie
for it is them that shows my
hate
what kind of person looks at themselves and only sees
horror
a vain one
I guess I don't deserve to live
not
because of what I've done
but because I cant love
because I
no longer can be happy
because I am conceited
so now I will
end
but you don't need to know that
I just needed to tell you
--me (june 6, 2006)