Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, Jared Padalecki or Jensen Ackles. I just own John. Heh.

Warnings: Wincest. Gay incest. Don't like, don't read. Homosexual pairing Sam/Dean.

Go ahead as you waste you're days with thinking,
Another day and you've had your feel of sinking,
Hands are shaking cold,
These hands are meant to hold.

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Supernatural:
Free

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Loving Sam was like falling down the stairs.

With each step, there was a new broken bone. A new pain for Dean to worry over. But with each step he crashed into, he learned new things. New ways to make Sam tick.

The first time Dean felt like he was falling was mid-July two years back. Sam had decided to go for a picnic, dragging Dean along with him into the middle of a huge patch of grass. Beside them, a few birds chirped at people walking by in the public park. Smiling to himself, Sam lay out a red blanket on the grass and sat on it, placing the basket in the middle. Dean sighed. Sam could really be a girl sometimes.

"Sit down." Sam looked up at Dean, squinting in the midday sun. "I brought beer and peanuts."

Dean sat down for that. "I think we've got better things to be doing, Sam. Like, I dunno, killing things."

"Dean," Sam sighed, "Work isn't everything, you know."

Dean huffed, but said nothing, opening the basket and widening his eyes. "Oh, baby."

Sam grinned. Dean stared at the burgers, chips and peanuts topped off with beer and a magazine. Boy. It'd be some afternoon. They ate in comfortable silence, listening to the nattering from birds and people walking by and having picnics themselves. Dean had fed a dog that started licking his face some burger. It wagged it's tail and walked away, to which Dean snorted and muttered something about how he'd better be thankful. Sam was smiling the whole time, and it had been annoying Dean.

"Why are you so happy?" Dean said, his mouth full.

"You shouldn't speak with your mouth full." Sam said lowly. "And, I don't know. I just am."

"Weird." Dean looked at Sam while he finished his burger. His hair was shimmering in the sun, little strays of blonde seeping through his brown locks. His cheekbones were already starting to go red from the harmful rays, but he looked like he was enjoying it so Dean said nothing. He'd never really noticed how beautiful Sam was until now, when he'd actually taken the time to admire his fine qualities. Damn. Sam could really stand a chance against Dean's good looks.

"What are you staring at?" Sam shifted uncomfortably.

"You're handsome." Dean blurted out without thinking.

"What?" Sam blinked at him, packing away the extra food into the basket.

"Nothing," Dean looked away, "I was just thinking."

Sam chuckled, standing up, offering a hand to Dean who accepted, and pulled him up. "About what? How handsome I am?"

"Shut up." Dean gathered the blanket and threw it at Sam, who stumbled trying to catch it. He glared at Dean then began walking back to the Impala.

"What was the purpose of the picnic again?" Dean asked, opening the driver's side door. Sam squeezed into the passenger seat beside him and through the basket in the back. "And where'd you get the basket?"

"Bobby gave it to me."

"You asked Bobby for a basket?" Dean blinked, "Bobby owns a basket?"

Sam just raised his eyebrow at him and squirmed out of his jacket, throwing it over the basket. "I told him we were going on a picnic and he fished it out of one of his cupboards."

Dean nodded, turning on Metallica and revving the engine. Sam leaned over and kissed Dean on the lips. Nothing fancy, just one swift touch of lips and then he was gone again, looking out the window as if nothing happened. Dean came back to earth long enough to not stall the car.

That was two years ago.

The second time they were in Idaho fighting a vampire clan. Dean, him and his arrogant ass, decided to go in with two guns equipped with silver bullets, and one blade. Sam followed him, seconding the idea that they were invincible. It didn't go very well. Soon they were surrounded, standing back to back, by a circle of vampires, all staring at them like juicy pieces of pork straight off the grill. Dean didn't think they'd make it out. Evidently, neither did Sam.

Sam grabbed Dean's shoulder and spun him around to face him. Sam's mouth descended on Dean's like a truck hitting a stray deer. Dean froze, staring at his little brother's closed eyes. Sam's lips forced Dean's open and some fierce open-mouthed kissing took place, after Dean surrendered and accepted he wouldn't be able to fight Sasquatch off of him. And hell, if these were his dying moments, he'd deserve some action.

Around them, the vampires disintegrated one by one as Sam used his mind to smite them, needing the energy from Dean's lips to complete the task. A small snapping sound erupted from each of the vampires skulls as Sam destroyed them without lifting a finger towards them, using his hands to grasp and pull at Dean's hair. Dean's hand's clutched at Sam's flannel shirt until his knuckles turned white.

When they broke apart, gasping for air, Dean was more than slightly confused by the surrounding vampire corpses, and Sam had some explaining to do.

That was last year.

The third time was at Bobby's. After John had passed away, they spent a whole week there. Though Dean and Sam hardly ever spoke. Sam spent most days indoors, engrossed in whatever book Bobby threw at him. Dean spent all day outside in the scorching heat fixing his car after it was wrecked. He was determined to get her up and running again.

Sam had come out to give Dean a hand with anything, but he ended up bringing Dean a beer every now and then and forcing him to come inside to drink it to get out of the heat. Dean didn't want to talk to anyone, which was understandable.

"Sam, just stop." Dean sighed, sipping his beer. "I'm fine."

"Look, Dean. I know you're not fine, but neither am I." Sam said sternly, staring right into Dean's eyes. "Let me help you."

"There's nothing you can do, okay?" Dean threw his bottle at the wall and watched as it smashed and stained the wall, some liquid trickling onto the floor. Bobby would be pissed.

"Dean. Stop." Sam grabbed Dean's arm on the way out of Bobby's and into the scrapyard. The sun was hot on his face and neck as he struggled with Dean.

Sam spun Dean around and forced him to look at him. They stared at one another for a long time before Dean lay his head on Sam's chest and sighed. Sam just stood there and placed a hand onto Dean's burning neck. He pulled his head up to his own and kissed his lips. There was not force, it was gentle. A comforting kiss to ease the pain and absorb some of it from Dean. Dean placed his hand on Sam's cheek and kissed back with all his mite.

Bobby shook his head at them from the upstairs window and went back to work.

That was yesterday.

But, today's a new day, so who knows?

Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think? :D