I'm Still Me

By No1butjoe

Summary – Sam has been keeping a very important secret.

Disclaimer – I don't own Supernatural or any other characters.

I remember the exact moment when Dean realized I was hiding something from him. The look of anger on his face spoke volumes and, looking back on it now, I suppose I can't really blame him for being pissed off. The secret I so desperately hid from my older brother was one I never fully intended to reveal. However, certain circumstances threw that idea right out the window – from five stories up.

Dean and I were on a normal, run-of-the-mill hunt. It was a simple salt-and-burn that we probably could have done in our sleep. That is, if it had actually turned out to be a spirit. Our 'run-of-the-mill' hunt turned into something far more dangerous, resulting in me unknowingly showing my true colors to Dean. Things were already frayed between us so splitting up seemed to be the best option at the time.

Yet the term 'all hell broke loose' would best describe the next few minutes.

It only took a shout from my brother to bring me running from the other room, where I had been checking EMF readings. Almost immediately after crossing the threshold, I couldn't move. Immobilized by the poltergeist in front of me, I struggled to break free as it advanced on Dean. Suddenly, without warning, it pushed Dean back, back, back. Until the window was the only thing left behind him. To my horror, the spirit we'd been hunting gave one hard, final shove, sending my brother through the glass and to the waiting concrete five stories below.

Only he never landed.

I knew it was risky, exposing myself to the poltergeist and, even worse, to Dean. My heart, however, wasn't about to let the last member of my family die. So, in the split second it took the spirit to shove Dean out the window, it took me only half a second to raise my hand, effectively suspending Dean in mid-air and, ultimately, preventing his death. The look of surprise on Dean's face made my heart clench, only more so when, with a simple wave of my other hand, I dispensed of our adversary. The hunt was over, but the real trial was about to begin. Slowly, I made it so Dean floated inside and safely planted him on the hard floor. The look of surprise had been replaced with uncertainty and wariness. The demon-killing knife is already in his hand as his gaze never wavers from my face. I smile a little, trying to ease the growing tension in the room. Just as I'm about to speak, Dean beats me to it.

"What the hell are you and where's Sam?"

I sigh, knowing the following conversation isn't going to go well. It's one I've been dreading and trying to avoid for months.

"It's me, Dean. I'm Sam."

The look I've seen over a dozen times usually aimed at the monsters we hunt is now directed at me. I know my brother probably won't fully understand, but I try to explain anyway.

"I made a deal of sorts." It's as close to the truth as I can possibly get. "Dean, I'm an angel, just like Cas, but higher up I guess you could say. I have all the same powers. I can heal, smite, and teleport."

Dean's shaking his head now and I look briefly down at the hand holding the knife as it shakes. I sigh and realize I need to convince him further. Thunder and lightning surround the building we're in, illuminating the wall behind me to show two large shadows. My wings. Once I'm satisfied Dean has seen them clearly, the storm subsides and, eventually, disappears completely.

"How long?"

I smile a little at the question, unwilling to answer but knowing I have to in order to regain his trust.

"A year," I reply, seeing the proverbial wheels turning in Dean's mind as he makes a few small calculations and pales.

"You were never in the Cage, were you?"

I close my eyes and silently shake my head.

"So, all this time, you've been an angel and never thought to mention it?"

There's anger in Dean's voice now, causing my own to surface.

"It's not exactly something you bring up in every day conversation, Dean. What was I supposed to say? 'Yeah, I'm back from Hell, but, oh I wasn't actually in Hell and now I'm an angel'? Seriously, Dean, it was better this way. Nothing's changed. I'm still me. I'm still Sam."

The cautious look is still on his face and I know it will take a while before he'll believe let alone trust me. It takes several minutes before he turns and heads towards the door. Uncertain, I remain where I am, wondering if Dean has already placed me in the same category as the other angels. The thought makes my chest constrict and I fight back the moisture in my eyes.

"You coming or what?"

The voice startles me and I look up, surprised to find Dean standing in the doorway, a wary but determined look in his eyes. Understanding dawns and I manage a smile before nodding and heading to the door. Before we leave, however, Dean makes one final statement, as if to remind me.

"This isn't over, Sammy."

My heart swells at the coveted nickname and I nod in acknowledgement. It wouldn't be over. Not by a long shot.