A Good Man
Author: Janet webmaster@fuzzypinkslippers.com
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They never have and they never will.
Author's Note: Yes, I realize it is short. I'm sorry.
It doesn't matter if I actually do have my soul back, Buffy will never love me. She will never love the likes of me. When she looks at me, all that she will ever see is a monster. She's too pure and too warm- hearted to see me as anything more than a cold-blooded killing machine.
It doesn't matter that the chip in my head fried my ability to hurt any human, especially after I was able to attempt to rape her. I've ruined any chance I might have had to be with this incredible woman just by the way I've treated her. I should accept that and move on with my un-life, but I can't.
No one can make me ever stop loving her, even if I've become a shell of a man. I am a good man now. I have a soul now. I try to repent for all the wrongs I've made, but I know that nothing will ever right all of my wrongs. I don't think that anyone could ever truly forgive me.
Of course, they forgave Angel, and he was a much more vicious character; mostly because he insisted on perfectly poetic behavior even when he lost his damn soul. Of course, Angel never stopped loving Buffy and she knew that. She knew that he was killing people for her, and I think in one of her sick little ways, she dug that. She thought it was disgusting what he was doing, but she also saw the love and attraction that he had each time his soulless body sucked the life of an innocent person.
She has never felt love for me; passion maybe, but not love. Not the purest love that she said she felt with Angel. What she's felt with me is hot, animal passion; the kind of passion that you usually only find with either your true love or your long lost one-night stand.
Buffy has always had a deep sense of angst and resentment towards me. I don't know if it is from how many times I've tried to kill her or if it's just because she's Buffy and she's moody. I'd say I didn't care, but then I'd be lying. I don't want to lie, or you might think that I'm still evil. I promise that I'm not. I may be a shell of pathetic vamp ness, but at least let me be one that you can halfway respect.
I should give up on her, but I don't want to. I want to hold her and love her, but she won't let me. I don't really blame her. Between my half-wit antics with Harmony and my insane rendezvous with Drusilla, I doubt that I would blame her if she put a stake through my heart the next time she sees me. Buffy deserves something better than me. She deserves someone better than I could ever hope to be. She deserves a man who can tell her heart is broken and wants to fix it. She deserves a good man. I know that that is something I will never be, even if I do have a soul.
Author: Janet webmaster@fuzzypinkslippers.com
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They never have and they never will.
Author's Note: Yes, I realize it is short. I'm sorry.
It doesn't matter if I actually do have my soul back, Buffy will never love me. She will never love the likes of me. When she looks at me, all that she will ever see is a monster. She's too pure and too warm- hearted to see me as anything more than a cold-blooded killing machine.
It doesn't matter that the chip in my head fried my ability to hurt any human, especially after I was able to attempt to rape her. I've ruined any chance I might have had to be with this incredible woman just by the way I've treated her. I should accept that and move on with my un-life, but I can't.
No one can make me ever stop loving her, even if I've become a shell of a man. I am a good man now. I have a soul now. I try to repent for all the wrongs I've made, but I know that nothing will ever right all of my wrongs. I don't think that anyone could ever truly forgive me.
Of course, they forgave Angel, and he was a much more vicious character; mostly because he insisted on perfectly poetic behavior even when he lost his damn soul. Of course, Angel never stopped loving Buffy and she knew that. She knew that he was killing people for her, and I think in one of her sick little ways, she dug that. She thought it was disgusting what he was doing, but she also saw the love and attraction that he had each time his soulless body sucked the life of an innocent person.
She has never felt love for me; passion maybe, but not love. Not the purest love that she said she felt with Angel. What she's felt with me is hot, animal passion; the kind of passion that you usually only find with either your true love or your long lost one-night stand.
Buffy has always had a deep sense of angst and resentment towards me. I don't know if it is from how many times I've tried to kill her or if it's just because she's Buffy and she's moody. I'd say I didn't care, but then I'd be lying. I don't want to lie, or you might think that I'm still evil. I promise that I'm not. I may be a shell of pathetic vamp ness, but at least let me be one that you can halfway respect.
I should give up on her, but I don't want to. I want to hold her and love her, but she won't let me. I don't really blame her. Between my half-wit antics with Harmony and my insane rendezvous with Drusilla, I doubt that I would blame her if she put a stake through my heart the next time she sees me. Buffy deserves something better than me. She deserves someone better than I could ever hope to be. She deserves a man who can tell her heart is broken and wants to fix it. She deserves a good man. I know that that is something I will never be, even if I do have a soul.