I can do this. I can't look at her, she is not in my league. I kept on conversing with myself. She comes over to me and I pause, silently still. She doesn't know I am a shy person. Everyone one knows, everyone can see who I was, except her. She spoke very gently, and still I didn't respond. The only thing that is ticking was my brain. It's spinning around clockwise, and then it spun anti clockwise, which made me feel dizzy. Then it goes faster and faster, and even faster than I had expected. I can't stop it. My heart starts racing – speeding out of control. It's banging against the cavity of my chest, which feels as though it wants to burst out. I hold onto it and she ask me what is wrong. Subconsciously, I said look, look what you're doing to me. You're breaking my heart.
Chapter oneToday I awoke by the loud crow of a hen. The sound travels through the opening of the window and into my bedroom. This hen is hidden in the comfort of this unfurled mango tree opposite my window, it's screaming that I should wake up and it's 6 am, but I still want to sleep. I want to wake up late today, finish the dream that I was in the night before. The heat of the sun creeps onto the sheets, and I still refused to rise and it burnt me like a scorching flame on my face. It's another day in the tiny Caribbean island of St. Vincent. I heard the loud sound of my father as he kicked his Mini bus into gear. "Wake up" My mother shouts, she is a big nightmare in the mornings. Her voice will ring into my ears drums, because I forgot to stick the pieces of tissue into my ear. Today it's supposed to rain – a big down pour is expected. Mommy doesn't care, she's adamant I go to school and get a good education – change the educational status quo in the family.
The television is on and I hesitate to get dressed, I'm addicted to superman and batman. The producers are not very nice people, they purposely put these episodes on early to distract me. I want to fly like him, save people and return home to eat breakfast in the mornings before I go to school. It's the only way for me to escape reality, live an adventurous life, live the life that I dream I'd grow up to be. The hot chocolate with sausage and bread, which was prepared for me and my brother was always fulfilling. I'd always yearn for more, but mommy will chase me away for being too greedy. Daddy had already left home early to chase passengers in his working area around the country. He is on a race to beat the other drivers to fill his minivan with passengers to maintain: us, his van and smoking habit. Daddy is a tobacco addict – to a worrying degree. Sometimes, I'd watch daddy smoulder two packs of cigarettes with one hand on the steering wheel, guiding a van load of passengers around the narrow winding hilly roads in this small island. Daddy is very particular about his brand of choice, his favourite brand is demerara cigarette. He probably doesn't notice, but I am getting as tall as him. My brother and I are rushed out of the house hurriedly by mommy; she is angry at our lack of urgency. The efficacious power of her voice increases our speed into overdrive. We walked through a dirt path, which was lawn by the many feet that trampled on this narrow winding walkway. It's slippery from the heavy rainfall, and the mud splashes behind our legs. The dogs that would normally chase us on the way to school had seek shelter, so we didn't have to run into the school premises today.
We arrived in school and the both of us would go into our separate classes, and we would have to stay there until the bell rings at 3 pm. I see the most popular girl in class today, she smiles at me, she notices that I exist. And for me, it is a dream come true. I'm in the back seat and she's three rows ahead of me, but still – she turns around and smiles with an elusive charm of admiration. I can't look, my heart is racing, it's beating heavier than normal – it throbs with a emotive power that I can't control. It was what I did for the whole entire day – smile at her in apprehensive silence. The Easter break is quickly approaching, it's the season that brings many kite flyers together. There are also succulent plums above our cousin Diane's house that have started to shine bright red. I can't help myself when it comes to filling my stomach with juicy plums and ripe mangoes. I went to school the next morning when the sun had decided to shine it's head. It radiates torrents of heat during the dry and dusty day. I don't care, I played cricket, pick plums and talk to Linda subconsciously. In my imagination, the two of us would speak to each other every day, we share jokes, sit side by side, and it seems impossible to leave her side.
It is a very enjoyable day at school, but I am ecstatically happy that school is going to break off for the Easter holidays. There is no Easter egg and chocolate craze on this small island – there is only an elevated enjoyment of flying a kite as far as possibly. Last year, I flew a kite to the furthest point I had ever flown a kite before. It darted down from side to side, it dipped, pivoted and danced into the top of a tall coconut tree by the strong wind that blew. I would never dream of climbing a coconut tree that high – the scrapes and bruises I'd get on the way down is too much for me to bear. For this year, we'd already prepared by stealing a ball of thread from our mother's Chester drawers. We peeled the dry coconut fronds and tied it to a marked out refused bag and we used the remaining plastics for the tail. We planned a race in the wind. His kite went up first, I overtook him, he tangled up with my kite, we got loose a mile away, and my kite dips so low that it touches a tree. It got stuck, but the wind yanks against my kite and it escapes. I have to catch up with him, because his kite is a couple yards away from my kite. His kite spins in a circle and dances down lower than he had expected. He jerks his thread to steer his kite, but I'm happy.
I took advantage of the situation, and started to empty the ball of thread, until it burst. And the kite drifted into the wind and disappears. I lost; he laughs at me and I feel a narcotic effect of overshadowing dread for losing. It's what me and my brother Daniel did for the entire Easter; except fight each other. We were practically at war when none of us got what we desired. The two of us are very competitive young boys, none of us are willing to back down, certainly not me, I am a tyrannical dictator when it came to my stuff.
It's a new term in school, the weather is blowing cool air from the sea's earthly splendour. We were forced to move from where we previously lived, to a crowded household with many family members. The house is owned by my grandmother, who chooses to house my aunt, uncle, and now the four of us. It is a small town house that is further up into the hilly small town called Questelles. I loved the big gathering under one roof, it's an opportunity for me and Daniel to make extra pocket money. My goodness! It's hard work to fetch so much buckets of water to fill up a barrel and supply a household with a bath. There was no running water, so we took full advantage of the situation when everyone was too lazy to lug with buckets of water.
The stress of relocating had begun to surrounded our minds as the shift from a spacey accommodation to somewhat of a congested household had become rather uncomfortable. Daniel and I were sleeping together for the first time, and it proved to be quite a distressing issue. It forced us to set out on a financial expedition to try and regain our social freedom. Plans were made, experiments were carried out, but selling water was not going to lead us to a full piggy bank. To get a full piggy bank, we would have to come up with an ingenious idea, which came when we realised that we could maximise our capital by selling various types of fruits.
Chapter twoIt's been weeks, and so far we've only managed to save $20. It's pointless anyway, the house that daddy had been building was nearly completed. It's not far away from where we live in Questelles, but it will be a longer walk to school. Daddy takes the both of us when he was plastering, mixing concrete to construct the floors. This new area is called coconut range, but when I looked around the village there isn't a damn coconut tree in sight. I love coconuts, it's one of my favourite fruit. Who the hell came up with the name coconut range? The founder must have had too much to drink and was perhaps envisioning coconut trees as he slept off the night of exceeding his alcohol consumption. Running water had now been installed by my grandmother, so business has been slow.
My grandmother Elizabeth is a very proactive woman, she is always on the go. She's my best friend and she likes to be around me more than my brother; she says he is too rude and overbearingly ill-mannered. We would frequently go up into the hills to gather cow droppings, or what Granny referred to as manure. It's strange, but it didn't smell as bad a dog feces; cow down has a subtle aroma. One evening after school, we went up into the towering hills behind Granny's house. I pick up cow dung for her and I saw a bright yellow mango in this tall tree. I grabbed a stone and threw it into the direction of this mango and it connected with this ripened mango that hang from the tree. It bounces on several limbs on the way down to the ground. There is a big rock at the bottom, and the fully ripe mango fell on the rock and splashed Granny like a paint pellet.
I laughed so heartily, that I couldn't catch my breathe. I purposely dropped to the ground and rolled in a cluster of stinging nettle, and yes, I started itching all over my body profusely. I believe it was probably payback for splashing Granny with the mango and then laughed about it. I don't know the reason, but God gave me a good dose of karma for picking on Granny. In the morning, I was awaken by mommy, it's one of these familiar morning routines that I despised. I got showered in the cold water that flowed from the mountain top, and got dressed to see Linda today. It is the day that I finally plan to speak to her, tell her how much I like her. The two of us had so much in common; it was as though we were one. Me and Linda were both intelligent, well, she was right at the top of the class and somehow, my scores would always place me in second spot. Linda has very beautiful dark brown eyes and is slender in built. She is the nicest person I'd ever met, although we only spoke once. She said good morning to me and I replied with an engendered feeling of admiration in a warm smile.
We are in a full class with both boys and girls. I have confidence to speak to other girls except her; I guess she is my kryptonite. Today Linda appears to be upset, she didn't speak or smile with me at all – she only frowned. I stared at her the following day hoping she'd smile back at me and she did. I can't believe it, I sat in my seat and Linda approach me. I froze. My heart is drumming down my chest. "Timothy, did you do your homework" she said. I can't answer, I'm still unable to speak. I stared at her, tongue and lips hanging out as though it was going to fall down to the ground. The strong abiding romance that I'd envisioned had turned into panicking fright. It's crazy, my vocal ability had decided to abandon me. She got frustrated by reluctance to respond and rushed back to her seat, probably more upset with me than the previous day. I would have to wait for another couple of weeks for her to approach me again. The house that daddy was building had been completed, so we had to move again. This new house is on top of a hill, the roads are unpaved and there is only a broken dirt track leading to the main road that was paved with asphalt. Daniel and I had to walk along these two roads on our way to school. I'm not at all happy, because I have to wake up much earlier than before.
The journey distant from our previous house was two hundred yards away with vicious dogs on the path, now, the journey to school had become a mile long. In this strange neighbourhood, we made friends very quickly. We would play cricket together most days, and during these few hours I hate when I got out. I wanted to stay in the wicket and bat whole day. I wanted to be Brain Lara for the day – the greatest west-Indian batsman who ever lived. When it came to football, I wanted to be Ronaldo, the best dribbler in the world. Whatever sport I played, I hated when I lost or under preformed. I didn't want our new friends to know, but they found out a secret I kept dare to me. Not even my mother knew that I was terrified of girls. They all thought I was a reassuringly confident person.
They knew I had advance intellectual ability, but I never let them know about my insecurities. Daniel was the opposite when it came to girls – he fear nothing. The limitless amount of resources that were available to make money for Daniel had been reduced since we moved, so he turned to stealing. And I, foolishly, choose to join him on his dishonest escapades.
Chapter threeIt was probably the move that increased our urge for financial fulfilment, which made us become greedy. Yet still – we were happy that we moved from a congested household, to a house that we could finally call our own. Yeah! The only disadvantage was that I still had to share a room with my brother since there was only two bedrooms in our new home. Oh my god! What am I going to do? We have been sleeping together in one bed for several months, so we got accustom to sleeping with each other again. I dread walking on the unpaved roads from the bottom of the village to the top. This track leading towards the top of the village was slippery and we were happy when we would welcome the paved roads. From there, we'd have to walk half a mile towards our primary school. Daniel and I would relish the opportunity to rest our feet when our father would pull up next to us with his minivan.
He doesn't know that we'd already stole his money from underneath the carpet of the minivan, where he'd frequently hid his earnings. When we arrived home, we'd be beaten for stealing from my father. There were no shortage of harsh punishments that would be administrated by our parents – they made us pay dearly for our compulsive stealing behaviour. At school, I was innocent as a lamb; I didn't get into any trouble in class. I did my homework, I was always early for class, overall – I was a good student.
I'd get to school on time, sit in class and pretend I was taking everything in, but really, I would spend many days in class admiring all the girls. I'd never talk to them, no, I was too afraid to batter an eyelid or open my mouth to speak. I can't help it – I'm a nervously shy person. There were no attributes in being petrified of girls, so I devised a plan to achieve top scores in order to get their attention. I began to study hard, learning and retaining as much as I can. I got everything right in class and suddenly, I was soaring to the top of the class. I became the smartest kid in the class, everyone came to me for information about class work. Mostly the girls in class though, females are obsessive achievers. Before I knew it, the month of October swung around and the annual independence dance, which everyone was eagerly anticipating was a just a couple days away. For once, I didn't care about the music, I was just happy to see Linda. In my mind, I planned to walk up to her through the crowd of party goers, ask her for a dance and kiss her under the disco ball, wow, what a night it would be.
Days leading up to the dance I'd spend many evenings pillaging for fruits. Every fruit on this small island of St. Vincent, along with many other Caribbean islands had their seasons. Some of these exotic fruits were succulent and others would have a bitter and sour tang. October, is also the mouth of the tamborine fruit, which was also well-known to have a sour and sharp acidic taste. These trees are also home to the aggressive jack Spaniard, who'd regularly nest in this specific tree. Don't get me wrong, they also built their nest in the roof of our balcony, but we did our best to restrict them from settling. I was the exterminator; and the broom was my weapon of choice. In an attempt to drive them from their nest, I'd end up killing some of vicious insects in the process. A few of them went willingly, but the others would fight me to death, while the seriously injured jack Spaniards that fought gallantly were stretchered away by a few of others.
It's the day before the annual independence dance and I went up to Granny's house to pick a bag of tamborine to make tamborine balls. I'd usually knead all the tamborine I collected, add sugar and vinegar to create my delicacy. From Granny's house, I'd proceed to climb the narrow winding tracks to the hills that surrounded her house. On this venture, I would be on my own, because Granny is not feeling well. It was the usual trek to get onto this plain that would have trees of different types and origins scattered around. The only tree that had produced fruit was the tamborine tree; the others were out of season. I had specifically brought a bag that I hoped I'd fill up to the brim. This tree had tamborine dangling from every limb that was ready to be picked. I climbed up and my eye catches the sight of a hive jack Spaniards. They were flying in and out of this nest gathering food for their young. I can't help myself, I still continued to pick tamborines from where they hung, ignoring the vicious insects that were circling my head. One of them flew in and sting me on my eye and I slipped off the branch I was hanging from. The rest of them got anxious and started to attack me from where I hang. I lost my grip and let go, but I was saved by a thick vine as I was going to collide with the big rock that laid dormant below this tree. They kept attacking me until I managed to wiggle lose. I ran down the hill and raced straight into Granny's house with a swollen eye, face, mouth and nose.
I thought the swelling would subside before the dance, but it didn't. I had to get dressed up in a new outfit with a swollen face to meet Linda. I was lucky that she wasn't expecting me, because I'd be just a huge disappointment. It was time for us to get dressed, my mother bought Daniel and I identical outfits. The rain fell heavily on the day before we went out, so we expected the roads to be slippery and wet. We head out the door and onto the slippery path, which led to the main road (that was tarmac and slid proof). I floundered up this dirt patch and slipped into the wet mud, `oh my god!'. My trousers got stained with mud. What am I going do now? I gazed to the sky with the swollen skin hanging over my eye, then the tears followed. They flowed down my cheeks as I thought about the prospect of missing the dance.
In dismay, I gathered my wits, scrapped the pile of mud from my jeans, and then I got a wet piece of cloth to wipe the big spot that was left behind from the mud. The sun came out and dried the water soaked behind of the baggy jeans that I wore. I inspected my jeans again and we were on our way to the dance, but this time, we ambled up the track taking very carefully steps until we got to the main road. It was an exhausting distance to walk from the beginning of the main road to school, but eventually, we got there just in time, `yes!'. To our amazement there were so much people in attendance, they were listening to the loud music as they played fun games and ate cakes that were on sale, `umm'. I was happy again when I a couple slices for myself. After I had my fill with the scrumptious chocolate cake, I decided it was time to hit the dance floor. It was the perfect opportunity for me to pull out my latest dance moves. I could hear all of the most recent reggae tracks that were blasting from the speaker box inside of the big hall, `yippy!' When I got inside, I could not take my eyes off Linda. She was standing in the middle of the dancefloor, dancing by herself. Occasionally, a boy would ask her for a dance and she would say no, because she was perhaps waiting for me. Our eyes caught in a steady lustful gaze, I refused to remove my stare. Her name begins to bounce around in my mind so much, that I suddenly forgot all my moves. A matter of fact, I forgot that I was at an event. It turned out to be a massive disaster, my big day out that I'd planned all year and I was as still as one of the columns in the building facing in the direction of Linda, who decided to dance with someone else.
I stayed there all night and just stared at her dancing with this other boy, until it was time to go home. For some reason, I couldn't figure out what happened. I was supposed to be the one dancing with her and some other boy took my spotlight. I got angry, shred a few tears, then grabbed my brother and began our journey home with the grass at the edge of the road as our guide, since we didn't have any street lights that lit our way. We arrived at the beginning of the dirt track and we held onto each other slipping and sliding all the way home. Finally, we gasp in disbelief that we had got home safely. The next day, I woke up sad and depressed, thinking about why I was so terrified to approach Linda. I shook my head in dismay, trying to come up with a practical answer to understand my psychological state of mind.
Chapter Four
I went back to school on the Monday and planned to ask Linda why she didn't dance with me. It's not that I was jealous, I wanted her for myself, but I was too scared to tell her. She was sitting in front and the teacher called me up to answer a question on the board. I answered the question and gave her an embittered stare on the way back to my seat. In my head, we had a big fight about her cheating on me with another boy, we argued and made up again. If I wasn't day dreaming about Linda, Daniel and I were always getting into trouble. We continued to steal money from underneath my father's drivers' seat, or right out the conductors' bean bag. Hey! I know, what a dumb place to put cash. I guess he was very fortunate to have my uncle working for him, he was very honest and loyal. We'd frequently steal money to gallivant at school, but when we got caught, which we did many of times, there would be serious repercussions for our actions. I guess by doing this we felt like celebrities for a day, until the teacher reported back to our parents that we have been buying sweets for other kids at school.
If we weren't getting into trouble this way, we would be sneaking out of the house to go down to our cousins' family house where would play football or cricket, when they were they were in season that is. Cricket was really the game of the people in the St. Vincent, because our national football team never got far enough to compete with the big countries such as Brazil and England. But our West Indian cricketers were the greatest, and my father would often sit down for hours to watch the games that were nationally televised. I guess that was the benefit of having his own business, he was able to work when he pleased. People are very passionate about cricket that I even saw I guy through his television out of the window when the West indies lost a game. What a fool. Now he can't get to watch the other games. I used to watch the likes of Vivian Richards and Curly Ambrose, they were a joy to watch as they bowl out many top class batsmen for zero on many occasions.
After watching these players, like most of the kids in this small neighbourhood, we'd go down to the park and mimic their movements, and most of the times I'd get hit for sixes and fours. My father is a very sporty sort of guy, he played cricket and football himself. On various occasions, we'd go down to the park and watch him play, because it was our excuse to get away from doing any chores with my mother, but in the end we would get bored and end up playing ourselves. He was also a great footballer and very popular amount our new villagers from the town of Campden park, and where we previously resided in Questelles village. It is like carnival when teams were playing, people would gather on the park, which was a short walk from our house to watch his team play. I never missed a game, but maybe the incentive was I got a chance to see another girl from my class name Sara. oh! she is so cute. I'd just stare at her during the game and then shake my head in disgust because she'd end up talking to some other boy and not me.
Chapter fiveSeasons came and passed, but we tried to enjoy most of them to their full entirety. Christmas is one of those seasons' where my parents would listen parang on the radio, but we would occasionally switch the channel to listen some of the new reggae releases, I guess it was our habit to get into trouble. Daniel and I would go to church every Christmas day to repent for our sins. On this specific Christmas day, I had to read a scripture in front of the congregation and I was so nervous that I read through it in seconds, just to get off the stage. From the astonished look on everyone faces, they didn't understand what I said, but I didn't care, I just wanted to get off the stage. I was so hasty to get off the stage that I nearly fell down, `woops'. Everyone started to laugh and I felt really embarrassed. `Oh my god what absolute nightmare'. I went and sat back down quietly, hoping no one will remember what happened to me the next day.
After the service was finished, it was time to head home to my mother's bake bread with ham. It is so delicious, just thinking about it made me hungry. I sped up the road in a rush to get home for dinner. On the menu was exactly what I'd anticipated, and I couldn't wait to dive in. The leg of the pig, or what we call Ham, is one of our main delicacies around this festive occasion. This pig's leg would be dried and salted for sale in many local shops. Around this season, you would see them hanging from the roof of Mr Browns' shop, which was a short walk from my house. Purchasing it was just the first part of the process before consumption. Then we'd have to spend hours boiling it, and when it was boiled, my mother would fry us slices to go along with her delicious baked bread. My father had a thing for salted food, so he would pick off the ham bit by bit until it was finished. It was probably because it was so sweet he couldn't imagine seeing it finish before his eyes.
After eating our dinner, we'd all sit down and watch a television show, because we couldn't get any sleep that night when strange people would pass by beating old pans and drums, knocking on everyone's door for food and drinks. Anyway, we'd already planned ahead. We stocked up enough for everyone who'd passed by especially my greedy cousin, franklin. He didn't leave our house until he was drunk. And from the look on daddy's face, I could see was unimpressed because he didn't like to share anything. But my mother is a kind lady and that was probably the only reason why they came. When Christmas had passed, my brother and I would join our neighbours to go out chancing wild hens to cook for new years' eve. I was scared out of my wits to catch the hen because I was afraid it would pick me, so I nominated to be one of the chefs. We gathered all the other essentials from our neighbours shop, although some of it was donated without their parents' consent.
It was the day, and everything was prepared. The chicken was cleaned from most of the feathers, and from the state of the cleaners, I guess they wanted to grow wings. The pot was set on the fire at precisely 10 pm. Suddenly, the dominoes came out and we were all getting ready to bring in the New Year with a bang. I would constantly get frustrated every time I lost a domino game because everyone knew me as the domino god, even though I really wasn't, but I called myself that anyway. Midnight came and we prepared our flambos, which was made out of bamboo that we cut and added gasoline to make a big bang. I had some trouble with mine, but eventually I fixed the problem. I scratched the match and lit my bamboo and there was a loud bang. This bang also took with it my eyelashes, which gave everyone a good laugh, except me. The night would finish with somewhat of delicate feast for us to eat. And while the group of us ate, we'd looked up at the stars thinking about what the New Year would bring.
Since Christmas and new year's eve was over, we would drive around to Questelles village to visit our friends and family, it was a customary tradition for us to see them once for the whole year. I was especially happy to go by my aunts who had retired from England and decided to settle back in ST. Vincent in their old age. I didn't know if it was how people did things in England, but they always had a lot of goodies to give us when we went around to their house. They showed us so much empathy, that we kept going back even when it wasn't Christmas time. We were very greedy, but they were always willing to give. We would sometimes even get money for nothing, 'wow', I even think my brother became addicted to the gifts he received, because he was always there.
Chapter sixI was back in school again and there was Linda, looking as pretty as can be. She was walking towards me, and I was praying for her to divert into a different direction. She continued to pace towards me and I felt as if it had rain, because I was drench in sweet. She paused and stood in front of me, and I wanted to run away. But there was nowhere to run because she came and sat right next to me class. It was a relief, she only wanted to ask me my position in the final year exam before we progress to a higher class, whew!, thank god'. I could now breathe a sigh of relief that she had turned around and walked off. In class, I sat on a bench with two girls: Chantel and Ronda. Although it was a heart wrenching moment when we were allocated on a seat together, overtime, I started to feel more relax amongst the both of them. We didn't speak about anything else, except school work. Any other topics would have made me feel rather uncomfortable.
Chantel is a new face that I haven't seen before. Many of my other classmates said that she transfer from another primary school to ours, because she got into trouble with a teacher at her old school. Chantel is also a very attractive trouble maker that I had grown to like. Sometimes, I would try to turn my head into her direction, but I was afraid to even look at her, even though she was sat next to me. It was an action that caused me to get many stiff necks from time to time. During our break, I'd jump over the desk so that I wouldn't have to ask her to move, or l'd ask Ronda because she only had a face a mother could love. After school, I would rush home so that I wouldn't have to feel terrified of her anymore, even though she was just a girl and not the four eyed serpent that I thought she was in my mind, who would kiss me and swallow me up in her love. Heading home with my brother, I felt butterflies circling around my head, which I actually tried to fan away, until I realise there was nothing there from the look my brother gave me when I did. But I reassured him that I wasn't going mad; I told him that I was being attacked by a bee.
I arrived home at exactly time 3:30 pm, changed and went out to play. It was football season, and it was the only sport on everyone's mind. We didn't have a ball, but we improvise and found an old tennis ball that compensated for not having to real thing until someone eventually stepped on it. At this point, I was losing the game and I was not happy when this new boy, Desmond, stepped on the ball and split it in half. Someone said they had another ball and he volunteered to go and get it. While we waited for him, we conversed about football until it turned into an argument over goals. I hated to lose, and since we were in an argument, I end up making the most noise. I was more annoyed that Desmond destroyed the ball, because he chose to wear shoes, although the rest of us played barefoot. I became more incense when the rest of us were picking out small pebbles from between toes and he was in the comfort of his shoes.
The New Year brought new improvements, the government had begun to pave the path leading to the main road. This road was also our usual playing ground and we welcome the improvements with despise. This pavement work left us with nowhere to play. The annual independence dance had come around again, but this time I was hoping to dance with Chantel. I got there and as with Linda, Chantel was dancing with someone else and I was just standing there frozen, with my mouth wide opened. She made me cry just as Linda did, and for that I didn't speak to her for the rest of the year. December time came around again, which also meant time off from school and the opportunity to get away from Chantel who made me very uneasy and also gave me the worst stiff necks. It was traditional for us to have a Christmas party before we go off for holidays. We had to prepare the class room with decorations for our Christmas dance, so me and some of my other male classmates went and found a tree that resembles a Christmas tree. This tree was laying in the middle of an isolated field, fence off from a wooden house. The house appeared to be unoccupied and we began to chop relentlessly at this tree. We exchange several times until the process was nearly complete. A big gentleman came out and shouted, "why are you on my property, get out?". We replied, "our teacher told us to get a Christmas tree", but I guess he wasn't impress at the tone of his voice, so we grab the tree and started running as fast as we could, although most of us couldn't see where we were going with the tree on our heads.
It was the day for the dance, I was all dressed up along with the rest of the class, even our teacher Mr Charles was dressed for the occasion. I got some food and listen to the DJ spin his tracks, but to my astonishment Chantel was dancing with one of my best friends Simon. I became so overwhelmed by anger, sadness and disappointment that I began to cry. Everyone came over to see if I was okay, they were worried about the reason why I was crying. I lied and told them I felt ill, but really, I was happy that my break down cause Chantel and Simon to stop dancing, yeah!
Chapter sevenIt was the last year of primary school and there was a lot of pressure on all of us to pass our exams to gain entry into a good secondary school. There was more pressure on me, because now, Linda was sitting beside me for the first time. For once my focus was not on Chantel; it was on this new girl who didn't pass year five exams to gain entry into a secondary school. Her name is Claudette, and on many occasions my mind would wonder because there were a few new students who repeated year five, all of whom were girls and they weren't bad looking either. I guess Chantel was amazed that I wasn't just struggling to bend my head around to see her. For once, I was actually speaking to both Chantel and Linda, but to my astonishment I didn't find speaking with them that terrifying either. Linda was the most beautiful and smartest girl I'd ever knew, actually, she was the only girl I knew. And now I regret, that I waited until the last year of primary school to speak to her.
Days went by and Chantel was no longer a treat, this time it was Claudette who got me all wrapped up. I tried to keep my lust for her a secret, but who did I trust to tell I like her, my best friend Oswald. He told everyone that I had a crush on Claudette. I got angry with him, because I couldn't understand for the life of me why the both of us were friends, since I couldn't trust him to keep his mouth shut. Well, this is where everything went downhill, Claudette started to chase me home. I'd run breathlessly to avoid speaking to her. It was the easiest task for anyone, but such a hard one for me and no one understood the reason why, except me.
Every day at school, I would constantly get taunted by Claudette and the other boys in my class – during recess and lunch. I can always be reassured that Linda would have my back. From being my worst nightmare, Linda turned out to be my knight and shining armour. We got so close, that she offered to kiss me once, but that mistake cost me when I ran away so fast I fell down into a hole and broke my leg. From that day, she never repeated that same mistake again, but Claudette finally felt sorry for me with my broken leg and left me alone. I believe she had a plan, because whilst I was defenceless she back me up into a corner and kissed me on my lips. It was a strange feeling, tasty, and lurk warm. I was not allowed to fight back, she came in for the kill and won this battle.