A/N: Greetings! Gakuen Alice has been my favorite anime/manga for a very long time. So, in honor of this amazing piece of work by Higuchi Tachibana-sama, I've decided to write this story up.
By the way, this story is an AU (Alternate Universe).
Disclaimer: I'm putting this up now. This disclaimer applies to all upcoming chapters; I DO NOT OWN GAKUEN ALICE AND ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. It belongs respectively to its rightful author/mangaka/creator, Higuchi Tachibana-sama.
Here goes!
CHAPTER 1: My True Self
XxXxX
People stare at me
Point their fingers
And they laugh at me
What am I doing wrong?
To deserve this kind of pain?
Why do I breathe?
I can't recall the point of it
If I stopped breathing
The pain would end
XxXxX
I don't care what they think of me.
They all think I'm a cheating, stupid and worthless girl. Well, they can just go on and think like that!
I don't care.
"Well, Sakura can you explain why this piece of paper was on your desk while we are in the middle of a test?" Sawamura-sensei asked me seriously, waving the paper right at my face. The entire class was silent, their attention focused on the scene unfolding. They should just go back to answering their papers, but no, they want to watch me fumble. I know they do.
Doing the honest thing, I shook my head, "I can't, sensei."
I really can't explain how that "cheat sheet" got on my desk. I have an idea how, but I'm not sure if it's right. But even if I was, would he even believe me?
Sawamura-sensei raised one brow skeptically, his brown eyes doubtful. "Are you sure about that, Sakura?"
Sensei, I don't get you. I really don't. You ask me as though you want to hear an answer, but in truth, you have already decided the answer; you were cheating, weren't you Sakura? I could almost hear him say. But he won't say that. He wants to hear what I have to say, to be fair.
"I'm not sure how that piece of paper ended up on my desk. I really don't know Sawamura-sensei."
"Then how did it get there? Someone placed it there? Highly improbable since you are in the front row under my watchful eye and I didn't see any students get up or move suspiciously." His tone was mocking, as though he was offended that I insinuated, even in a way I didn't exactly mean, that he has horrible observation skills. He was so certain that his attention and senses were on high alert. There was no way he could be wrong, that's what he's thinking.
The class stirred at what he said.
"She's accusing one of us, sensei!" Someone said loudly, standing up and glaring my way. Sensei shot her a warning glance, but it went ignored.
The rest followed suit.
"Yeah, she's got some nerve! She just wants to blame someone else!"
"She just didn't study, that's why she did it! You seriously don't believe this cheater's lies, right sensei?"
"Yeah! Sakura is always telling lies!"
Their voices came together, each one fighting to be heard. Loud voices, scratchy voices, booming voices. I heard them all. Sensei's face scrunched up in dismay as he tried to calm the students down, but to no avail.
"Her physics book was in the shelf yesterday afternoon! She didn't bring it home to study, and this morning, we saw her taking it out and she was scribbling some things on a sheet of paper!" One of the students shouted pointing an accusing finger at me.
"It's called notes! Notes! Not a cheat sheet! I can study better if I sum up the important facts! Is it wrong to take down notes to cram?" I asked incredulously. Oops! I ended up saying that out loud…! But seriously, what an imagination this guy had! I honestly needed to cram this morning because I couldn't find my book to bring home. I didn't have time to look because I had something I had to attend to.
"A likely story." A ponytailed girl spat.
Another girl attacked, "Sensei, it's unfair! One time, I asked my seatmate a question during a test and you made me go out of the classroom! But Sakura was caught red-handed and you're letting her off the hook?"
Sawamura-sensei's eyes widened then squinted in anger. "No, I didn't say—"
"Yeah, no fair!" A bunch of students chorused, the momentum at full speed.
They kept on badgering sensei to punish me. I felt my lips curve downwards just a teensy bit. This is really just a waste of time.
And…They're ganging up on me. Again. But I never let it get to me. I will always stay strong and true to myself. Even if this entire school hates me, I will never let them see me fall. Not when I didn't do anything bad.
My eyes scanned the room.
The students were all still screaming their lungs out, papers and pens forgotten. Sensei looks close to pulling his hair out. I feel sorry for sensei. He isn't really that bad. He's just…
"QUIET DOWN! ALL OF YOU! SAKURA, STEP OUT OF THE ROOM THIS INSTANT!"
…Easily swayed…
My reaction swiftly followed, "But sensei, I didn't—"
"NOW!"
I jumped up from my seat and quickly left the room. The moment I slid the door shut, I heard a big round of applause erupt from the classroom. What a bunch of cold-hearted meanies…
Well, it's not like I'm new to this kind of treatment.
They think I'm a high horsed kind of girl. A spit-fire who just likes to make everything difficult and all muddled up. Someone who seems innocent but hides a conniving and deceitful persona.
That's the student body's general view of me; Sakura Mikan, a no good student. No looks, no brains, no friends, no nothing.
But they're wrong. I'm not like that. They never bothered to try to get to know me even when I'm trying my best to reach out to them. Take yesterday for example. You see, a classmate of mine texted me after lunch saying that she had to go home early because of a cold. She asked me if I could go to Alice in Wonderland, a super popular café in our town; she works there as a waitress. She left something important in school that was needed to be given to her co-worker in the café; I don't know what it was though. It was in a plastic bag tied with a frilly pink ribbon. Sawamura-sensei had announced that morning that he'd give us a test. So, you see, I couldn't look for my book that was "missing". My classmate did say that it was imperative that I deliver the plastic bag as soon as school let out. I had no time. I did come back to school later, but it was already closed and locked.
What happened the next morning?
She ignored me at first. Yup, she was present. Apparently, her cold was only a false alarm. She then went on to tell me, rather loudly, that I was a screw up. She said that her co-worker complained that the plastic bag was wet and the thing inside was damaged! I didn't even trip on the way there, and I was holding the bag securely! I tried to explain. She walked out on me, with her nose in the air along with a haughty "Hmph!"
She didn't even thank me.
I leaned my back against the wall beside the classroom door.
Let's see; I wasted energy on a totally stupid but not entirely unbearable favor. It did make me feel good that I helped someone. I lost my textbook. And I spent a lot of brain power to cram the tidbits that was going to be on the test, a test I couldn't even finish. Why is lady luck so cruel to me? With a groan, I stepped away from the wall.
Walking down the corridor towards the stairs, I ascended until I reached my destination, the rooftop.
The crisp afternoon air enveloped me. I walked up to the railings and placed my arms above it.
The view here is absolutely breath-taking. From here, you can see the entire town. This school is on top of a hill after all.
Whenever I come here, I feel at peace. This school isn't that bad…
It's just…
I don't fit in. I keep on trying, but I always end up doing something wrong. I don't know why. I'm a fairly nice person and I always show my smile to other people, stranger or not, to let them know that I want to be friends. I really don't know why I don't exactly fit in. I mean, sure, maybe they don't like me because of my family background. But that just means they should hate my history, not me.
I rested my head on my arms. I miss her…
I miss my friend.
Hotaru Imai.
Hotaru is a really amazing person! She's sometimes a little cold and mean, but she's super cool! She's a genius!
We first met when we were nine.
It was summer. I was in the park playing on the swing when I saw a really pretty butterfly. I gave chase, of course!
While I was running round and round, a smooth and calm voice said, "You look stupid."
My head whipped around.
"Huh?" I was faced with a girl who looked my age. She had short black hair that looked like a boy's haircut. But her face was far from boyish. She was so cute! She had pale, smooth skin and a pair of beautiful violet eyes. I stared at her.
"Stop gawking, and stop drooling." She ordered with an even tone.
I reacted on reflex, "I'm not drooling!"
Silence.
Then the girl sighed.
I decided that this was an opportunity to ask her name, so I did.
"Shouldn't people give their names first before asking someone else's?" She replied. She had this expression that I couldn't fathom, but I didn't mind it.
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry 'bout that! I'm Sakura Mikan!" I smiled, practically shouting. What can I say? I've always been kind of loud.
"Imai Hotaru." Short and simple.
"Uwahh! What a nice name! I'll call you Hotaru, and you can call me Mikan, okay?" I beamed.
Hotaru raised a brow, but then her expression changed. She looked like she was calculating.
"Let's do something fun, Mikan." She offered with glowing eyes.
"Really? Alright, count me in!"
We played on the seesaw. While seated we chatted.
She told me that we should stick together, because cute girls should stick together. Those words made me pause then break out a huge grin. I made a new friend!
"We should sell cookies." She suddenly said. I made an inquisitive sound, "Huh? Why?"
She looked at me as if I had asked a very stupid question, "We'll get a decent amount of cash if we sell sweets."
"Ahh, everyone loves cookies! We'll make a bunch of people smile! Sounds like fun!" I beamed.
And that's how my friendship with Hotaru began. We got to know each other better. Hotaru's a true genius. She invents a bunch of cool stuff! Like a robot turtle that delivers mail (the letter sent will be received exactly after two weeks.), a hippo that catches fish, a giraffe ride that she uses as transportation and a whole lot more! Hotaru loves food, and I mean, really LOVES food. She's a huge glutton like me. Hotaru loves money, she does a lot of things to get some, but not because she's a selfish greedy girl, she does it for a good reason. She hasn't told me the reason. But I'm totally sure it's not bad. I just know it.
Hotaru and I shared a lot of memorable moments. We laughed a lot together, well, actually, I laughed. Hotaru just gives a super microscopic smile. We fought, and whenever we did, I would cry, then I would get beaten by her strange, wonderful and most of the time (to me), painful inventions.
She says I look ugly when I cry. That's why she knocks some sense into me whenever I do. By using her inventions. They all look cute, being modeled after animals and all, but seriously, I think some of her inventions were meant for me. The Baka Gun for example, seems to have been created solely for shooting me in the head. Sometimes she has a decent reason; I called her inventions "toys" once, she shot me three times. But sometimes she shoots me for no apparent reason! I run to hug her, she shoots me, I greet a loud and energetic good morning, she shoots me.
But I cherish those moments. I cherish them because it's all I can do. Hotaru and I made countless memories. But it came to a stop. Hotaru's half-Japanese and half-German, but she lives in Germany. She just came here to Japan because of vacation. We bonded for only a month, but those thirty five days were the best.
We try to stay in touch as much as possible, but for the past three years, I haven't heard from her, I keep sending her emails and stuff, but nothing. Nothing happens.
My daydreaming was shattered when the school bell rang, signaling the end of classes. Seeing students filing out of the school onto the path towards the gate with the obvious intention of going home or hanging out with friends, I slowly pulled away from the railings, gazing over the town before going my way. I was turning the doorknob of the rooftop's door when I remembered something.
I quickly made my way down the stairs and practically slammed the sliding door on the wall with a loud 'bang!', my eyes scanned the classroom.
Empty.
I walked towards my desk to get my bag, only to find it missing.
I looked around the room but I didn't find a trace of it.
I should've known this would happen! I should have taken my bag with me!
There were only a few places where they could hide it without being obvious, but honestly, I'm so used to this…
If you think about it, it's kind of sad that I'm used to this. Don't get me wrong, I'm no weakling. I've got a backbone. I simply choose not to take action. Yeah, I tell them off and get angry, but they just gang up on me and they don't take me seriously. I have no one on my side, after all. So to them, I'm no threat. But I'm not a coward. It's just…
I don't want anyone to get hurt. Not even those people who hurt me. I know it's silly, stupid even. But it doesn't matter.
I will not stoop to their level.
After about ten minutes of fruitless searching, I checked my watch.
Crap, I'm going to be late!
I ran like the wind towards the shoe lockers. After changing shoes I went my way practically tripping. Outside the school gate, I saw my bag. It was sticking out from a trash can. I picked it up gingerly. So this is where it was.
How uncreative and cliché.
My brown bag was now dirty, wet and smelled like rotten eggs. At least my stuff was still inside.
Glancing at my watch again, my eyes widened.
"I'm late!" I dashed, heading to my destination at full speed.
Oh man, I really have to hurry!
I kept running for a few minutes.
Finally here!
I stopped to catch my breath. I glanced at my watch.
Five minutes late!
I walked towards the door, hand on the knob.
Inhale. Exhale. Okay.
I turned the knob and the door swung open smoothly.
"SAKURA, you're late!" a booming voice thundered.
I squeaked in surprise, "I'm really sorry ma'am! I was just-"
"No excuses! You good for nothing little whipper snapper! We hire you to work. Not to dilly-dally! I, at least expect you to work hard and come on time!" The old lady screamed at me. I bowed my head, "I'm really sorry. It won't happen again!"
"It better not! I'm wasting money on you. I should deduct this from your pay!" She went on, "In fact, I should fire you now! You—"
"Mother! That's enough!" A voice interrupted, half-annoyed.
My eyes darted upwards, widening, "Harada-san!"
Harada-san smiled warmly at me, "I've told you before, Mikan-chan, just call me Misaki!"
Harada-san's mother quickly interrupted us, "Misaki! Don't familiarize yourself with the likes of her! If the neighbors hear of this…"
"Well, so what? If they do hear, then they've heard. What's the problem with that?" Harada-san countered with her hands on her hips.
"We should just get rid of her. We can find someone better to work for us!" She replied hotly, "I've already fired her!"
Harada-san's eyebrows shot up with surprise, then narrowed, "That's my call to make, mother. Not yours." She said calmly.
The older woman's eyes widened in shock.
Harada-san's mother sputtered incoherently, "Well! I-I'm… Hmph!" She walked away with her nose in the air.
Harada-san approached me.
"I'm really sorry about that, Mikan-chan." She apologized with a small smile, with her hand at my shoulder."She's just in one of her moods again."
I smiled at her, "It's alright, Harada-san. It was my fault, anyway." I did my best to keep my bag away from her sight. If she saw the state of it, she'd surely ask. She gave it to me, after all. I could just tell her I tripped and it fell into a canal or something. But… I'm a terrible liar.
She crossed her arms, "Come now, Mikan-chan." I gulped. Uh oh, busted! "You were just five minutes late! And besides, this is the first time you were late. By the way, call me Misaki. M-I-S-A-K-I. Got it? Harada-san makes me sound… old. That's what everyone calls my mother by."
"Haha, got it, Hara—I mean, Misaki-san." I giggled, relieved. Relieved that she didn't notice my bag and relieved because she forgave my tardiness.
"Well then, now that that's been established, let's get to work, shall we? We were lucky no customers were here when mother went on a rampage." Misaki-san sighed in relief. She shot me a wide grin.
That's Misaki-san for you. Kind, beautiful and just plain awesome. She's a graduate with a degree in culinary arts. She's a great baker, which is why she opened this pastry shop just a year ago. She grew up in England, but moved here in Japan when she was eleven, which explains why she calls Harada-san 'mother'. Besides her talent, she's also very responsible and business minded. Not to mention extremely pretty. Almost all her male patrons visit not only because of her pastries, but also to bask in Misaki-san's beauty. Her silky pink hair and bright maroon eyes, along with her milky skin and slim figure, makes her popular among the girls in town.
The only thing that puzzles me is why she would hire someone as clumsy as me. I break some plates occasionally and I trip quite often. But Misaki-san doesn't mind at all. Sure, she scolds me, but she is never harsh. Sometimes when she has the time, she teaches me some of her recipes and gives a lot of baking tips. I work as a sort of janitor/delivery person/cake decorator. She pays me a decent wage. She's so nice.
That's mostly the reason why I try my hardest at work. Of course I never tell her about what really happens to me at school, because if I did, she'd just get worried. I don't want to trouble her. Misaki-san is very well-known and liked by most people in our town. Dragging her into my problems would be selfish of me.
After a few hours of work, I bid Misaki-san a half-hearted good bye and a job well done today.
The part of the day that I dreaded the most had come; it was time for me to go home.
XxXxX
All I simply want
Is another soul
Who can laugh with me
And cry with me tonight
My heart's crying out
Crying out
Now my heart's overflowing
With sadness
XxXxX
I walked at a snail's pace, hoping to prolong the journey home, but unfortunately, my house is just a short walk away from the bakery.
I had finally arrived. My house is far from charming or quaint. The roof leaks when it rains, the floorboards are creaky, the heater doesn't work, the light bulbs need to be replaced, and the plumbing is just plain terrible.
I took a deep breath before advancing. I turned the knob. It was unlocked. I specifically remembered locking this door before leaving for school this morning...
I barely took two steps inside when a shattering sound erupted suddenly.
Dropping my bag, I quickly rushed to the living room where the sound came from.
I saw a glass bottle half-shattered. I quickly went to the kitchen to get the sweeper and a trash bag. I knelt down and carefully picked up a few big pieces.
"What happened here?" I asked, glancing at my mother.
My mother was on the couch, languorously lounging while watching television, fixed with an empty expression. Beside her on the small side table, two more bottles stood, still unopened.
I frowned deeply. She's at it again. I sighed. It can't be helped, Mikan…
I shook my head and returned my attention to sweeping the rest of the shards of glass. After making sure I got them all, I deposited the shards into the plastic bag and throw it into the trash bin. I returned to the living room, only to find my mother drinking another bottle.
"Okaa-san…" I muttered quietly, "Please be more careful…"
My mother just tilted her head slightly to the side. I turned my attention to the television. We don't have cable, but we have access to the news channel. The news was reporting a trial about some murder case that happened two months ago. The famous defense attorney, Andou Tsubasa was going on and on about 'decisive evidence' about to be presented to the court that will totally prove his client's innocence.
I glanced at my mother. Her eyes were still fixated to the electric box, with tears now running down her face.
"That…that…could have…" She slurred, "Been…me…"
I fixed my gaze on the floor. It's no news to me. My mom had always dreamed of being a lawyer, before everything went downhill. I heard her shouting to dad about it during the rare moments when she was sober.
I went closer and grabbed the bottled she was practically chugging down. "Okaa-san, that's enough. You've had way too much. Please stop." I said in a quiet but firm voice.
Despite being drunk, mom's grip is surprisingly strong. But I persisted. I kept trying to pull the bottle free from her grasp.
After a few moments, I succeeded, earning a furious groan from mom. I held the bottle to my chest and proceeded to take the other one from the table when suddenly the bottle I was holding was swiftly taken from me and a palm collided with my face with a solid impact.
Due to the sheer force of it, I fell to the floor with a pained shriek. With my hand on my swollen cheek, I looked up.
There stood my father with a formidable stance. His eyes were blazing with anger.
I was about to speak when he yelled at me.
"YOU USELESS EXCUSE FOR A DAUGHTER! I pay through the nose to put you in school, and here you are having a drinking party with your equally useless mother!" He jabbed at me.
"W-wait, listen otou-san, it's not what it looks like—"I got cut off when I received another slap.
"SHUT UP!"I shut my mouth and stared at the floor. My eyes flitted towards my mother.
My mother was still sitting on the couch, unmoved, nothing changed, except maybe for the increase of her tears.
I glance was torn away from her when my hair was forcefully pulled up with a painful grasp, causing my scalp to burn with pain. My hands reached up to try to remove the hand that was hurting me.
My father shook my head using me hair as strings, like that of a puppet. I gasped in pain as my hair roots were tensioned and pulled to their limit. "Ughh!"
"Look at me, you brat. I SAID LOOK AT ME." I traced my eyes and locked it on his. His dark eyes held untold fury. I started to pant in fear.
He pulled my hair harder. I groaned in pain.
"What's this talk I've heard about you? I heard some people saying you have a 'job'. A job involved with picking up johns! My daughter, A SLUT? HOW DARE YOU!" He threw me off, my body flung and slammed on the wall with a loud sound.
"It seems to me that you like people torturing you, if that's what you want, then that's what you'll get!"
Father began to throw me every object he got it his hands on. A book, a bag, set of keys. I covered my head with my arms, my body curled upon the floor. The objects he hurled at me began to get heavier and harder. A broom, a small coffee table, a chair, a hairdryer, a lamp, a piping hot kettle. It burned my skin. He kicked me once and kept throwing me around the room. I took it all.
I have no choice.
After about fifteen minutes, my father stormed into the kitchen. I heard the crashing of plates against the wall; he was unleashing more of his fury.
"Argh!" He grunted, "Curse that cheating scumbag, Takeo!"
He lost again.
Moving slowly to ease my body's pain, I silently crawled up the stairs. I held my whimpering inside, afraid that he would erupt more violently.
This is his most brutal beating so far. It's usually just a punch or two, along with a beating with the broom. He's always been volatile. It's especially bad when he's lost something big. But no matter how huge his loss, he won't quit.
My father is an impulsive gambler.
I flinched when I heard my father curse loudly.
I moved faster up the stairs, wanting to escape right away. I arrived at my room.
I shut the door, locking the bolt and crawled towards my bed. I paid no heed to my injuries. My arms felt swollen and my legs were numb.
I heard my father yelling at mom.
"BE QUIET!" My mom yelled, her voice still a little slurred.
"YOU WANT TO GET HURT, YOU WHORE?"
I heard more crashing sounds.
I shut my eyes tightly and hummed comforting sounds to myself.
"It's alright…Everything will be fine…" I whispered to myself, my voice hoarse. My eyes stung.
No wonder nobody wants to be with me. My family is so messed up.
But I can't stop myself from wishing. Wishing that someday, somehow, someone will laugh and cry with me till the end. I feel so alone. I'm always alone.
My heart is wrenching with pain…
That night, I cried myself to sleep again.
XxXxX
Why do I feel empty
And so lonely?
My heart is starting
To break in two
Why do I try so hard to fit in
Just to push everyone
In this world away?
If I were to vanish
From this world
Without leaving traces
Of myself
I can bet there isn't
Anyone who would shed
A single tear for me
XxXxX
I woke up with a splitting head ache and one heck of a sore body. I gazed out my window.
The sun isn't up yet. I checked my alarm clock and sure enough, it was only five in the morning.
I tried to go back to sleep, but my body just won't listen. I was silently contemplating whether I should go to school or not. My body feels like it's been in a blender. But my gut seems to scream 'FORGET IT' whenever I consider not going to school.
With a pained moan, I got out of bed slowly. The minute my feet came into contact with the floor, my legs gave in.
"Ahhh!" I collapsed on the floor like a deck of cards. I heaved myself to move.
Get up, Mikan. Get up! You can do this!
Summoning every ounce of strength I could muster, I stood. My legs were wobbly like jelly. But I stood, nonetheless. I made my way to the bathroom with determined concentration.
I set my grip firmly on the sink to keep myself from falling. I stared at my reflection.
My auburn hair was a stringy mess. My fair skin was pale. Must be from the shock and pain. But my chocolate eyes were still bright as usual. My face had a few cuts and very small bruises. It wouldn't be noticed unless someone really looked. But my arms and legs is a different story.
Purple welts bloomed all around my arms and legs. I poked one. I flinched in pain as the purple blotch bounced. A huge bruise formed at my shoulder. A few cuts here and there.
I sighed.
If Misaki-san saw this… there's no telling how she'd react.
I've decided not to go to work. I'm going to text her later.
After an agonizing bath, (The water's like ice since we don't have a hot water tap) I got dressed for school. I was careful to hide my injuries. I put band-aids on the cuts on my face and the ones all over my body. I picked my longest pair of socks. Who knows what might whistle around if they saw this routine occurrence?
I brushed my locks and tied my hair into its usual pigtails. I know, I know, it's a bit childish. But I really like them. I like wearing my hair this way for a reason.
After setting myself right, I looked at my reflection again. I still look a teensy bit haggard. I puffed up my cheeks, but immediately retracted the action; it hurt the cut on my cheek.
I did my best to go down the stairs as silently as I could. While walking past the living room, I saw a—not exactly surprising—but heart sinking sight. I saw my father sprawled on the floor. My mother wasn't far off either. The only difference is that my mom held a bottle of booze close to her chest like a pillow. The room was in shambles. I shook my head but quickly regretted in when I felt a painful snap. Even my neck hurts.
I strode on purposely, albeit a bit unstable, towards the front door. I put on my shoes and opened the door.
"I'm leaving now." I said to no one in particular. Then I took off to school without a single glance back at my house.
It was quarter to six. The sky was still a bit dark.
I was moving along peacefully, the fresh morning breeze purifying my mood. I breathed it in.
"Hey, watch out!"
THWACK!
"Ow!" I turned around, with one hand at the back of my head where I was hit. "What the...?"
There on the ground was the culprit.
A Frisbee.
A boyish voice snapped my attention forward. "Sorry!"
A blonde guy who looked about my age ran towards me, tailed by a rather large Golden Retriever. I didn't think anyone would be out this early.
"I'm really sorry, miss! I threw it too hard." He apologized sincerely when he reached me. He had a bit of an accent that I couldn't put my finger on. A foreigner, maybe?
He was panting from exertion, with his head bowed.
I nodded in understanding. "It's okay. I'm sure you didn't mean it." Although if you had said it differently, I would have yelled your ears off.
He looked up. Beautiful aquamarine eyes met my brown ones. I gasped, pointing a finger at him.
"Wow, you have pretty eyes!" I said without thinking.
His eyes widened in surprise, "H-huh? Um, t-thanks!" His cheeks took on a pink tint. I guess he's still pretty exhausted.
I bent down to retrieve his Frisbee. He took it gingerly with a brow cocked up when I handed it to him.
"Here. It's okay, really. Go back to playing fetch with your dog." A really big but super adorable dog.
"Well, um. Good morning!" I greeted with a grin, easing the atmosphere.
He looked at me again. This time he gave me a warm smile. "Good morning to you, too, miss."
He waved goodbye as he turned around to toss the Frisbee in my opposite direction, his dog followed and he gave chase.
What a nice guy. I smiled and waved at his retreating back, knowing that he can't see me doing so.
Suddenly, my stomach grumbled.
Need. Food.
I spotted a vending machine a few meters from my school. I looked at the choices; Yeeha Chips, Moomoo Breadfries, breadsticks, fish sticks…aha! There we go, melon bread! I rummaged through my pockets and produced a few coins, just enough for the mouth-watering melon bread.
I ripped the plastic off and devoured the bread in two seconds. That seemed to sate me.
I looked at my watch, still plenty of time before class starts, so I decide to just wonder around the area.
My thoughts started to float somewhere far away. I guess I must've been in La la Land too long, because my musings were suddenly shattered by the school bell ringing, signaling the time for classes.
I looked up the sky for a moment…then I smacked my forehead. "I'm gonna be late!"
I rushed while trying to ignore the pain that swept through me as I exerted effort.
Funny, really. I woke up earlier than everyone else, but I'm the one running late.
I reached the gate in time. I hurried towards my classroom, avoiding the whispers and pointing of the students as I passed by.
"Hey, she's got bandages on her face. I smell something fishy…"
Suspicion.
"Her legs are all wobbly. She must have been busy till late last night!"
Doubt.
Snickers.
More whispers.
Shocked gasps.
I sighed. Do these people have nothing better to do than to scrutinize my every move? To be honest, they have already seen me in this state more than one would think. Why so "shocked" when this isn't even anything new? I'll never understand their complicated minds.
I walked to my first class, which is History, with a rain cloud upon my head.
I slid the door open and made my way to my seat that's beside the window. I ignored the stares.
My history teacher, Serina-sensei came in.
"Good morning, Serina-sensei." Everyone chorused.
Serina-sensei nodded at us. "Good morning, class. Now, bring out your pens and get a sheet a paper. It's quiz time." She said without preamble.
The whole class moaned with disagreement.
"But sensei, you didn't-"A student began.
"Yes, I did. I said I'd give a test three days ago." Serina-sensei stated firmly.
That silenced the whole class. Serina-sensei has this air about her, an air of authority and mystery. Her foreign looks add to the mix, with a blonde and fair gypsy's style, who wouldn't think she's a mystery? No one knows much about her, but they respect her because she is very knowledgeable and dependable. She seems to always know what is happening to other people. She's so accurate sometimes that it's a little scary.
And...
She always gives hard questions on her tests.
It's strange of me to declare this but…
I'm not nervous!
I studied like an animal! Haha! I'm prepared for this!
I answered the test with no problem. I'm so happy that a student like me, who is usually at the bottom, will do well on Serina-sensei's quiz. I feel confident!
Thirty minutes later, Serina-sensei collected the papers and checked them. I fidgeted in my seat. This is it! I hope I got a good score!
"Well, well, well." Serina-sensei remarked after checking all the papers.
The class waited with anticipating silence. Mamiya Chidori, the smartest girl in class smirked with confidence, her hands folded neatly on her desk.
"I'll give the papers back now. I'll start with the highest." Sensei said with a cool voice.
Mamiya-san began to rise from her chair, looking expectantly at Serina-sensei.
"Sakura Mikan. Good work." My mouth dropped open.
No way!
Mamiya-san looked at me with mingled shock and confusion.
I rose from my chair and nearly ran towards sensei's desk.
"Really? Wow, thanks, sensei!" I said with starry eyes. I got the highest score for the first time. I'm so happy and proud! I couldn't wipe the smile off my bandaged face.
Serina-sensei's face lit up with amusement. "Why are you thanking me? I just checked it. You earned the results by yourself. Well done, Sakura-san." She said with a small smile.
I walked to my desk with elation running through my veins. I could have sworn I felt someone staring at me.
I was on cloud nine, so I just ignored it.
XxXxX
Why does my heart want to
Ache from crying
Whenever I seem to think of you
Why do I hate myself so much?
I don't want to live anymore
XxXxX
Ahh, lunchbreak.
I love eating.
I exited my classroom and went down to the cafeteria to get some food. I thought I had no money left, but guess what? I found some folded in my dictionary. I vaguely remembered storing it there about three weeks ago. I rummaged through my bag to find it when I remembered, which still kind of smelled; I didn't have time to clean it! I cleaned it in the school bathroom before going to class.
I descended the stairs with a cheerful air despite my thoughts. I mean, it's alright. At least none of my things is broken. When I reached the bottom step, I bumped into someone.
"Ahh, sorry!" I apologized immediately, "I wasn't looking where I was going…"
The girl I bumped into turned around.
The smartest girl in my class stood before me.
Mamiya Chidori.
"Well, look where you're going next—ah, Sakura-san?" Her eyes widened but quickly adopted a serene face. "It's quite alright, Sakura-san. I was actually waiting for you."
Did I hear that right? Waiting for me?
"Me?" I asked, uncertain, pointing a finger at myself.
She raised one brow, grinning. "Yes, you. Do you want to eat lunch together?" She tilted her head to the side, looking at me with expectation.
"H-huh? Yes, yes, YES! I mean, uh, sure." I feigned a nonchalant expression. Deep inside, I was jumping for joy; one of the smartest, coolest and prettiest girls of my school is inviting me to eat lunch with her! I'm not into the whole being popular thing, but being around her made me felt as though I'm accepted by her kind. You know, the normal ones, the "in crowd".
Mamiya-san softly giggled, her black eyes showing amusement, "That's great, Sakura-san! I'll be waiting behind the school." She paused for a moment, seeing if I had any objections; I had none. While doing so, she ran her hand through her long tooth-pick straight ebony locks." I usually eat in the garden. I'll be waiting." She smiled before heading out.
I nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah! I'll be there in a minute!"
I hurriedly purchased some food; nothing heavy just two doughnuts, a bagel and a carton of strawberry milk. I rushed towards the back garden, located behind the school building.
When I arrived, I saw some students standing around, laughing. But Mamiya-san was not among them.
I turned away to leave. Maybe Mamiya-san went somewhere else?
I had taken three steps when-
"Hey, it's Sakura!" A guy loudly pointed out.
I flinched and looked behind my shoulder, "Ahaha, hi guys. Just passing through…don't mind me." I turned around again, about to leave when my face bumped into something hard.
I looked up. A male student was blocking my path. A very large male student.
I gulped.
"Hey, come on, Sakura. Why don't you join in on our fun?" A girl asked with a teasing voice from behind me.
I laughed nervously. "Hahaha. I would love to, but I'm meeting someone. So, I'm sorry. Gotta jet!"
I moved to side step around the guy blocking me, but he just mimicked my movements, effectively blocking me.
Someone grabbed my shoulder. I shook it off immediately.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's your problem?" A guy with spiky hair asked. Then he smirked, "You're not…scared of us, are you?"
I kept quiet with my eyebrows furrowed. These people…
"Just leave me alone." I stated boldly. I'll show these people. I'm not scared of the likes of them!
Suddenly, the students started to close in on me. I didn't shrink back. But I trembled a bit. There was one, two, three, four…eight. Eight of them against me.
Suddenly someone slapped the food I was holding out of my hands. I gasped and then knelt down to pick them up. Someone crushed my food under their heel. I slowly stood up, glaring at the guy who did the deed.
"What'd ya say?" A guy with blonde, obviously dyed, hair threatened. He took a step closer. By impulse, I took a step back.
"Leave me alone or else." I said in the fiercest tone I could manage.
They kept closing in.
"Or else what? You gonna tattle-tale to Serina-sensei?" A girl asked mockingly.
My eyebrows met in anger. "What are you talking ab—"
"Just 'cause you scored highest doesn't mean you're some hot-shot genius!" A girl in braids snorted.
Scored highest? Is that what this is about? I shook my head and adopted a look of utter disbelief. "You guys are so weird!"
It became silent for a moment.
I took the chance to continue. "Is that the reason why you guys are here? To tell me off because I did a good job on a test? You people are really weird." I turned around to leave, irritated.
Suddenly, my face met the ground.
"Mmhp!" My cry was muffled.
I was about to get up when someone pulled my hair with a death grip. I groaned.
"Not so tough now, huh, Sakura?" The girl who was pulling my hair mocked.
I slapped her hand away. "Don't touch me!" Don't repeat what my dad did last night!
I tried to stand but my legs protested. Seems like the aftermath of last night still hasn't decreased at all. I did my best to hide my pain from them.
"D-did you see that guys? She hit me!" The girl whose hand I slapped complained, holding her "injured" hand. She kicked some dirt at my face. I coughed; some had gotten into my mouth.
"You-!" My protest died down when someone stepped on my hand. I yelped from the pain. I blinked back tears that were threatening to spill. Then, I heard it.
Laughter. They were laughing.
I glared with pure anger. I hissed in pain as I clutched my hand. It didn't seem broken. I slowly stood up, they didn't notice me doing so. They were too busy guffawing. I grew angrier.
I charged at them and head-butted someone. I heard someone choke from the pain.
That was a dumb move, I know, so...
After doing that, I forced my legs to run; to run even if it hurts like hell.
Suddenly a guy grabbed me then threw me into the ground violently. "This piece of crap head-butted me!" A guy said, pointing at me while clutching his stomach.
"Now that's a stupid move." They all towered over me.
I was suddenly flipped onto my back. Four of them held both of my wrists and legs. Their hold was too tight. It burned. I struggled at the best of my ability.
"Oof!" Some guy sat on my stomach, his weight crushing me. He leaned close to my face and stared. I gave a glare in response. He grasped my chin and tilted my face from side to side.
"What are you doing?" I sputtered.
He adopted a thoughtful look. "Hmm, why would Chidori want to get rid of you? You're not even that pretty.I bet you're really stupid, too."
I scowled but then my eyes widened. Chidori? As in Mamiya Chidori? Mamiya-san? It's not possible.
I grew angrier at this. "Don't you dare say something bad about Mamiya-san!" I shouted, applying more strength in trying to free myself.
He clicked his tongue "Hey, stop struggling!"
"Like I'm going to listen! Let me go!" I retorted, being more forceful.
"Is it done?" I heard a familiar voice, amidst my struggle.
I turned my head to the side and gasped in relief.
"Mamiya-san!" I called out to her. "Please tell these people to get off me!"
She looked shocked to see me. Her frozen expression quickly melted into one of irritation and impatience. "I thought you guys were going to do this quickly?" Her voice dripped with venom.
M-Mamiya-san…? What are you talking about?
"You guys are so slow. How hard can it be to teach this bimbo a lesson?" She asked dryly while checking her fingernails.
"Mamiya-san, what are you saying?" I asked horrified that she wanted to 'teach me a lesson'.
She looked down at me with eyes filled with scorn. "You really are worthless. A no good, lying, cheating airhead. We all know you're an idiot, so it surprised us when you scored highest at a test. One by Serina-sensei at that. Did you know that you embarrassed me? Everyone was like, 'Hey, did you hear that Sakura outdid Mamiya?' They said you were smarter than me even though you were known as a general fool." She knelt down and pulled my long hair up painfully.
"How do you that reflects on me? Admit it; you cheated. That's all you ever do. You lie, you trick people into believing that you're innocent and you do nothing but cheat. Like with Harada-san. You've got her fooled, but if she saw you for who you truly are, she'd hate you." She stated to me with intense force.
You don't even know me.
"I didn't—Aaah!" She pulled my hair harder. "I didn't cheat!"
She slapped me. "YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STUPID GIRL! AN UNDERAGE DRINKER WHO PICKS UP MEN FOR A LIVING! A SLUT! A WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!" Her voice crackled with anger with each word. My eyes snapped open, those words...
She wasn't done yet.
"What do you think people will think if they know that a girl like you beat me? Do you know what my family will be ridiculed for? We'll be ridiculed because someone like you that's from a worthless family outdid me because you cheated! Argh!" She slapped me again this time with so much force my neck snapped back far.
She stood and took a deep breath. "Teach her a lesson." She said before walking away.
I was speechless. My body was in shock. What she had said pierced me deep.
I'm worthless. No good.
Unwanted.
I thought she wanted to be my friend. But…
It hurts to think about her. Another betrayal added to my already long list.
I hate myself. I hate myself for being so weak, so powerless. I was stupid to think that people will want me around.
I shut my eyes tight as they kicked, threw and pummeled me.
I felt nothing but pain.
XxXxX
I wish someone would help me
Save my heart from this
Never ending loneliness
Even if I just pretend
I just want..
Someone to find me
And love me
XxXxX
I don't know what time it is.
I don't care. I might have lain here for a whole year and I still wouldn't care. The sky was dark.
I curled my body a bit. The pain, it was indescribable. I never thought that they'd go this far…
I didn't bother to cry out for help, because…would someone even come? Fighting back is typical of me, but even I get tired.
I didn't bother to stand. It was too painful. Why bother standing up when everyone will just push you down again, harder than the last?
I felt water droplets pelt my face and body.
It was raining. I cried amidst the rain. I could no longer hold it in. I cried and I cried. My tears seemed endless.
'I can't do this anymore…it hurts' I thought to myself as I held onto my arm. It was broken, just like me.
My trust, my happiness, and my heart. It was broken. Every day. Pain. No more.
I don't want to do this anymore. I give up.
"Hey, idiot, get up."
A/N: Well, this was a long chapter! I really did enjoy typing this out. My second fic and first G.A fic! I'm sorry if it's bad! Please forgive my errors.
Tell me what you guys think!
I don't like making Mikan suffer! I'm totally against bullying! But I had to use it because that's how the story flows in my mind. But rest assured, I will make Mikan smile a lot! I'm just building up some very important details.
By the way, the song is "My True Self" by Hatsune Miku, but the version I like the best is the one by Kaito and Meiko. It's a vocaloid song. It's a very heart-breaking song...I don't own it in any way. The stanzas aren't in order. I made it that way, so expect it a lot!
I'll say this now; my chapters will vary in length! This one is particularly long because it's the first chapter.
Thank you for reading!
_rain stops goodbye_