game; Kingdom Hearts
pairing; one-sided SoraKairi, RikuSora
warnings; angst, character death
disclaimer; I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters used.
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She's not stupid, you know.
(even though many oth- no, scratch that, everybody seems to think so).
Sometimes, Kairi wishes that she could just say that to his face; scream until she runs out of the frustration that's spreading throughout her veins like poison, slippery green and liquid red and all of it pumping furiously inside of her blood, longing for release.
I'm not stupid, you know, she'd like to yell, and she'd like to see his face twist in horror, innocently bright blue eyes narrowing and eyebrows furrowing; he'd probably blame himself a little too much, saying things like what did he do wrong?, and he was only trying to make her happy, you know, and he's really sorry and-
(she's sick of hearing it, because she can't do that to him; but he's killing them both and he's not realizing it).
"Sora?" she calls in the dead of the night, standing outside the door he uses to lock himself away from the world - he claims to be 'working' but she sometimes finds the lamp lit even after 3am, the streak of light visible through the slight crack in the door and no sound of his fingers tapping over the writing machine - and her feet are getting cold but she's still knocking on the door; determined but gentle.
"Yeah, honey?" he answers, and it sounds strain even trough the thick barrier of wood and walls keeping them apart.
"I brought you a snack", she explains and tries to put that smile on her face; the one she's been practising on in the mirror for at least an hour, the one that looks at least a little convincing-
"Yeah, um, can you just.. leave it outside? I'll come.. yeah, I'll get it soon, I just need to.. yeah."
There is a smile tugging at her peach lips this time, but it's more hollow than anything else. At least he bothered with making up excuses before; now, it seems like he's gotten tired of that, too.
"Okay", she whispers, and it's nothing more than a light breath really, but she is left standing there long after she's placed the tray on the floor before the door. Lips pressed tightly together as she holds her breath and prays for something she once thought was ensured in her destiny.
Ah, yes. Destiny. Such nonsense she believed in and fantasized about when they were younger and thought that their small world was everything there was to it; that was before she knew of darkness and Heartless and Nobodies and-
"Sora", she whimpers, and she realizes that there's tears in the corners of her eyes. Funny; she didn't even notice it. "Sora. Sora. It's been four years. It's been four years, Sora."
Sliding down the wall, she buries her face in the tanned elbows resting on her bony knees and cries like a child would; like she would when she was still young and free and believed that anything could be accomplished as long as you had a pure, light heart.
Kairi's cries seem to fall upon deaf ears; but maybe not, considering the sound of the typing machine has stopped.
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A dead shell is really the only thing Kairi can bother with being reminded of as she lets her ocean-tinted gaze travel across the scrawny boy who used to be so full of life; fresh, painful and oh-so-obvious life shining through his once self-illuminating orbs, visible in the light that hit his cinnamon-colored hair, giving his skin a healthy sun-kissed shade, vibrating within him and surrounding him.
The life is gone now, since long, and there's nothing left to see. It's as if it has completely consumed the boy, burnt him with an invisible fire, and then left him fully drained.
(of life, of the will to live, of everything that used to identify him).
He barely speaks nowadays, and his eyes are always distant as if he's looking right through whatever comes across his way of sight and losing himself in some sort of day-dreaming state.
Kairi would like to just dream forever, too.
But she's the one forced to creak her eyes open every morning and drag herself out of bed, steps heavy as she looks out the window and towards the sky, hoping to find it as innocently blue as she used to think of it as.
Now, it might as well be grey for all she cares. It's like a constant rainfall inside of her, and not even the brightest rays of light could change that.
"Sora? Sora, the weather's nice today, isn't it?" she attempts to start a conversation, smiling at whatever comment she made. She's just stopped caring about what she says, since he obviously does, too.
He blinks as if brought out of a light slumber, but the hazy shield covering his eyes is as present as ever.
Sora smiles back, the smile not quite reaching his eyes, but he doesn't answer. He probably didn't hear her. Or he's just smiling at whatever he's imagining behind those azure orbs.
"I'm gonna take a walk", he murmurs, voice raspy since it's not been used for a while. Kairi watches him leave, watches him approach the beach of their favorite childhood island, the one that holds more memories than both of them can remember.
Or forget, she briefly thinks, that same bitter smile making its presence known.
He sits by the shore, face directed towards the ocean spreading itself out, shifting from deep blue to enchanting aquamarine and pale indigo.
She remembers sitting there, in the exact same spot, waiting for her boys to come home - waiting for the person she promised her destiny to return.
Day in and day out she sat there, gently rocking back and forth and embracing her bony body as if holding it together on nights when it got cold and her lips got blue and she tried to think of something else to ignore her sore back and aching fingers, like the smile that would light up the boy's face when he saw her again, arms outstretched and lips dying to say they missed her as much as she'd been missing him.
Kairi remembers, and it tears at her insides, because Sora is watching the sea that is colored in the exact shade of Riku's eyes and he's waiting for something - someone to show up behind the horizon just like she did many years back.
Love truly is a cruel thing, she can't help but remind herself of, but she sits down next to the boy nonetheless without speaking a word.
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"So.. long time no see, I must say. How are you? And how is Sora?" Selphie grins in that same carefree manner as always, bubbly and friendly and the same aura of warmth surrounding her tiny body. Kairi can't help but get affected by the girl's charm, and she gently returns the smile, resting her back more comfortably against the wooden chair painted a lovely white in Selphie's small kitchen.
"I'm fine. And Sora's.." she trails off, eyes cast downwards. Lucky thing she grew her hair out; now, the crimson strands fall like a curtain before her face, shielding her from the strong sun peaking through the large windows to her left.
Selphie only means well - she only wants to have a polite conversation, but the question hits deeper than Kairi thought it would. Somehow, the chirpy brunet seems to understand, because she quickly places a cup of tea in front of the redhead, smiling as if nothing has happened.
Maybe it hasn't.
"You know, lately, I've gotten into gardening. It's really cool, and it's totally worth it when you see the result!" she changes the subject without much effort, her pigtails bobbing as she moves her head.
Kairi smiles, grateful, and she gently blows into the dainty porcelain cup before sipping at the contents; there's a refreshing smell to it; oranges, or something like that.
"Yeah? How do you manage that, in this climate?"
"It's not as hard as one might think! Really, all you have to do is-"
Selphie babbles on for a long time and she's not even offended when Kairi doesn't really make an attempt at commenting; the redhead is content with just sitting back and letting someone else talk so that she won't have to; just enjoying one another's company like this, and being with someone you haven't seen in a while.
It's almost serene, she thinks, and finds herself smiling at how silly it sounds.
Selphie probably takes it as encouragement to continuing her ramble, and so she does without hesitation. Kairi doesn't mind. She actually quite likes it. But as soon as the night falls, chasing the pretty pinks and oranges away from the sky only to leave it a chilly, midnight-black, she takes her sweater and smiles at the girl and promises to come back soon.
Kairi's always been afraid of the dark; more so lately, actually. And it's not that long a stroll from Selphie's house back to her own home, but still-
(menacing eyes glowing at her from behind every corner she passes, the long shadows turning into inhuman monsters that claw at her with sharp nails and-)
-she hurries home, heart hammering in her throat as she slams the gate shut and fumbles to find the key to the front door.
As she enters the house, Kairi doesn't bother with shouting an 'I'm home!' - she knows that she won't receive an answer, anyway. Sora is seated at the kitchen table, his sky-blue gaze fixed upon the darkness outside of the window.
There's coffee in the plain cup in front of him, but it's probably cold by now - how long has he been sitting there?
"Hey", she mumbles, moving to wash the dirty dishes, and he barely looks at her in response.
It's been four years. It really has; time really goes by in a flash. It feels like the small photograph located in the drawer in the living room was taken yesterday; three best friends laughing and clinging to one another.
Kairi can't bear it no more; she just can't.
Gently cradling his dull face in her hands, she forces him to look at her; her fingers are shaking and her breath is coming out in unsteady puffs but at least he's looking at her - conscious of it or not.
"Please", she chokes out, "please, talk to me. Tell me. I know that you miss him, I know, I do too! I do too, Sora! But don't be so distant with me, don't.."
There's a flash of something that doesn't seem that different from anger in his azure orbs, and she almost thinks that she's touched something deep within him-
("Sora, don't ever change")
-but then, it's gone, as quickly as it came, and he just shakes his head and retreats to his working room without another word.
Kairi pounds her fist into the wall, once; it leaves her knuckles bleeding but it's nothing compared to the open wound in her chest.
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Riku isn't back - he'll probably never be, but Kairi wouldn't want to tell Sora that even though he, on some level, probably knows.
He's not stupid, after all.
She's not either, for that matter - and she knows that this thing, whatever it is, won't heal with time. It's a scar running so deeply and in such a complicated pattern that it will probably always be embedded in both of their bodies, tainting their skin that is already covered in battle bruises.
The island has probably never looked so beautiful; so peaceful and inviting in the way gentle ripples spread on the surface of the dark, mirror-inspired water.
The moon is set high and it's the only light object in the otherwise shadow-bathed island, the sound of waves splashing softly against the beach the only thing audible.
Not even the smallest breeze hits her face when she swings her skinny legs over the bent papou tree as she watches the palm leaves high above her head.
A yellow, star-shaped fruit falls from the tree at the motion, and as it hits the ground it turns into a mess of fruity goo. It probably wasn't ready to eat yet, anyway; it's not that time of the year.
She watches the ruined papou fruit with mild interest before she stands, taking a few steps towards the ocean displayed beneath her.
The lingering whispers of an old promise shakes her entire body, and she briefly remembers a cave bathing in this enthralling green light and a gangly boy's goofy grin as he promised her-
("our hearts are connected!")
-to keep his promise. To share his destiny, and his heart. It was only fair, after all; hers was already resting within him, anyway.
Papou fruit or not, their destines are entwined; just like Kairi always wanted, like she hoped for and dreamed of - it would be like in those stories, she'd think, the romantic ones that Selphie giggled about, the ones that spoke of star-crossed lovers bound by destiny and connected by heart - they would always be together.
Maybe it's meant to be. Or maybe, she forced it upon both of them, too blind to see what was right in front of her.
The sky and the land; high and low, light and dark, complete opposites but making each other whole because they possess what the other lacks. She should've seen it coming.
Destiny. Such a trivial thing to entrust your life to; such a dangerous promise to make.
Kairi lets her eyes flutter shut and takes one more step forward, and for a second she's free from her chains, free from the burden weighing down her shoulders, and then gravity pulls her downdowndown-
(she feels like a coward and she's so afraid)
-and then she lets the ocean soothe her and fill her, bring her deeper and further away from the shore, lets it take her away just like it brought her to the islands she's spent her life on when she was seven years old and didn't have a clue where her real home was located.
Well, she ironically acknowledges before she is lost to the calming black, the sea couldn't have picked a more fitting name of a world to bring her to.
all right, for some unknown reason this totally made me want to write a story about Kairi as a mermaid. should i? should iiiii?